Why can't I get over this when I was over it anyway?
May 1, 2011 6:58 PM Subscribe
How can I let go of jealousy and anger over getting dumped by someone I didn't like that much anyway?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (19 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I dated a guy for a few months. It was clear to me after the first couple of months that we weren't compatible for various reasons, and I started thinking about the best way to end things nicely. Before I could do it I had a run of bad luck and needed to attend to some personal stuff (job and health), so I put ending the relationship on the back burner. After all of that personal bad luck stuff started to quiet down, surprise! He dumped me.
At the time I was too busy and stressed to really care or think about it beyond "Well that's a relief, more free time and I don't have to be the bad guy in this." Now I'm a few weeks out and starting to feel irrationally angry and jealous (he's dating someone else). Even though I know that the relationship just wasn't working, I can't help but feel mad at him for rejecting me, and for moving on so quickly. I don't feel sad, and I don't miss him or want him back, I just think "What is your PROBLEM? Why are you so happy go lucky while I am still thinking about this?" whenever I see him (which is often, because of our involvement in an activity that neither of us can quit or reschedule).
I feel very immature for having these feelings which boil down to being mad that someone else is happy, or that someone I didn't even like didn't like me, but I'm having a really hard time changing my internal narrative. This is the first time I've ever been broken up with by someone whom I also wanted to break up with -- I have plenty of experience with lovesickness over losing someone I wanted to be with, but no experience with realizing that it's OK to not be wanted by someone you also do not want.
I would really appreciate any words of wisdom or advice, particularly aphorisms or concepts that I can remind myself of whenever I feel my thoughts verging towards the "I am so awesome and he is a DOUCHEBAG for dumping me" side of things. He's not a douchebag!