Homebound and Friendless II: Moving out and donating plasma
May 8, 2011 1:58 AM Subscribe
I'm Homebound and Friendless. I will be seeing my psychiatrist for the second time this month, have a PCP for the first time in my life, and have the option to see a psychologist or mental health counselor in the future when I'm ready for that again. This is all thanks to an ER visit in October 2010 and my brother's ex-mental health counselor pushing my parents to get me on my father's insurance (I have two years left on it), but that's not the point of my question. Living in a negative environment with a mentally unstable mother and an alcoholic while trying to get better isn't working out for my brother and me. We want to know what to expect and what sacrifices we'll have to make living on our own, what searching for apartments/houses for rent is like, and how possible moving out is given our special snowflake situation.
I also have a question about "donating" plasma for extra cash.
It doesn't take a genius to know my mother will not be supportive of this decision. However, I believe my father will be more cooperative and willing to be our co-signer since one of us has no credit and the other, I guess, has bad credit from ER bills.
My brother is currently receiving a monthly $450 disability check and will receive an additional $200 when he's no longer under our father's income. Unfortunately, I will not be able to contribute financially unless I'm eligible to "donate" plasma at DCI Biologicals despite having narrow veins and taking Clonazepam and Sertraline, as I'm still too socially anxious and depressed to hold down a job at the moment. If it's relevant at all, aside from my medication concerns, my B-12 and Vitamin D deficiency is under control, my Iron is fine, and my TSH level is a normal 1.88 mIU/L. I also drink plenty of water so I'm really, really hoping my narrow veins will not be an issue. How much money do they typically give you for donating plasma? I've read some people can make close to $200 a month donating plasma, which, if true at the nearest DCI Biologicals (Westside Jacksonville, FL), would help us with the smaller bills. We don't think my brother will be able to donate plasma because of his seizure medication (Carbamazepine), but if that ends up not being true, then that's even more money to make our escape plan a reality.
We're still learning to navigate and understand the unfamiliar adult world after years of social isolation. It's for this reason I would appreciate any advice and information you can provide two twenty-something year old adult children trying to move out for the first time.
It doesn't take a genius to know my mother will not be supportive of this decision. However, I believe my father will be more cooperative and willing to be our co-signer since one of us has no credit and the other, I guess, has bad credit from ER bills.
My brother is currently receiving a monthly $450 disability check and will receive an additional $200 when he's no longer under our father's income. Unfortunately, I will not be able to contribute financially unless I'm eligible to "donate" plasma at DCI Biologicals despite having narrow veins and taking Clonazepam and Sertraline, as I'm still too socially anxious and depressed to hold down a job at the moment. If it's relevant at all, aside from my medication concerns, my B-12 and Vitamin D deficiency is under control, my Iron is fine, and my TSH level is a normal 1.88 mIU/L. I also drink plenty of water so I'm really, really hoping my narrow veins will not be an issue. How much money do they typically give you for donating plasma? I've read some people can make close to $200 a month donating plasma, which, if true at the nearest DCI Biologicals (Westside Jacksonville, FL), would help us with the smaller bills. We don't think my brother will be able to donate plasma because of his seizure medication (Carbamazepine), but if that ends up not being true, then that's even more money to make our escape plan a reality.
We're still learning to navigate and understand the unfamiliar adult world after years of social isolation. It's for this reason I would appreciate any advice and information you can provide two twenty-something year old adult children trying to move out for the first time.
Best answer: I'm still too socially anxious and depressed to hold down a job at the moment.
You too have a disability. Ask your doctor about applying for assistance.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:20 AM on May 8, 2011 [10 favorites]
You too have a disability. Ask your doctor about applying for assistance.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:20 AM on May 8, 2011 [10 favorites]
Response by poster: I will ask my doctor at a later time about applying for assistance. For now I'd like to move out as soon as possible and not go through the challenging ordeal my brother went through to get on disability. The reason my brother's application went through so fast was because he had evidence of a physical disability. I suspect I will go through all that and just get denied. Still, it's worth exploring in the future.
posted by Sara Bellum at 2:40 AM on May 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Sara Bellum at 2:40 AM on May 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
Best answer: $650 a month is not a lot to go around. You'll have rent, electricity, (maybe water, gas, sewage, garbage pickup), transportation, clothing, and food costs. Optionally, you'll have internet, cable, and other entertainment costs.
Since your brother is on disability, does he have a social worker? The two of you could ask the social worker about other assistance programs to help lessen the cost of living on your own, such as public housing, reduced electricity cost programs, food stamps, and Medicaid. Even if you don't want to apply for these things right now, he might already be eligible.
posted by Houstonian at 4:10 AM on May 8, 2011 [3 favorites]
Since your brother is on disability, does he have a social worker? The two of you could ask the social worker about other assistance programs to help lessen the cost of living on your own, such as public housing, reduced electricity cost programs, food stamps, and Medicaid. Even if you don't want to apply for these things right now, he might already be eligible.
posted by Houstonian at 4:10 AM on May 8, 2011 [3 favorites]
I had a high school boyfriend that donated lasma for money.
It is quite time consuming, fwiw.
posted by k8t at 4:40 AM on May 8, 2011
It is quite time consuming, fwiw.
posted by k8t at 4:40 AM on May 8, 2011
Best answer: Here's an example. One of the cheapest apartments I can find listed on this website is $499 for a 1 bedroom (I doubt they will let 2 people move into the studio apartment). That leaves $150 for, at a very minimum, food and electricity for the two of you -- that's assuming water and garbage are included in the rent, you don't need transportation or a telephone, you don't buy clothes until your income level changes, and you have no entertainment. You'll also need a $500 deposit. That's living very lean.
Use a website like that one to find out the rent prices in your area. Separately, estimate your other costs (the apartment complex people might have estimated prices for electricity and phone, and how much the laundry machines cost in that area; use grocery store flyers to estimate grocery costs; use the WalMart website to estimate costs of clothes and such; be sure to add in the costs of your medicines). Add it all up to see what you'll need to have each month. Add in a little more and round up, because these are estimates and you don't want to fall short of cash.
