How do nannies ask for raises?
May 10, 2011 1:15 PM Subscribe
I need a raise, but I'm a nanny, so this is complicated.
I've nannied for the same family for 2 years. Kid is nearly 3 years old, and they're having another baby in the fall. I'm planning on going to grad school around the time Kid enrolls in preschool. We haven't hammered out the details, but I'm assuming we will dramatically scale back my time with Kid (and Baby) because I'll be in school full time. However, I live really near the family and plan on remaining a part of Kid's life as much as I can while I pursue a new career path.
So I only have a few remaining months with Kid. Right now I work anywhere from 50-65 hours a week. Even though I asked to work less, the parents aren't able to get home any earlier. It's been extremely tiresome to keep up with Kid, who no longer naps and needs a lot of attention and activities. Though I do get two weeks paid vacation, I have no overtime, no sick days, and have never gotten a raise in the past two years. When Kid was a bit younger (and consistently napped) it wasn't so bad, but now the days are LONG and exhausting. For reference, I make a salary somewhere in the middle of the average NYC live-out nanny. I also used to freelance edit when Kid napped, but now that naps are no longer a part of her day, I don't have that extra income.
I really think I deserve this raise, but I feel guilty asking. Kid's preschool is going to be way expensive, and the family is buying a car, and they just bought an apartment, and a new baby is on the way. Expenses are tight. They just dropped off a huge deposit to the new preschool on their way to work, and now I'm planning on asking tonight for more money.
In a normal situation I'd meet with my boss and we'd discuss my performance, my project goals or whatever, but in this situation, I feel like I'm telling these people that my salary just doesn't cut it anymore to take care of their precious child. The mother especially sees me as a surrogate sister who just happens to be raising her child, so money (ie, the thing that makes me an employee and NOT a friend) has always been a very delicate topic. The mom is also a serious Guesser, so I always feel like I'm taking advantage of her niceness when I confront her with issues.
What are ways to phrase this request while also not hurting this family's feelings by suggesting that the Joys of Raising Kid (plus a relatively small salary) just aren't enough anymore? I'd like to go up at least $1.50/hr until Kid goes off to preschool in September.
I've nannied for the same family for 2 years. Kid is nearly 3 years old, and they're having another baby in the fall. I'm planning on going to grad school around the time Kid enrolls in preschool. We haven't hammered out the details, but I'm assuming we will dramatically scale back my time with Kid (and Baby) because I'll be in school full time. However, I live really near the family and plan on remaining a part of Kid's life as much as I can while I pursue a new career path.
So I only have a few remaining months with Kid. Right now I work anywhere from 50-65 hours a week. Even though I asked to work less, the parents aren't able to get home any earlier. It's been extremely tiresome to keep up with Kid, who no longer naps and needs a lot of attention and activities. Though I do get two weeks paid vacation, I have no overtime, no sick days, and have never gotten a raise in the past two years. When Kid was a bit younger (and consistently napped) it wasn't so bad, but now the days are LONG and exhausting. For reference, I make a salary somewhere in the middle of the average NYC live-out nanny. I also used to freelance edit when Kid napped, but now that naps are no longer a part of her day, I don't have that extra income.
I really think I deserve this raise, but I feel guilty asking. Kid's preschool is going to be way expensive, and the family is buying a car, and they just bought an apartment, and a new baby is on the way. Expenses are tight. They just dropped off a huge deposit to the new preschool on their way to work, and now I'm planning on asking tonight for more money.
In a normal situation I'd meet with my boss and we'd discuss my performance, my project goals or whatever, but in this situation, I feel like I'm telling these people that my salary just doesn't cut it anymore to take care of their precious child. The mother especially sees me as a surrogate sister who just happens to be raising her child, so money (ie, the thing that makes me an employee and NOT a friend) has always been a very delicate topic. The mom is also a serious Guesser, so I always feel like I'm taking advantage of her niceness when I confront her with issues.
What are ways to phrase this request while also not hurting this family's feelings by suggesting that the Joys of Raising Kid (plus a relatively small salary) just aren't enough anymore? I'd like to go up at least $1.50/hr until Kid goes off to preschool in September.
It's work. You're not there as a pal, you're an employee. I wouldn't worry about "hurting their feelings".
I would total up your hours for the last 3 months or so, and present them with a plan and $ figure that reflects the increased work load (non-napping kid, etc.) Don't settle for more time off--vacation days don't pay your bills.
