Prom Help
May 2, 2005 5:49 PM Subscribe
My high school prom is coming up. I am a senior and am going to graduate this year. I plan to go, but cannot work up the courage to ask this certain girl to go with me.
I did not go to the prom my junior year, due to money problems and the fact that I didn't have a date. All the friends that I have that are female all say that I'm good looking, but they all have dates (and I have no interest in them other than being friends). So that may not be an issue for me.
The real problems are that this one girl that I'm very interested in knows me somewhat (she's a client at the tanning salon I work at after school, as well as the Blockbuster in front of the salon), so I'm not sure if I should ask her outright. The other problem is that when I do try to ask her, I completely balk as soon as I see her. I don't think she knows that I'm interested. I also have a real hard time talking to girls I like; when I do have the guts to initiate conversation, I never know what to say and feel like crap.
Any advice on what I should do and any advice on growing balls big enough to be able to ask her/talk to her, etc. would be greatly appreciated.
I did not go to the prom my junior year, due to money problems and the fact that I didn't have a date. All the friends that I have that are female all say that I'm good looking, but they all have dates (and I have no interest in them other than being friends). So that may not be an issue for me.
The real problems are that this one girl that I'm very interested in knows me somewhat (she's a client at the tanning salon I work at after school, as well as the Blockbuster in front of the salon), so I'm not sure if I should ask her outright. The other problem is that when I do try to ask her, I completely balk as soon as I see her. I don't think she knows that I'm interested. I also have a real hard time talking to girls I like; when I do have the guts to initiate conversation, I never know what to say and feel like crap.
Any advice on what I should do and any advice on growing balls big enough to be able to ask her/talk to her, etc. would be greatly appreciated.
If she's not in high school, be prepared for a "no." What's the worst that could happen? I guarantee she'll be flattered no matter what. Don't try to do anything really flashy, just be your shy self and tell her sweetly that you'd really like to take her to your prom. Don't obsess! Take action!
posted by bonheur at 5:54 PM on May 2, 2005
posted by bonheur at 5:54 PM on May 2, 2005
If you aren't at least a little nervous asking a girl out, there's probably something with you. That said, you should definitely ask her. Good luck!
posted by ruwan at 5:58 PM on May 2, 2005
posted by ruwan at 5:58 PM on May 2, 2005
Just do it. Think positively about the outcome, but if she turns you down, look elsewhere for a date. Your odds are higher in your own school as the girls there also want to go to the prom, others may be a bit uncomfortable entering that foreign realm. Lots of people, maybe even most people, go with dates that are as much about convenience as any real romantic interest.
posted by caddis at 6:01 PM on May 2, 2005
posted by caddis at 6:01 PM on May 2, 2005
I bet you're going to get a lot of the "just do it" advice which you've probably heard before, and which doesn't make the situation any easier. And it's always so easy for people to give that advice—after all they don't have to deal with the humiliation later. (The first thing you should know about asking people out though, is that being rejected really isn't humiliating. And after you've been rejected a few times, you'll realize that.)
This being the prom makes it into a big stressful situation which just makes it harder and things more awkward. Ask her out for coffee. That should be easier, and it should give her some indication that you might be interested in her so she won't be totally shocked when you ask her out to the prom afterwards.
Definitely go to the prom even if you do not have a date. But remember that at your school almost everyone is going to want to go to the prom, almost everyone is going to want to go with a date, and that means lots of girls will be willing to go with you.
And hey, take the "desperate loser" off of this question's tags, soldier! We don't need none of that around here.
posted by grouse at 6:07 PM on May 2, 2005 [2 favorites]
This being the prom makes it into a big stressful situation which just makes it harder and things more awkward. Ask her out for coffee. That should be easier, and it should give her some indication that you might be interested in her so she won't be totally shocked when you ask her out to the prom afterwards.
Definitely go to the prom even if you do not have a date. But remember that at your school almost everyone is going to want to go to the prom, almost everyone is going to want to go with a date, and that means lots of girls will be willing to go with you.
And hey, take the "desperate loser" off of this question's tags, soldier! We don't need none of that around here.
posted by grouse at 6:07 PM on May 2, 2005 [2 favorites]
'M' - maybe we're coming on a little strong, please don't take it badly, sorry. Have you had a lot of experience asking other girls out? It gets easier the more you try it. Rejection sucks, yeah, but it's an acute pain, like pulling off a bandage. Pining away is so much worse than just going ahead and asking...
posted by PurplePorpoise at 6:08 PM on May 2, 2005
posted by PurplePorpoise at 6:08 PM on May 2, 2005
This is the only chance you will ever have to do this in your entire life.
Just one moment. Then you will have 70 some-odd years to ponder and reflect upon it.
Let me tell you from the other side: fear is nothing compared to regret. Fear lasts a moment. Regret lasts a lifetime.
Do it now.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 6:15 PM on May 2, 2005 [1 favorite]
Just one moment. Then you will have 70 some-odd years to ponder and reflect upon it.
Let me tell you from the other side: fear is nothing compared to regret. Fear lasts a moment. Regret lasts a lifetime.
