Inviting some but not all second cousins to our wedding?
May 26, 2011 4:33 PM Subscribe
Weddings: can we invite some of my second cousins without inviting them all? And how to minimize the fallout it we don't?
posted by joshuaconner to Human Relations (30 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
We're looking at wedding venues right now, and we've found one we think we really like. If we decide to go with this venue, I'd have room to invite 15-20 out of ~50 of my second cousins. I asked, and my grandmother thinks I should invite all 50 second cousins or none of them. Is that really how it works?
I get that the family is close. Everyone except me grew up together in the NY/NJ/CT area, and they all get together in various family configurations several times per year for things.
Also, since we're getting married in AZ (where I was born and raised), it would be a nice big family vacation, meaning everyone invited would come. When my only first cousin "Gary" got married a few years ago in NM, they wound up inviting all of the second cousins, and that was their experience. I admit, it was fun, and nice to see everyone, but they had a bigger wedding than we'd like (or honestly, can afford).
On the other hand, I grew up in AZ, far away from the rest of the family. Many of these people I've met fewer than five times, so I feel like my experience with the family is a little different from Gary's, who grew up right there in NY with everyone. And while I really like everyone in the family, there are some with whom I am closer, and some I honestly wouldn't recognize if we passed each other on the street.
(Complicating things further, I'm not terribly closely related to the second cousins I would like to invite (they're my mom's cousin's kids, but I wouldn't be inviting my mom's cousin).)
So I guess, in short: Are we crazy to want to invite some of our extended families without inviting all of them? And if we do, how can we minimize/manage the fallout both of a) going against my grandmother's advice and b) some people not getting invited?