I don't mean this to sound harsh, but really think about this relationship. In some ways, treating you like a surrogate sister means they get to pay you less.
(My own immigrant nanny never brought up money, and I would just add more to her pay as time went on. I bought her a car, and paid the insurance, though.)
posted by Ideefixe at 1:30 PM on May 10, 2011
I would total up your hours for the last 3 months or so, and present them with a plan and $ figure that reflects the increased work load (non-napping kid, etc.) Don't settle for more time off--vacation days don't pay your bills.
I don't mean this to sound harsh, but really think about this relationship. In some ways, treating you like a surrogate sister means they get to pay you less.
(My own immigrant nanny never brought up money, and I would just add more to her pay as time went on. I bought her a car, and paid the insurance, though.)
posted by Ideefixe at 1:30 PM on May 10, 2011
This is a normal situation. Honestly, they're paying for your services and the amount of work you do isn't being compensated properly.
Aren't you just as important, if not more so, than expensive preschool? You've been a part of the team since this kid was 1. You're the only nanny he's ever known. It's not your problem where or how they come up with the money. Sure, you don't want to hurt them financially, but you shouldn't be hurt because their priorities don't include rewarding you for your good work.
The squeaky wheel gets the grease. I encourage you to keep the instinct to squeak...but be prepared to find another situation elsewhere if your financial needs can't be met.
"Nick, Nora, I feel I've done a great job in the last two years. I'm crazy about your kid and he's crazy about me. I just feel that I'm doing a lot of work and that I'm not being properly compensated for it, especially since as he gets older, he's more active and that requires more intense supervision. I think $1.50 more per hour would be appropriate for the extra work I'm doing and the good work I've done."
posted by inturnaround at 1:30 PM on May 10, 2011 [4 favorites]
Aren't you just as important, if not more so, than expensive preschool? You've been a part of the team since this kid was 1. You're the only nanny he's ever known. It's not your problem where or how they come up with the money. Sure, you don't want to hurt them financially, but you shouldn't be hurt because their priorities don't include rewarding you for your good work.
The squeaky wheel gets the grease. I encourage you to keep the instinct to squeak...but be prepared to find another situation elsewhere if your financial needs can't be met.
"Nick, Nora, I feel I've done a great job in the last two years. I'm crazy about your kid and he's crazy about me. I just feel that I'm doing a lot of work and that I'm not being properly compensated for it, especially since as he gets older, he's more active and that requires more intense supervision. I think $1.50 more per hour would be appropriate for the extra work I'm doing and the good work I've done."
posted by inturnaround at 1:30 PM on May 10, 2011 [4 favorites]
It may make you feel better to be prepared with suggestions for how to increase your compensation, i.e., I'd be willing to do a nanny-share a couple of days a week with an extra child for $X+1/2X, if you can find another family to work with.
Just be prepared to follow up on the initial conversation a few days from now, because they may say they'll get back to you and then 'forget'.
posted by bq at 1:35 PM on May 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
Just be prepared to follow up on the initial conversation a few days from now, because they may say they'll get back to you and then 'forget'.
posted by bq at 1:35 PM on May 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
I really think I deserve this raise, but I feel guilty asking. Kid's preschool is going to be way expensive, and the family is buying a car, and they just bought an apartment, and a new baby is on the way. Expenses are tight. They just dropped off a huge deposit to the new preschool on their way to work, and now I'm planning on asking tonight for more money.
That their expenses are tight is not in any way your problem. They chose an expensive preschool and didn't have to. They are having a second baby and didn't have to. They just purchased a home, and didn't have to.
Your employers are making deliberate choices that reduce their cash flow. If you do not ask for fair compensation, you are also making a deliberate choice—to reduce your own cash flow.
You cannot feel guilty for taking care of yourself and preserving your best interest. It's what every party should expect of the others, in a business relationship.
I do agree with Ideefixe that what will be most helpful is documenting the problem and demonstrating how you have already been working significant overtime.
Then you can give them a couple of choices: cut back on your hours, or increase your pay.
posted by pineapple at 2:02 PM on May 10, 2011 [9 favorites]
That their expenses are tight is not in any way your problem. They chose an expensive preschool and didn't have to. They are having a second baby and didn't have to. They just purchased a home, and didn't have to.
