"Fish I like" -- where does this come from?

May 4, 2011 11:14 AM

"Fish I like: Cod, Salmon, Whales". Can anyone identify this comic monologue about fish for me? Probably from 1980s England. Much longer excerpt inside.

All I know is that my friends and I quoted this to each other all the time around 1980-82. Now one of them has accused me of making it up, and I'm pretty sure I didn't. It goes like this, and you have to use a pedantic tone of voice when reciting it.

Fish I like: cod, salmon, whales.

I like cod because they taste good
I like salmon because they're good swimmers
And I like whales because they're really, really big

Fish I don't like: sharks, pike, roach

I don't like sharks because they eat people
I don't like pike because they eat other fish
And I don't like roach because they're crap

For some reason we thought this was absolutely hilarious, or at least the 'crap' bit.

Stir any memories?

posted by unSane to Society & Culture (5 answers total)

Best answer: Perhaps the monologue mentioned in the first post here? That seems to have come from A Kick Up the Eighties which is the right time frame and location.
posted by marginaliana at 1:09 PM on May 4, 2011

Response by poster: Fantastic! That's it! It's from KEVIN TURVE, INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER. I even found the script.

This is how it actually went:

Kevin: Fish that I like: piranha, cod, wales—that’s the fish, right, not the place. I mean, the area—not the place, it’s a fish. Ah, I’ve mucked meself up there. Eh, oh yeah, and mackerels. And fish that I don’t like: uh, chub, bass, any green fish—like, uh, green bottles—octopus, and squid. And the reasons I like these ones are: cod is great to eat. You can have it with chips if you want, or you can have it with peas. You could even have it on its own. And it’s quite cheap, considering that it’s dead, right. And whales are very big. That’s about it for whales, really. Oh, and they got a great hole in the top of their head that they can spray water with. And mackerels are great swimmers. Well, all fish have to be really, otherwise they’d just go and drown, right. But mackerels are especially great, otherwise, how come they ain’t extinct? And if you notice the ones that I don’t like, right, they’ve all got one thing in common, haven’t they? Can you spot it? That’s right, they’re all crap. But, you see, good fish or bad fish, they’re all fish, ain’t they? And that’s it mainly.

posted by unSane at 1:23 PM on May 4, 2011

Response by poster: And here's the clip, starting at 4'30". Awesome.
posted by unSane at 1:28 PM on May 4, 2011 [1 favorite]

Might be worth noting (for completeness' sake) that Kevin Turvey was a creation of Rik Mayall (who went on to be "Rick" in The Young Ones - just one highlight in a glittering alternative comedy career) and the fisherman who he pesters at the end of the above monologue is played by Robbie Coltrane...
posted by benzo8 at 9:37 PM on May 4, 2011

It's a little scary that I knew this would be Rik before I clicked through and even though I'd never heard this bit before. I mean, who else could it be?
posted by obiwanwasabi at 7:37 PM on May 5, 2011