June 27, 2011 2:13 PM Subscribe
I hate sex. Now what? Question is unfocused and NSFW. Sorry.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (48 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
I am a woman. Sex for me has been sometimes painful, almost always boring, never orgasmic. Foreplay is not much better. If one more guy fingerbangs me for ten minutes like that’s supposed to do something for me I will cry. It doesn’t help that fucking, with or without a condom, tends to give me a yeast infection. I have almost no sex drive, and I have no idea whether that’s my natural state or whether that’s a response to ten years of not enjoying sex. Giving instruction is extremely uncomfortable for me and leads to me feeling so nervous that I can’t come anyway. Having to give instruction in the first place is a serious turn-off to me. And a major problem I have is that I worry that the person I am with is not enjoying the sex we are having so inserting some unsexy 101 interlude just aggravates that in me (this also makes me uncomfortable with being on top). I’ve tried modeling the behavior I’m looking for (“tell me what you like” and shit like that) with no success. I am OK with sex if I am absolutely positive that the guy is enjoying it, and if he magically possesses the ability to make me come that’s a nice bonus, but that combo has been so fucking rare in my life that when I combine it in my head with my already narrow guy requirements (like, that I be interested in the guy, which barely ever happens) I end up feeling like I’m going to be alone forever. I’m sort of OK with that but it’s not what I really want for myself. I don’t know what to do about this.
* Is there a way to prevent yeast infections from happening every damn time I have sex (with or without condoms)? *
* Is there a way to get the guy to do things that feel good and to not do things that feel bad (my clit is not a game of Whack-A-Mole) without feeling like I want to run out of the room? *
I really appreciate your help with this. I will feel most helped by specific suggestions and least helped by suggestions to seek therapy.