How do I deal with beard burn from sex?

May 5, 2011 5:13 PM

How do I deal with beard burn from sex with my new partner?

I have kissed men with beards before, so I'm not sure why this is suddenly a problem for me. However, with the new guy my skin is rubbed raw both on my face from making out and down below from oral sex.

I'd rather not ask him to get rid of his goatee since it's pretty cute plus since our dating is such a new thing it would feel a little controlling, though if asking him to get rid of it is the only option I'm okay with that.

Does anyone know of any preventative measures I can take or awesome post-sex remedies that work well for both my face and my nether regions?

posted by anonymous to grab bag (24 answers total)

Just slap some lube in his beard.
posted by orthogonality at 5:24 PM on May 5, 2011

The cause of this, in my experience, is that the beard is either too long or too short. If his face is freshly shaved, there's no stubble to scratch me. If it's been many days since the last shave (or trim, if he's sporting facial hair) the hair is long enough and the ends blunted enough that I don't get scratched. But if the last shave or trim was 1-4 days ago, you get that stubble that is just long enough and sharp enough to scratch you. Bottom line, I'd tell the guy that it's a problem and ask him to warn you when he's just trimmed the goatee. Save the heavy making out and the oral for a few days after his last trim.
posted by decathecting at 5:29 PM on May 5, 2011 [6 favorites]

Get him to use conditioner?
posted by KokuRyu at 5:39 PM on May 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Hrmm. YMMV, but my experience with my bearded boy is that my skin got used to it after a while. Or perhaps the animalistic nature of our making-out got a little tamer as our relationship progressed...hrmm. In any case, it stopped being a problem after a relatively short while.
posted by stray at 5:43 PM on May 5, 2011

My husband has a lovely beard, but the length of the trim is really important -- ask him if he can move up or down a number and see if that helps.
posted by freshwater at 5:43 PM on May 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Ask that he not trim it on the days he's going to see you- it is far, far pointier just after a trim.
posted by charmedimsure at 5:46 PM on May 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Hair net?
posted by wrnealis at 5:50 PM on May 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

I got used to it.

Also, I learned to stop asking my partner to shave (sometimes I just wanted to see him clean-shaven) because the grow-back never stops being fierce. Figure out the point at which it is comfortable, then ask him to keep it that way.
posted by padraigin at 5:51 PM on May 5, 2011

I got used to it, too. Took maybe...a month? I don't really remember, it's been a while.
posted by phunniemee at 6:01 PM on May 5, 2011

Nthing that length of whisker is key. Too short & too long both hurt.
posted by smirkette at 6:08 PM on May 5, 2011

For irritation of face: aloe vera gel or vitamin E cream. For nether regions: diaper rash cream. Seriously. :)

And for the dudes joking about this: just imagine your experience if your lover's face were covered in Grade 80 sandpaper.
posted by likeso at 6:14 PM on May 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Wear your burn with pride! Failing that, Nivea's shaving balm is really good for this sort of thing, even if you're not the one shaving.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 6:24 PM on May 5, 2011

Yeah, you can use some sort of aftershave to help smooth things out after the fact, but otherwise it's beard conditioner, slightly less mashy kissing, somewhat sideways oral (experiment!) and more communication before you feel all rashy and sore.
posted by jessamyn at 6:39 PM on May 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Yes, the length is key. He has probably trimmed it recently, so ask him to let it grow longer. He can also use conditioner on it every few days.

My fiance has a beard and I prefer it to the evening stubble he would get when he shaved.
posted by apricot at 6:57 PM on May 5, 2011

I'm sort of infamous for only dating dudes with impressive beards, and I rarely have this issue. I've only noticed problems when it's a very short beard. Longer beards usually have a nice texture. Tell your man to condition his beard, that should help too.
posted by mostly vowels at 7:00 PM on May 5, 2011

Here's the deal: This only happens to new lovers. Once the passion dies down a bit you won't be suffering from so much friction. First few weeks you'll look like an inflamed sockmonkey. A month or two? Should be just fine.

When I was suffering from it, I just made up new makeout options that didn't rely on smashy-faced new lover kissing.

Enjoy it while it lasts! :)
posted by cior at 7:14 PM on May 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

And for the dudes joking about this: just imagine your experience if your lover's face were covered in Grade 80 sandpaper.

I'm allowed to laugh; a face is nothing compared to an 80 Grit crotch.

Innuendo aside, it is all about length. My face is scratchy if I have just trimmed it it really short, but not if it is shaved or longer. It's no different than pubic hair in that regard -- just shaved or full-on furry is great to touch; three days later is brutal.
posted by Forktine at 8:01 PM on May 5, 2011

Ask that he not trim it on the days he's going to see you- it is far, far pointier just after a trim.

charmedimsure hit a key point. Just-shorn hairs have sharp edges. I only trim my beard before showering, because the debris will imbed itself in my skin and poke me all day - seriously.

The guy may be trimming just prior to dates, as a grooming for the girl thing. Ask him not to, for just this reason.
posted by IAmBroom at 10:16 PM on May 5, 2011

If given the choice between sex with you and shaving off his goatee, he's going to shave off his goatee. So ask him to shave it off. If kissing and other stuff hurts you, it's going to put you off both and that's going to affect your relationship. It'd also be a test of how serious he is about you and what sort of person he is. If he puts his little beard before your comfort, well, you're learning something about him, and if he says 'fine, anything for you honey' you're learning something too.
posted by joannemullen at 1:52 AM on May 6, 2011

Another vote for conditioner. Just the regular conditioner one of you probably already has in the shower will do.
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:31 AM on May 6, 2011

wrap his face in a hot, warm towel prior to making out (or take a shower with him). This will soften the hairs tremendously.
posted by norm at 8:00 AM on May 6, 2011

Have not tried this, but have read that if he rubs a pumice stone on his beard after shaving, it'll help dull up the ends of the hairs.
posted by bookdragoness at 9:28 AM on May 6, 2011

You do get used to it after a couple of weeks, during the scratchy first month I carried my foundation compact and reapplied after kissing to tone down the redness.
posted by ellieBOA at 3:19 AM on May 7, 2011

Communicate your needs, always. If he can't handle the fact that he's chaffing you he doesn't deserve the sex you're giving him lol
posted by JeSuisLibre at 3:21 AM on June 1, 2011