Help me prepare for baby number 2!
May 14, 2011 2:53 PM Subscribe
We are expecting our second child in the next fortnight. What sort of things did you find most difficult and challenging transitioning to a family of four and how did you deal with it?
I'm interested especially in the first few months. I'm thinking logistics, parental juggling, conflict, dynamics, the whole shebang. I've seen the other similar question but want to focus on some real world advice from the veterans. For info: the age gap will be about 2.5yrs, we are a couple in our mid-thirties in the UK and we don't live particularly close to any family.
I'm interested especially in the first few months. I'm thinking logistics, parental juggling, conflict, dynamics, the whole shebang. I've seen the other similar question but want to focus on some real world advice from the veterans. For info: the age gap will be about 2.5yrs, we are a couple in our mid-thirties in the UK and we don't live particularly close to any family.
Congratulations !
Our kids have the same age difference - here are some of the things that changed, in no particular order
- conflicts between kids happen much later, we encouraged the older one to be a responsible big brother, it worked out ok
- in the first year, pay attention to the need of your older kid too, in the second year, you 'll need to focus on both. In our case, jealousy came from the second, not the first.
- you need a 3rd trusted adult you can call in case of emergency. If one of the kids is sick/has to stay at home or at the hospital, then you need someone to stay with the other kid while you're switching shifts with the other parent
- in our case it was easier to have the kids sleeping in the same room as soon as possible, otherwise we ended up with both the kids in the parents room most of the nights
- add 50% estimate time to every task that implies getting out the house (also nothing takes less than 30mn)
- have a "safe place" to put the younger kid when you're alone with the two, in case you need to pee/answer the phone/etc....
- if you didn't have explicit "me" time and "us" time before, it's good to schedule it and stick to it, otherwise it will disappear
- also: a lot of the tricks that we used on the first kid, to calm him, make him eat, etc turned out to not work on his sister - I find it more fun this way, but it also means you can't re-use most of your routines, and the compromises you'll make will be different
Hope this helps
posted by motdiem2 at 3:12 PM on May 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
Our kids have the same age difference - here are some of the things that changed, in no particular order
- conflicts between kids happen much later, we encouraged the older one to be a responsible big brother, it worked out ok
- in the first year, pay attention to the need of your older kid too, in the second year, you 'll need to focus on both. In our case, jealousy came from the second, not the first.
- you need a 3rd trusted adult you can call in case of emergency. If one of the kids is sick/has to stay at home or at the hospital, then you need someone to stay with the other kid while you're switching shifts with the other parent
- in our case it was easier to have the kids sleeping in the same room as soon as possible, otherwise we ended up with both the kids in the parents room most of the nights
- add 50% estimate time to every task that implies getting out the house (also nothing takes less than 30mn)
- have a "safe place" to put the younger kid when you're alone with the two, in case you need to pee/answer the phone/etc....
- if you didn't have explicit "me" time and "us" time before, it's good to schedule it and stick to it, otherwise it will disappear
- also: a lot of the tricks that we used on the first kid, to calm him, make him eat, etc turned out to not work on his sister - I find it more fun this way, but it also means you can't re-use most of your routines, and the compromises you'll make will be different
Hope this helps
posted by motdiem2 at 3:12 PM on May 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
If you haven't tried a baby sling or some kind of "baby wearing" with your first -- you might want to give it a go with your second.
My children have the same age gap, and not being able to just "hang out with the baby" the way you did with the first is quite a change. 2.5 year olds are BUSY -- being able to wear the little one will be a huge help.
And would *double* the amount of time it takes you to get ready to leave the house.
posted by pantarei70 at 3:48 PM on May 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
My children have the same age gap, and not being able to just "hang out with the baby" the way you did with the first is quite a change. 2.5 year olds are BUSY -- being able to wear the little one will be a huge help.
