Am I Being Overly Territorial?
June 23, 2011 4:21 PM Subscribe
I have a problem that's challenging on a logical and moral level.
posted by presqu'ile to human relations (38 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
An acquaintance of mind called yesterday to let me know that she had been invited to interview on Friday for a position at the restaurant where I currently work. In her application, she told them that she was a friend of mine—something that is not strictly true. We know each other, that’s true enough.
After hanging up, I immediately thought that if she gets the job, I’ll have to find a new one. I know this response sounds a bit ca-razy, so I’ll try to explain.
The woman, how about Wendy, is someone I’ve known for several years. For the past two, she's been dating a friend of mine, say, Devon, who has also been my roommate for the past year and a half. He and I were close before he moved in, but we’ve grown significantly less so between then and now. Part of that is due to Wendy: a constant, unavoidable presence in our apartment. She has her own place but “prefers” ours, which I understand, I do. Roommates have girlfriends and I don’t begrudge him that. But, with that in mind, she has very little sense of shared space. Honestly, it wouldn’t bother me so much if she treated me pleasantly. Most times we talk, it feels likes one-upmanship passing for conversation.
On two occasions, I have asked Devon if Wendy could spend a little less time in the apartment. I didn’t tell him how much she bothered me personally, I put it down to issues of space. Both times, he seemed initally receptive, but then things went back to the way they were before. So I started working more; coming home after midnight every day meant I didn’t have to hear her voice, which literally makes me want to flip tables over.
The thought of working closely with her is immensely frustrating. But there’s nothing appropriate I can do that could stop her from getting a job at the place where I work. She is perfectly qualified, and I think she’d fit in really well—just not with me.
The quit job/find new apartment solution is excellent in theory, except that I haven’t been able to find a good place that fits my budget, and I like my job.
Philosophically, I know I should learn to work around this. But another part of me takes it as some kind of threat. That sounds paranoid/grandiose/egocentric, but there have been so many occasions where she’s done or said things that seem directly competitive with me and it's just wearing on my soul at this point. I don’t like having toxic thoughts about anyone, and I don’t like how my strategy is always to escape.
Maybe I’m too proprietary, but that’s another issue altogether.
So I guess my question is really two. Is there anything (scrupulous) I can do to stop her from getting the job? And, am I being unreasonable bordering on insane about how this woman makes me feel?