Your employers are making deliberate choices that reduce their cash flow. If you do not ask for fair compensation, you are also making a deliberate choice—to reduce your own cash flow.
You cannot feel guilty for taking care of yourself and preserving your best interest. It's what every party should expect of the others, in a business relationship.
I do agree with Ideefixe that what will be most helpful is documenting the problem and demonstrating how you have already been working significant overtime.
Then you can give them a couple of choices: cut back on your hours, or increase your pay.
posted by pineapple at 2:02 PM on May 10, 2011 [9 favorites]
: "the family is buying a car, and they just bought an apartment, and a new baby is on the way. Expenses are tight."
All of those things are optional. They don't need a car in NYC. Nothing mandates home ownership with children; they can rent like millions of other people. They don't have to choose to have a second child. You should not have to carry the cost of those choices. A fair and equitable salary adjustment is entirely reasonable.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:08 PM on May 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
All of those things are optional. They don't need a car in NYC. Nothing mandates home ownership with children; they can rent like millions of other people. They don't have to choose to have a second child. You should not have to carry the cost of those choices. A fair and equitable salary adjustment is entirely reasonable.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:08 PM on May 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
This is something that should have been addressed in the past, before you made plans to leave.
Under normal job circumstances, if one day you went to your boss and handed in your resignation so as to go to grad school, and then a couple weeks later you went to your boss and asked for a raise, your boss would say no.
posted by Sara C. at 2:11 PM on May 10, 2011 [3 favorites]
Under normal job circumstances, if one day you went to your boss and handed in your resignation so as to go to grad school, and then a couple weeks later you went to your boss and asked for a raise, your boss would say no.
posted by Sara C. at 2:11 PM on May 10, 2011 [3 favorites]
I'm a mom of a very busy four-year-old, and I would say I hail from Guesslandia. A few things, first, to ease your mind:
*Even if the parents seem preoccupied, they have noticed that the childcare has gotten more intense and are likely secretly worried about how you feel about that, or their parenting, or their kid.
*If this relationship has been as good as it sounds in your post, they are holding their damn breaths that it can continue as long as possible.
*They already feel crazy guilty, moreso than they have communicated with you even, that they haven't been able to scale back your hours, and are, again, holding their breath that it will ride.
*It has already occurred to them that you deserve some kind of additional compensation, but are putting out the financial fires that are right in front of them (preschool, new mortgage, new car, etc.)
So, that said, you have a basic framework to approach them. This is how I would want my (hypothetical) excellent nanny, who I feel at least somewhat guilty in regards to given the above, to approach the situation:
Day One:
"Before I leave today, would you mind if I set your son up with a video/game/whateverholdshisinterest for five minutes so I can run something buy you and set up a a time to talk?"
"Thanks! I love that we have such a laid back relationship, it's been important to me as I make a transition to grad school. Thank you, again, for that. I have just enjoyed the heck out of your kid lately, he's gotten so busy and active. I would like to sit down with you for twenty or thirty minutes on (have a day ready that you know they have 20-30 minutes) to talk about my pay for the rest of my full-time tenure. I know we've talked a bit about hours, but I want to get the rest of my contract with you squared away. I know you're busy, right now and it's been crazy with the new place, car, and preschool. So you can run everything down with your partner before we talk, I want to let you know that I will be asking you to consider $1.50 more/hour. If you have questions about that figure before we talk again, call or email me. This is only meant to line up the time we have left with the quality of time I want to spend with your son, who's so much busier, and it match the local market a bit closer."
Day Two:
*Go in with a number in your head you're willing to take. If they can't come up, decide if you want to end your contract early, or offer an alternative.
SCENARIO WHERE THEY SAY YES: "Thank you for giving us time to talk! Again, I know this is always a bit weird when we've all gotten to know each other well. Do you guys have any questions? (you talk, they're cool with it) I appreciate your time and please understand how much this relationship means to me."
SCENARIO WHERE THEY WANT TO DICKER AND YOU ACCEPT: "Thank you for talking about this. I appreciate that we were able to come to some new terms. I look forward to the summer!"
SCENARIO WHERE THEY CAN'T PAY: "I understand that you've had a lot of changes. Would you be willing to consider decreased hours? I am so glad we have a chance to talk about this. I will work hard to make these new working terms translate to a great summer for your son."