And would *double* the amount of time it takes you to get ready to leave the house.
posted by pantarei70 at 3:48 PM on May 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
My two half-sisters on my mom's side are 3 years apart, and my brother and sister on my dad's side are 14 months apart. I was six before I had any younger siblings and twelve before I had any full-time siblings; 9 and 14 when each of my next-youngest siblings respectively became middles. Observations from a "now I know I wouldn't want two kids 14 months apart, ever" perspective:
- The bigger kid either does the "really interested/wants to help/pet the baby/accidentally squish the baby while trying to help" thing or the "acting out/running away" thing, and it doesn't actually seem to be tied to parental strategy. Let go of the guilt in advance, and just roll with it. It's not even their fault.
- Seconding having a spot for the baby; it sometimes fell to the nine-year-old (me) to chase after my younger (three-year-old) sister because someone had to hold the baby. We got most of the way to the four-lane road two blocks from our house once - little kids are FAST.
- I think that prep-time for going places with kids is actually an exponential kind of thing. If it took you 15 minutes before, you should probably start setting stuff up the previous day now. I can't really figure out why, but spontaneous trips simply were no longer possible if both of a set of younger siblings were involved (we did OK with me and one younger sibling, but again, I was much bigger when they came along.) A lot of time, my stepmom or mom would decide to stay home with one or both of the little ones where before, it was an "everyone" kind of trip. I spent a lot more time with my dad, in particular, once he had two kids under 3, versus when he had one.
- You will be tempted to compare the kids. Don't bother.
- Try to take pictures of the new kid by him/herself. The youngests in my family definitely are sad about the lack of "just me in a cute pose" documentation as compared with the middles and me. This is actually a lot of fun for bigger kids (even at not-quite-3) to help with, either by drawing pictures or actually taking them with a kid-proofed camera.
- Now is the time to find allies if you lack them. If you have a park you can go to with other parents and kids, if you have play dates and library reading sessions and stuff, you can much more easily deal with the "I have only as many kids as I have hands, and you both need both hands right now because oh crud don't climb on that while I'm feeding your brother" issues for at least a few hours at a time. Befriending responsible teenagers in your neighborhood - the kind who can take the older child on a walk to the park or something - is also a good idea. I used to get tasked with "walk so-and-so to the market for ice cream and please do it very very slowly" a lot.
- If your older child has never or rarely spent the night at someone else's home, now is the time to expand his/her horizons. You can become a family of 3 for just a few hours, and it is bizarrely glorious.
- My sisters never had any issues with having to share a room together. For a while, when the youngest of that set was about a year old, all three of us shared a room, and it worked out fine. I also know several families with under-3 plus under-1 kids, and most of them have the two kids sharing a room.
posted by SMPA at 4:12 PM on May 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
- The bigger kid either does the "really interested/wants to help/pet the baby/accidentally squish the baby while trying to help" thing or the "acting out/running away" thing, and it doesn't actually seem to be tied to parental strategy. Let go of the guilt in advance, and just roll with it. It's not even their fault.
- Seconding having a spot for the baby; it sometimes fell to the nine-year-old (me) to chase after my younger (three-year-old) sister because someone had to hold the baby. We got most of the way to the four-lane road two blocks from our house once - little kids are FAST.
- I think that prep-time for going places with kids is actually an exponential kind of thing. If it took you 15 minutes before, you should probably start setting stuff up the previous day now. I can't really figure out why, but spontaneous trips simply were no longer possible if both of a set of younger siblings were involved (we did OK with me and one younger sibling, but again, I was much bigger when they came along.) A lot of time, my stepmom or mom would decide to stay home with one or both of the little ones where before, it was an "everyone" kind of trip. I spent a lot more time with my dad, in particular, once he had two kids under 3, versus when he had one.
- You will be tempted to compare the kids. Don't bother.
- Try to take pictures of the new kid by him/herself. The youngests in my family definitely are sad about the lack of "just me in a cute pose" documentation as compared with the middles and me. This is actually a lot of fun for bigger kids (even at not-quite-3) to help with, either by drawing pictures or actually taking them with a kid-proofed camera.
- Now is the time to find allies if you lack them. If you have a park you can go to with other parents and kids, if you have play dates and library reading sessions and stuff, you can much more easily deal with the "I have only as many kids as I have hands, and you both need both hands right now because oh crud don't climb on that while I'm feeding your brother" issues for at least a few hours at a time. Befriending responsible teenagers in your neighborhood - the kind who can take the older child on a walk to the park or something - is also a good idea. I used to get tasked with "walk so-and-so to the market for ice cream and please do it very very slowly" a lot.