A really long time ago, I donated blood plasma. It took about 2 hours each trip, and you could give twice a week. You sit in a chair, in a large room with other people and a TV. It was generally unpleasant, but doable. They have a book that lists all the disqualifying things, so you can call them and ask if your medications are on the list.
I'm not trying to discourage you -- I think you've got a great idea to move out. But, don't be in so much of a rush that you make mistakes. In my opinion, it is worth taking the time to see what assistance programs you and your brother qualify for, so that when you move out you don't have problems and have to move back in again.
posted by Houstonian at 5:04 AM on May 8, 2011
Use a website like that one to find out the rent prices in your area. Separately, estimate your other costs (the apartment complex people might have estimated prices for electricity and phone, and how much the laundry machines cost in that area; use grocery store flyers to estimate grocery costs; use the WalMart website to estimate costs of clothes and such; be sure to add in the costs of your medicines). Add it all up to see what you'll need to have each month. Add in a little more and round up, because these are estimates and you don't want to fall short of cash.
A really long time ago, I donated blood plasma. It took about 2 hours each trip, and you could give twice a week. You sit in a chair, in a large room with other people and a TV. It was generally unpleasant, but doable. They have a book that lists all the disqualifying things, so you can call them and ask if your medications are on the list.
I'm not trying to discourage you -- I think you've got a great idea to move out. But, don't be in so much of a rush that you make mistakes. In my opinion, it is worth taking the time to see what assistance programs you and your brother qualify for, so that when you move out you don't have problems and have to move back in again.
posted by Houstonian at 5:04 AM on May 8, 2011
Response by poster: Houstonian, thank you for the heavy dose of reality. Really. I'm not being sarcastic.
Damn. Maybe I should ask my doctor if she thinks I'm eligible for disability and explain the situation to her.
Since your brother is on disability, does he have a social worker?
My brother's mental health counselor/clinical social worker either got fired from the organization he worked for or he really did quit to go back to school out of state (he was a great advocate while he was around, that's all I'll say). I've considered e-mailing him and asking him what he thinks our options are since he's familiar with our case, but I'm not sure taking so much of his time without paying him is the right thing to do. Am I right in thinking that?
The organization recently sent me a termination of service letter for reasons I'd rather not go into, so I no longer have a social worker either.
The psychiatrist I'm seeing is married to a psychologist and she works next door to him. Would a psychologist be willing to help me figure out what our options are?
posted by Sara Bellum at 5:12 AM on May 8, 2011
Damn. Maybe I should ask my doctor if she thinks I'm eligible for disability and explain the situation to her.
Since your brother is on disability, does he have a social worker?
My brother's mental health counselor/clinical social worker either got fired from the organization he worked for or he really did quit to go back to school out of state (he was a great advocate while he was around, that's all I'll say). I've considered e-mailing him and asking him what he thinks our options are since he's familiar with our case, but I'm not sure taking so much of his time without paying him is the right thing to do. Am I right in thinking that?
The organization recently sent me a termination of service letter for reasons I'd rather not go into, so I no longer have a social worker either.
The psychiatrist I'm seeing is married to a psychologist and she works next door to him. Would a psychologist be willing to help me figure out what our options are?
posted by Sara Bellum at 5:12 AM on May 8, 2011
...not go through the challenging ordeal my brother went through to get on disability. The reason my brother's application went through so fast was because he had evidence of a physical disability. I suspect I will go through all that and just get denied. Still, it's worth exploring in the future."
Well, you can suspect all you want, but you never will know until you try. The evidence for your brother's disability is really no different in the eyes of a massive government bureaucracy that the evidence for your disability: a doctor's opinion that you have a condition that prevents you from working. I would contact the local chapter for the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill as a starting point to see what government and community services are out there to help you and to get some guidance about applying for disability. Given your history and your isolation, you may not realize this, but there are actually a lot of people and organizations who do want to help you. A $450/mo disability payment + possibly cash from plasma donation is simply not enough to fully support 2 adults.
posted by SomeTrickPony at 5:31 AM on May 8, 2011
Well, you can suspect all you want, but you never will know until you try. The evidence for your brother's disability is really no different in the eyes of a massive government bureaucracy that the evidence for your disability: a doctor's opinion that you have a condition that prevents you from working. I would contact the local chapter for the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill as a starting point to see what government and community services are out there to help you and to get some guidance about applying for disability. Given your history and your isolation, you may not realize this, but there are actually a lot of people and organizations who do want to help you. A $450/mo disability payment + possibly cash from plasma donation is simply not enough to fully support 2 adults.
posted by SomeTrickPony at 5:31 AM on May 8, 2011
Have you explored options for work that you can do from your computer?
posted by k8t at 6:01 AM on May 8, 2011
posted by k8t at 6:01 AM on May 8, 2011
Further on with k8t's answer -- if you have the ability to make it out the door and so on to do this plasma thing, you should be able to go to a thrift store, buy up a little bit of whatnot, and re-sell it on eBay. I realise this is not an easy thing to do when you barely have two nickels to rub together, but it is not too hard to find a $2 item which will net $20 or $30. Read up, find something you are knowledgeable about that sells reasonably well there, and start eBaying, and in a short time you will be doing better than $180, and with less effort. Possible downside: need to get to PO immediately. However, you can print postage from your computer and if it works in the US like it does in Canada, you can then just fire it into a mailbox; you wouldn't actually need to interact with a postal clerk. I hope that is of some help; please feel free to memail if you would like any of this fleshed out a bit further.
At that level of poverty your diet is going to be so compromised as to leave your health in jeopardy, so make it a priority to learn how to cook cheap but nutritious food. Check out 'ethnic' cuisine and stores. Big bags of lentils, a bit of onions, cooking oil, cheap spices -- learn what to do with those! It is possible to eat well on a tiny budget, but it does take work and know-how.
You'll want to watch Freecycle and the 'free' section of Craigslist for household goods you don't have -- household whatnot is the bread and butter of those two, and it is not hard to score an ugly microwave or even brand-new ironing board.
posted by kmennie at 6:33 AM on May 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
At that level of poverty your diet is going to be so compromised as to leave your health in jeopardy, so make it a priority to learn how to cook cheap but nutritious food. Check out 'ethnic' cuisine and stores. Big bags of lentils, a bit of onions, cooking oil, cheap spices -- learn what to do with those! It is possible to eat well on a tiny budget, but it does take work and know-how.
