Abandon ship, once and for all, or fight for what I have?
April 21, 2011 9:16 AM Subscribe
Seven months ago I cheated on my partner. Six months ago I came clean to him. Three months ago we broke up. This past week we have begun to spend some time together, and I feel like we both reached a breakthrough last night. Am I crazy to have this renewed faith in/willingness to work for our love? Do I need to finally let it go? Much more inside.
posted by fignewton to human relations (23 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Nearly three months ago, I officially broke up with the first and only true love I've ever experienced. Our relationship had been on the rocks for three months before that; I had cheated on him and confessed to him. This caused a great deal of strain and stress to the both of us. We did reach an amicable chord of forgiveness, but I broke up with him because I was afraid we were too incompatible (and I had too many personal problems to work on) to be together. We parted ways in a friendly manner . . .
This past week he and I have been spending some time together. (Yes, we even hooked up.) At first I was worried that we were just spiraling back into our old habits, but we shared a lengthy, enlightening conversation last night. We opened up to each other in a beautiful way. We talked about our relationship -- the good times and the bad times. I opened up to him; he opened up to me. It felt like a catharsis. It felt really good.
We talked about what we want with our futures. We talked about how our break-up made us feel like the rug had been swept up from beneath our feet. We talked about our hopes and our dreams. What's so remarkable is that we have such similar life-goals. We both want to travel. We both want to settle down somewhere small and laid-back, possibly outside of the States. We both want to live a simple life and create a family and a home together.
We both wondered aloud why we're no longer together in a half-joking kind of way.
We talked about how we've been the past three months. We essentially feel the same way. We've both tried seeing other people, but we're both still preoccupied by the half-hope of reuniting with each other. (When things ended, we were about to move in together. We were about to get very serious.) There are parts of us that want to come back together with a renewed dedication and make things work.
I feel like a fire within my heart has been relit and it is awesome to behold. This fire wants to grow and burn brightly. It wants me to do whatever it takes to win him back and pick up where we should have never left off. This fire makes me feel confident that we are MEANT to be together.
Now Hivemind, I realize that perhaps I am being brash. Perhaps I should have never recontacted the ex. Perhaps I should try to move on. But if we are not meant to be together, then why does it so deeply feel like we should be together? Why does it feel like we have gone through all these trials just to come to this moment where we truly come together? Do I tell him all this? Do I wait a while before I approach him again? Or do I need to break off contact again and continue moving on? Last night was amazing for me (there was no sex involved, only company and conversation) . . . Am I crazily wrong for feeling this way?