- If your older child has never or rarely spent the night at someone else's home, now is the time to expand his/her horizons. You can become a family of 3 for just a few hours, and it is bizarrely glorious.
- My sisters never had any issues with having to share a room together. For a while, when the youngest of that set was about a year old, all three of us shared a room, and it worked out fine. I also know several families with under-3 plus under-1 kids, and most of them have the two kids sharing a room.
posted by SMPA at 4:12 PM on May 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
If possible, bring the older sibling to the hospital before you bring the new one home. Let the older one become accustomed to having someone new in the family before he or she just shows up at home.
Be sure to spend alone time with the older one and make sure that not all of the excitement in the house is just about the baby.
posted by Old Geezer at 4:25 PM on May 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
Be sure to spend alone time with the older one and make sure that not all of the excitement in the house is just about the baby.
posted by Old Geezer at 4:25 PM on May 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
Be really kind to your older kid. No matter how exciting for you and everybody else, s/he will have to deal with a fundamental irreversible change in her/his life, and that needs sympathy and attention. So while older kids have to be taught how to act around small babies and all that, and how to deal with the parents' attention suddenly being divided, you need to make sure that they do not emotionally misconstrue the new one as an intruder who upset normality.
Otherwise, what I found most difficult to understand was how different my son's (2nd kid) character is from my daughter's. They just didn't react to the same pedagogical toolbox in the same way at all, and I had to re-calibrate rather substantially, took me years.
posted by Namlit at 4:26 PM on May 14, 2011
Otherwise, what I found most difficult to understand was how different my son's (2nd kid) character is from my daughter's. They just didn't react to the same pedagogical toolbox in the same way at all, and I had to re-calibrate rather substantially, took me years.
posted by Namlit at 4:26 PM on May 14, 2011
I'll pass on a secret from my friend Dan, which I've found to be hauntingly accurate: it takes 1.5 adults to raise a child effectively. By the time you have two, you are outnumbered. All those things that you got done while the first child was an infant that you're thinking that you can do again? Yeah - good luck.
That said, one thing that we've found has been very effective is to set aside some clear 1-on-1 time with both kids. In our house, we call thing "going on a date." Mrs. Plinth and I frequently take the kids on dates and they love it. It doesn't have to be complicated - maybe sharing a donut in the morning or doing the shopping - but the nomenclature makes it special for everyone.
posted by plinth at 4:52 PM on May 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
That said, one thing that we've found has been very effective is to set aside some clear 1-on-1 time with both kids. In our house, we call thing "going on a date." Mrs. Plinth and I frequently take the kids on dates and they love it. It doesn't have to be complicated - maybe sharing a donut in the morning or doing the shopping - but the nomenclature makes it special for everyone.
posted by plinth at 4:52 PM on May 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
For my 2 girls, we used to let the older one always have the pink bowl because the baby didn't care. Once the baby got old enough to care, it became an issue. Buy 2 pink bowls.
What saved my life was a double stroller. I've mentioned this before on here, and folks responded that they liked using a sling for the baby while letting the older one walk. Whatever works for you, but I loved the freedom that stroller gave me.
posted by CathyG at 5:32 PM on May 14, 2011
What saved my life was a double stroller. I've mentioned this before on here, and folks responded that they liked using a sling for the baby while letting the older one walk. Whatever works for you, but I loved the freedom that stroller gave me.
posted by CathyG at 5:32 PM on May 14, 2011
Whether it's a stroller or a buggy or a sling or a backpack or a wrap or a bjorn or whatever, have a way to carry the baby that doesn't involve lugging the carseat carrier around. That thing gets a lot heavier when you're trying to keep an older child from running into traffic.