SCENARIO WHERE THEY CAN'T PAY AND YOU WALK: "You guys have been wonderful. This has been a good talk. I think that this might be a sign that I need to find some work to get ready for the next part of my life. Can we talk about a good, workable stop date for you guys?"
In closing, as a mom, even though I can sometimes cultivate rather too laid-back relationships with those I hire, please know I am aware that it is my responsibility to treat them with respect and pay them well and will always welcome open convos like this, so don't hesitate to initiate them within an environment where they have warning, you know what you want, and they're not distracted by something else (kid, the time, etc.). Good luck. I know it's not easy. Childcare providers deserve solid, well-paid contracts and to feel as though they can keep talking whenever they need to. GOod luck in grad school, too!
posted by rumposinc at 2:12 PM on May 10, 2011 [24 favorites]
*Even if the parents seem preoccupied, they have noticed that the childcare has gotten more intense and are likely secretly worried about how you feel about that, or their parenting, or their kid.
*If this relationship has been as good as it sounds in your post, they are holding their damn breaths that it can continue as long as possible.
*They already feel crazy guilty, moreso than they have communicated with you even, that they haven't been able to scale back your hours, and are, again, holding their breath that it will ride.
*It has already occurred to them that you deserve some kind of additional compensation, but are putting out the financial fires that are right in front of them (preschool, new mortgage, new car, etc.)
So, that said, you have a basic framework to approach them. This is how I would want my (hypothetical) excellent nanny, who I feel at least somewhat guilty in regards to given the above, to approach the situation:
Day One:
"Before I leave today, would you mind if I set your son up with a video/game/whateverholdshisinterest for five minutes so I can run something buy you and set up a a time to talk?"
"Thanks! I love that we have such a laid back relationship, it's been important to me as I make a transition to grad school. Thank you, again, for that. I have just enjoyed the heck out of your kid lately, he's gotten so busy and active. I would like to sit down with you for twenty or thirty minutes on (have a day ready that you know they have 20-30 minutes) to talk about my pay for the rest of my full-time tenure. I know we've talked a bit about hours, but I want to get the rest of my contract with you squared away. I know you're busy, right now and it's been crazy with the new place, car, and preschool. So you can run everything down with your partner before we talk, I want to let you know that I will be asking you to consider $1.50 more/hour. If you have questions about that figure before we talk again, call or email me. This is only meant to line up the time we have left with the quality of time I want to spend with your son, who's so much busier, and it match the local market a bit closer."
Day Two:
*Go in with a number in your head you're willing to take. If they can't come up, decide if you want to end your contract early, or offer an alternative.
SCENARIO WHERE THEY SAY YES: "Thank you for giving us time to talk! Again, I know this is always a bit weird when we've all gotten to know each other well. Do you guys have any questions? (you talk, they're cool with it) I appreciate your time and please understand how much this relationship means to me."
SCENARIO WHERE THEY WANT TO DICKER AND YOU ACCEPT: "Thank you for talking about this. I appreciate that we were able to come to some new terms. I look forward to the summer!"
SCENARIO WHERE THEY CAN'T PAY: "I understand that you've had a lot of changes. Would you be willing to consider decreased hours? I am so glad we have a chance to talk about this. I will work hard to make these new working terms translate to a great summer for your son."
SCENARIO WHERE THEY CAN'T PAY AND YOU WALK: "You guys have been wonderful. This has been a good talk. I think that this might be a sign that I need to find some work to get ready for the next part of my life. Can we talk about a good, workable stop date for you guys?"
In closing, as a mom, even though I can sometimes cultivate rather too laid-back relationships with those I hire, please know I am aware that it is my responsibility to treat them with respect and pay them well and will always welcome open convos like this, so don't hesitate to initiate them within an environment where they have warning, you know what you want, and they're not distracted by something else (kid, the time, etc.). Good luck. I know it's not easy. Childcare providers deserve solid, well-paid contracts and to feel as though they can keep talking whenever they need to. GOod luck in grad school, too!
posted by rumposinc at 2:12 PM on May 10, 2011 [24 favorites]
You don't need to make sacrifices on behalf of your employers. It's not a normal job, but its still a job.