Do it now.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 6:15 PM on May 2, 2005 [1 favorite]
Have you had any sort of conversation with her? If you haven't, you should, by way of properly "meeting" her and establishing that you and she are both nice people. Something simple -- see her at Blockbuster and ask her if she's rented anything good lately. See her at the salon and ask her if she's looking forward to beach weather. Then, the very next time you see her, you can ask her to the prom.
When you ask her, say something mildly complimentary but not over-the-top. Something like, "I've been noticing you around and I was thinking it would be fun to go with you." Tell her when and where it is (assuming she doesn't go to your school). I'd also add a tiny bit of info about your other friends; this bit just in case she would be nervous about spending an evening with someone she doesn't really know. Something like, "My friends Mandy and Joe and I are planning to get a limo..." etc.
I went to a prom with a guy I hardly knew (we had two minor conversations while he was at work at the Gap and I was a customer). I already thought he was cute and nice, but was nervous about going to a prom where he was the only person I knew. But he had it arranged for us to be a foursome with two others, and so it was a very friendly and fun occasion. And I said yes to his invitation even though I was dating someone already!
posted by xo at 6:18 PM on May 2, 2005
When you ask her, say something mildly complimentary but not over-the-top. Something like, "I've been noticing you around and I was thinking it would be fun to go with you." Tell her when and where it is (assuming she doesn't go to your school). I'd also add a tiny bit of info about your other friends; this bit just in case she would be nervous about spending an evening with someone she doesn't really know. Something like, "My friends Mandy and Joe and I are planning to get a limo..." etc.
I went to a prom with a guy I hardly knew (we had two minor conversations while he was at work at the Gap and I was a customer). I already thought he was cute and nice, but was nervous about going to a prom where he was the only person I knew. But he had it arranged for us to be a foursome with two others, and so it was a very friendly and fun occasion. And I said yes to his invitation even though I was dating someone already!
posted by xo at 6:18 PM on May 2, 2005
Try asking if she has a moment to talk.
Say: I know this may be coming from out of the blue. I really enjoy spending time with you. Would you like to go to the Prom with me?
posted by xammerboy at 6:18 PM on May 2, 2005
Say: I know this may be coming from out of the blue. I really enjoy spending time with you. Would you like to go to the Prom with me?
posted by xammerboy at 6:18 PM on May 2, 2005
Grouse is right that perhaps coffee (substitute low pressure activity of your choice here) should come first. The prom is an expensive proposition and as a first date is smacks of romantic-comedyism.
My more general advice is as follows. Life is too bloody short for the sort of pining you're doing. You want to wake up for the next few months thinking "I should have asked her out"? Does that sound like a fun prospect to you? Nothing like regret hanging over your head, it's a drag. Yeah getting rejected is hard but constant wondering about "what if" is harder. If you're interested in a girl then ask her out.
How do you ask a girl out? Next time you see her and start to balk think to yourself "fuck it", take a calming breath and ask her if she'd like to go out sometime. If she says yes then remain calm and try not to start planing what you're going to name your kids. If she turns you down then take it gracefully and take solace in the knowledge that you did something you were afraid of. In this specific case then perhaps wait until she's coming in for a movie and not a tan but that's just an idea.
A final suggestion: Try to do one thing you're afraid of every day.
posted by cm at 6:20 PM on May 2, 2005
My more general advice is as follows. Life is too bloody short for the sort of pining you're doing. You want to wake up for the next few months thinking "I should have asked her out"? Does that sound like a fun prospect to you? Nothing like regret hanging over your head, it's a drag. Yeah getting rejected is hard but constant wondering about "what if" is harder. If you're interested in a girl then ask her out.
How do you ask a girl out? Next time you see her and start to balk think to yourself "fuck it", take a calming breath and ask her if she'd like to go out sometime. If she says yes then remain calm and try not to start planing what you're going to name your kids. If she turns you down then take it gracefully and take solace in the knowledge that you did something you were afraid of. In this specific case then perhaps wait until she's coming in for a movie and not a tan but that's just an idea.
A final suggestion: Try to do one thing you're afraid of every day.
posted by cm at 6:20 PM on May 2, 2005
I think grouse's suggestion of asking her out for coffee is a good one. It'll break the ice a little bit, hopefully make you relax a little.
If I were you, I'd be honest and tell her that you feel a little awkward, that you're nervous, etc. And just ask her to the prom.
Sure you might get rejected, but that's the worst-case scenario, right? You can already imagine that. So go ahead and take the chance.
On preview, if you haven't really had much in the way of conversation, definitely take her out for coffee; don't pop the question while you're working.
posted by Specklet at 6:21 PM on May 2, 2005
If I were you, I'd be honest and tell her that you feel a little awkward, that you're nervous, etc. And just ask her to the prom.
Sure you might get rejected, but that's the worst-case scenario, right? You can already imagine that. So go ahead and take the chance.
On preview, if you haven't really had much in the way of conversation, definitely take her out for coffee; don't pop the question while you're working.
posted by Specklet at 6:21 PM on May 2, 2005
I'm pretty sure I was a high school girl once...