Seconding the bit about "put your hand on the car." My older one wandered away over an ice-slicked parking lot to say hello to a rottweiler in the back of a truck that was backing up, while I was putting the 3-week-old baby in the carseat. Right now, I could paint the picture for you of that scene, I will never forget it. I screamed myself hoarse but all she could see was the doggie. It ended OK, the guy was preparing to back up but not actually moving and I had time to skate across the lot and snatch her away while screaming at the top of my lungs, but I really thought I was going to watch her die.
Try to make time, every day, for each parent to have some 1:1 time with the older child. In our routine, I'm an at-home parent, and after we get home from picking up my daughter from preschool, I put the baby down for a nap and she and I have lunch and a story together.
Also, after the elder child meets the baby for the first time, be prepared for Mom to have about 5-10 minutes just with the elder child while Dad looks after the baby, just saying "Oh, I love you so much. I am so happy to be your mommy. Your daddy and I are so lucky to have you. The new baby is lucky to have you as a big sister too, but your daddy and I love you so, so much, and you are so important to us." As my pediatrician put it, "It's like if your husband comes home and says 'Honey, look! I love you so much I went out and got another wife! Isn't she cute?!'" Make sure your first kid knows that she hasn't lost anything in your eyes.
posted by KathrynT at 6:37 PM on May 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
Seconding the bit about "put your hand on the car." My older one wandered away over an ice-slicked parking lot to say hello to a rottweiler in the back of a truck that was backing up, while I was putting the 3-week-old baby in the carseat. Right now, I could paint the picture for you of that scene, I will never forget it. I screamed myself hoarse but all she could see was the doggie. It ended OK, the guy was preparing to back up but not actually moving and I had time to skate across the lot and snatch her away while screaming at the top of my lungs, but I really thought I was going to watch her die.
Try to make time, every day, for each parent to have some 1:1 time with the older child. In our routine, I'm an at-home parent, and after we get home from picking up my daughter from preschool, I put the baby down for a nap and she and I have lunch and a story together.
Also, after the elder child meets the baby for the first time, be prepared for Mom to have about 5-10 minutes just with the elder child while Dad looks after the baby, just saying "Oh, I love you so much. I am so happy to be your mommy. Your daddy and I are so lucky to have you. The new baby is lucky to have you as a big sister too, but your daddy and I love you so, so much, and you are so important to us." As my pediatrician put it, "It's like if your husband comes home and says 'Honey, look! I love you so much I went out and got another wife! Isn't she cute?!'" Make sure your first kid knows that she hasn't lost anything in your eyes.
posted by KathrynT at 6:37 PM on May 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
Put your older child in the car first. Teach them to get into their seat and stay there. You can hang on to the baby or the stroller. I made sure the older child's seat was closest to the sidewalk side of the car. I'd strap them in, then go around to the busy road side with the stroller (usually parking it at the back) and transfer the infant carseat or the baby himself into the car. That way, I always knew where my older child was and I didn't have to worry about whether or not they would stay put.
My OB encouraged me to remember that my older child was about to sail into a storm, completely unaware. Remembering that can help you see the power of the transition they face -- the positives and the negatives.
posted by acoutu at 10:02 PM on May 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
My OB encouraged me to remember that my older child was about to sail into a storm, completely unaware. Remembering that can help you see the power of the transition they face -- the positives and the negatives.
posted by acoutu at 10:02 PM on May 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
Yeah, make a fuss of the older one. The babies needs are few so focus on the older. Things that worked for us :
posted by paulash at 1:36 AM on May 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
- Having new baby give a gift to the older sibling when he came home for the first time.
- Telling the older "If baby squeezes your finger it means he loves you". Reflexes can be cute AND useful.
- Moving older sibling into a bed well before baby came along to claim the cot.
- Double strollers were very unwieldy around shops. A Buggy Board was much easier to manoeuvre
posted by paulash at 1:36 AM on May 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
Ditto on the sling suggestion -- we got an Ergo, which saved me while I was home with both kids during maternity leave. Kid #2 hated to be put down and wanted to be held all the time. I also preferred that for grocery/Target runs and other trips with me and the two of them. Left my hands free to steer a shopping cart and keep the oldest out of trouble. Mine are 3.5 yrs apart, so the double-stroller thing just didn't work for us.