Sit down with your boss(es), with an explicit agenda ("I need to discuss some issues with my job here with you, can we chat when you get home tomorrow night?"), in a casual way (over coffee), and tell them what you told us: You love being part of their child's life, but this is your job, and after two years you deserve a raise. Also, that if they can't accomodate your request to come home earlier, that you're going to have to start charging them for that time. Then tell them how much you'd like to make, but bump it up a little so you can negotiate and not feel like you're being taken advantage of. Tell them you're sorry, you' know its a bad time for them, but that this job is important to you, and its important that you earn enough that you can stay in it.
posted by Kololo at 2:40 PM on May 10, 2011
Sit down with your boss(es), with an explicit agenda ("I need to discuss some issues with my job here with you, can we chat when you get home tomorrow night?"), in a casual way (over coffee), and tell them what you told us: You love being part of their child's life, but this is your job, and after two years you deserve a raise. Also, that if they can't accomodate your request to come home earlier, that you're going to have to start charging them for that time. Then tell them how much you'd like to make, but bump it up a little so you can negotiate and not feel like you're being taken advantage of. Tell them you're sorry, you' know its a bad time for them, but that this job is important to you, and its important that you earn enough that you can stay in it.
posted by Kololo at 2:40 PM on May 10, 2011
Right now I work anywhere from 50-65 hours a week.
Good grief. 39k (guessing) is not enough for that. I haven't worked out if it comes to minimum wage plus overtime, but I would guess it comes close.
Do not even hesitate to ask for the raise. I agree with rumposinc that your employers are just grateful that you haven't made waves (yet) but are probably perfectly aware that you're entitled to a raise. Anyone's entitled to a raise after two years, in any work--let alone work that involves taking care of the employer's most treasured possession!
posted by torticat at 2:40 PM on May 10, 2011
Good grief. 39k (guessing) is not enough for that. I haven't worked out if it comes to minimum wage plus overtime, but I would guess it comes close.
Do not even hesitate to ask for the raise. I agree with rumposinc that your employers are just grateful that you haven't made waves (yet) but are probably perfectly aware that you're entitled to a raise. Anyone's entitled to a raise after two years, in any work--let alone work that involves taking care of the employer's most treasured possession!
posted by torticat at 2:40 PM on May 10, 2011
I don't know where you live, but where I live, we have to pay our nanny time and a half for anything over 40 hours/week.
posted by k8t at 2:48 PM on May 10, 2011
posted by k8t at 2:48 PM on May 10, 2011
If I were you, I'd say to family what rumposinc wrote.
But remember this:
- This is your JOB and you're making under 40k/year with no benefits. That is not okay. You could start at Starbucks tomorrow and do better. They probably know this.
- They're paying you less than they'd probably be paying at a daycare center (or about the same) and getting much more out of you.
If it were me or if it was my (awesome) nanny, I'd want the conversation to be something like
"I love Kid and I love you guys and I know that we're all going through some changes right now. I'm not sure what your plans are for childcare once I go off to school and Baby comes, but I wanted to talk about our current arrangement, if not for our relationship, for the future relationship between you and your future nanny. The wage that you're paying me as well as the lack of time off/medical coverage, by all accounts, is much less than what other native English speaking/college educated/single child/whatever nannies are making. And yes, I agreed to this 4 years ago when I came on, but at the time I did not know that this was not normal. So I want you guys to know, if you don't already, that if you're hoping to find someone else like me, you're probably going to need to pay better and/or offer more benefits.
On that note, while I would never want to leave you guys in the lurch, I have some other possibilities in the wings [THIS IS A LIE BUT THAT IS OKAY] that would pay me much better and be pretty flexible once I start grad school. I wanted to give you guys a chance to match their offer, which is WHATEVER YOU WANT."
posted by k8t at 2:55 PM on May 10, 2011 [2 favorites]
But remember this:
- This is your JOB and you're making under 40k/year with no benefits. That is not okay. You could start at Starbucks tomorrow and do better. They probably know this.
- They're paying you less than they'd probably be paying at a daycare center (or about the same) and getting much more out of you.
If it were me or if it was my (awesome) nanny, I'd want the conversation to be something like
"I love Kid and I love you guys and I know that we're all going through some changes right now. I'm not sure what your plans are for childcare once I go off to school and Baby comes, but I wanted to talk about our current arrangement, if not for our relationship, for the future relationship between you and your future nanny. The wage that you're paying me as well as the lack of time off/medical coverage, by all accounts, is much less than what other native English speaking/college educated/single child/whatever nannies are making. And yes, I agreed to this 4 years ago when I came on, but at the time I did not know that this was not normal. So I want you guys to know, if you don't already, that if you're hoping to find someone else like me, you're probably going to need to pay better and/or offer more benefits.
