Friends with Benefits?
June 24, 2011 4:59 AM Subscribe
Am I coming out of the left field here? No strings attached with the commitment-phobe I met a few weeks ago = bad idea?
posted by Rinoia to Human Relations (27 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Okay, long story short met someone a month or so ago on an internet dating site, we clicked right away and had a few great dates which ended up with hooking up. Then, he revealed himself as a commitment phobe who "doesn't want a relationship right now," and wanted to somehow save me from being hurt. Said he hadn't been out with anyone for a while where it went really well, that even so he wasn't looking for anything serious right now, that things were moving too fast and that he had had things that moved fast in the past end badly so he was going to tell me this now to stop things from ending badly a few months down the line.
Convoluted logic to my way of thinking (at least as regards not having been out with someone where it went really well for a while and this being part of the reason he was flaking out), but whatever. I was kind of pissed off about it (since this whole speech came from out of the blue at a point where he had been making some "I like you a lot" noises that had me worried that he was more into me than I was into him even as I was starting to be a fair amount into him) for a while after. But I did tell him that I wanted something longer-term with someone generally speaking (which is true) and that maybe I didn't want him fucking with my mind. So we called whatever it was off.
Flash forward a couple of weeks. I've been out on a couple of other dates (one of which went quite well though I'm not sure that it's really going to develop into anything) and have been trying to be social, get on with things. Still generally looking for something long-termish.
However, I've been thinking about the whole situation a few weeks ago and lamenting the lost possible sexual relationship, since it's been a while for me and I'm not that experienced in general. It occurred to me last night - friends with benefits/no strings attached with the commitment phobe? I think whatever romantic feelings I had for him died in the past few weeks after our whole discussion. I am thinking of contacting him and just putting the idea out there. This is way more forward than I've been with someone before though I have had a casual meet up for hooking up type thing before and it worked out okay for the most part.
Okay - what do you think? Bad idea?