We had the oldest continue his day care/pre-school routine during my maternity leave, but we dropped him back to part-time. That gave the two of us some extra time together, which made us both happy. We did little things like cook lunch together, go for walks around the block, make library trips and read.
Any time the oldest did something nice for the youngest, I'd mention it and say "I bet she liked that" or "wow, look how happy that made her. She's smiling at you!" It helped him learn to be sensitive to her reactions, and he quickly became a really nice big brother. We bought him one of those Fisher-Price cameras for a big brother gift, and he spent the summer taking pictures of everyone. Big brother t-shirts were good, since other adults noticed and complimented/congratulated him. Positive reinforcement of that sort worked well for us, but it really suits my oldest's laid-back, thoughtful personality, so YMMV.
There wasn't much conflict, in fact the first few months were pretty blissful. I nursed, we used a cosleeper bed, and the baby was a good sleeper in general. A couple months in, when someone asked my husband how the baby was sleeping he shrugged and said "great as far as I know." Outings the first 6 months did became a sort of military campaign requiring lots of thought and preparation. Def. buckle in oldest first, teach him/her the "hand on the car" trick (or hand on the stroller), and get a really big diaper bag. Overall though kid #2 was lots easier for us -- she didn't have reflux like #1 did, we were a lot more relaxed, and everything seemed to go smoother. Made it easier on everyone in the house. I hope the same goes for you!
posted by hms71 at 5:49 AM on May 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
We had the oldest continue his day care/pre-school routine during my maternity leave, but we dropped him back to part-time. That gave the two of us some extra time together, which made us both happy. We did little things like cook lunch together, go for walks around the block, make library trips and read.
Any time the oldest did something nice for the youngest, I'd mention it and say "I bet she liked that" or "wow, look how happy that made her. She's smiling at you!" It helped him learn to be sensitive to her reactions, and he quickly became a really nice big brother. We bought him one of those Fisher-Price cameras for a big brother gift, and he spent the summer taking pictures of everyone. Big brother t-shirts were good, since other adults noticed and complimented/congratulated him. Positive reinforcement of that sort worked well for us, but it really suits my oldest's laid-back, thoughtful personality, so YMMV.
There wasn't much conflict, in fact the first few months were pretty blissful. I nursed, we used a cosleeper bed, and the baby was a good sleeper in general. A couple months in, when someone asked my husband how the baby was sleeping he shrugged and said "great as far as I know." Outings the first 6 months did became a sort of military campaign requiring lots of thought and preparation. Def. buckle in oldest first, teach him/her the "hand on the car" trick (or hand on the stroller), and get a really big diaper bag. Overall though kid #2 was lots easier for us -- she didn't have reflux like #1 did, we were a lot more relaxed, and everything seemed to go smoother. Made it easier on everyone in the house. I hope the same goes for you!
posted by hms71 at 5:49 AM on May 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
For the "hand on the car" bit - there is a reflector on the side of our car just behind the passenger door. We named it the "magic light" and made up stories about how keeping her hand on that light would make the fairies happy and dance around. She couldn't wait to get out of the car and touch the magic light.
posted by CathyG at 7:15 AM on May 15, 2011
posted by CathyG at 7:15 AM on May 15, 2011
My new baby brought his 2.5 year old sister a present when he was born. She brought him one too. That seemed to grease the skids. Lots of time spent with the 2.5 year old. Also, realizing that the newborn is not getting the same attention as the first child. Being mindful of how you praise and talk. "He wants to know how you run so fast." "What a big help you are being. Isn't she a great big-sister?"
Seconding the "everything takes a half hour to get out of the house". It is amazing...there is always more to do, find, put on, put away, pack up, etc. I ask my daughter to climb into the car and then she can play a bit while her brother gets buckled into the car seat. This keeps her from running off and let's her have some fun too.
Your kids will love each other, in their own way, a way that is different than the way you love them. It is cool to see. Enjoy the hectic time. My 3.5 year old is testing boundaries and my almost 1 year old has gotten 3 teeth in the last 12 days. My sleep hygiene is not so great. But, I wouldn't change anything for all the cash in the world.
posted by zerobyproxy at 12:27 PM on May 15, 2011
Seconding the "everything takes a half hour to get out of the house". It is amazing...there is always more to do, find, put on, put away, pack up, etc. I ask my daughter to climb into the car and then she can play a bit while her brother gets buckled into the car seat. This keeps her from running off and let's her have some fun too.