On that note, while I would never want to leave you guys in the lurch, I have some other possibilities in the wings [THIS IS A LIE BUT THAT IS OKAY] that would pay me much better and be pretty flexible once I start grad school. I wanted to give you guys a chance to match their offer, which is WHATEVER YOU WANT."
posted by k8t at 2:55 PM on May 10, 2011 [2 favorites]
PS, I'm happy to email you our nanny contract and stuff if you'd like a sense of what we (in DC) pay/do/offer.
posted by k8t at 2:57 PM on May 10, 2011
posted by k8t at 2:57 PM on May 10, 2011
Take a look at New York's recent Domestic Workers' Bill of Rights. Looks like you should be getting overtime after 40 hours a week if you're live-out in New York State.
posted by bbq_ribs at 3:00 PM on May 10, 2011 [9 favorites]
posted by bbq_ribs at 3:00 PM on May 10, 2011 [9 favorites]
Under normal job circumstances, if one day you went to your boss and handed in your resignation so as to go to grad school, and then a couple weeks later you went to your boss and asked for a raise, your boss would say no.
I agree that this is true, but to add on to the young rope-rider's observation about what distinguishes OP's situation: OP still has leverage, whereas typically a lame-duck employee would have none. This couple does not want a disgruntled nanny taking care of their kid, and they certainly don't want her to decide suddenly that since this job isn't adequately compensating her for her time, she's taking the summer off to travel before grad school. For instance.
Not saying you should hold this over your employer's head, OP, but just wanted to underscore that your satisfaction in this job until the day you leave is an interest you share with your employers if they know what's good for them.
posted by dixiecupdrinking at 3:11 PM on May 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
I agree that this is true, but to add on to the young rope-rider's observation about what distinguishes OP's situation: OP still has leverage, whereas typically a lame-duck employee would have none. This couple does not want a disgruntled nanny taking care of their kid, and they certainly don't want her to decide suddenly that since this job isn't adequately compensating her for her time, she's taking the summer off to travel before grad school. For instance.
Not saying you should hold this over your employer's head, OP, but just wanted to underscore that your satisfaction in this job until the day you leave is an interest you share with your employers if they know what's good for them.
posted by dixiecupdrinking at 3:11 PM on May 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
I agree with rumposinc's excellent suggestion and merely want to supplement it.
I like her approach, but I suggest that you make this need for more money an impersonal necessity, as sort of a sympathetic plea - with the Kid needing more of your attention, you're unable to supplement your income with the editing anymore, and it's become necessary that you discuss some adjustments to the working arrangements with (family X) to meet your financial needs. I would bring up the O/T thing bbq_ribs posted (which would technically be non-negotiable), in addition to a bit of a raise for the fact you've worked there for 2 years (which would be negotiable).
And have you been laying the ground work* for bringing this up for discussion? Hopefully the parents are aware this might be coming up. But if you've been making no noise, then they could indeed be oblivious and blindsided by this and may respond negatively. The direct confrontation is not really something you can avoid, but hopefully you've made it so it doesn't come as a complete surprise.
*groundwork being subtle shameless self-promotion and hinting you need more compensation - reminding them of what a good job you do by parroting any compliments you get on your efforts, how Kid's become so much more active lately that it's a lot harder to keep up with him, Kid's no longer napping you can no longer make extra money by via that editing work (they knew about this, right?)
posted by lizbunny at 3:12 PM on May 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
I like her approach, but I suggest that you make this need for more money an impersonal necessity, as sort of a sympathetic plea - with the Kid needing more of your attention, you're unable to supplement your income with the editing anymore, and it's become necessary that you discuss some adjustments to the working arrangements with (family X) to meet your financial needs. I would bring up the O/T thing bbq_ribs posted (which would technically be non-negotiable), in addition to a bit of a raise for the fact you've worked there for 2 years (which would be negotiable).
And have you been laying the ground work* for bringing this up for discussion? Hopefully the parents are aware this might be coming up. But if you've been making no noise, then they could indeed be oblivious and blindsided by this and may respond negatively. The direct confrontation is not really something you can avoid, but hopefully you've made it so it doesn't come as a complete surprise.
