What's the protocol for drunken office hookups?
June 20, 2011 8:29 AM Subscribe
I drunkenly hooked up with a coworker. We haven't talked about it since. Should we?
posted by anonymous to human relations (32 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I am a single early 30s female working in a professional office environment, as a member of a small team. A male colleague and I have had very good chemistry together for several months, with some light flirting. He has a long-term girlfriend that I have never met and know nothing about as he never talks about her, but I do know she exists; even if he were single I know it’s generally a mistake to pursue someone working on my team.
However, about a month ago at an after-work event, we both got very drunk and ended up making out pretty heavily (not in front of our coworkers, fortunately). I am ashamed to admit that I don’t remember the exact sequence of events that led to this (like who initiated it) nor details about the encounter other than that he ended up at the door of my apartment, clearly ready to come inside and take things further, but I sent him home. I also remember openly discussing his girlfriend but can't remember what was said. I also said some absolutely mortifying things about how awesomely sexy I thought he was. *Cringe*
Literally the day after this happened, he left for a three-week business trip. Conflicting schedules prevented us from seeing each other before he left, but he sent me a business-related email that day that included, “Unfortunately I didn't get to speak to you before I left… hope you’ve recovered from last night, I had a great time…”
I wrote back that I was also sorry we didn’t have a chance to speak and that I also had a good time. And that was that.
Now he is back in the office and am I just wondering if I should say anything else to him about what happened. We’ve only chatted briefly so far, and everything has been friendly and professional but also just a little bit tense. I certainly don’t intend to let what happened interfere with our working relationship, nor do I plan to tell anyone about what happened and I am sure he won’t either. If I am honest, I would say that were he single, I might try to pursue something with him; since he is not, there is clearly nowhere for this to go (unless he's planning on leaving his girlfriend any time soon.) I just wonder if it’s somehow rude or weird not to ever mention it again, especially as we will obviously continue working together (and go out drinking with colleagues – in fact we’re all supposed to go out together this Friday).
A friend tells me the protocol for drunken coworker hookups is to NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN; I’m just wondering what AskMeFi thinks is appropriate here. Broach the topic first? Wait for him to bring it up? Silence forever? Formal sit down discussion or lightheartedly laugh it off? And if you've been in this situation, how did you handle it?