... first, a warning. If you want to ask her out, then ask her out. But not to Prom. Ask her to go to the movies with you, or for a walk, or for sundaes or whatever it is the kids do these days. It doesn't sound like you know this girl well, and if it turns out that you and she have nothing in common, then the "big night" is pretty much blown for both of you. I think all the best prom stories of know of start with "Well, I didn't have a date to the Prom, so I asked this friend of mine who also didn't have a date..." while I know a few horror stories of the "I asked out this totally hott girl to Prom and she said yes, but then..." variety.
That having been said, well, assuming you know her full name and she goes to school with you, then I'd advise the romantic approach. Use flowers. Bring her a rose and ask her in person, or send a note along with a small bouquet. Romance and chivalry are so close to dead in real life these days -- a great way to impress a girl is to make her feel like her life has suddenly turned into a romatic movie.
posted by anastasiav at 6:26 PM on May 2, 2005
... first, a warning. If you want to ask her out, then ask her out. But not to Prom. Ask her to go to the movies with you, or for a walk, or for sundaes or whatever it is the kids do these days. It doesn't sound like you know this girl well, and if it turns out that you and she have nothing in common, then the "big night" is pretty much blown for both of you. I think all the best prom stories of know of start with "Well, I didn't have a date to the Prom, so I asked this friend of mine who also didn't have a date..." while I know a few horror stories of the "I asked out this totally hott girl to Prom and she said yes, but then..." variety.
That having been said, well, assuming you know her full name and she goes to school with you, then I'd advise the romantic approach. Use flowers. Bring her a rose and ask her in person, or send a note along with a small bouquet. Romance and chivalry are so close to dead in real life these days -- a great way to impress a girl is to make her feel like her life has suddenly turned into a romatic movie.
posted by anastasiav at 6:26 PM on May 2, 2005
If a random girl who you hadn't really noticed yet asked you to the prom, would you mock her for it, even if you declined the invitation? No, because worthy people like being appreciated even if they aren't able to reciprocate. The worst that will happen is she will say no, but that you will make her feel interesting and attractive, which is a nice gift to give someone. If she doesn't accept that graciously, then she wouldn't have been a great prom date anyway.
If she says no you can implement a backup plan which is to go with a friend, which as anastasiav notes, is usually a great solution.
posted by dness2 at 6:27 PM on May 2, 2005
If she says no you can implement a backup plan which is to go with a friend, which as anastasiav notes, is usually a great solution.
posted by dness2 at 6:27 PM on May 2, 2005
If there's something you want to do, you will regret not doing it more than any consequences of doing it.
Roll the dice.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 6:28 PM on May 2, 2005
Roll the dice.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 6:28 PM on May 2, 2005
This needs repeating. Maybe even tattooing on every child's inner arm at birth:
Fear is nothing compared to regret. Fear lasts a moment. Regret lasts a lifetime.
Do you know how many 45-year-olds occasionally, when they get sloppy drunk, still talk about the girl they wished they had the courage to ask out back in high school? Don't be that guy!
I'm a complete chickenshit about this stuff so do as I say, not as I do, but I can definitely tell you from experience that the times I didn't take a risk weigh on me far more than the times I embarassed myself. Life is risk and not taking the plunge off the high dive or rolling the dice is to avoid the highs and lows that the ride is all about.
Plus, once you do it, you realize it was never that scary or awful after all. (And hell, if it is, you can always go off and join the foreign legion or something.)
posted by CunningLinguist at 6:29 PM on May 2, 2005
Fear is nothing compared to regret. Fear lasts a moment. Regret lasts a lifetime.
Do you know how many 45-year-olds occasionally, when they get sloppy drunk, still talk about the girl they wished they had the courage to ask out back in high school? Don't be that guy!
I'm a complete chickenshit about this stuff so do as I say, not as I do, but I can definitely tell you from experience that the times I didn't take a risk weigh on me far more than the times I embarassed myself. Life is risk and not taking the plunge off the high dive or rolling the dice is to avoid the highs and lows that the ride is all about.
Plus, once you do it, you realize it was never that scary or awful after all. (And hell, if it is, you can always go off and join the foreign legion or something.)
posted by CunningLinguist at 6:29 PM on May 2, 2005
Do you know how many 45-year-olds occasionally, when they get sloppy drunk, still talk about the girl they wished they had the courage to ask out back in high school? Don't be that guy!
But he'll be cheating himself out of an excuse to get sloppy drunk later in life!
Actually, dude, I'll back up the LinguisticLady here. Looking back, I missed quite a few chances. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
posted by jonmc at 6:36 PM on May 2, 2005
But he'll be cheating himself out of an excuse to get sloppy drunk later in life!
Actually, dude, I'll back up the LinguisticLady here. Looking back, I missed quite a few chances. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
posted by jonmc at 6:36 PM on May 2, 2005
I think that C17H19NO3 already knows that he wants to ask the girl out. He just doesn't know how. It's not a question of "just do it" for a shy person, it's a question of HOW to do it when you get all flummoxed around a female you admire.
