Burnt Out, Pissed. Would like to change that.
May 26, 2011 6:26 PM Subscribe
How can I be less of a jerk when I feel like the universe is lobbing lemons at my head?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (22 answers total) 31 users marked this as a favorite
Work is getting worse, and I have to deal with what feels like more jerky behavior from both coworkers and clients. (My work is a high pressure job where emotional outbursts, though not frequent, are not uncommon.)
I notice at these times I feel like hiding, but since I can't hide, I start feel bitter and angry at the people around me. Sometimes this might come out in an annoyed quip, but usually I just let it simmer.
What concerns me is that I used to be (or at least I imagined myself as) a much more compassionate, patient, and kind person. I feel like I've gone through a complete 180 in the past two years, and now it's all about what I can get, since I feel nobody seems to give a crap about me anyways. And who will look out for me if I don't look out for myself?
And yes, I am probably exaggerating about how bad it is...there are nice people I interact with...but it's those ugly memories of some little imagined insult or snub or outburst that remain with me when I go home, not so much the good times.
I exercise, I'm in good health, and home life has its ups and downs, and I don't think I'm depressed. I still have some pretty good feelings throughout the day. I feel more angry than sad. I feel like a child who is asking "why me" and tired of feeling like the target of people's ire or dissatisfaction.
I might consider therapy if things get worse, but I'd like to know what I can do now to start getting back on track to being a more carefree, gentle, and compassionate person in a somewhat toxic environment. I would like to stop feeling that the whole world is against me, and that I'm always fighting the odds. Please help me get some perspective. Maybe I'm asking too much of myself...should just allow myself to be angry everyday and think, "fuck you" to the world?
Note: I have tried meditating in the past, didn't do much for me. And I can't leave my job for some time. (I did enjoy my job in the past, but these days it just doesn't feel that way.)