Should I carry the purse?
June 24, 2011 11:43 AM Subscribe
Should I carry my co-worker's sister's purse?
My co-worker is an older woman and her elderly sister was sick for a few years before she died. Afterward, my co-worker held an estate sale, which she told us all about. I went and got an amazing purse for a quarter.
I liked it so much, I started to wear it frequently. I wore it to work. It did cross my mind that it might be weird, but I figured since she told us all about the sale, it wasn't a big deal to carry the purse.
The other day, she stopped by my desk and said, "Is that my sister's purse?" with a sort of pained expression. I said it was, and she said it was nice that I had it. She seemed genuine, but I don't know her. She told me how her sister got the purse, which was from a man of some sort.
Do you think it's okay to carry the purse?
This morning I brought it in and then put in my locker.
My co-worker is an older woman and her elderly sister was sick for a few years before she died. Afterward, my co-worker held an estate sale, which she told us all about. I went and got an amazing purse for a quarter.
I liked it so much, I started to wear it frequently. I wore it to work. It did cross my mind that it might be weird, but I figured since she told us all about the sale, it wasn't a big deal to carry the purse.
The other day, she stopped by my desk and said, "Is that my sister's purse?" with a sort of pained expression. I said it was, and she said it was nice that I had it. She seemed genuine, but I don't know her. She told me how her sister got the purse, which was from a man of some sort.
Do you think it's okay to carry the purse?
This morning I brought it in and then put in my locker.
Why don't you ask your co-worker how she feels about it?
posted by humboldt32 at 11:46 AM on June 24, 2011
posted by humboldt32 at 11:46 AM on June 24, 2011
You need to ask her.
"Hey, you know, I totally spaced and didn't realize it might be awkward if you see me with your sister's purse. As much as I love it I realize it might have a special meaning to you so please be honest and let me know if you'd rather I didn't bring it to work."
Worst case she says "Yeah, it is kind of weird" and you don't bring it to work. Chances are if it meant anything at all to her she wouldn't have sold it to you for a quarter.
posted by bondcliff at 11:47 AM on June 24, 2011 [31 favorites]
"Hey, you know, I totally spaced and didn't realize it might be awkward if you see me with your sister's purse. As much as I love it I realize it might have a special meaning to you so please be honest and let me know if you'd rather I didn't bring it to work."
Worst case she says "Yeah, it is kind of weird" and you don't bring it to work. Chances are if it meant anything at all to her she wouldn't have sold it to you for a quarter.
posted by bondcliff at 11:47 AM on June 24, 2011 [31 favorites]
I think it's OK to do so, but personally I wouldn't. Use it on the weekends or whenever you're away from the office.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 11:48 AM on June 24, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by jeff-o-matic at 11:48 AM on June 24, 2011 [6 favorites]
Chances are if it meant anything at all to her she wouldn't have sold it to you for a quarter.
Having it might not "mean anything" to her, but perhaps one of the reasons she sold it is so that she wouldn't have it staring her in the face all the time.
posted by grouse at 11:49 AM on June 24, 2011 [10 favorites]
Having it might not "mean anything" to her, but perhaps one of the reasons she sold it is so that she wouldn't have it staring her in the face all the time.
posted by grouse at 11:49 AM on June 24, 2011 [10 favorites]
she said it was nice that I had it
I think you're overthinking. Trust that she said what she meant.
posted by fritley at 11:49 AM on June 24, 2011 [3 favorites]
I think you're overthinking. Trust that she said what she meant.
posted by fritley at 11:49 AM on June 24, 2011 [3 favorites]
I agree with bondcliff- worded perfectly
posted by Frosted Cactus at 11:59 AM on June 24, 2011
posted by Frosted Cactus at 11:59 AM on June 24, 2011
Chances are if it meant anything at all to her she wouldn't have sold it to you for a quarter.
Having it might not "mean anything" to her, but perhaps one of the reasons she sold it is so that she wouldn't have it staring her in the face all the time.
Then I doubt she would have sold it to a co-worker she's likely to see every weekday.
OP, I'm nthing that you're way over-thinking this. But if you can't just shake it off, talk to your co-worker.
posted by asciident at 12:01 PM on June 24, 2011
Having it might not "mean anything" to her, but perhaps one of the reasons she sold it is so that she wouldn't have it staring her in the face all the time.
Then I doubt she would have sold it to a co-worker she's likely to see every weekday.
OP, I'm nthing that you're way over-thinking this. But if you can't just shake it off, talk to your co-worker.
posted by asciident at 12:01 PM on June 24, 2011
Not sure how old this is, but very old purses inevitably start to decay, and seeing that process might be upsetting to your co-worker, even if seeing you carry the puse in good condition does not. I'd err on the side of not carrying the purse to the office. Who wants to be thinking about other people thinking about your accessories that much?
posted by Scram at 12:09 PM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Scram at 12:09 PM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]
Best answer: When my father died my mother sold a lot of his things off, and as she couldn't drive she sold his car very cheap, to a family friend who was on hard times and had just had a baby so needed reliable transport.