Just realize that the worst thing she can do is say no. And he he should give himself enough credit to realize that if she was the type of girl to be cruel about turning him down, he wouldn't have found her attractive in the first place. so, all that considered, what do you have to lose?
posted by jonmc at 6:56 PM on May 2, 2005
Just realize that the worst thing she can do is say no. And he he should give himself enough credit to realize that if she was the type of girl to be cruel about turning him down, he wouldn't have found her attractive in the first place. so, all that considered, what do you have to lose?
posted by jonmc at 6:56 PM on May 2, 2005
One thing I wish I knew when I was younger - Women are flattered by being asked out - Even if she were to say no, she'll know that you thought she was hot/cool enough to ask her to your prom and will appreciate that gesture and compliment. Don't worry or think about it too much, just act normal and do what it takes.
posted by pwb503 at 7:03 PM on May 2, 2005
posted by pwb503 at 7:03 PM on May 2, 2005
I'm distracted by the following:
(she's a client at the tanning salon I work at after school, as well as the Blockbuster in front of the salon)
Y'all have a Blockbuster inside a tanning salon? WHAT!?
posted by elisabeth r at 7:05 PM on May 2, 2005
(she's a client at the tanning salon I work at after school, as well as the Blockbuster in front of the salon)
Y'all have a Blockbuster inside a tanning salon? WHAT!?
posted by elisabeth r at 7:05 PM on May 2, 2005
23skidoo has it. Have a plan. Have a line (not that kind of line...) that is specific. I like the specifics of the kind of date (coffee), the time (although I would say later in the week, or "sometime later next week" rather than name a day) and why you want to se her (she has been around and you find her pleasant and interesting.
Whenever I need to do something that scares me, I am motivated by my sister's words from long ago- "No you can't, you are too scared to". I don't even remember what she was referring to, I just know that it pissed me off to no end. So now I do. Whatever it is, I do. Maybe that can help you.
Otherwise, sometimes I pretend I am in a novel-- I tentatively call it The Most Ridiculous Woman in the World--and whatever scary thing I am about to do is just a plot point. If it goes well, hey, good storyline. If it goes absurdly or badly, hey, kooky twist for the book. Perhaps you can be the protagonist in you own imaginary novel as you ask her.
posted by oflinkey at 7:06 PM on May 2, 2005
Whenever I need to do something that scares me, I am motivated by my sister's words from long ago- "No you can't, you are too scared to". I don't even remember what she was referring to, I just know that it pissed me off to no end. So now I do. Whatever it is, I do. Maybe that can help you.
Otherwise, sometimes I pretend I am in a novel-- I tentatively call it The Most Ridiculous Woman in the World--and whatever scary thing I am about to do is just a plot point. If it goes well, hey, good storyline. If it goes absurdly or badly, hey, kooky twist for the book. Perhaps you can be the protagonist in you own imaginary novel as you ask her.
posted by oflinkey at 7:06 PM on May 2, 2005
it's a question of HOW
Next time you see her, smile, make eye contact. If you feel nervous, let that energy out as a bit of a laugh. Do not stare at her, but don't lose the eye contact. *Do not* look down, even if it's at your own shoes. Yes, you can blink.
Aproach, say Hi. I'm Morphine (use whatever name normal people call you), and I've been too shy (or whatever your reason is) to approach you but I'm really quite enamoured (or whatever emotion you feel towards her) by you. Smile.
Wait for reaction - if she looks startled or frightened, smile and say sorry. If it's not an obviously negative reaction, proceed with something along the lines of, Are you busy right now? Would you like to go for a coffee (or whatever - choose a public establishment close to where you currently are)? Smile.
Wait for reaction. If it's not an accept or obviously negative reaction, proceed with something along the lines of, Well, that's ok. Could I give you my number? I'm normally too shy (or whatever your reason is) to approach women out of the blue but you really intrigue me (insert reason if you can think of one).
Best of luck, dude.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 7:08 PM on May 2, 2005
Next time you see her, smile, make eye contact. If you feel nervous, let that energy out as a bit of a laugh. Do not stare at her, but don't lose the eye contact. *Do not* look down, even if it's at your own shoes. Yes, you can blink.
Aproach, say Hi. I'm Morphine (use whatever name normal people call you), and I've been too shy (or whatever your reason is) to approach you but I'm really quite enamoured (or whatever emotion you feel towards her) by you. Smile.
Wait for reaction - if she looks startled or frightened, smile and say sorry. If it's not an obviously negative reaction, proceed with something along the lines of, Are you busy right now? Would you like to go for a coffee (or whatever - choose a public establishment close to where you currently are)? Smile.
Wait for reaction. If it's not an accept or obviously negative reaction, proceed with something along the lines of, Well, that's ok. Could I give you my number? I'm normally too shy (or whatever your reason is) to approach women out of the blue but you really intrigue me (insert reason if you can think of one).
Best of luck, dude.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 7:08 PM on May 2, 2005
I'd like to suggest something different. Forget the salon girl. What salon girl? Good.
Now, look around you. Somewhere in your class there's a girl. She's probably quiet, and shy, and not totally hawt. But she's smart as hell, and funny if you give her a chance, and she'll turn out to be totally hawt in college. She's looking for a prom date, but she's also afraid of rejection, and it's not likely anybody will ask her.
