How can I regain my sexual drive?
June 12, 2011 2:07 PM Subscribe
How can I regain my sexual drive? I'm 30 and since I started my sexual life at 18, I was always very active and imaginative in relation to my, hm, "performance" in bed. But things went totally downhill over the last year or so. My SO was finalizing his divorce with his ex last year, which was very stressful for both of us, plus I had a masters degree to finish, then got married and moved to another country. My dad found that he has cancer and had a very delicate op. To sum it up, a very stressful year.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (12 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
We used to have a pretty active sex life, had sex in unusual places and felt quite horny all the time. But as we slipped into this spiral of problems and things to sort out, our sex life became inexistent. We didn't even have sex the day we got married.
He has complained about not being able to exercize and feeling bad because he is slightly overweight. So he is feeling uncomfortable, but *I have changed* as well. I don't feel excited when I am being touched, I have become almost totally frigid. I say sometimes because I do feel like having sex when we are in bed, but then I get tired, feel lazy or whatever.
We are now reasonably settled in our new life and even then things don't seem to be changing in the sex arena. We have lots of fun and love hanging around together, we work together very well, are attracted to and really love each other.
But I don't know what to do to regain my sex drive. My husband says it is temporary, that it will go away, and has been really caring and supportive. But a year with barely no sex? This is really bugging me now.
I read magazines and stuff online about how to spice up your relationship but I feel stupid wearing kinky outfits and using chocolate paint and whatnot. I somehow feel as if this has more to do with my unwillingness to get laid than him, even though the rarely ever takes the initiative these days - possibly because he feels I am not interested.
Any suggestions appreciated, esp from people who have experienced this and managed to turn the situation around!