*groundwork being subtle shameless self-promotion and hinting you need more compensation - reminding them of what a good job you do by parroting any compliments you get on your efforts, how Kid's become so much more active lately that it's a lot harder to keep up with him, Kid's no longer napping you can no longer make extra money by via that editing work (they knew about this, right?)
posted by lizbunny at 3:12 PM on May 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
I think the family is completely taking advantage of you and what's most off putting is that they trust you with their child but don't respect the value you bring to their family.
That being said, we're talking about $1500. Not chump change, but given the fact that your hours are going to be cut back, due to school, there is a change they've discussed finding another nanny so this could be the push they need to make that happen sooner. If you think that might happen this may not be worth it.
I recommend approaching this as "Mom, I was hoping to discuss with you my salary. You know I love [insert kids name] and really enjoy being a part of this family but I'd really like to discuss a raise. I was thinking about $4.00 more an hour. I really believe that what I bring to your family deserves this raise and with grad school coming up it would really help. I'm sure you'll want to talk it over with Dad, so could we bring this back up in a day or two?"
Ask for 4 and they'll come back with 2!
Good luck!
posted by doorsfan at 3:24 PM on May 10, 2011
That being said, we're talking about $1500. Not chump change, but given the fact that your hours are going to be cut back, due to school, there is a change they've discussed finding another nanny so this could be the push they need to make that happen sooner. If you think that might happen this may not be worth it.
I recommend approaching this as "Mom, I was hoping to discuss with you my salary. You know I love [insert kids name] and really enjoy being a part of this family but I'd really like to discuss a raise. I was thinking about $4.00 more an hour. I really believe that what I bring to your family deserves this raise and with grad school coming up it would really help. I'm sure you'll want to talk it over with Dad, so could we bring this back up in a day or two?"
Ask for 4 and they'll come back with 2!
Good luck!
posted by doorsfan at 3:24 PM on May 10, 2011
Also, if you are not being paid a fair wage, you are subsidizing this family's purchase of, for example, their car. If you think they're going to pay a new full-time nanny more in the fall, then, sure, they're only saving $1,500 (or whatever) until then, but that is basically a windfall you are creating for them.
Sorry, I came back to this because I was thinking about it and I got indignant on your behalf. Do NOT be indignant yourself when you speak with them, that certainly wouldn't help. However, I don't think it's fair that your being considered "part of the family" means you have to feel guilty about asking to share in that surplus. While money might be tight for them, it sounds like they are spending what should partly be *your salary* rather freely lately.
posted by dixiecupdrinking at 3:59 PM on May 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
Sorry, I came back to this because I was thinking about it and I got indignant on your behalf. Do NOT be indignant yourself when you speak with them, that certainly wouldn't help. However, I don't think it's fair that your being considered "part of the family" means you have to feel guilty about asking to share in that surplus. While money might be tight for them, it sounds like they are spending what should partly be *your salary* rather freely lately.
posted by dixiecupdrinking at 3:59 PM on May 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
Agree with all that's been said. I would add that it helps to find out ahead of time what it would cost to replace you? What's the going rate? And mention that you haven't had a cost of living increase in the time you've been there.
posted by vitabellosi at 5:04 PM on May 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by vitabellosi at 5:04 PM on May 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
And as a parent with a nanny, I know that we would go to great lengths to keep our current nanny because the upheval and work involved in finding a new nanny would be too tough.
posted by k8t at 5:25 PM on May 10, 2011
posted by k8t at 5:25 PM on May 10, 2011
Vitabellosi has it- the fear of God needs to be instilled.
What is THEIR backup plan if you quit? It's extremely irresponsible to maintain an employer/employee relationship of any sort where a critical worker's sudden departure would cause significant workplace turmoil- which this definitely would. Just because the workplace is their home does not change this. It's not like an office, where people come and go all the time. It's wrenching a trusted, long-term companion away from their own child. Heck, it's not only irresponsible, it's cruel.
Not that your goal is to have them over a barrel- it's just that it would be much easier for you to get another job paying as much (if not more) than it would be for them to search for, interview and hire a new nanny they trust as much as you. Your experience as a member of their household is your ace in the hole- seriously, do they really want to break in someone new? An what about the costs (tangible and intangible) they'll incur for interim child care until they find someone new? Will one of them have to stay home from work? What a pain in the ass.
