I'm a remote worker in the UK, help me choose my next city
May 1, 2011 8:04 PM Subscribe
I'm a remote worker in the UK, help me decide whether to move, and to which city
I’m ready to move on, help me choose a new city!
I live in Brighton, a small provincial UK city, where I operate an online business with a small office but which I can remotely manage from anywhere.
The main problem is isolation and loneliness. I am really bad at making friends, as I am a bit of a loner with some pretty weird habits and mannerisms, and my career choice no doubt compounds the problem. I recently quit drinking so looking to make some lifestyle changes and a fresh start.
The only real requirement is that I can get to Brighton within a day or so in case of an office emergency at reasonable cost.
My options are really a) London, or b) emigrate to close city c) extended holiday in distant city, d) suck it up and stay put
A ) London. Most, perhaps 90%, of my worldy friends live in London and I am wondering if it's sane to move to such an expensive and work focused city just for social reasons. I think it might be weird to live there, without a job. Seems kinda creepy I guess, to hang out somewhere without an obligation to the place. I’m not so fussed about the extra culture, I love to read and dine, and to be honest I don’t really see 10% of what Brighton has to offer at the moment.
Maybe the problem isn’t really to do with place….
One possible negative, is that all my friends are college friends, and this feels a bit lame, falling back on childhood bonds
B ) I have tried travelling but really didn’t enjoy it that much, I am definitely one to dig my heels into a place and stay for a while, which means EU is the best bet. Perhaps Berlin. But again it feels creepy to me for a single guy in his early thirties to be hanging around a city, without any real ties to the place
C) I would love to live in a America for a couple of months, but again, I struggle with the lack of purposelessness. Also I would hate to fall in love with the country and then not be allowed to stay!
D) Maybe I would be the same lonely person everywhere, and I need to chill out and mediate and just get on with things here, lonliness or not…..
I’m ready to move on, help me choose a new city!
I live in Brighton, a small provincial UK city, where I operate an online business with a small office but which I can remotely manage from anywhere.
The main problem is isolation and loneliness. I am really bad at making friends, as I am a bit of a loner with some pretty weird habits and mannerisms, and my career choice no doubt compounds the problem. I recently quit drinking so looking to make some lifestyle changes and a fresh start.
The only real requirement is that I can get to Brighton within a day or so in case of an office emergency at reasonable cost.
My options are really a) London, or b) emigrate to close city c) extended holiday in distant city, d) suck it up and stay put
A ) London. Most, perhaps 90%, of my worldy friends live in London and I am wondering if it's sane to move to such an expensive and work focused city just for social reasons. I think it might be weird to live there, without a job. Seems kinda creepy I guess, to hang out somewhere without an obligation to the place. I’m not so fussed about the extra culture, I love to read and dine, and to be honest I don’t really see 10% of what Brighton has to offer at the moment.
Maybe the problem isn’t really to do with place….
One possible negative, is that all my friends are college friends, and this feels a bit lame, falling back on childhood bonds
B ) I have tried travelling but really didn’t enjoy it that much, I am definitely one to dig my heels into a place and stay for a while, which means EU is the best bet. Perhaps Berlin. But again it feels creepy to me for a single guy in his early thirties to be hanging around a city, without any real ties to the place
C) I would love to live in a America for a couple of months, but again, I struggle with the lack of purposelessness. Also I would hate to fall in love with the country and then not be allowed to stay!
D) Maybe I would be the same lonely person everywhere, and I need to chill out and mediate and just get on with things here, lonliness or not…..
I am wondering if it's sane to move to such an expensive and work focused city just for social reasons.
