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June 6, 2011 9:03 AM Subscribe
How can I tell if this person is blowing me off or just very busy? And what can I do about it?
posted by anonymous to human relations (19 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
A friend of mine has been giving me what feels like the cold shoulder for a month or so. Conversation attempts get one word answers, he doesn't respond to my texts, occasional passive-aggressive remarks, etc etc. He started a new job six months ago, and it's possible that has gotten more involved. However, I recently got into a living situation that I love but he does not approve of, and has explicitly asked me not to mention (which is uncomfortable to say the least. While we're in this parenthetical, it's a completely normal situation. Nothing that anyone else would think is offensive or strange.)
The friend isn't exactly an olive branch kind of guy. It's very, very unlikely that he would ever admit to hurting me, let alone apologize for it. In similar situations, I have always been the one to mend things, usually at a dignity loss - he has a lot of pride and, when challenged, attacks by telling me that I don't care about him, I'm selfish, etc etc. I am generally willing to do things his way because I feel the friendship is worth it. It now appears that he does not.
I've made him sound like a total jerk here, and he's really not. He's been a great friend to me for years. This behavior, though, feels pretty jerky.
The problem now is that I don't know if he's actually busy or just "busy." Smug comments (when he actually is speaking to me) lead me to believe it's the latter. How can I tell for sure, and (given the situation) what should I do about it?
[Mods: Anon because friend is on Mefi. He doesn't look at Ask, but I would prefer to have this not connected to my account. Thank you!]