How do I become less literal?
June 12, 2011 9:35 AM Subscribe
I'm often told that I take things too literally or serious. What can I do to lighten up a bit and help my brain out?
I enjoy being on my own and I always like to be working towards on or towards something. It has been a habit that I have always had and it seems to permeate into my social behaviors as well. I am pretty shy have always been reserved so I have naturally taken an objective perspective on communicating with others. I often ask lots of questions and just usually really enjoy listening to others. I've been told I'm likable and pretty relaxed.
But I have also been told that I take things too seriously and whenever someone tells a joke, I often interpret it as if though it was not. I usually think of this as just my brain being too slow to catch up and understand the humor. So there's usually some negative thoughts rummaging around during such encounters and I can get a bit of social anxiety.
I don't know what to do about this and hope that people out there have some wonderful advice. I don't know if this a social anxiety thing that I have to work out or if I need to quicken my brain up. I am really open to suggestions and really look forward to the answers I get.
Thanks everyone =D
I enjoy being on my own and I always like to be working towards on or towards something. It has been a habit that I have always had and it seems to permeate into my social behaviors as well. I am pretty shy have always been reserved so I have naturally taken an objective perspective on communicating with others. I often ask lots of questions and just usually really enjoy listening to others. I've been told I'm likable and pretty relaxed.
But I have also been told that I take things too seriously and whenever someone tells a joke, I often interpret it as if though it was not. I usually think of this as just my brain being too slow to catch up and understand the humor. So there's usually some negative thoughts rummaging around during such encounters and I can get a bit of social anxiety.
I don't know what to do about this and hope that people out there have some wonderful advice. I don't know if this a social anxiety thing that I have to work out or if I need to quicken my brain up. I am really open to suggestions and really look forward to the answers I get.
Thanks everyone =D
Laughing at what people say is often good diplomacy, an act of generosity. Even if they are serious you are suggesting that it shouldn't be or else they would be insane.
posted by Brian B. at 10:00 AM on June 12, 2011
posted by Brian B. at 10:00 AM on June 12, 2011
You know, I dated a guy who sounds a bit like you. He didn't think I was very funny since he didn't understand my whimsical, light-hearted way of making observations about the world. Anyways, I have a couple tips for you that might help you to see the lighter side of life to a greater extent. :)
1. Talk to lots of people. How many people do you interact with every day? Now double that. Triple that. If it's five, talk to ten. Make it a conscious goal to talk to the grocery bagger, the pharmacist, your grandma, your best friend from high school, and so forth in order to just get experience interacting with people. Even if it's just a 15 second conversation remarking on how busy the store is or how crazy the traffic is, it's useful to see how other people observe life in their own sometimes funny ways. A lot of customer service-oriented people will be very upbeat when you speak to them, which will be helpful for your observation. I'd focus especially on talking to people you know who have a good sense of humor. Who do you know who loves to laugh? Hang around that person. Being around those who laugh often and easily can help you to loosen up and laugh more. The easiest way to learn a social skill, for me, is through imitation.
2. Don't worry about saying the wrong thing or sounding awkward. Just say what pops into your head! The funniest people I know don't have much of a filter 'cause they're confident and laid back. They don't worry about whether people will laugh at their wisecracks or not. They poke fun at themselves often. It's okay to sound stupid once in awhile... really. You just smile and change the subject, perhaps making a self deprecating quip to transition. For the sake of the flow of a conversation, you don't have to be 100% accurate in every statement you make. I think this might be your hang up. Socially adept people use generalizations and stereotypes (a.k.a. they talk out of their asses) often because it allows the conversation to flow. You don't have to know anything about anything going on in the world to have great rapport with someone. That being said, it's a very good idea to stay up on current events by reading the newspaper, just so you can have the background knowledge to recognize when a joke is being made about a popular news story.
