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Need vibrator that will work for masturbation but doesn't seem like a sex toy!
June 30, 2011 7:28 AM   Subscribe

Looking to find a discrete vibrator for young woman living at home with very religious parents.

My younger sister has asked me to help her find a vibrator. She lives at home with my (extremely religious) mormon parents who would freak out if they knew she was "abusing herself."

She is about halfway through college, with plans to move out soon after graduation but can't right now in this economy.

My mom has definitely been known to snoop or my sis would just buy a normal vibe and stash it. Given my mom's propensity to snoop, I think the best idea is to hide something in plain sight, if that makes sense. Not like a lipstick vibrator though.

Ideally, this would be a vibrator that she could nonchalantly keep in a drawer with her toiletries in her room that if my mom noticed it and questioned her about, she could plausibly say "Oh this is for my shoulders" or something.

So basically something that could be for non masturbation purposes but that will work well for masturbation.

I've been googling "discrete vibrators" but haven't had much luck. Thanks!
posted by anonymous to Shopping (34 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
 
Search goodvibes.com for "discreet" and you'll have more luck.
posted by nat at 7:32 AM on June 30, 2011 [10 favorites]


The Lelo Nea struck me a very modern looking thing.
posted by Static Vagabond at 7:34 AM on June 30, 2011 [2 favorites]


Also try "non-phallic vibrators".
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:34 AM on June 30, 2011


If you're using "discrete" in your search, that may be the problem -- that's a different word that means something more like "specific". The spelling you want is "discreet".

That said, there's another option -- they make decorative throw pillows with "secret pockets" in them, that are designed to hide such "toys". Maybe that's another option, assuming your mother's snooping habits aren't so finely developed that she would be randomly knifing pillows open to examine the stuffing or anything.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:35 AM on June 30, 2011 [1 favorite]


Of course, if you want to go for the full 'oh this is for muscle tension' you can get the giant Hitachi Wand. (Which is meant to be amazing..)
posted by Static Vagabond at 7:36 AM on June 30, 2011 [1 favorite]


The Hitachi Magic Wand is pretty much the opposite of discreet, but that's the good part: hiding it in plain sight. Plus it's so big that it looks way more like a shoulder massager, and in fact should probably be used as such.

I mean, they sell it at the ever-staid Vermont Country Store, so she could even order it from them alongside some granny panties and old-lady rub.

In a pinch, she could also get an electric toothbrush :)
posted by Madamina at 7:36 AM on June 30, 2011


It depends, a little, what intensity she wants. The enormous Hitachi Magic Wand was ostensibly intended as a shoulder massager, but it also packs a wallop. There are other "body massagers" that are thinly veiled vibes.

But in a situation like that apparently lots of folks just go for a cheapy electric toothbrush. Most conservatives wouldn't suspect it in a million years, but they seem to work for lots of folks!
posted by ldthomps at 7:36 AM on June 30, 2011


Would the house in question happen to have a detachable shower head?
posted by Gordafarin at 7:36 AM on June 30, 2011 [3 favorites]


I saw a one of these insanely cute vibrating rubber duckies recently. Doesn't do any g-spot stimulation, but certainly doesn't look like a vibrator if just sitting on a shelf. That said, the fact that it vibrates at all might be suspicious on a more throrough examination.
posted by jb at 7:37 AM on June 30, 2011 [1 favorite]


plausibly say "Oh this is for my shoulders"

Exactly how gullible are your parents? Something to consider.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 7:38 AM on June 30, 2011


Here's a vibrator that looks like a computer mouse. It can't be the only one in the world.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:44 AM on June 30, 2011 [1 favorite]


The Neutrogena Wave Vibrating Power Cleanser is pretty much ideal for this purpose, as it has a perfectly reasonable alternative use and is pretty quiet. The Duo model is apparently especially recommended as it has two speeds.
posted by Sockenpuppe at 7:49 AM on June 30, 2011 [2 favorites]


You can get attachments for some electric toothbrushes.

she could always pass it off as a gum massager.
posted by HFSH at 7:56 AM on June 30, 2011


On a related note, getting a "diversion safe" or "book safe" is great for having a secret hidey spot in plain sight.
posted by gnutron at 7:58 AM on June 30, 2011 [2 favorites]


nth-ing electric toothbrush.
posted by Jon_Evil at 7:59 AM on June 30, 2011


Maybe the answer isn't to get a new vibrator but a new place to put it.

I have kids so I keep my "friends" in a box with a combination lock along with whatever other toys I want kept away from them.

You could get your sister a fireproof safe for her room. Give it to her in front of your parents and tell them it's for all her important papers (social security card, check book, credit cards so she doesn't carry them with her and be tempted to use them, birth certificate, passport, etc...) Then she'll have a place to keep her toys without worry that your mom will snoop. Mom will be able to see the safe but not get into it.
posted by TooFewShoes at 8:02 AM on June 30, 2011 [2 favorites]


Along the electric toothbrush lines, a microdermabrasion kit.
posted by nasayre at 8:03 AM on June 30, 2011


Eeep! I just realized what I linked to was a little pricey. Try this one instead.
posted by nasayre at 8:06 AM on June 30, 2011


The Neutrogena Wave Vibrating Power Cleanser is pretty much ideal for this purpose

I have often suspected this is the reason the actress in the commercial looks so very thrilled with her Neutrogena experience.