They were so grateful and took such good care of something my father had also always taken good care of. My mum and I would often see the car when we were out together driving around together. Everytime she saw it my mother would smile a bittersweet smile and say, it sure is nice to see to see his stuff being used. She was never sad, somehow sort of happy that something my Dad had liked working on and using was being used.
Honestly she's said she's glad you have it, then she's most likely glad you have it. Its probably much nicer for her to imagine her sisters things being used than sitting around or being thrown out. The "pained" look you saw was most likely her being caught unaware for a moment, though if you have any doubt just ask. If nothing else she will appreciate you being so thoughtful.
posted by wwax at 12:11 PM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]
They were so grateful and took such good care of something my father had also always taken good care of. My mum and I would often see the car when we were out together driving around together. Everytime she saw it my mother would smile a bittersweet smile and say, it sure is nice to see to see his stuff being used. She was never sad, somehow sort of happy that something my Dad had liked working on and using was being used.
Honestly she's said she's glad you have it, then she's most likely glad you have it. Its probably much nicer for her to imagine her sisters things being used than sitting around or being thrown out. The "pained" look you saw was most likely her being caught unaware for a moment, though if you have any doubt just ask. If nothing else she will appreciate you being so thoughtful.
posted by wwax at 12:11 PM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Well, I don't really talk to this person much, and in fact I try to avoid her, which is why I just didn't ask. But truthfully, it's probably not in my nature to ask such a question to anyone at work because it seems super personal. Good advice, though.
posted by amodelcitizen at 12:18 PM on June 24, 2011
posted by amodelcitizen at 12:18 PM on June 24, 2011
In that case, I agree you're overthinking it. She's already said she thought it was nice.
Museum of Bags and Purses
posted by humboldt32 at 12:25 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
Museum of Bags and Purses
posted by humboldt32 at 12:25 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
You need to ask her, and if you are unwilling to ask her then you should NOT wear the purse around her.
posted by katypickle at 12:45 PM on June 24, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by katypickle at 12:45 PM on June 24, 2011 [5 favorites]
If someone found use for something that a dead relative of mine used to use, I think it would be very nice, just as the woman said to you.
posted by eas98 at 3:00 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by eas98 at 3:00 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
Chances are if it meant anything at all to her she wouldn't have sold it to you for a quarter....the sentimental significance of a object doesn't determine to it's tag price.
She's probably glad to see you wearing it but wanted to tell you the story behind it because it's one of the ways we keep people alive in our hearts. We want to think their lives still resonate in this world -even in tiny, mundane ways.
I you were friendly and appeared interested in her story, then I think you're probably fine to wear the purse to work but asking her about it would really be a kind, human gesture.
posted by bonobothegreat at 7:08 PM on June 24, 2011
She's probably glad to see you wearing it but wanted to tell you the story behind it because it's one of the ways we keep people alive in our hearts. We want to think their lives still resonate in this world -even in tiny, mundane ways.
I you were friendly and appeared interested in her story, then I think you're probably fine to wear the purse to work but asking her about it would really be a kind, human gesture.
posted by bonobothegreat at 7:08 PM on June 24, 2011
Then I doubt she would have sold it to a co-worker she's likely to see every weekday.
The OP purchased it at an estate sale. The co-worker didn't even know to whom it had been sold until afterwards.
posted by endless_forms at 9:15 AM on June 25, 2011
The OP purchased it at an estate sale. The co-worker didn't even know to whom it had been sold until afterwards.
posted by endless_forms at 9:15 AM on June 25, 2011
Then I doubt she would have sold it to a co-worker she's likely to see every weekday.
The OP purchased it at an estate sale. The co-worker didn't even know to whom it had been sold until afterwards.
She explicitly advertised the sale to her co-workers. If she didn't want her co-workers buying objects that might be brought to work like purses (or presumably clothes or other personal objects), it's pretty unlikely she'd have advertised it to them.
At any rate, the lady said it was nice the OP had it.
posted by asciident at 5:26 PM on June 26, 2011
The OP purchased it at an estate sale. The co-worker didn't even know to whom it had been sold until afterwards.
She explicitly advertised the sale to her co-workers. If she didn't want her co-workers buying objects that might be brought to work like purses (or presumably clothes or other personal objects), it's pretty unlikely she'd have advertised it to them.
At any rate, the lady said it was nice the OP had it.
posted by asciident at 5:26 PM on June 26, 2011
I think she meant it! At least in my family, we get excited, "Oh, was that Auntie's Chris's? So awesome to see it!" It's nice to see even a little reminder of your loved one. :)
posted by frecklefaerie at 8:39 AM on June 27, 2011
posted by frecklefaerie at 8:39 AM on June 27, 2011
I would certainly NOT tell her you got it for a quarter.
posted by maryr at 8:04 PM on August 19, 2011
posted by maryr at 8:04 PM on August 19, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by animalrainbow at 11:45 AM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]