You'll want to watch Freecycle and the 'free' section of Craigslist for household goods you don't have -- household whatnot is the bread and butter of those two, and it is not hard to score an ugly microwave or even brand-new ironing board.
posted by kmennie at 6:33 AM on May 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
My sister works for a company called Lionbridge. It's something about rating online search results or something. It's all from home and online. She makes 15 bucks an hour and can work up to 20 hours a week. I don't believe she's ever had to talk to anyone on the phone, and she just does it while watching TV. Just a thought if you think you would be up for doing some work from home.
posted by afton at 6:40 AM on May 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by afton at 6:40 AM on May 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
The psychiatrist I'm seeing is married to a psychologist and she works next door to him. Would a psychologist be willing to help me figure out what our options are?
You need a social worker or care worker, not a psychologist. A psychologist is unlikely to have a full overview of support available to you and how to get it and can't guide you through the process of getting all the support set up - that's just not what they do. Your psychiatrist may however be able to point you in the right direction to get a social worker.
posted by koahiatamadl at 6:50 AM on May 8, 2011
You need a social worker or care worker, not a psychologist. A psychologist is unlikely to have a full overview of support available to you and how to get it and can't guide you through the process of getting all the support set up - that's just not what they do. Your psychiatrist may however be able to point you in the right direction to get a social worker.
posted by koahiatamadl at 6:50 AM on May 8, 2011
I'd also suggest keeping your eyes on MeFi jobs. People (including me) post jobs all the time that you can do from your home computer.
posted by k8t at 7:31 AM on May 8, 2011
posted by k8t at 7:31 AM on May 8, 2011
Best answer: Once your brother moves out and has an apartment and a lease of his own, he should apply for food stamps (SNAP), which can make a significant difference in his situation (and therefore yours).
posted by dilettante at 8:01 AM on May 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by dilettante at 8:01 AM on May 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: I would love to work from home, but I'm afraid I don't have the education, intelligence, skills, or concentration to do anything that requires thinking and problem solving. I'm too anxious to drive, so walking is my only option. I'd have to get a drivers license to get to the Post Office. It's literally 12 miles away.
I know it sounds like I'm making excuses, and maybe I am, but social anxiety is not the only reason I'm not working. Selling plasma would only require a short anxiety-inducing walk accompanied by my brother to DCI Biologicals (I'm trying to leave the house without depending on my mother), which will be an extremely difficult walk because I have an irrational fear of sunlight as well as people, and by the time I get there all I would have to do is sit in a chair for 2 or more hours. It's embarrassing to admit, but all I have to offer the world right now is my plasma.
I don't mean to shit on everyone's job ideas. They're great ideas for the future. But I can't do much right now, so I might as well do what I can do until I'm able to acquire the skills, concentration, and interest to do other things.
Excuses, excuses. I know.
I'm starting to think the best thing to do is to encourage my brother to get a studio apartment on his own. That way he won't have to worry about another mouth to feed.
posted by Sara Bellum at 8:04 AM on May 8, 2011
I know it sounds like I'm making excuses, and maybe I am, but social anxiety is not the only reason I'm not working. Selling plasma would only require a short anxiety-inducing walk accompanied by my brother to DCI Biologicals (I'm trying to leave the house without depending on my mother), which will be an extremely difficult walk because I have an irrational fear of sunlight as well as people, and by the time I get there all I would have to do is sit in a chair for 2 or more hours. It's embarrassing to admit, but all I have to offer the world right now is my plasma.
I don't mean to shit on everyone's job ideas. They're great ideas for the future. But I can't do much right now, so I might as well do what I can do until I'm able to acquire the skills, concentration, and interest to do other things.
Excuses, excuses. I know.
I'm starting to think the best thing to do is to encourage my brother to get a studio apartment on his own. That way he won't have to worry about another mouth to feed.
posted by Sara Bellum at 8:04 AM on May 8, 2011
Response by poster: I'm starting to think the best thing to do is to encourage my brother to get a studio apartment on his own. That way he won't have to worry about another mouth to feed.
During this time I can find out what my options are, save up what little I get from selling plasma, and join him at a later date. I shouldn't be an anchor and keep him in this house when he already has enough money to move out and support himself.
posted by Sara Bellum at 8:38 AM on May 8, 2011
During this time I can find out what my options are, save up what little I get from selling plasma, and join him at a later date. I shouldn't be an anchor and keep him in this house when he already has enough money to move out and support himself.
posted by Sara Bellum at 8:38 AM on May 8, 2011
I would love to work from home, but I'm afraid I don't have the education, intelligence, skills, or concentration to do anything that requires thinking and problem solving.
I don't know you at all, but from your writing, you sound like a very articulate, intelligent person. I think you are selling yourself short here.
posted by elmay at 8:40 AM on May 8, 2011 [23 favorites]
I don't know you at all, but from your writing, you sound like a very articulate, intelligent person. I think you are selling yourself short here.
posted by elmay at 8:40 AM on May 8, 2011 [23 favorites]
Best answer: Sara Bellum, thank you for sharing your story with us. It seems like you see a lot of barriers for yourself right now, but I'm also hearing some hope that you will finally be able to move out. I'm hoping that you don't feel too discouraged at the logistics. You are obviously a survivor--otherwise, you wouldn't be posting this--and you are absolutely capable of moving out. I'd say you're more of a helium balloon than an anchor for your brother- you're putting a lot of work and mental energy into improving both of your situations. I can imagine that your support means a lot to him.
I think it's a great idea to email your brother's former case worker. In your email, I recommend asking him if he knows of anyone who could help you with disability and SNAP applications. In addition to applying for SNAP, you can try going to food pantries. Here's a search engine for agencies that receive food from Lutheran Social Services' food distribution program. Agencies like Salvation Army are often a good bet for providing food and meeting other basic needs.
Would a psychologist be willing to help me figure out what our options are?