It seems more than sane, it seems like a fantastic idea. I have moved to places purely for social reasons and those are always the places where I've been happiest. IMHO it's a far better reason than any other, as long as you're not dooming yourself to permanent unemployment. Having friends there is just as much of an 'obligation' to the city as a job - in fact probably more so, as your friendships will probably outlast any job. They seem to me to be a great reason to move somewhere. Though London does, indeed, have it's own problems when it comes to loneliness, so this is a general point, rather than a 'Yay, move to London' one.
all my friends are college friends, and this feels a bit lame, falling back on childhood bonds
Maybe thinking this is what contributes to you being lonely? Still having college friends seems like a great thing to me. I moved back to the city where I studied 10 years after I left, without a job, because I liked the city and had two college friends there. Four years on, I have heaps of friends, a job etc., but those two college friends were what got me started. I lived in their spare rooms, got to know their friends, went to the pub with them, etc. You're definitely right that moving city alone probably won't cure your tendency to loneliness (Whereever you go, there you are, as they say) but learning to prioritise and value your friendships a bit more might help.
Good luck!
posted by penguin pie at 2:25 AM on May 2, 2011
It seems more than sane, it seems like a fantastic idea. I have moved to places purely for social reasons and those are always the places where I've been happiest. IMHO it's a far better reason than any other, as long as you're not dooming yourself to permanent unemployment. Having friends there is just as much of an 'obligation' to the city as a job - in fact probably more so, as your friendships will probably outlast any job. They seem to me to be a great reason to move somewhere. Though London does, indeed, have it's own problems when it comes to loneliness, so this is a general point, rather than a 'Yay, move to London' one.
all my friends are college friends, and this feels a bit lame, falling back on childhood bonds
Maybe thinking this is what contributes to you being lonely? Still having college friends seems like a great thing to me. I moved back to the city where I studied 10 years after I left, without a job, because I liked the city and had two college friends there. Four years on, I have heaps of friends, a job etc., but those two college friends were what got me started. I lived in their spare rooms, got to know their friends, went to the pub with them, etc. You're definitely right that moving city alone probably won't cure your tendency to loneliness (Whereever you go, there you are, as they say) but learning to prioritise and value your friendships a bit more might help.
Good luck!
posted by penguin pie at 2:25 AM on May 2, 2011
Honestly, if you can't make this work in Brighton, which is one of the most pleasant and social cities around and like 30 minutes from London, I am not sure a relocation is going to fix what ails you.
It is fine to relocate for social reasons. You're not really unemployed as much as it sounds like you are self-employed, and London is the queen of coffee house dossing so I don't see why that's a problem at all. Having said that, Brigton is king of coffee house dossing so if you're not making your freedom work for you there, I don't think it will work any better in Lodon.
However, if what you're after is to live the same life in another place, I suggest you rent an apartment in Nice in the off season for six months. It's Brighton but French.
posted by DarlingBri at 4:39 AM on May 2, 2011 [3 favorites]
It is fine to relocate for social reasons. You're not really unemployed as much as it sounds like you are self-employed, and London is the queen of coffee house dossing so I don't see why that's a problem at all. Having said that, Brigton is king of coffee house dossing so if you're not making your freedom work for you there, I don't think it will work any better in Lodon.
However, if what you're after is to live the same life in another place, I suggest you rent an apartment in Nice in the off season for six months. It's Brighton but French.
posted by DarlingBri at 4:39 AM on May 2, 2011 [3 favorites]
Do you have to be in England.?
Many Continental possibilities arise if you start looking at the lowcost airlines that fly in and out of Gatwick on a daily basis.
posted by adamvasco at 6:04 AM on May 2, 2011
Many Continental possibilities arise if you start looking at the lowcost airlines that fly in and out of Gatwick on a daily basis.
posted by adamvasco at 6:04 AM on May 2, 2011
Response by poster: Do you have to be in England.?
No I don't have to be in England. I have a staffed office that is fairly stable, so I just need to be able to visit once or twice a month. Money isn't a problem.
But I guess my real problem is that if I have trouble meeting people in a friendly city, where I have a business and a routine, then I guess it will be even harder in a foreign city.
Brighton though friendly feels a bit too transient, like a festival, and it feels a little bit like a vacation from life. I have always found holidays boring.
