Grad school conundrum
June 20, 2011 8:43 PM Subscribe
My grad school advisor wants my opinion on bringing another person into our lab... but I cannot stand this other person. What is the most professional way to handle this?
I do not want to screw anyone over, but I really do not want to be around this person more than I already have to be. I also happen to think this person would actually not be a good addition to our team in terms of research, but mostly the problem I have is interpersonal. Help! I do not want to be an asshole and I want to be as professional as possible in dealing with this, but I really just want to say NO!
I do not want to screw anyone over, but I really do not want to be around this person more than I already have to be. I also happen to think this person would actually not be a good addition to our team in terms of research, but mostly the problem I have is interpersonal. Help! I do not want to be an asshole and I want to be as professional as possible in dealing with this, but I really just want to say NO!
Are you going to email your advisor or have an in-person conversation?
I think you just need to get really clear on exactly what you want to say. If the person is difficult or whatever it is, just say you have concerns about Suzy Jane being a good fit in your setting because [research concerns] and [diplomatically stated interpersonal concerns].
If you can say more about specific issues/reasons you can't stand the person, we can help you figure out diplomatic wording. If the concerns are difficult to articulate or you just randomly hate Suzy Jane, that is a perfectly valid way to feel etc, but just keep what you say to the advisor professional and justifiable.
posted by pupstocks at 8:51 PM on June 20, 2011
I think you just need to get really clear on exactly what you want to say. If the person is difficult or whatever it is, just say you have concerns about Suzy Jane being a good fit in your setting because [research concerns] and [diplomatically stated interpersonal concerns].
If you can say more about specific issues/reasons you can't stand the person, we can help you figure out diplomatic wording. If the concerns are difficult to articulate or you just randomly hate Suzy Jane, that is a perfectly valid way to feel etc, but just keep what you say to the advisor professional and justifiable.
posted by pupstocks at 8:51 PM on June 20, 2011
this person would actually not be a good addition to our team in terms of research,
There you go. Just work with that and leave the personal feelings out of it.
posted by DarlingBri at 9:02 PM on June 20, 2011 [1 favorite]
There you go. Just work with that and leave the personal feelings out of it.
posted by DarlingBri at 9:02 PM on June 20, 2011 [1 favorite]
He asked you. This is your chance.
I'd do it in person.
"Hey Dr. X. You know how you asked me about Bob the other day? I thought about it and I just don't think that he's a good fit for our lab, research-wise or personality-wise. I appreciate you asking me my opinion."
If Dr. X presses...
"Bob's really been more focused on theorizing underwater basket weaving and while I understand he's great at that, since we're so focused on goat breeding techniques, I think that he'd probably be better in Dr. Y or Dr. Z's lab."
posted by k8t at 9:05 PM on June 20, 2011
I'd do it in person.
"Hey Dr. X. You know how you asked me about Bob the other day? I thought about it and I just don't think that he's a good fit for our lab, research-wise or personality-wise. I appreciate you asking me my opinion."
If Dr. X presses...
"Bob's really been more focused on theorizing underwater basket weaving and while I understand he's great at that, since we're so focused on goat breeding techniques, I think that he'd probably be better in Dr. Y or Dr. Z's lab."
posted by k8t at 9:05 PM on June 20, 2011
Be specific and don't be afraid to speak plainly. There's a reason you hate the guy, right?
1. Schedule a time to meet with advisor. This can be informal but must be done soon.
2. "Professor, I have a sensitive matter to discuss. Do I have your permission to speak plainly and in confidence?"
[they say of course]
3. "You asked me about bringing Phil into the lab. I am strongly against it. Phil's research is blah blah whatever, but more importantly he's impossible to work with. I know because [whatever your experience with him has been.] I really appreciate your getting my input before making an offer to him, because I feel very strongly about this. We cannot offer Phil the spot."
4. "Thanks for letting me be honest. And of course I trust that our conversation will remain confidential."