Typically, psychologists are more focused on treating your mental health concerns, although your psychologist may be different. I think it's a great idea to go, if for no other reason than to access therapy. To help figure out your options and connect you to resources, an advocate might be useful (see the resources below).
Jacksonville has a whole directory of services for people with disabilities. I would recommend contacting some of the agencies in the advisory/advocacy section or the housing section. I'm not sure how comfortable you are with phone calls, but you are very articulate in writing, so looking for contact forms or email addresses might be useful to you. You could also send them faxes by typing up a letter and sending it using a free online fax service if they don't have an email address.
Some agencies that stood out to me:
posted by quiet coyote at 9:10 AM on May 8, 2011 [3 favorites]
I think it's a great idea to email your brother's former case worker. In your email, I recommend asking him if he knows of anyone who could help you with disability and SNAP applications. In addition to applying for SNAP, you can try going to food pantries. Here's a search engine for agencies that receive food from Lutheran Social Services' food distribution program. Agencies like Salvation Army are often a good bet for providing food and meeting other basic needs.
Would a psychologist be willing to help me figure out what our options are?
Typically, psychologists are more focused on treating your mental health concerns, although your psychologist may be different. I think it's a great idea to go, if for no other reason than to access therapy. To help figure out your options and connect you to resources, an advocate might be useful (see the resources below).
Jacksonville has a whole directory of services for people with disabilities. I would recommend contacting some of the agencies in the advisory/advocacy section or the housing section. I'm not sure how comfortable you are with phone calls, but you are very articulate in writing, so looking for contact forms or email addresses might be useful to you. You could also send them faxes by typing up a letter and sending it using a free online fax service if they don't have an email address.
Some agencies that stood out to me:
Disability Rights Florida provides advocacy for individuals with disabilities. They have an online intake form.I hope this is useful. Best of luck, Sara!
The Arc looks promising, although I'm not sure if they limit their services to individuals with intellectual/developmental disabilities. You can contact them at ask@arcjacksonville.org.
Ability Housing is "a unique non-profit dedicated to meeting the housing needs of adults with disabilities wishing to live within the community as independent adults." They rent out homes at reduced cost through their CASA program. They also have an apartment complex- it looks like it's filling up fast, but if you email Christine Diaz (property manager) at cdiaz@chpc2.org, you may be able to get a spot.
The Florida Supported Housing Coalition might be a good resource for suggestions on low-cost housing for people with disabilities. You can email them at admin@flshc.net.
I'd also keep an eye on the section 8 voucher webpage. This program gives people a voucher to pay their monthly rent at a range of apartments. The wait list is closed now, but if you find yourself needing assistance in a year or two, it may be open again.
posted by quiet coyote at 9:10 AM on May 8, 2011 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Some steps that may help:
a) get a new social worker. Hopefully they will be instrumental in helping you out here. Mine has been helpful in ways that would require an entire other comment to explain.
b) If none of the agencies quiet coyote shared works out for you, I would suggest you consider moving in with a roommate. A (large) room in a house could be $400 a month, if you're willing to share a room with your brother (which it seems like you are) this might actually make it doable. Utilities would also hopefully be lower. (Small room might be 300, but it could be difficult to live with.)
c) Get a part time job online. This will not necessarily torpedo your SSA application, if you're working less than Substantial Gainful Activity. (I am not a lawyer, just someone whose SSA application went through [though I was NOT working at the time].)
d) Get into therapy. Seriously. Your disabilities will trip you up in ways you haven't even thought of yet, and feeling better is a possibility.
e) Apply for Social Security Disability/Supplemental Security Income. Not, obviously, waiting for the application to go through (mine took 18 months, which is quite speedy since I had 3 appeals)--but just having applied makes some things a lot easier, like asking for help at agencies such as the ones listed above. You can explain that you've applied for disability, instead of saying "well, I'm pretty sure I have one." It sounds more official.
posted by saveyoursanity at 11:05 AM on May 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
a) get a new social worker. Hopefully they will be instrumental in helping you out here. Mine has been helpful in ways that would require an entire other comment to explain.
b) If none of the agencies quiet coyote shared works out for you, I would suggest you consider moving in with a roommate. A (large) room in a house could be $400 a month, if you're willing to share a room with your brother (which it seems like you are) this might actually make it doable. Utilities would also hopefully be lower. (Small room might be 300, but it could be difficult to live with.)
c) Get a part time job online. This will not necessarily torpedo your SSA application, if you're working less than Substantial Gainful Activity. (I am not a lawyer, just someone whose SSA application went through [though I was NOT working at the time].)
d) Get into therapy. Seriously. Your disabilities will trip you up in ways you haven't even thought of yet, and feeling better is a possibility.
e) Apply for Social Security Disability/Supplemental Security Income. Not, obviously, waiting for the application to go through (mine took 18 months, which is quite speedy since I had 3 appeals)--but just having applied makes some things a lot easier, like asking for help at agencies such as the ones listed above. You can explain that you've applied for disability, instead of saying "well, I'm pretty sure I have one." It sounds more official.
posted by saveyoursanity at 11:05 AM on May 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: For those of you still reading: What's it like to apply for disability, and how do you appeal a denied disability claim? My brother's application went through in only three months, which doesn't seem like the usual experience for most people applying for disability.
By the way, I thought you guys would like to know I e-mailed my brother's former social worker. I'll let you know what he says, assuming he actually responds.
posted by Sara Bellum at 11:23 AM on May 8, 2011
By the way, I thought you guys would like to know I e-mailed my brother's former social worker. I'll let you know what he says, assuming he actually responds.
posted by Sara Bellum at 11:23 AM on May 8, 2011
It's for this reason I would appreciate any advice and information you can provide two twenty-something year old adult children trying to move out for the first time.
I know nothing about applying for disability or other government-subsidized programs except to say definitely apply for food stamps and any other assistance you're entitled to. Just some thoughts that came to my head after reading other posts and thinking.
-- You're in Florida so cold winters aren't an issue. However summers are very likely to be. A quick google search shows that there are HEAP (heating and cooling assistance programs for low-income individuals) programs in your area. Your social worker can likely help you apply for this/similar programs. This site gives you more info on the LIHEAP program and other organizations that might be of use to you.
