OMG get me out of here.
June 3, 2011 9:50 AM Subscribe
Please recommend resources to avoid insanity in a family business.
posted by motsque to Work & Money (11 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I work with my dad. It's weird. I didn't grow up with him, I don't always like him, but we wound up in the same profession and for the most part we work well together.
Recently it occurred to me that there is no way I could continue indefinitely towards the plan of me taking over the business upon his retirement. First, he is a raging workaholic and will never actually retire. Second, even if he did retire, I would lose my shit between now and then because I think I hate working for him.
I finally had a talk with him a month or so ago to reassess the situation. In character with my keep-the-peace-daughter role, I took the "It's not you, it's me" route and explained that I'm pushing 30, I'm shacking up with the love of my life, and his plan to retire in five or six years needs to not depend on me working full time forever because I want to start a family soon. Already I feel guilty if I work just 8 hours a day, take weekends or holidays because he is in here for at least 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. I don't want that life, ESPECIALLY when I'll be having a young family at home.
He seemed pleased by the news and re-structured, bringing in another employee. But since then, he's been in raging moods that I cannot stand to be around. He's royally pissed about something and I have no idea what. He's taking it out on me and the secretary, who expresses constant fear that she's about to get shitcanned because he's always in a black mood. I am so sick of being yelled at. He doesn't yell *at* me necessarily, but he keeps yelling *about* clients or colleagues or the printer *to* me. I'm jumpy and irritable and on the verge of tears, which is not productive.
I need advice on how to deal with this. I cannot talk to him about it. There is a history of abuse, verbal and physical, between him and my mother and I know from experience that the man cannot accept blame and cannot compute how his actions make other people feel or react. I cannot leave right now. I'm a recent grad with debt up to my butt and no savings. But exit plans would be welcome.
I'm also not quite to rushing off to therapy because I've spent quite a bit of time & money there. It was time and money well spent to reach exactly the kind of life I wanted after my ex-husband: one without a dismissive and invalidating man around me all the time who reduced me to tiptoeing on eggshells and spending all my mental energy wondering what the hell I did to piss him off. Heh. I'm asking for books and resources in lieu of heading back right away.
TL;DR. Please recommend books, advice, tips, plans and success stories about the time you survived working in a family business with an alienated workaholic parent or something similar.