If you are dissatisfied now, your resentment will fester until you can't take it anymore. You'll secretly start looking, then secretly interviewing, and boom- you're outta there. THEY KNOW THIS.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 5:45 PM on May 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
What is THEIR backup plan if you quit? It's extremely irresponsible to maintain an employer/employee relationship of any sort where a critical worker's sudden departure would cause significant workplace turmoil- which this definitely would. Just because the workplace is their home does not change this. It's not like an office, where people come and go all the time. It's wrenching a trusted, long-term companion away from their own child. Heck, it's not only irresponsible, it's cruel.
Not that your goal is to have them over a barrel- it's just that it would be much easier for you to get another job paying as much (if not more) than it would be for them to search for, interview and hire a new nanny they trust as much as you. Your experience as a member of their household is your ace in the hole- seriously, do they really want to break in someone new? An what about the costs (tangible and intangible) they'll incur for interim child care until they find someone new? Will one of them have to stay home from work? What a pain in the ass.
If you are dissatisfied now, your resentment will fester until you can't take it anymore. You'll secretly start looking, then secretly interviewing, and boom- you're outta there. THEY KNOW THIS.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 5:45 PM on May 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
Just a note: my mom made me nap after lunch until the age of 12 or 13 - along with all the kids she nannied in our house. I mean, we didn't exactly need to nap, but she seriously needed the break, so there was an enforced hour of sleeping or reading between 1-2pm. Maybe I complained occaissionally, but looking back, it was a great idea. And until the age of 7 or so, I actually did need those naps; after 7, the reading time was good.
posted by jb at 5:49 PM on May 10, 2011
posted by jb at 5:49 PM on May 10, 2011
You'll also want to look at asking for more if you will also be looking after the baby in a few months. Where I live (Vancouver, BC), it's about $5 an hour for a second child.
posted by acoutu at 1:08 AM on May 11, 2011
posted by acoutu at 1:08 AM on May 11, 2011
I'm not a nanny, but two things to consider when you propose some new package to them:
1) don't forget to mark for inflation over the last two years. Both jobs I have had have had annual increases that fall below-but-near annual inflation.
2) consider alternative means of increasing your total takehome. The calculation is not just "$" but it is "($+benefits)/time." Consider asking for (nay, demanding) fewer hours per week, additional sick/vacation time, transportation allowance, health insurance, whatever it is that you don't get. Sometimes it is easier for people to think in terms of those benefits rather than (arrrrrgh!) giving a raise.
posted by whatzit at 3:11 AM on May 11, 2011
1) don't forget to mark for inflation over the last two years. Both jobs I have had have had annual increases that fall below-but-near annual inflation.
2) consider alternative means of increasing your total takehome. The calculation is not just "$" but it is "($+benefits)/time." Consider asking for (nay, demanding) fewer hours per week, additional sick/vacation time, transportation allowance, health insurance, whatever it is that you don't get. Sometimes it is easier for people to think in terms of those benefits rather than (arrrrrgh!) giving a raise.
posted by whatzit at 3:11 AM on May 11, 2011
You can also remind them that they are not paying taxes on you.
posted by k8t at 4:55 AM on May 11, 2011
posted by k8t at 4:55 AM on May 11, 2011
You totally did the right thing telling them about grad school, and given your relationship with them, I doubt they'd have a problem giving you a raise. I really don't think they'll even blink.
Also, it appears a lot of people upthread don't really understand a family's relationship to a nanny.
posted by digitalprimate at 3:00 PM on May 11, 2011 [1 favorite]
Also, it appears a lot of people upthread don't really understand a family's relationship to a nanny.
posted by digitalprimate at 3:00 PM on May 11, 2011 [1 favorite]
So, have you been getting W-2's and filing normal income tax with this job? If not, I'd say, these people will stab you in the back at their earliest opportunity, should you part from their script.
posted by Goofyy at 4:39 AM on May 13, 2011
posted by Goofyy at 4:39 AM on May 13, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
This is a JOB. I know it is hard but you need to treat it like a normal job. Sit down with them, discuss your performance, discuss the changes to the job that have happened since you started working there (napping less, longer hours, etc) and ask for a raise. She should not be treating you like a sister, she should be treating you like an employee, what will help with that, is you acting like an employee.
Before you do that, you need to decide what you are going to do if you don't get that raise.
posted by magnetsphere at 1:29 PM on May 10, 2011 [4 favorites]