No Support from Family
May 1, 2011 1:44 PM Subscribe
My friend needs some advice on how to handle family that is not supportive of the positive changes she is making in her life.
posted by mungaman to Human Relations (6 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
She was born in Mexico but now lives in Southern California within 50 miles of most of her extended family. When she was young, she had to deal with alcohol/domestic violence issues with extended family that she spent a lot of time with.
In high school, she could not get into the University she wanted, so she decided to go to the local city college as it has a high transfer rate to that University and also because it was save her money. When she graduates, she will be the first of her family to go college.
She also recently moved out of her parent's home. Her parents were very controlling and annoying, often calling her right after her work or class was scheduled to end to see where she was and when she would be home. They were also distracting her school performance and making her very depressed. Any of these choices she has made have been met with ridicule by her family and extended family. In reference to her college, they will say things like "I thought college was supposed to make you smart" and other extremely mean and insulting jokes. Unfortunately, she is having a very hard time ignoring all of this. In fact, it is causing her massive amounts of anxiety and stress because she is constantly trying to prove them all wrong. Most of her stress and depression can be linked back to how her family is treating her.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Many are in similar situations with cultural and/or idealogical differences between themselves and their family. She is trying to not just "deal with it" but make changes or take advice that will help her come to terms with it. She doesn't want this to be a issue that will be manifesting stress and depression for the rest of her life.
She went to family counseling during high school but did not get anything out of it. She said it was effectively "How does that make you feel?" every session and that it would just depress her further.