Your kids will love each other, in their own way, a way that is different than the way you love them. It is cool to see. Enjoy the hectic time. My 3.5 year old is testing boundaries and my almost 1 year old has gotten 3 teeth in the last 12 days. My sleep hygiene is not so great. But, I wouldn't change anything for all the cash in the world.
posted by zerobyproxy at 12:27 PM on May 15, 2011
Your kids will love each other, in their own way, a way that is different than the way you love them
This. Truly an amazing/heart melting thing to experience is the way they express their love to each other.
posted by motdiem2 at 4:01 AM on May 16, 2011
This. Truly an amazing/heart melting thing to experience is the way they express their love to each other.
posted by motdiem2 at 4:01 AM on May 16, 2011
Don't think everythign you learned with the first applies to the second. Or any other, subsequent children: we're still blazing new trails with number four.
You shouldn't count on the older one to be a useful helper for some time. Sorry about that. Emphasize how much the baby will learn from the older child. Pray that the Great Man theory of history is wrong, and that Older Child will rise to the occasion...then prepare an alternative in case they don't.
Scheduling one-on-one time with each child is important. You have to pay attention to it now, though, because before there was only one child so you didn't realize you were doing it. :7)
Sleep when you can. Time gets tighter, so don't punish yourself for sacrificing some purist principles in order to get on with life.
Man alive, what a lot of laundry.
Your diaper bag will get bigger. I still can't decide whether toilet-training is a good thing, since now I have to carry a whole spare set of clothes instead of just a changing pad and a spare diaper or three.
Eventually (and I mean in like years), you will notice that your kids have become a unit with each other in a way that's different in the way they are tied to you. This is good: some day they'll need this bond to stick together during tough times when they can't call on you (even unto the day they decide to have you committed to a home! :7)).
posted by wenestvedt at 9:03 AM on May 16, 2011
You shouldn't count on the older one to be a useful helper for some time. Sorry about that. Emphasize how much the baby will learn from the older child. Pray that the Great Man theory of history is wrong, and that Older Child will rise to the occasion...then prepare an alternative in case they don't.
Scheduling one-on-one time with each child is important. You have to pay attention to it now, though, because before there was only one child so you didn't realize you were doing it. :7)
Sleep when you can. Time gets tighter, so don't punish yourself for sacrificing some purist principles in order to get on with life.
Man alive, what a lot of laundry.
Your diaper bag will get bigger. I still can't decide whether toilet-training is a good thing, since now I have to carry a whole spare set of clothes instead of just a changing pad and a spare diaper or three.
Eventually (and I mean in like years), you will notice that your kids have become a unit with each other in a way that's different in the way they are tied to you. This is good: some day they'll need this bond to stick together during tough times when they can't call on you (even unto the day they decide to have you committed to a home! :7)).
posted by wenestvedt at 9:03 AM on May 16, 2011
Also, use the new child's name , or say "your brother|sister": saying "the baby" all the time dehumanizes the tot and makes it easier for your first shild to objectify and hate the newcomer. (I failed at this, BTW.)
posted by wenestvedt at 9:06 AM on May 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by wenestvedt at 9:06 AM on May 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thank you so much for all your advice, it's really helped to put me at ease, even though as I suspected, a chaos is likely to permeate my life for the forseeable future! There's some really good tips in there about not mistakenly antagonising the older one against the younger, but I will be doing my best to apply all the things you have kindly put forward. Thanks again.
posted by razzman at 3:57 PM on May 16, 2011
posted by razzman at 3:57 PM on May 16, 2011
We have three little ones 5 and under. It helps if you read lots of books about how wonderful it is to be a big sibling. We read "I'm a big sister" and "Sisters" and lots of others when babies #2 and #3 arrived. These books focus on what a big kid can do that a little baby can't (eat pizza, play on the playground, etc) and let the older child feel proud of themselves at the stage they were at. We had the older child bring the baby a present in the hospital and made sure to spend time with the child, not just the baby.