3. Read the Onion. That sort of humor--their headlines featuring hilarious observations about how human behavior (e.g. "Child Boosted On Shoulders For Better View Of Man Having A Heart Attack")--is pretty common, and also not the mean kind of sarcasm that can work against you in social situations. Sarcasm must be wielded delicately so you don't come off as being negative and unkind.
posted by sunnychef88 at 10:28 AM on June 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
1. Talk to lots of people. How many people do you interact with every day? Now double that. Triple that. If it's five, talk to ten. Make it a conscious goal to talk to the grocery bagger, the pharmacist, your grandma, your best friend from high school, and so forth in order to just get experience interacting with people. Even if it's just a 15 second conversation remarking on how busy the store is or how crazy the traffic is, it's useful to see how other people observe life in their own sometimes funny ways. A lot of customer service-oriented people will be very upbeat when you speak to them, which will be helpful for your observation. I'd focus especially on talking to people you know who have a good sense of humor. Who do you know who loves to laugh? Hang around that person. Being around those who laugh often and easily can help you to loosen up and laugh more. The easiest way to learn a social skill, for me, is through imitation.
2. Don't worry about saying the wrong thing or sounding awkward. Just say what pops into your head! The funniest people I know don't have much of a filter 'cause they're confident and laid back. They don't worry about whether people will laugh at their wisecracks or not. They poke fun at themselves often. It's okay to sound stupid once in awhile... really. You just smile and change the subject, perhaps making a self deprecating quip to transition. For the sake of the flow of a conversation, you don't have to be 100% accurate in every statement you make. I think this might be your hang up. Socially adept people use generalizations and stereotypes (a.k.a. they talk out of their asses) often because it allows the conversation to flow. You don't have to know anything about anything going on in the world to have great rapport with someone. That being said, it's a very good idea to stay up on current events by reading the newspaper, just so you can have the background knowledge to recognize when a joke is being made about a popular news story.
3. Read the Onion. That sort of humor--their headlines featuring hilarious observations about how human behavior (e.g. "Child Boosted On Shoulders For Better View Of Man Having A Heart Attack")--is pretty common, and also not the mean kind of sarcasm that can work against you in social situations. Sarcasm must be wielded delicately so you don't come off as being negative and unkind.
posted by sunnychef88 at 10:28 AM on June 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
I have also been told that I take things too seriously and whenever someone tells a joke, I often interpret it as if though it was not
I'll offer up another alternative: the people trying to be funny simply aren't, even though it is their intention to be.
Just because someone is trying to be funny doesn't automatically make it so, and the people around them that laugh instinctually aren't laughing because the joke is funny, but because they recognize the attempt and are trying to offer their support to an otherwise awkward social situation.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 10:41 AM on June 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'll offer up another alternative: the people trying to be funny simply aren't, even though it is their intention to be.
Just because someone is trying to be funny doesn't automatically make it so, and the people around them that laugh instinctually aren't laughing because the joke is funny, but because they recognize the attempt and are trying to offer their support to an otherwise awkward social situation.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 10:41 AM on June 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
In my experience some of this is cultural.
In some places, every conversation is an opportunity for small jokes, wry observations, and irony (saying the opposite of what you mean, eg "what a nice day" when it's raining). I think the northeast US is this way, although it may just be certain social classes that are that way.
In other places, there is a sharp difference between regular conversation and jokes, which have a more formal set-up and punch-line structure. I think the midwest US is more this way.
Is it possible you have moved from a culture of "conversation and jokes are separate things" to a culture of "every conversation has jokes woven into it"?
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:42 AM on June 12, 2011 [5 favorites]
In some places, every conversation is an opportunity for small jokes, wry observations, and irony (saying the opposite of what you mean, eg "what a nice day" when it's raining). I think the northeast US is this way, although it may just be certain social classes that are that way.
In other places, there is a sharp difference between regular conversation and jokes, which have a more formal set-up and punch-line structure. I think the midwest US is more this way.
Is it possible you have moved from a culture of "conversation and jokes are separate things" to a culture of "every conversation has jokes woven into it"?
