Why Do I Tremble From Anticipatory Jealousy?
May 6, 2011 9:22 AM Subscribe
When I meet another woman, I sometimes find myself thinking "would (my boyfriend) like her? Is she his type? Oh god, will they meet each other? Would she
?" To the point where I'm almost paralyzed with fear that he'll leave me for this person he hasn't even met. What can I do to calm down, learn to appreciate other women's qualities without comparing myself, and how can I prepare myself to deal with it if he DOES someday find himself attracted to someone else to the point where it impedes on our relationship? I want to be strong.
posted by dorothyrose to Human Relations (8 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
Background is, we've been together a couple years, friends for a few years, and we're very happy together. We're still in a 'dating' stage because I'm a single mom and we're both busy and want to see each other a lot more, but our time together is wonderful. We're still learning about each other, which is exciting, but in a way he already feels like family because we've been friends for so long and seen each other through a lot. We love each other and say so, and act as such.
I've struggled with insecurities and depression, but have also made great progress in self-esteem and other related areas.
In reality, when I calm down enough to think about it, I can imagine a scenario in which he tells me he has a crush on someone. We could probably get through that fine by talking about it. Usually the women I start freaking out about are younger - probably too young for him to have an actual relationship, in his eyes, and they very likely wouldn't give him a second glance. I forget that I think he's the cat's pyjamas but not every girl will.
I've done this in previous relationships, and when I was younger (in my 20's) it got quite annoying to the men because I was vocally jealous. Now I don't say a word about these fears. Should I?