This is your last chance to get this girl before some final year med student does in five years and she has his beautiful babies. This is the girl you should ask to a movie. This is the girl you should ask out to Krustburger afterwards for frosty shakes. This is the girl you should ask to the prom.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 7:17 PM on May 2, 2005 [2 favorites]
Now, look around you. Somewhere in your class there's a girl. She's probably quiet, and shy, and not totally hawt. But she's smart as hell, and funny if you give her a chance, and she'll turn out to be totally hawt in college. She's looking for a prom date, but she's also afraid of rejection, and it's not likely anybody will ask her.
This is your last chance to get this girl before some final year med student does in five years and she has his beautiful babies. This is the girl you should ask to a movie. This is the girl you should ask out to Krustburger afterwards for frosty shakes. This is the girl you should ask to the prom.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 7:17 PM on May 2, 2005 [2 favorites]
One line I used successfully three times was (word for word!) "Hey, if I asked you to go to [insert dance here] with me, would you slap me?"
(note: this should be delivered with the theatrics for fear, not hope.)
posted by gsteff at 7:21 PM on May 2, 2005
(note: this should be delivered with the theatrics for fear, not hope.)
posted by gsteff at 7:21 PM on May 2, 2005
Best wishes, young man. I concur with most of the advice here -- mostly, find a way to ask her out. If not the prom, then something else. Regret IS a bitch, and much harder to cope with years later than any simple rejection from a girl that you barely know. Be honest, be simple, and be kind.
posted by davidmsc at 7:28 PM on May 2, 2005
posted by davidmsc at 7:28 PM on May 2, 2005
Wow. I'm having flashbacks.
It was 14 years ago. I knew her fairly well, but she was out of my league. I had only taken one girl to a real dance before, and that was because she had some major mental issues. In other words, I had never really asked a normal girl out.
It was a beautiful spring day, and somehow I ended up walking with her out to the parking lot. We were at my car, I flipped my sunglasses up, and asked her if she had a date for the prom.
She told me she didn't (not suprising, as she was a year behind me, and only seniors and their dates could go to our prom). I asked her, "Would you like to go with me?"
She told me, "sure."
It was unplanned, uncomfortable, and stressful as hell. But she said yes, and I still remember the whole thing. The date itself paled in comparison to the asking itself.
She will never know you are interested until you make it very clear. As others have said, just do it. You will get over it if she rejects you, but you can never go back and ask her again.
One minor tangent - 5 years later, I jumped out of a plane for the first time. Since then, I've never had a problem asking women out. But asking that girl to the prom was more difficult than stepping out of the door of a plane at 12000 feet.
On preview - obiwanwasabi has a great point. A year before that prom, there was a girl a year older than me that I still consider perfect. So perfect that nobody asked her to her own prom. If I had only tried...
posted by bh at 7:34 PM on May 2, 2005
It was 14 years ago. I knew her fairly well, but she was out of my league. I had only taken one girl to a real dance before, and that was because she had some major mental issues. In other words, I had never really asked a normal girl out.
It was a beautiful spring day, and somehow I ended up walking with her out to the parking lot. We were at my car, I flipped my sunglasses up, and asked her if she had a date for the prom.
She told me she didn't (not suprising, as she was a year behind me, and only seniors and their dates could go to our prom). I asked her, "Would you like to go with me?"
She told me, "sure."
It was unplanned, uncomfortable, and stressful as hell. But she said yes, and I still remember the whole thing. The date itself paled in comparison to the asking itself.
She will never know you are interested until you make it very clear. As others have said, just do it. You will get over it if she rejects you, but you can never go back and ask her again.
One minor tangent - 5 years later, I jumped out of a plane for the first time. Since then, I've never had a problem asking women out. But asking that girl to the prom was more difficult than stepping out of the door of a plane at 12000 feet.
On preview - obiwanwasabi has a great point. A year before that prom, there was a girl a year older than me that I still consider perfect. So perfect that nobody asked her to her own prom. If I had only tried...
posted by bh at 7:34 PM on May 2, 2005
Boy does this bring back memories, & civil_disobedient is absolutely right - ask her. You can slit your wrists/drown your sorrows later if unsuccessful if that's what you want, but if you don't ask you regret it, and how.
posted by Pressed Rat at 10:05 AM on May 3, 2005
posted by Pressed Rat at 10:05 AM on May 3, 2005
And on preview, what obiwanwasabi said, in spades......
posted by Pressed Rat at 10:09 AM on May 3, 2005
posted by Pressed Rat at 10:09 AM on May 3, 2005
Well, if you see this girl everyday I'd work on the small talk and flirting thing first. If she doesn't even know you exist yet, you should start dropping hints. If you have to, write down what you're gonna say before.