Sorry if this question is a bit chatty/therapy! Answers so far have all been thought provoking
posted by choppyes at 6:50 AM on May 2, 2011
No I don't have to be in England. I have a staffed office that is fairly stable, so I just need to be able to visit once or twice a month. Money isn't a problem.
But I guess my real problem is that if I have trouble meeting people in a friendly city, where I have a business and a routine, then I guess it will be even harder in a foreign city.
Brighton though friendly feels a bit too transient, like a festival, and it feels a little bit like a vacation from life. I have always found holidays boring.
Sorry if this question is a bit chatty/therapy! Answers so far have all been thought provoking
posted by choppyes at 6:50 AM on May 2, 2011
Moving to London for social reasons might sound better than it actually would be. I lived in London for two years, and many of my very good college friends lived there too. However, they weren't in the same part of London as me and therefore I saw them about as often as I did when I lived in a nearby town (about the distance Brighton-London). You have to remember that London is big and it's slow to get around. To visit friends in south London from Islington took me a good two hours if everything was running as it should.
One of my friends in your situation actually found London so isolating that he's moved out to another city because it's just as easy to do the 90 minute train ride in for social and business meetings once a week as it is to live there.
The thing you might like about living in London is that there is lots going on. I was easily able to find groups for my hobbies at the level I wanted in reasonably convenient locations. That gave me a lot of social contact and I've missed it since I left. If you like any kind of group activities it might suit you really well.
posted by kadia_a at 7:04 AM on May 2, 2011
One of my friends in your situation actually found London so isolating that he's moved out to another city because it's just as easy to do the 90 minute train ride in for social and business meetings once a week as it is to live there.
The thing you might like about living in London is that there is lots going on. I was easily able to find groups for my hobbies at the level I wanted in reasonably convenient locations. That gave me a lot of social contact and I've missed it since I left. If you like any kind of group activities it might suit you really well.
posted by kadia_a at 7:04 AM on May 2, 2011
choppyes: "But I guess my real problem is that if I have trouble meeting people in a friendly city, where I have a business and a routine, then I guess it will be even harder in a foreign city. "
Can I suggest that if you're having a problem making these connections in Brighton, then you're doing it wrong?
What business are you in? You mentioned you have an online business - are you hooked into the tech community in Brighton? There are Open Coffees, hacker spaces, barcamps, conferences, business camps... it's busy. We're a friendly bunch pretty much the world over. Having moved to Cork 5 years ago, I promise you I would a) never leave the house, and b) have zero friends were it not for the network of people those activities gave me.
Also, schedule a meetup - MeFites are univerally awesome, every single one I've met!
Basically, I'm saying try really, really hard to make it work in Brighton because I promise you it is easier there than anywhere I can think of except maybe where I am lucky enough to live.
posted by DarlingBri at 9:12 AM on May 2, 2011
Can I suggest that if you're having a problem making these connections in Brighton, then you're doing it wrong?
What business are you in? You mentioned you have an online business - are you hooked into the tech community in Brighton? There are Open Coffees, hacker spaces, barcamps, conferences, business camps... it's busy. We're a friendly bunch pretty much the world over. Having moved to Cork 5 years ago, I promise you I would a) never leave the house, and b) have zero friends were it not for the network of people those activities gave me.
Also, schedule a meetup - MeFites are univerally awesome, every single one I've met!
Basically, I'm saying try really, really hard to make it work in Brighton because I promise you it is easier there than anywhere I can think of except maybe where I am lucky enough to live.
posted by DarlingBri at 9:12 AM on May 2, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
Having said that, Brighton seems like a great place to make friends, people are very open to talking.
Maybe you should travel, as it can be easy to make casual friends on the road. Forget about the being in your thirties thing, that's in your head it's as much of a big deal as you make it. You see all kinds of people travelling from teenagers to people in their 50's with kids.
posted by Not Supplied at 11:30 PM on May 1, 2011