How to deal with envious friends?
June 19, 2011 12:56 AM Subscribe
How do I gracefully deal with envious female friends?
posted by Dilemma to human relations (52 answers total) 14 users marked this as a favorite
There's no way to say this without sounding egotistical, so here it is: I'm very attractive by typical standards (tall, thin, blonde, pretty). But I'm really a nerd, I don't care about fashion, looks aren't very important to me, and I don't work out a lot or diet; this is just how I am (I know, that makes it even more annoying). Some of my close female friends who are not as attractive in a normative, model way (but I think they're pretty), express envy in a way that makes me really uncomfortable. For example, they'll say things like "Sometimes I feel bad going places with you, because you're so pretty and I don't look like you, and it makes me feel bad." Or they'll fixate on my body, and compare it with theirs. I don't know how to respond to this. I try making light of it, and try to downplay my looks, and say things like, "You're pretty too! And looks aren't a big deal." But that just sounds lame. I want my friends to feel good about themselves, and I compliment them any time I think of something nice about them, and it really bothers me that might be a source of insecurity for them. It's hard to pretend like I don't notice all the attention I get when I go out with my friends, and they see it too, and it's frustrating because I want them to meet guys when we're out (I'm not looking to meet people right now) and it seems hard to do when I'm around. Is there a better way I can deal with this so that I don't feel so uncomfortable and they don't feel so envious?