Then, if I remember high school correctly, the standard operating procedure was: (1) Strike up a conversation with her friends. Compliment her to her friends, tell them you think she's great. (2) Wait a day or two. Tell her friends you want to ask her out. At this point they either tell you yeah, she likes you, or no, she'll be busy washing her hair forever. (3) Make your move.
posted by nixerman at 10:16 AM on May 3, 2005
Then, if I remember high school correctly, the standard operating procedure was: (1) Strike up a conversation with her friends. Compliment her to her friends, tell them you think she's great. (2) Wait a day or two. Tell her friends you want to ask her out. At this point they either tell you yeah, she likes you, or no, she'll be busy washing her hair forever. (3) Make your move.
posted by nixerman at 10:16 AM on May 3, 2005
I totally second what xo said. Start up that initial conversation to get to know her by asking her something work related. Once you get that initial contact going, continue to build it up by asking about something non-work related. And, if timed correctly, you can end it with,"Oh, got to go? Want to continue this conversation over a cup o'joe?" However, the one fault with this line is if you use it right after just asking about a movie, could very well come off as too aggressive. That's why you need to bring up something more interesting and personal to make her want to get to know you better.
Do you know how many 45-year-olds occasionally, when they get sloppy drunk, still talk about the girl they wished they had the courage to ask out back in high school? Don't be that guy!
Glory days well they'll pass you by
Glory days in the wink of a young girl's eye
Glory days, glory days
posted by jmd82 at 10:32 AM on May 3, 2005
Do you know how many 45-year-olds occasionally, when they get sloppy drunk, still talk about the girl they wished they had the courage to ask out back in high school? Don't be that guy!
Glory days well they'll pass you by
Glory days in the wink of a young girl's eye
Glory days, glory days
posted by jmd82 at 10:32 AM on May 3, 2005
First, I agree with obiwanwasabi, do not ask this girl to the prom. Prom is best experienced with a girl you've been dating for a while or a good friend. Not someone you are infatuated with. Ask the hot salon girl on a date. Just make small talk with her like you would anyone else. Ask a girl to the prom you know you'll have fun with.
Besides, odds are she's thinks of you as the cute guy at the tanning salon. I was shy in high school too, usually waiting until girls basically hit me over the head until I'd work up the courage to ask them out. Ask her out now, or you're gonna get really pissed when you come back from college in a couple years and the cute girls who you thought were out of your league tell them about the crush they had on you in high school. Right after they're done talking about their college boyfriends.
Also, this is just the first hump. It'll never be easy (and why should it, the butterflys are part of the fun) but it'll get better once you do it a few times. My advice, girls love it when you walk up and slap their ass. Ok, not really, you'll figure something out though.
posted by slapshot57 at 10:41 AM on May 3, 2005
Besides, odds are she's thinks of you as the cute guy at the tanning salon. I was shy in high school too, usually waiting until girls basically hit me over the head until I'd work up the courage to ask them out. Ask her out now, or you're gonna get really pissed when you come back from college in a couple years and the cute girls who you thought were out of your league tell them about the crush they had on you in high school. Right after they're done talking about their college boyfriends.
Also, this is just the first hump. It'll never be easy (and why should it, the butterflys are part of the fun) but it'll get better once you do it a few times. My advice, girls love it when you walk up and slap their ass. Ok, not really, you'll figure something out though.
posted by slapshot57 at 10:41 AM on May 3, 2005
If you just want a prom date and not a datedate, here's some advice:
1. If salon girl is in high school and does not yet have a date, go ahead and ask her. Most girls don't want to go alone or with a gaggle of friends, either.
2. Better yet, try asking a younger girl (Freshman or Sophomore). When I was in high school, it was incredibly cool to get to go to prom early, and almost any girl will say yes.
3. Ask one of your the female friends of the girl one of your friends is taking, that way, you can all have fun as a group at dinner beforehand and dancing and whatnot.
4. What obiwanwasabi said. Seriously. Ask that girl.
If you want a datedate and not just a prom date:
1. What obiwanwasabi said. A million times over. Forget salon girl unless salon girl is that girl.
On preview:
I disagree with with what people are saying about how prom should be experienced with a good friend or girlfriend. Better to go with someone who, at least somewhat, can blend into your friend group. No one really hangs out with their dates once they get to prom, anyway, do they?
posted by lalalana at 10:47 AM on May 3, 2005
1. If salon girl is in high school and does not yet have a date, go ahead and ask her. Most girls don't want to go alone or with a gaggle of friends, either.
2. Better yet, try asking a younger girl (Freshman or Sophomore). When I was in high school, it was incredibly cool to get to go to prom early, and almost any girl will say yes.
3. Ask one of your the female friends of the girl one of your friends is taking, that way, you can all have fun as a group at dinner beforehand and dancing and whatnot.
4. What obiwanwasabi said. Seriously. Ask that girl.
If you want a datedate and not just a prom date:
1. What obiwanwasabi said. A million times over. Forget salon girl unless salon girl is that girl.
On preview:
I disagree with with what people are saying about how prom should be experienced with a good friend or girlfriend. Better to go with someone who, at least somewhat, can blend into your friend group. No one really hangs out with their dates once they get to prom, anyway, do they?
posted by lalalana at 10:47 AM on May 3, 2005
Ditto to everyone that says just do it. I don't think it's even necessary to go on another more casual date first. Let her know that you know it's kind of strange for a first date, that you're nervous, that you think you'd have a better time at prom with her than without her, etc.