-- Volunteering. Is there anything that you are interested in doing? Maybe helping kids from similar situations as yourself, as a mentor of some sort. Volunteering will at least give you something to pad your resume with, and if you decide to do something like mentoring, it will encourage you to stick with therapy and bettering yourself because you want to be a good role model for your kid. I understand that finances are an issue, but I recently was looking for volunteer opportunities for myself(albeit in NY) and saw that some organizations offered to reimburse you for subway/bus fare if you worked a certain amount of hours that day. You can try looking into that.
-- Thinking a bit ahead, for potential jobs. You obviously have computer skills and a familiarity with the internet. Perhaps you could work at a local electric/cable/internet company as an online customer service representative. Usually those companies offer free or very discounted services to employees and that will help cut your bills somewhat. Working as an online CSR instead of over the phone or in person is possible even with your anxiety because you don't actually have to see the customers or hear them physically shouting at you or cursing you out.
Best of luck! Please update us and let us know how you're getting on :)
posted by lovelygirl at 11:50 AM on May 8, 2011
I know nothing about applying for disability or other government-subsidized programs except to say definitely apply for food stamps and any other assistance you're entitled to. Just some thoughts that came to my head after reading other posts and thinking.
-- You're in Florida so cold winters aren't an issue. However summers are very likely to be. A quick google search shows that there are HEAP (heating and cooling assistance programs for low-income individuals) programs in your area. Your social worker can likely help you apply for this/similar programs. This site gives you more info on the LIHEAP program and other organizations that might be of use to you.
-- Volunteering. Is there anything that you are interested in doing? Maybe helping kids from similar situations as yourself, as a mentor of some sort. Volunteering will at least give you something to pad your resume with, and if you decide to do something like mentoring, it will encourage you to stick with therapy and bettering yourself because you want to be a good role model for your kid. I understand that finances are an issue, but I recently was looking for volunteer opportunities for myself(albeit in NY) and saw that some organizations offered to reimburse you for subway/bus fare if you worked a certain amount of hours that day. You can try looking into that.
-- Thinking a bit ahead, for potential jobs. You obviously have computer skills and a familiarity with the internet. Perhaps you could work at a local electric/cable/internet company as an online customer service representative. Usually those companies offer free or very discounted services to employees and that will help cut your bills somewhat. Working as an online CSR instead of over the phone or in person is possible even with your anxiety because you don't actually have to see the customers or hear them physically shouting at you or cursing you out.
Best of luck! Please update us and let us know how you're getting on :)
posted by lovelygirl at 11:50 AM on May 8, 2011
What's it like to apply for disability, and how do you appeal a denied disability claim?
I haven't been through it, but my understanding is that it can take several tries for some folks. Maybe expecting this as a normal part of the process might prepare you for when it happens? In any case, you should definitely consider working with a disability advocate on it, as they will know what to do to make your application competitive and help you navigate the appeals process.
posted by quiet coyote at 12:22 PM on May 8, 2011
I haven't been through it, but my understanding is that it can take several tries for some folks. Maybe expecting this as a normal part of the process might prepare you for when it happens? In any case, you should definitely consider working with a disability advocate on it, as they will know what to do to make your application competitive and help you navigate the appeals process.
posted by quiet coyote at 12:22 PM on May 8, 2011
Best answer: I know what the Social Security Disability process is like; in many ways, it's probably not as bad as you might imagine. There are people available (Social Security employees, private attorneys) whose job it is to help you, and they know exactly what to do. You can start this process without spending a nickel, and very possibly without leaving the house. Here's a good website that describes the process. You can either start your application process on your own by filing a claim on-line or by phone, or you can find your own attorney (don't worry--no money required upfront) and talk about your options first. You don't have to worry about how to appeal a denial--that will be your lawyer's job. All you will have to do is answer questions and sign forms.
You'll need to find an attorney who specializes in Social Security disability cases.* Make an appointment to go see that lawyer. (Or, have them come see you. They're very used to dealing with people who might have trouble getting around.) Take whatever paperwork you have. You may want to talk to a couple of different lawyers to see who you like best. When you decide who to hire, they will take your case (assuming that they think you have a decent chance of qualifying) without charging you any up-front fee. If you lose, you pay nothing (maybe some expenses for copies, medical records etc). If you win, your fee will be paid out of the amount that you are awarded by Social Security. The amount of the fee is set by regulation, so you don't have to worry about it being excessive.
*Call the County Bar Association and ask for names of attorneys who specialize in Social Security disability cases. Or, look in the Yellow pages. Use the web. Watch for ads on local TV. Once you start looking for disability lawyers, they're everywhere.
Best of luck to you in your search for help.
posted by Corvid at 1:46 PM on May 8, 2011
You'll need to find an attorney who specializes in Social Security disability cases.* Make an appointment to go see that lawyer. (Or, have them come see you. They're very used to dealing with people who might have trouble getting around.) Take whatever paperwork you have. You may want to talk to a couple of different lawyers to see who you like best. When you decide who to hire, they will take your case (assuming that they think you have a decent chance of qualifying) without charging you any up-front fee. If you lose, you pay nothing (maybe some expenses for copies, medical records etc). If you win, your fee will be paid out of the amount that you are awarded by Social Security. The amount of the fee is set by regulation, so you don't have to worry about it being excessive.
*Call the County Bar Association and ask for names of attorneys who specialize in Social Security disability cases. Or, look in the Yellow pages. Use the web. Watch for ads on local TV. Once you start looking for disability lawyers, they're everywhere.
Best of luck to you in your search for help.
posted by Corvid at 1:46 PM on May 8, 2011
Best answer: I think your thought about having your brother move out into a studio apartment by himself and you saving up and joining him later is a very good one, if you don't think it will be too stressful for him on his own.
Meanwhile, his studio would give you somewhere to stay overnight now and again if you need to get away from your parents (especially if it is big enough for a fold-out sofa as well as his bed). He would learn skills (cooking, paying utilities, using buses) that he could then pass on to you when you move out later.