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:42 AM on June 12, 2011 [5 favorites]
Best answer: if you are with friends don't let yourself be afraid to show that you didn't catch a joke. give a smile and say "hah i missed that - explain please!" when you are not with friends just try to be friendly and open - when you don't understand social subtleties this can help keep the mood light. also note - many people have social anxiety, but it's not always apparent because over the years people learn different ways to cope and hide their fears. so keep in mind you are probably not the only one trying to figure out how to interact with others!
think about what makes YOU laugh - what is your humor like? what type of jokes do YOU like to make? not everyone is on the same wavelength when it comes to humor, and please know there isn't anything wrong with you because of this! i wouldn't say you are slow, just different. don't beat yourself up - jokes are just one way to connect with people, and so what if you don't succeed at this one thing? a good friend will appreciate you for all the rest that you bring to the table.
posted by cristinacristinacristina at 10:49 AM on June 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
think about what makes YOU laugh - what is your humor like? what type of jokes do YOU like to make? not everyone is on the same wavelength when it comes to humor, and please know there isn't anything wrong with you because of this! i wouldn't say you are slow, just different. don't beat yourself up - jokes are just one way to connect with people, and so what if you don't succeed at this one thing? a good friend will appreciate you for all the rest that you bring to the table.
posted by cristinacristinacristina at 10:49 AM on June 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
LobsterMitten:
Really, a lot of things I say could be taken either way. This is important, I think. If you know me, you might know to start with the assumption that my statement is not serious (in most circumstances). It's not that you're processing wrong, necessarily, because these things are ambiguous and open to interpretation. Is it possible to be cognizant of this and start with the opposite default assumption, i.e. that these people are not being serious/literal until further notice?
posted by J. Wilson at 10:57 AM on June 12, 2011
In some places, every conversation is an opportunity for small jokes, wry observations, and irony (saying the opposite of what you mean, eg "what a nice day" when it's raining). I think the northeast US is this way, although it may just be certain social classes that are that way.Seconding LobsterMitten on this point. I get a lot more people looking at me and taking what I say seriously/literally now that I live in the midwest than I ever did in the northeast.
In other places, there is a sharp difference between regular conversation and jokes, which have a more formal set-up and punch-line structure. I think the midwest US is more this way.
Really, a lot of things I say could be taken either way. This is important, I think. If you know me, you might know to start with the assumption that my statement is not serious (in most circumstances). It's not that you're processing wrong, necessarily, because these things are ambiguous and open to interpretation. Is it possible to be cognizant of this and start with the opposite default assumption, i.e. that these people are not being serious/literal until further notice?
posted by J. Wilson at 10:57 AM on June 12, 2011
It's also worth saying, there is a lot of individual variation in people's senses of humor. Some people are just more literal-minded, some people are very nonliteral, and both ways have their pros and cons.
(One possibility for a literal-minded person to consider is whether they might have some elements of Asperger's Syndrome or that sort of thing, which can make it harder to pick up on social cues. I don't know whether that would be relevant in your case.)
It's great to try to stretch your imagination and understanding to try to pick up on jokes more easily, but don't feel badly about yourself in the process. Everyone has their quirks, lots of variation among individuals and cultures on this question.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:15 AM on June 12, 2011
(One possibility for a literal-minded person to consider is whether they might have some elements of Asperger's Syndrome or that sort of thing, which can make it harder to pick up on social cues. I don't know whether that would be relevant in your case.)
It's great to try to stretch your imagination and understanding to try to pick up on jokes more easily, but don't feel badly about yourself in the process. Everyone has their quirks, lots of variation among individuals and cultures on this question.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:15 AM on June 12, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
Also, if someone cracks what is obviously a joke in a social situation -- that is, everyone around you is laughing -- just sort of go along with it. You don't have to fake a guffaw, but give a smile or a bit of a snicker even if you don't totally get it. Fake it 'til you make it.
posted by griphus at 9:48 AM on June 12, 2011 [3 favorites]