How do I better deal with my partners medically induced loss of libido?
March 23, 2011 8:59 AM Subscribe
MentalHealthFilter: Anyone personally dealing with bipolar partners sexual issues? Mildly NWS, and long as heck.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (8 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
My amazing, wonderful boyfriend is under treatment for bipolar disorder. He’s very careful about taking care of himself (normally) and is pretty on top of his medications. While the medications mostly take care of a lot of the issues, for the last four months we’ve been dealing with a drastic drop in libido on his side.
At first we just thought it was the winter blues, so we added more time under the seasonal depression lamp. Switching doses of his pills helped for two weeks and then stresses came up and we ended up back where we started. He is still very affectionate and responsive to my non-sexy needs, tells me that he loves me and finds me attractive, but just “doesn’t want to have sex right now… maybe tomorrow. “
I’m hoping some of you can give me some idea of how you’ve dealt with it, because I don’t feel like I am doing very well. I feel awful, like I’m a nag, unattractive, unwanted. We focus on trying to get him in the mood, so I’ve also been feeling neglected in just the wooing that happens when the other partner initiates things.
It’s taking its toll. Constantly thinking “maybe tonight” is draining as it stretches into weeks. For a little while we tried just saying “not for a few weeks” but he thought that was a bad idea because it stops us from being able to take advantage when the mood does strike.
I am becoming oversensitive to things, such as becoming very angry that he had a physical reaction to a magazine photo. I came to tears upon finding out that he’s masturbated that day, but was still unwilling to have sex that night. While we aren’t fighting about these things (I’m not flipping out, I know logically that both of those things are normal). We used to talk about stuff like that and enjoy our private sexuality by sharing it with each other. Now all I can do is ask him to hide it if he must so I don’t go girl-crazy and cry in the bathroom for a half hour.
He’s afraid of changing medication, and I am beginning to think that me asking him to do that just so I can feel wanted is pretty shallow. So what I’m asking for is maybe some hope? I know we are looking at some time before things totally get better, but how long did it take you? What can we do to take some of the pressure off of him and me? Even maybe a better explanation as to how this works? We’re in our late twenties and in the New York City metro- are there any support groups for partners? Is it still possible that it could turn around without changing medication?
Other info that might help-
We live together and have been dating seriously for a year.
He is not gay, I don’t want an open relationship and I don’t plan to break up. Also, we had a very robust romantic life before this.
thanks for any help you can toss at me.
Throwaway email: Notouchingnyc@hotmail.com