Help me feel attracted to a wider range of men
March 26, 2011 7:29 AM Subscribe
What are your tricks and tips for becoming attracted to someone?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (25 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a woman in my early 30s and went through a difficult break up a couple months ago. I'm starting to date again.
So far, I have met two men who seem interested in me. Both look good on paper and I have met both. The first one seemed way too eager though, so I decided to stop seeing him. I really want to fall in love with the second one though. He is perfect on paper, having all the qualities I want in a man plus he seems very into me. We've been out once and are going out again this weekend.
The problem is, I don't feel excited about this guy and it's making me feel sad. I have had two serious relationships in my life. With both relationships, I searched a long time before I actually found someone I was excited about seeing. Both of those relationships ended though, so I am questioning whether I need to feel excited about a new person in order to start a relationship.
After my first relationship ended, it took me almost 3 years to find someone I felt like I could love and I felt that way from the very first date with him. I dated a lot during those 3 years and met lots of guys who looked good on paper, but only felt a strong attraction to the one I ended up seeing seriously.
My ultimate questions are -
-Can it take more than one date to feel attracted to someone?
-Most importantly -- What steps can I take to feel attracted to a larger variety of men, both physically (I seem to only be attracted to men of the same race as me, which makes me feel like a horrible person and I love goofy looking guys) and mentally (I seem to only be attracted silly men who are extremely intelligent).
(My definition of "good on paper" = Kind, silly, highly intelligent, has strong relationships with family/friends, and has a decent job.)