Don't give up on your idea of both of you moving out quite yet - wait to hear what your ex-social worker says, and see if you can find out more from other sources. Also maybe look into the idea of a roommate. But if you can't make it work for both of you even after looking into all that, keep in mind that you could do it one by one.
posted by lollusc at 6:27 PM on May 8, 2011
Meanwhile, his studio would give you somewhere to stay overnight now and again if you need to get away from your parents (especially if it is big enough for a fold-out sofa as well as his bed). He would learn skills (cooking, paying utilities, using buses) that he could then pass on to you when you move out later.
Don't give up on your idea of both of you moving out quite yet - wait to hear what your ex-social worker says, and see if you can find out more from other sources. Also maybe look into the idea of a roommate. But if you can't make it work for both of you even after looking into all that, keep in mind that you could do it one by one.
posted by lollusc at 6:27 PM on May 8, 2011
Best answer: Hey there! I'm happy to hear things are progressing for you! You should be proud of how far you've come. Every inch is another step closer to freedom and self-sufficiency. You're asking all the right questions, too.
I would love to work from home, but I'm afraid I don't have the education, intelligence, skills, or concentration to do anything that requires thinking and problem solving.
How about typing up handwritten stuff -- you know, data entry? No serious thinking or social interaction required, just type up whatever you're given into a form or template. Not the most exciting job in the world, I'll grant you, but there's a need for it and you can pick your hours in case you prefer to work at night, or whatever. You could try it for a few months to build up a nest egg and see what it's like.
Don't forget that you'll need a down payment (security deposit) on the apartment you and your brother rent. Most places ask for an amount equivalent to one or two months' rent, but the landlord returns the deposit to you if/when you move out of the place.
posted by Asparagirl at 8:14 PM on May 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
I would love to work from home, but I'm afraid I don't have the education, intelligence, skills, or concentration to do anything that requires thinking and problem solving.
How about typing up handwritten stuff -- you know, data entry? No serious thinking or social interaction required, just type up whatever you're given into a form or template. Not the most exciting job in the world, I'll grant you, but there's a need for it and you can pick your hours in case you prefer to work at night, or whatever. You could try it for a few months to build up a nest egg and see what it's like.
Don't forget that you'll need a down payment (security deposit) on the apartment you and your brother rent. Most places ask for an amount equivalent to one or two months' rent, but the landlord returns the deposit to you if/when you move out of the place.
posted by Asparagirl at 8:14 PM on May 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
Best answer: At least for now, your anxiety is a disability. You've clearly been making great efforts and putting resources in place for yourself and your brother. Try to remember that when you're feeling scared or trapped. You are doing a lot to rescue yourself. I am impressed.
You have had bad luck with your family, but lots of people are willing to help someone trying to help themselves. Smaller, simpler requests are often easier for folks to accommodate than big ones. That's part of why Ask Mefi can be a good resource. People in your community may also be willing & able to help.
I believe you said the library was a challenging place to get to, but I encourage you to remember that librarians are really great resources for finding out local information. My local library will help over the phone when they can.
Another resource might be your local United Way - they'll know what charities might be able to help.
Regarding walking and getting around, consider what might make walking less anxiety-producing. You are young and probably stronger than you think (your reports here suggest it). Would getting and wearing a wide brimmed hat help your fear of sunlight? Would leaving the house before dawn to walk to the bus stop help?
Finally, consider researching the other things you'll need to do out on your own - cooking cheaply, renting an apartment, paying bills. These are things everyone has to learn when they go out on their own. Some of us learn it from parents, but others learn from friends, tv or the Internet. It's okay to ask questions and read old mefi posts to learn more.
You're doing a really hard thing. Remember that you do have an ally in your brother and keep faith in each other.
posted by Heart_on_Sleeve at 9:29 PM on May 8, 2011
You have had bad luck with your family, but lots of people are willing to help someone trying to help themselves. Smaller, simpler requests are often easier for folks to accommodate than big ones. That's part of why Ask Mefi can be a good resource. People in your community may also be willing & able to help.
I believe you said the library was a challenging place to get to, but I encourage you to remember that librarians are really great resources for finding out local information. My local library will help over the phone when they can.
Another resource might be your local United Way - they'll know what charities might be able to help.
Regarding walking and getting around, consider what might make walking less anxiety-producing. You are young and probably stronger than you think (your reports here suggest it). Would getting and wearing a wide brimmed hat help your fear of sunlight? Would leaving the house before dawn to walk to the bus stop help?
Finally, consider researching the other things you'll need to do out on your own - cooking cheaply, renting an apartment, paying bills. These are things everyone has to learn when they go out on their own. Some of us learn it from parents, but others learn from friends, tv or the Internet. It's okay to ask questions and read old mefi posts to learn more.
You're doing a really hard thing. Remember that you do have an ally in your brother and keep faith in each other.
posted by Heart_on_Sleeve at 9:29 PM on May 8, 2011
Best answer: Reviewing your original question about renting a place:
Always visit a potential place before signing a lease.
If you're not familiar with the area, try to visit in the evening and during the day to get a sense of whether it feels safe enough or if it's noisy or dangerous.
Try really hard to get a rental agreement in writing. Look for a rental Housing section of your state government to find out your rights as a tenant.
Try to avoid debt, but know that sometimes it's inevitable. With respect to your brother's emergency room visit, ask the hospital how he can get the fees reduced, waived or forgiven. Explain that you cannot pay because he doesn't have a job and is one disability. Hospitals & Countie have budgets for this. Find out if you can apply for Medicaid for him and yourself.
Don't think you have to do everything yourself or all at once.
Good luck
posted by Heart_on_Sleeve at 9:38 PM on May 8, 2011
Always visit a potential place before signing a lease.
If you're not familiar with the area, try to visit in the evening and during the day to get a sense of whether it feels safe enough or if it's noisy or dangerous.
Try really hard to get a rental agreement in writing. Look for a rental Housing section of your state government to find out your rights as a tenant.
Try to avoid debt, but know that sometimes it's inevitable. With respect to your brother's emergency room visit, ask the hospital how he can get the fees reduced, waived or forgiven. Explain that you cannot pay because he doesn't have a job and is one disability. Hospitals & Countie have budgets for this. Find out if you can apply for Medicaid for him and yourself.