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:20 PM on June 20, 2011
1. Schedule a time to meet with advisor. This can be informal but must be done soon.
2. "Professor, I have a sensitive matter to discuss. Do I have your permission to speak plainly and in confidence?"
[they say of course]
3. "You asked me about bringing Phil into the lab. I am strongly against it. Phil's research is blah blah whatever, but more importantly he's impossible to work with. I know because [whatever your experience with him has been.] I really appreciate your getting my input before making an offer to him, because I feel very strongly about this. We cannot offer Phil the spot."
4. "Thanks for letting me be honest. And of course I trust that our conversation will remain confidential."
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:20 PM on June 20, 2011
In my experience the interpersonal level frictions don't translate perfectly up to the PI level. This is especially true if you don't want to be perceived as petty and difficult yourself. Therefore, I would suggest that you couch all your reservations about the new person in terms of lab dynamics/resources etc, i.e. I appreciate X's enthusiasm, but it's really hard to get them to appreciate lab dogma/ personal boundaries/ budget concerns/ time vs. effort/ whatever. What I'd suggest you tell your boss is that you've tried to make X a good fit, but for whatever (concrete/non-interpersonal) reason, it's just not going to be a workable situation for either of you.
I don't know what would be exactly applicable in your situation, but when confronted with a total personality conflict with a prospective student, I told my boss, on behalf of the rest of the lab, that the prospect was simply untrainable, with supporting examples. In this case, they were a head case, with various issues that manifested on the level of lab workingness. They were not offered a spot in the lab.
The main current of my advice is to never pitch something as a failure to be able to contend with someone or something, but rather as an untenable situation that should be avoided with as much justification as possible.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 9:35 PM on June 20, 2011 [2 favorites]
I don't know what would be exactly applicable in your situation, but when confronted with a total personality conflict with a prospective student, I told my boss, on behalf of the rest of the lab, that the prospect was simply untrainable, with supporting examples. In this case, they were a head case, with various issues that manifested on the level of lab workingness. They were not offered a spot in the lab.
The main current of my advice is to never pitch something as a failure to be able to contend with someone or something, but rather as an untenable situation that should be avoided with as much justification as possible.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 9:35 PM on June 20, 2011 [2 favorites]
Everybody else has made great points - just wanted to say that my preference would be to talk to your supervisor not do this in writing.
posted by koahiatamadl at 2:45 AM on June 21, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by koahiatamadl at 2:45 AM on June 21, 2011 [2 favorites]
Do it in person, like the other said.
I wanted to add that you should 1) appreciate this opportunity, in general and 2) take heart in that your advisor might be asking in part because s/he feels something is not quite perfect, but wants someone else to back up his opinion. (A bit like the AskMe questions where people have already decided what they want to do, but want to hear someone say it is ok to go that direction.)
posted by whatzit at 3:03 AM on June 21, 2011 [1 favorite]
I wanted to add that you should 1) appreciate this opportunity, in general and 2) take heart in that your advisor might be asking in part because s/he feels something is not quite perfect, but wants someone else to back up his opinion. (A bit like the AskMe questions where people have already decided what they want to do, but want to hear someone say it is ok to go that direction.)
posted by whatzit at 3:03 AM on June 21, 2011 [1 favorite]
I had a similar situation when I was in graduate school (although I work in mathematics, so I don't need a lab). My adviser asked if I wanted to bring in this one other person in on the project, she thought this person might be a good addition. I just told her point blank, "I don't think that will work. I am not comfortable working with that person".
That was the end of the discussion. So yeah, just say something like that.
posted by King Bee at 5:24 AM on June 21, 2011
That was the end of the discussion. So yeah, just say something like that.
posted by King Bee at 5:24 AM on June 21, 2011
Two years ago, my advisor accepted a student I didn't like and thought poorly of, but I never said anything because I felt awkward. That student is now making her life very difficult and she (advisor) regrets it as a big mistake.