All our kids are incredibly different, too, and it took me a while to figure out that the books and techniques I'd used on my first were never going to work for my second child, who falls into the "spirited" category. My first was so docile and easy to nurse, easy to put to sleep, easy to feed. I thought this was due to my mom superpowers. Then #2 arrived and never slept, etc. Polar opposites. She is who she is, and she's feisty now at age 3. And our 3rd, a boy, is totally different as well! Just do the best you can to inch toward a good feeding and sleeping routine. You're a pro at knowing what stages end, what symptoms mean, and other little things that you recognize in babies, so you won't worry about every little rash or whimper, which helps greatly. The Baby Whisperer books help immensely if you have baby sleep issues and your kids are like night and day.
What helped us logistically was to split up night duties: I nursed the baby at night, so my husband got up with the older child if needed. Friends brought us meals every other day for 6 weeks. I wish I had hired a cleaning service, just to get me through those early months. My advice is: do laundry every day. Buy a book of fun things to do with toddlers (to create fun distractions for your older child). I like the Toddler's Busy Book. Practice a little obedience with the older one -- coming when mommy/daddy calls you, staying put, how to touch the baby. This really helps. The advice above on putting the older child in the car first is gold. And you may want to give your older child a doll he or she can play with and diaper/feed right along with you.
The logistics of getting 2 kids out the door, fed, sleeping, etc, are a bit harder but you learn to be ruthless about simplifying your life. I ditched clutter, donated household items and books, and generally wanted to get rid of things that required upkeep. I quit wasting time with people who sucked me dry. I dropped blogs, sites and other time-wasting internet activities left and right.
Mostly I was surprised at how much love has arrived with each child -- it's just an explosion of love that lights up the children as well, and the sibling interaction gets funnier and cuter as they get older. No regrets here, except I wish we could have another one. Or two, even!
posted by mdiskin at 6:03 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
All our kids are incredibly different, too, and it took me a while to figure out that the books and techniques I'd used on my first were never going to work for my second child, who falls into the "spirited" category. My first was so docile and easy to nurse, easy to put to sleep, easy to feed. I thought this was due to my mom superpowers. Then #2 arrived and never slept, etc. Polar opposites. She is who she is, and she's feisty now at age 3. And our 3rd, a boy, is totally different as well! Just do the best you can to inch toward a good feeding and sleeping routine. You're a pro at knowing what stages end, what symptoms mean, and other little things that you recognize in babies, so you won't worry about every little rash or whimper, which helps greatly. The Baby Whisperer books help immensely if you have baby sleep issues and your kids are like night and day.
What helped us logistically was to split up night duties: I nursed the baby at night, so my husband got up with the older child if needed. Friends brought us meals every other day for 6 weeks. I wish I had hired a cleaning service, just to get me through those early months. My advice is: do laundry every day. Buy a book of fun things to do with toddlers (to create fun distractions for your older child). I like the Toddler's Busy Book. Practice a little obedience with the older one -- coming when mommy/daddy calls you, staying put, how to touch the baby. This really helps. The advice above on putting the older child in the car first is gold. And you may want to give your older child a doll he or she can play with and diaper/feed right along with you.
The logistics of getting 2 kids out the door, fed, sleeping, etc, are a bit harder but you learn to be ruthless about simplifying your life. I ditched clutter, donated household items and books, and generally wanted to get rid of things that required upkeep. I quit wasting time with people who sucked me dry. I dropped blogs, sites and other time-wasting internet activities left and right.
Mostly I was surprised at how much love has arrived with each child -- it's just an explosion of love that lights up the children as well, and the sibling interaction gets funnier and cuter as they get older. No regrets here, except I wish we could have another one. Or two, even!
posted by mdiskin at 6:03 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
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You really will be much more relaxed about what the second one puts in his mouth. Just remember to take your older one on mommy & daddy dates - s/he will need the attention from you.
posted by PorcineWithMe at 3:07 PM on May 14, 2011 [3 favorites]