Don't think you have to do everything yourself or all at once.
Good luck
posted by Heart_on_Sleeve at 9:38 PM on May 8, 2011
Best answer: One more datapoint on applying for disability: I applied for SSDI a couple years back; I was recently unemployed, and a friend recommended this as a precursor to getting other social services just so I would be "in the system." While I am disabled, I never thought I was "disabled enough" to qualify, so it was quite a surprise when I was approved (no appeals needed). You can start the process online, and if you can't get down to a social security office for the interview I'm pretty sure you can arrange to do it over the phone.
I was 19 when I escaped my Bad Situation. There were hard times after as I learned to get on in the world, but there were good times, too, and the whole ordeal has made me strong in unexpected ways. I wish you good luck, don't lose hope!
posted by jtron at 6:48 AM on May 9, 2011
I was 19 when I escaped my Bad Situation. There were hard times after as I learned to get on in the world, but there were good times, too, and the whole ordeal has made me strong in unexpected ways. I wish you good luck, don't lose hope!
posted by jtron at 6:48 AM on May 9, 2011
Response by poster: With respect to your brother's emergency room visit, ask the hospital how he can get the fees reduced, waived or forgiven. Explain that you cannot pay because he doesn't have a job and is one disability. Hospitals & Countie have budgets for this. Find out if you can apply for Medicaid for [...] yourself.
My brother received a letter from Medicaid shortly after applying for disability telling him not to worry about the bills because they sorted it out for him. I'm the one with the expensive medical bills. Also, I looked into Medicaid for both of us in the past (my brother's social worker did as well), and I learned because of my father's household income I wasn't eligible for Medicaid.
While we were in the ER, the psychiatric team made an appointment for us to get a Financial Evaluation, thinking or perhaps hoping Adult Protective Services would have been more aggressive about our situation and got us out of the house. We went to the Financial Evaluation appointment and they told us as long as we live with our father we will be stuck with the medical bills and to come back if/when our living arrangement changes. I don't know what my options are now that the bills are in collections.
I was told by an Adult Investigator I should be able to pay $5 a month to prevent the bills from going into collections. But my father refused to help out with that, told me it wasn't a big deal, that it would only prevent me from buying a new car, and I should just wait 7 years for the bills to clear themselves. I don't know if he's right in thinking that or not.
I'm lucky I have two years on my father's insurance. Alas, I'll be back where I started once the insurance runs out unless I manage to get a job, move out, or get on disability. Living with my father makes it so that I'm ineligible for Medicaid and other resources, even though he's in debt and our house is literally falling apart.
Shortly after the ER visit in October 2010, a social worker accompanying the Adult Investigator suggested we move into a homeless shelter so we could get on Medicaid and take advantage of other resources not available to us. The Adult Investigator realized with our level of anxiety we wouldn't be able or willing to do this, so the idea was quickly axed and she shooed the social worker away before we both freaked out.
There are a few other comments I'd like to address, if only to say, "Hey, thanks! That's inspiring.", but I'm too mentally drained right now. Just know I'm grateful to all of you for taking the time to troubleshoot and find other solutions to my situation and for sharing your past experiences with me. My brother and I wouldn't be where we are today without the advice and encouragement of this community. Thanks again for helping us out.
posted by Sara Bellum at 7:41 PM on May 9, 2011
My brother received a letter from Medicaid shortly after applying for disability telling him not to worry about the bills because they sorted it out for him. I'm the one with the expensive medical bills. Also, I looked into Medicaid for both of us in the past (my brother's social worker did as well), and I learned because of my father's household income I wasn't eligible for Medicaid.
While we were in the ER, the psychiatric team made an appointment for us to get a Financial Evaluation, thinking or perhaps hoping Adult Protective Services would have been more aggressive about our situation and got us out of the house. We went to the Financial Evaluation appointment and they told us as long as we live with our father we will be stuck with the medical bills and to come back if/when our living arrangement changes. I don't know what my options are now that the bills are in collections.
I was told by an Adult Investigator I should be able to pay $5 a month to prevent the bills from going into collections. But my father refused to help out with that, told me it wasn't a big deal, that it would only prevent me from buying a new car, and I should just wait 7 years for the bills to clear themselves. I don't know if he's right in thinking that or not.
I'm lucky I have two years on my father's insurance. Alas, I'll be back where I started once the insurance runs out unless I manage to get a job, move out, or get on disability. Living with my father makes it so that I'm ineligible for Medicaid and other resources, even though he's in debt and our house is literally falling apart.
Shortly after the ER visit in October 2010, a social worker accompanying the Adult Investigator suggested we move into a homeless shelter so we could get on Medicaid and take advantage of other resources not available to us. The Adult Investigator realized with our level of anxiety we wouldn't be able or willing to do this, so the idea was quickly axed and she shooed the social worker away before we both freaked out.
There are a few other comments I'd like to address, if only to say, "Hey, thanks! That's inspiring.", but I'm too mentally drained right now. Just know I'm grateful to all of you for taking the time to troubleshoot and find other solutions to my situation and for sharing your past experiences with me. My brother and I wouldn't be where we are today without the advice and encouragement of this community. Thanks again for helping us out.
posted by Sara Bellum at 7:41 PM on May 9, 2011
Response by poster: After reading this thread together, we've both decided to live with our parents for another year and save up during that time. He will save part of his disability checks for the deposit and furniture and I'll put what I get from DCI Biologicals into savings as an emergency fund. Hopefully by then I'll either be on disability and still donating plasma or I'll be a functional, contributing member of society and be able to contribute more than $180 a month by the time we move out. That'll give me time to familiarize myself with the area and learn the life skills I need to learn before moving out, as I don't see my brother willing to do this if he moved out on his own (no offense, brother!). My brother's ex-social worker thinks we need each other because each of us has our own strengths and weaknesses; at this point in time one can't survive without the other.
I wish I could say the ex-social worker's e-mail was more helpful (he didn't answer the questions quiet coyote suggested I ask him) but it's still nice to know he hasn't given up on us. The first thing he said was, "Of course I would reply to your e-mail. I didn't decide to work in this field to get rich. lol." He was at least morally supportive, which is more than I should expect from him and probably more than my ex-social worker would do.
