June 22, 2011 9:58 AM Subscribe
How do I start feeling like I deserve the happiness I feel in relationships?
posted by speedgraphic to Human Relations (9 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a 25 year old man and my life has gotten a lot better recently. I've recently lost a lot of weight, and even gotten a little bit fit. I started a new job a few months back that's actually pretty great - quite a change from the string of crappy and temporary jobs I've had since I graduated college three years ago. My girlfriend of 3.5 years dumped me, but that ended up being a positive thing, too, as we had stopped being attracted to each other for awhile.
So since I'm now employed and looking better than I have in a while, I decided to join OKCupid and send out some messages. I've never really dated per se; serial monogamy has been my MO since high school, so I figured it was high time to get some experience in this arena (I've never asked anyone out, my four relationships to this point were female-initiated). I've been on six dates this month, four of them went really well.
Two of these women I am amazingly attracted to, and one of them is by far the most attractive person I've ever been out with. My problem is that I just don't feel like I deserve these women. I've spent a lot of my life overweight, introverted, depressed, and sort of ugly. My time as a commissioned salesman has helped me develop an above-average ability to smalltalk and build rapport (at least for someone at my level of introversion), but that's about it. This has made it difficult, since I don't have the courage to make the first physical move. When I made out with one of these women, I couldn't even accept that it was real or that it wasn't some sort of joke she was playing on me. My brain was just screaming, "This does not happen to you. Something is wrong."
I know this isn't that uncommon, so I'm asking you, MeFites: how do you overcome these types of feelings? And, how do you allow yourself to become more vulnerable and just take the leap when you know you should kiss her (or him), but feel terrified at the possibility of rejection?