As a once-upon-a-time high school girl, I was on the other side of someone who was too afraid to ask me to go to prom. He eventually did ask -- about a week before the prom date. By then, I'd already found myself a date. I wish he'd asked me earlier.
posted by INTPLibrarian at 10:48 AM on May 3, 2005
As a once-upon-a-time high school girl, I was on the other side of someone who was too afraid to ask me to go to prom. He eventually did ask -- about a week before the prom date. By then, I'd already found myself a date. I wish he'd asked me earlier.
posted by INTPLibrarian at 10:48 AM on May 3, 2005
Realizing that nothing in High School matters once you step out into the 'real world' is a good place to start. "What's the worse that could happen?" The worse that could happen is you could not ask her, then wonder what she could have said. Just do it®
posted by nitsuj at 10:53 AM on May 3, 2005
posted by nitsuj at 10:53 AM on May 3, 2005
Alas, there is no right way to summon courage or to manufacture it from whole cloth. I still don't know how it's done. But let me assure you that when you look back on your youth, you will regret the things you didn't do infinitely more than even the most regrettable things you did. On my honor.
posted by willpie at 11:01 AM on May 3, 2005
posted by willpie at 11:01 AM on May 3, 2005
Just do it, redux.
Also, it is possible this is inconceivable now, but whatever social minutiae you must deal with on a regular basis in high school will evaporate very, very soon, so just do it, baby.
If she says no, ask the head cheerleader.
posted by Mean Mr. Bucket at 11:29 AM on May 3, 2005
Also, it is possible this is inconceivable now, but whatever social minutiae you must deal with on a regular basis in high school will evaporate very, very soon, so just do it, baby.
If she says no, ask the head cheerleader.
posted by Mean Mr. Bucket at 11:29 AM on May 3, 2005
You probably have something friendly, cheery, and chatty that you say to every customer at the tanning salon, something like "OK, you're all set for tanning booth 3," right?
Now say that thing, except use the words: "Hi, would you like to go out with me?"
Just keep rehearsing with the new words so it sounds friendly, cheery, and chatty. Next time you see her, just say your line.
I *love* oflinkey's idea of seeing everything as part of the plot of a book - I'm definitely going to incorporate that in my way of life!!
posted by jasper411 at 12:46 PM on May 3, 2005
Now say that thing, except use the words: "Hi, would you like to go out with me?"
Just keep rehearsing with the new words so it sounds friendly, cheery, and chatty. Next time you see her, just say your line.
I *love* oflinkey's idea of seeing everything as part of the plot of a book - I'm definitely going to incorporate that in my way of life!!
posted by jasper411 at 12:46 PM on May 3, 2005
Response by poster: Thank you all, that is all good advice. You are all absolutely correct, I just need to do it.
I'm sorry I left this out: Yes, she goes to my school. And, as I found out today, she recently broke up with her boyfriend (she didn't tell me this; rather, someone that I know that's dating one of her friends told me)
5 years later, I jumped out of a plane for the first time.
Lucky! I've always wanted to go skydiving.
Anyhoo, I'll let everyone know the results after that night (June 8). If I'm successful, I'll post a pic of the two of us. If not...well I guess I won't post a pic then.
posted by C17H19NO3 at 2:09 PM on May 3, 2005
I'm sorry I left this out: Yes, she goes to my school. And, as I found out today, she recently broke up with her boyfriend (she didn't tell me this; rather, someone that I know that's dating one of her friends told me)
5 years later, I jumped out of a plane for the first time.
Lucky! I've always wanted to go skydiving.
Anyhoo, I'll let everyone know the results after that night (June 8). If I'm successful, I'll post a pic of the two of us. If not...well I guess I won't post a pic then.
posted by C17H19NO3 at 2:09 PM on May 3, 2005
obiwanwasabi has the best answer, if you ask me. The hottest girl to come out of my high school class was skinny and mousy at the time...
That being said, if you're going to ask tanning salon girl out, take her to something besides the prom first... and whatever you do, don't use the word 'enamoured'.
posted by anthill at 2:46 PM on May 3, 2005
That being said, if you're going to ask tanning salon girl out, take her to something besides the prom first... and whatever you do, don't use the word 'enamoured'.
posted by anthill at 2:46 PM on May 3, 2005
Dude -- do not post a pic of her. People in your HS will find it and ridicule you/her. That's what people in HS do--ridicule, 24/7.
Just tell us what happened!
posted by Mid at 3:44 PM on May 3, 2005
Just tell us what happened!
posted by Mid at 3:44 PM on May 3, 2005
Response by poster: Dude -- do not post a pic of her
Actually, you make sense. Ok, I'll just tell you. Is that MeTa acceptable?
posted by C17H19NO3 at 4:03 PM on May 3, 2005
Actually, you make sense. Ok, I'll just tell you. Is that MeTa acceptable?
posted by C17H19NO3 at 4:03 PM on May 3, 2005
Response by poster: People in your HS will find it
Chances are that they won't. Most of the people in my school can't even type with more than one finger, let alone search for anything on the internet.
posted by C17H19NO3 at 4:04 PM on May 3, 2005
Chances are that they won't. Most of the people in my school can't even type with more than one finger, let alone search for anything on the internet.
posted by C17H19NO3 at 4:04 PM on May 3, 2005
Trust me, someone always finds it on the internet. That's like the whole lesson of the internet--someone always finds it.
posted by Mid at 4:11 PM on May 3, 2005
posted by Mid at 4:11 PM on May 3, 2005
Don't make us wait more than a month! We're emotionally invested now! Reliving our high school days vicariously through you!!!!!!!1111
posted by grouse at 4:42 PM on May 3, 2005
posted by grouse at 4:42 PM on May 3, 2005
Exactly!! You're got do this now, C17H19NO3, for our sake!!
