How do I avoid letting my friends down?
June 27, 2011 2:29 PM Subscribe
How do I leave my band in the most non-sucky way possible?
posted by ashkenazy to Human Relations (11 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Hey guys. I'm looking for advice about how to quit a band that I've been involved in for a couple of years. We've put a few CDs out and played a few local shows / festivals but things aren't really taking off and my heart isn't in it.
Now, leaving would be totally cool were it not for the following factors - 1) I do a lot of things in the band, kind of feeling like I 'hold it together' musically, and I'm not sure how they'd cope without me, 2) the female vocalist is very passive-aggressive, and tends to react angrily and defensively when challenged or when she doesn't get her way, and 3) they're all fairly good friends, a social circle that I rely on, and I feel awful at the thought of letting them down and / or pissing them off. I've been going along with things for a while, seeing how it goes, but I'm at the stage where I really want to make decisions about what to do. I have another project that's doing really well and that I want to commit full-time to, but as these guys are in my circle of friends I'm worried that pulling out of the band in the wrong way will cause a lot of bad blood, and this will spread to other friends that know us and reflect badly on me. I've been on the wrong side of this girl's passive aggressive nature before and it isn't great. Me and her started the band together originally, but now she's made better friends with the other guys in the group, perhaps sensing (rightly) that they won't challenge her like I will.
Anyway, we have a festival show coming up at the end of July and I need to decide whether to break the news before or after that. I was thinking I'd take the girl for coffee and tell her first, as we started it together and I think she'd feel better hearing it on her own, but I don't want to shut the other members out. It seems like a simple problem, I just want to go about it in the least antagonistic way possible. Any ideas?