A word on the Hitachi wand: while it will certainly pass for a shoulder massager, it makes more noise than a lawnmower, leaving your sister with the options of a) only using it when the house is empty or b) arousing suspicion as to why she's spending hours with the door locked, "massaging her shoulders". Some discreet options I found (which were also described as "quiet") include this friendly looking sponge, or this little ornament.

If your sister's college-age I'm assuming she's discovered the world of possibilities involving a bathtap or showerhead (even the non-detachable kind!). If not, then that's a situation that she needs to rectify post-haste.
posted by jaynewould at 8:06 AM on June 30, 2011


Perhaps the Philips Sensual Massager (also available with "candlelights")? The pebble shaped vibrator looks more like a body massager than a sex toy.
posted by iviken at 8:07 AM on June 30, 2011


Oh hey, there's an app for that.
posted by jaynewould at 8:10 AM on June 30, 2011


Previously.
posted by jaynewould at 8:13 AM on June 30, 2011


OK so you need a combination of really, really quiet plus discreet looking. Good Vibes suggests the I Rub My Duckie (GV only has the traditional mini version in stock) or the Speeding Bullet which you could keep in a pencil case.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:33 AM on June 30, 2011


I've never actually used one, but Gillette sells vibrating razors, which would be easy enough to hide in plain sight.
posted by coppermoss at 9:22 AM on June 30, 2011 [1 favorite]


[folks, question is about vibrators, not "how do I teach my sister to masturbate" thanks]
posted by jessamyn at 9:42 AM on June 30, 2011 [3 favorites]


I doubt you can get the Mattel Nimbus 2000 vibrating broom anymore, but the toy industry is constantly making toys that vibrate, especially baby toys. If you can find one that doesn't have constant music, it can be a decent hide in plain sight item. Better yet are sensory stim toys for kids with autism. It's pretty easy to find a vibrating teddy bear. Still another option is to hide the vibrator in a stuffed animal that she keeps on the bed/bedside table with a few other decoys.
posted by plinth at 10:08 AM on June 30, 2011


I went looking for examples of pillows with secret pockets like the one I mentioned earlier; there are even more of them than I thought.

And better yet, some are marketed to kids ("your kid can have a place to hide the cookies you send him at camp!"), so it's even more innocent-looking. However, those options are a little TOO cutesy, so this is a list of more blatant "this is to hide your vibrator" offerings, and may thus be a bit more "mature" in decor. Or, you could get whatever style pillow-with-pocket you want and then cover it over with a cushion cover from Ikea, to hide even the pocket.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:16 AM on June 30, 2011


Okay, I feel a little embarrassed just suggesting this but there's the Squiggle Wiggle Pen (search for "wiggle pen" or "vibrating pen" to find other models). Ostensibly marketed to kids but I suspect your sister wouldn't be the first to find an off-label use for it. Totally innocuous and can be played up even more so if it ever comes up ("Oh my god, mom, that's disgusting. It's a pen"). One probably wouldn't want to insert the device.
posted by 6550 at 10:41 AM on June 30, 2011


This is kind of ridiculous, but I swear your mom will not think this is a vibrator, if you can find one: the Hello Kitty Personal Massager.

It's a sort of pocket rocket, a la the classic Water Dancer.

Not very powerful, definitely not meant for penetration, but very quiet. Requires only one double-A battery. Waterproof and can be used in the bath!
posted by brina at 11:18 AM on June 30, 2011


As long as it is not flesh-coloured, you could buy virtually anything and just stow it in plain sight with makeup or toiletries.
posted by KokuRyu at 3:53 PM on June 30, 2011


But perhaps store the batteries separately. (I can't be the only one who's had them turn themselves on inconveniently, can I?)
posted by instamatic at 5:08 PM on June 30, 2011


any drugstore sells "massagers" like this one, which are quiet, marketed for sore shoulders, and way more effective than any electric toothbrush.
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:24 PM on June 30, 2011


The Lelo Lily is pretty much identical to the Lelo Nea, can testify that it's discreet, easy to hide because it's pretty small, very quiet and very effective.
Otherwise, nthing electric toothbrush.
posted by kumonoi at 12:20 AM on July 1, 2011


Give it to her in front of your parents and tell them it's for all her important papers (social security card, check book, credit cards so she doesn't carry them with her and be tempted to use them, birth certificate, passport, etc...) Then she'll have a place to keep her toys without worry that your mom will snoop. Mom will be able to see the safe but not get into it.

If the parents in the question are anything like mine, the first thing they would demand would be the combination to the safe.

Electric toothbrush is the best bet, but they are loud.
posted by winna at 8:55 PM on July 1, 2011


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