How do two ADHD people cope with seeing a non ADHD-friendly relative?
May 15, 2011 1:46 PM Subscribe
ADHD and relatives: both my partner and I have ADHD and we both have problems with visiting my mother. How to deal with this conflict?
posted by Flitcraft to Human Relations (26 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
My mother pressurises us to visit her and my step-father at their home or to go to stuffy local eateries near them, but we are like round pegs in square holes. Her idea of a visit is a nightmare for us - it means organisation, travel when we’re knackered from work, having to dress up and be presentable ditto, having to get up early when we sleep badly, having to go to places where we feel like bulls in a china shop, being bored crazy and then having to fend off her many intrusive questions, and trouble can result if we tune out and miss something important. We cant relax in her house because it is so regimented and neat that disaster lurks for klutzes like us. If we go, it also takes a large bite out of our very limited time to relax from work and to see each other (partner and I have a distance relationship). Despite us trying to set up visits that we can cope with, and letting her know that we don’t cope well with her idea of a visit, she wont stop pressurising us, and I’ve got to the point where my ADHD has kicked in and I bury my head in the sand and don’t answer her phone calls/emails because I’m tired from work and cant face having this argument again. I am an only child, so this is not going down well.
My mother doesn’t understand ADHD and I haven’t told her I’ve been diagnosed with it, (though she knows my partner has it), she thinks we are just being neglectful and uncaring. How can I best approach this problem? Has anyone else dealt with a similar situation?