I wish I could leave sooner. Maybe planning and looking forward to the future will keep me sane enough as I deal with my mentally unstable mother.
posted by Sara Bellum at 10:50 PM on May 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
I wish I could say the ex-social worker's e-mail was more helpful (he didn't answer the questions quiet coyote suggested I ask him) but it's still nice to know he hasn't given up on us. The first thing he said was, "Of course I would reply to your e-mail. I didn't decide to work in this field to get rich. lol." He was at least morally supportive, which is more than I should expect from him and probably more than my ex-social worker would do.
I wish I could leave sooner. Maybe planning and looking forward to the future will keep me sane enough as I deal with my mentally unstable mother.
posted by Sara Bellum at 10:50 PM on May 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: I went to DCI Biologicals today and they told me my veins are too narrow to donate, so that option is off the table. I also found out while I was there my brother, who is the perfect candidate vein-wise, wouldn't be able to donate because of his seizure medication.
I'm also tired of hearing relatives tell me I'll be able to work once I'm prescribed a higher dose of the medications I'm currently taking when the doses I'm already on is destroying what little cognitive ability I have left. The stronger the dose, the less anxious I feel, but it doesn't help me when all I can do is sleep and re-experience what it was like being an untreated hypothyroid. I can't read a book, play chess, or do anything to stimulate my mind. If I wasn't already depressed before, I am now, because the medications are exacerbating the memory loss and slow thinking, my inability to focus and concentrate, and I'm still oversleeping. To think my psychiatrist wants me on a a cocktail of medication to help me sleep. What? What I need is to be awake, alert, and also not anxious!
I don't want to accept the possibility my "stupidity" is not the hypothyroidism, the depression, or the medication. I don't want to be like my parents, two of the most incurious and intellectually lazy people I've ever met. I'd hate to think I lost the genetic jackpot in that aspect, that all I can do with my life is not think too hard. God, what a depressing existence. I can't help but think why live if this is all I have to offer the world?
I'm sorry for the negative post. I'm venting, and feeling really discouraged right now.
Cross your fingers and hope I can get on disability before I lose my insurance and/or my mind. Like jtron mentioned in their post, I feel like I'm not "disabled enough".
posted by Sara Bellum at 9:13 AM on May 10, 2011
I'm also tired of hearing relatives tell me I'll be able to work once I'm prescribed a higher dose of the medications I'm currently taking when the doses I'm already on is destroying what little cognitive ability I have left. The stronger the dose, the less anxious I feel, but it doesn't help me when all I can do is sleep and re-experience what it was like being an untreated hypothyroid. I can't read a book, play chess, or do anything to stimulate my mind. If I wasn't already depressed before, I am now, because the medications are exacerbating the memory loss and slow thinking, my inability to focus and concentrate, and I'm still oversleeping. To think my psychiatrist wants me on a a cocktail of medication to help me sleep. What? What I need is to be awake, alert, and also not anxious!
I don't want to accept the possibility my "stupidity" is not the hypothyroidism, the depression, or the medication. I don't want to be like my parents, two of the most incurious and intellectually lazy people I've ever met. I'd hate to think I lost the genetic jackpot in that aspect, that all I can do with my life is not think too hard. God, what a depressing existence. I can't help but think why live if this is all I have to offer the world?
I'm sorry for the negative post. I'm venting, and feeling really discouraged right now.
Cross your fingers and hope I can get on disability before I lose my insurance and/or my mind. Like jtron mentioned in their post, I feel like I'm not "disabled enough".
posted by Sara Bellum at 9:13 AM on May 10, 2011
I'm sorry to hear you are feeling discouraged. It can be a frustrating process to not be able to fix what you want, or do what you want, when you want to do it. I think you need to give yourself a huge amount of credit for making so much progress. Maybe you should look at that before getting discouraged.
As far as getting out, it may not take a year. Start all the processes you need to get going, like applying for disability, and see where that leads you. Even if it takes a full year to get out of your parents' house, that is a finite amount of time, and something to look forward to.
posted by annsunny at 1:36 PM on May 10, 2011
As far as getting out, it may not take a year. Start all the processes you need to get going, like applying for disability, and see where that leads you. Even if it takes a full year to get out of your parents' house, that is a finite amount of time, and something to look forward to.
posted by annsunny at 1:36 PM on May 10, 2011
the doses I'm already on is destroying what little cognitive ability I have left. The stronger the dose, the less anxious I feel, but it doesn't help me when all I can do is sleep and re-experience what it was like being an untreated hypothyroid. I can't read a book, play chess, or do anything to stimulate my mind. If I wasn't already depressed before, I am now, because the medications are exacerbating the memory loss and slow thinking, my inability to focus and concentrate, and I'm still oversleeping.
Is your psychiatrist responsive when you tell her/him about these effects and how they bother you? Because you shouldn't have to become a zombie.
posted by needs more cowbell at 1:33 AM on May 27, 2011
Is your psychiatrist responsive when you tell her/him about these effects and how they bother you? Because you shouldn't have to become a zombie.
posted by needs more cowbell at 1:33 AM on May 27, 2011
Yeah, in my experience doctors are good about switching to alternate medication regimes if side effects suck. That's how I'm not taking the one that made me a sleepy sugar addict that almost hit 300 lbs, or the one that gave me crazy acid reflux, or... Then again, maybe your doc is more like the first one I approached as an adult to treat my arthritis, who told me I was too young to have such bad pain and should take 2g naproxyn sodium a day (10 Aleve, that is, and it ripped up my stomach something fierce)
posted by jtron at 8:08 AM on May 27, 2011
posted by jtron at 8:08 AM on May 27, 2011
Exactly. Sometimes the absolute perfect no-side-effects med cocktail might not exist, but a good doc can/should work with you to find a better fit if you bring it up. Hopefully your doc will, or if not, I hope you have the latitude to switch to a better one. These are totally reasonable requests.
posted by needs more cowbell at 11:42 AM on May 27, 2011
posted by needs more cowbell at 11:42 AM on May 27, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Sara Bellum at 2:12 AM on May 8, 2011