Definitely say something. Leave the personal stuff out since you enough objections on work grounds alone.
posted by venividivici at 5:40 AM on June 21, 2011 [2 favorites]
Definitely say something. Leave the personal stuff out since you enough objections on work grounds alone.
posted by venividivici at 5:40 AM on June 21, 2011 [2 favorites]
Nthing the suggestion to say something specific and do not be or appear ambivalent. Do not say, "Maybe if adjustments are made, we could work together." Definitely not "I could work around my discomfort with this person." If this person has screwed up results, done unethical things in the lab, thrown things at people, behaved negligently, or whatever, say so. Do not put interpersonal stuff in writing.
No better way to have lab drama than for friend of professor/another student/potential labmate to see an email over a shoulder, and spread that around.
What not to include in the email: your expectations of confidence, any character assassination or criticism.
posted by bilabial at 6:25 AM on June 21, 2011 [3 favorites]
No better way to have lab drama than for friend of professor/another student/potential labmate to see an email over a shoulder, and spread that around.
What not to include in the email: your expectations of confidence, any character assassination or criticism.
posted by bilabial at 6:25 AM on June 21, 2011 [3 favorites]
I think it's definitely appropriate to mention the interpersonal stuff in person IF (and only if) your advisor is sensitive about that sort of thing. Many advisors care quite a bit about the interactions between their students and understand that harmony among students is super important, and would very much appreciate knowing that there's potential for a problem.
That said, I have friends with advisors who just don't care the slightest about that layer of the grad school experience and might view it as petty. But if your advisor is asking you at all, it seems unlikely to me that they fall into this category, and I think you can safely bring it up. If it's important to you and your advisor cares about what you think, it will be important to them, too.
posted by heresiarch at 8:40 AM on June 21, 2011
That said, I have friends with advisors who just don't care the slightest about that layer of the grad school experience and might view it as petty. But if your advisor is asking you at all, it seems unlikely to me that they fall into this category, and I think you can safely bring it up. If it's important to you and your advisor cares about what you think, it will be important to them, too.
posted by heresiarch at 8:40 AM on June 21, 2011
If your advisor is decent with interpersonal relations, you should tell him/her about the interpersonal problems too, although leave out the details. "I don't think I can work with Person" or perhaps "I think Person and I would not function well in the lab together."
This is definitely PI dependent, so you'll have to adjust a bit depending on what sort of person your advisor is, but I really think you should be honest about both your personal and professional concerns. It will be a problem for the PI if you two can't get along (even if the new student is otherwise professionally perfect).
If your PI isn't the type to grok interpersonal concerns, make absolutely sure you do not inflate your professional concerns (but *do* state them). Last thing you want is to look like you let your personal problems with people affect your professional judgement of them.
posted by nat at 8:55 AM on June 21, 2011 [1 favorite]
This is definitely PI dependent, so you'll have to adjust a bit depending on what sort of person your advisor is, but I really think you should be honest about both your personal and professional concerns. It will be a problem for the PI if you two can't get along (even if the new student is otherwise professionally perfect).
If your PI isn't the type to grok interpersonal concerns, make absolutely sure you do not inflate your professional concerns (but *do* state them). Last thing you want is to look like you let your personal problems with people affect your professional judgement of them.
posted by nat at 8:55 AM on June 21, 2011 [1 favorite]
What not to include in the email...
If at all possible, talk to your PI in person, and not by email.
posted by fermezporte at 10:03 AM on June 21, 2011
If at all possible, talk to your PI in person, and not by email.
posted by fermezporte at 10:03 AM on June 21, 2011
What venividivici said. I made the mistake of saying nothing to my boss when she asked my opinion on a potential hire, and I erred on the side of being TOO professional and telling my boss that I would have no problem working with the woman, whom I knew from college and detested. Years later, after the woman left the company, my boss confided that she felt hiring the toxic woman to work on our small team was a mistake and that she had asked for my opinion in the hopes that I would confirm her suspicions that something was "off" about the candidate. We both wished I'd done so.
posted by pineappleheart at 10:14 PM on June 21, 2011
posted by pineappleheart at 10:14 PM on June 21, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by ootandaboot at 8:49 PM on June 20, 2011 [2 favorites]