And I don't know why anyone would be able to find the picture- unless you print your and/or her real name next to it. Still, it's probably not a good idea.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:48 PM on May 3, 2005 [1 favorite]
And I don't know why anyone would be able to find the picture- unless you print your and/or her real name next to it. Still, it's probably not a good idea.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:48 PM on May 3, 2005 [1 favorite]
After it becomes the newest Flickr Photoshop meme (cf. Fearless Leader's recumbent bicycle) the whole world will know about it.
posted by grouse at 4:56 PM on May 3, 2005
posted by grouse at 4:56 PM on May 3, 2005
Response by poster: Well, soon this post will be lost from the front page. If I had the time, I'd make my own blog and document this in some way. However, I don't have the time, so I'll update when something happens. Is it appropriate to follow-up on MeTa?
posted by C17H19NO3 at 5:38 PM on May 3, 2005
posted by C17H19NO3 at 5:38 PM on May 3, 2005
Even if it's gone from the front page, you can still update the thread if it's open. That way, long in the future, people will see the result.
A MeTa thread pointing to the updated AskMeta wouldn't be out of line, IMO.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:49 PM on May 3, 2005 [1 favorite]
A MeTa thread pointing to the updated AskMeta wouldn't be out of line, IMO.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:49 PM on May 3, 2005 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Even if it's gone from the front page, you can still update the thread if it's open.
If it's open? Do I plea to #1 to leave it open?
posted by C17H19NO3 at 5:56 PM on May 3, 2005
If it's open? Do I plea to #1 to leave it open?
posted by C17H19NO3 at 5:56 PM on May 3, 2005
A little late, but if you delay, someone else is going to ask her, and then you'll be kicking yourself forever for missing your chance.
Even if she says no, you'll feel stupid for a while (which is in itself kind of dumb, since the rejection won't be anything personal - no-one can be everyone's type, thus everyone gets rejected, including Tom Cruise), but that will soon be replaced with being pleased at yourself for at least asking. The risk/gain ratio is totally in your favour in even the worst case scenario comes to pass, you just don't realise it at the time because rejection always seems so scary.
posted by -harlequin- at 7:36 PM on May 3, 2005
Even if she says no, you'll feel stupid for a while (which is in itself kind of dumb, since the rejection won't be anything personal - no-one can be everyone's type, thus everyone gets rejected, including Tom Cruise), but that will soon be replaced with being pleased at yourself for at least asking. The risk/gain ratio is totally in your favour in even the worst case scenario comes to pass, you just don't realise it at the time because rejection always seems so scary.
posted by -harlequin- at 7:36 PM on May 3, 2005
When I was in HS, I was in the exact position. A girl named Amanda. Actually I wasn't particularly romantically interested in her, it's just that by the time prom rolled around everyone had hooked up and there weren't that many girls left to choose from. SO, Amanda was cooler and more popular than me (something you'll find out later in life is thinking who is "cool" and who isn't is a complete waste of time). And she was pretty.
So I called her up. To paraphrase our conversation:
"Hey Amanda, this is John"
"..... (silence)"
"Uh, John (Lastname)"
"Oh. Hi."
"Yeah I was wondering if you had a date for the prom...?" No point in wasting any time.
"Yeah, my (college) boyfriend is coming from out of town" She didn't laugh, but there was a definite tone of amusement in her voice.
"Oh. Yeah. I thought you might not have a date....murmur...mumble. Ok bye"
I then proceeded to find a hole and I stayed there for 6 months. Seriously, it was terrible, but now I don't think of it as something I shouldn't have done, rather it's something I just did. Rejection is tough for everybody, but time heals all wounds. Really.
posted by zardoz at 10:18 PM on May 3, 2005
So I called her up. To paraphrase our conversation:
"Hey Amanda, this is John"
"..... (silence)"
"Uh, John (Lastname)"
"Oh. Hi."
"Yeah I was wondering if you had a date for the prom...?" No point in wasting any time.
"Yeah, my (college) boyfriend is coming from out of town" She didn't laugh, but there was a definite tone of amusement in her voice.
"Oh. Yeah. I thought you might not have a date....murmur...mumble. Ok bye"
I then proceeded to find a hole and I stayed there for 6 months. Seriously, it was terrible, but now I don't think of it as something I shouldn't have done, rather it's something I just did. Rejection is tough for everybody, but time heals all wounds. Really.
posted by zardoz at 10:18 PM on May 3, 2005
This thread is closed to new comments.
if you aren't getting rejected lately, you're not trying hard enough
Seriously, dude. Just. Ask. Her.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 5:51 PM on May 2, 2005