Help me help my mom
March 20, 2011 6:52 PM Subscribe
IndianapolisWomensSupportFilter: My mom just left an abusive relationship in Daytona Beach, FL to live with some old friends in Indianapolis, IN and I want to get some information about what kind of support might be available in Indianapolis. As per usual, Snowflake Details inside.
Some details about her particular situation: She is 59, has a pending case with Social Security/Disability that is preventing her from working for at least the next calendar year (she has two artificial knees, a heart murmur and diabetes). She does not have a vehicle. She currently has a place to stay, but she will need a place of her own eventually.
Some of her history: In the mid-90s, the awesome guy she had been with for about 10 years died of brain cancer. Soon after, his brother kicked her to the curb, and after a few years she ended up with the jerk, David. Well, over the course of the past 12 years, David has convinced her to move from Ohio to Florida and back a few times. He has physically and emotionally abused her. He has repeatedly told her that if she ever calls the cops on her, he will tell them that all of prescription, controlled, and illegal drugs in the house are hers, and if he ever goes to jail, when he gets out, he'll hunt her down and kill her. Needless to say, this is terrifying to me. She left once before from Florida to Indianapolis (to the same friends she is with now), but he told her that he'd stop drinking and doing drugs and he's totally different now and he needs her etc etc. She believed him and moved back about a year ago (after 4 weeks away), and to no one's surprise, he didn't change at all. He has prevented her from working any jobs when she could, thus keeping her beholden to him and his social security checks. After another heated altercation this past week, the police department gave her a bus ticket to leave Florida and go to her friends in Indianapolis. She is currently with them. David doesn't know their address nor does he know their telephone number. He only has my mom's currently deactivated pay-as-you-go cellphone. I told her that she needs to get a new phone with an Indianapolis number and to immediately file an order of protection or restraining order against him in case he comes to Indianapolis.
My primary concerns are for her to have some support structures to help her get over this jerk. I was hoping that someone might know of support groups or organizations that are geared toward helping emotionally/physically abused women get back on their feet. Are there any kinds of programs that will help her get a place, a cellphone, a vehicle, etc? I don't know how someone can get by without being able to work, how does that even happen? I'm only about 2.5 hours away in central IL, but my wife and I have zero dollars and zero time to do much in the way of anything but emotional support and the occasional trip for lunch on the weekend.
tl;dr- Help me help my mom get back on her feet in Indianpolis after finally escaping an abusive relationship.
Some details about her particular situation: She is 59, has a pending case with Social Security/Disability that is preventing her from working for at least the next calendar year (she has two artificial knees, a heart murmur and diabetes). She does not have a vehicle. She currently has a place to stay, but she will need a place of her own eventually.
Some of her history: In the mid-90s, the awesome guy she had been with for about 10 years died of brain cancer. Soon after, his brother kicked her to the curb, and after a few years she ended up with the jerk, David. Well, over the course of the past 12 years, David has convinced her to move from Ohio to Florida and back a few times. He has physically and emotionally abused her. He has repeatedly told her that if she ever calls the cops on her, he will tell them that all of prescription, controlled, and illegal drugs in the house are hers, and if he ever goes to jail, when he gets out, he'll hunt her down and kill her. Needless to say, this is terrifying to me. She left once before from Florida to Indianapolis (to the same friends she is with now), but he told her that he'd stop drinking and doing drugs and he's totally different now and he needs her etc etc. She believed him and moved back about a year ago (after 4 weeks away), and to no one's surprise, he didn't change at all. He has prevented her from working any jobs when she could, thus keeping her beholden to him and his social security checks. After another heated altercation this past week, the police department gave her a bus ticket to leave Florida and go to her friends in Indianapolis. She is currently with them. David doesn't know their address nor does he know their telephone number. He only has my mom's currently deactivated pay-as-you-go cellphone. I told her that she needs to get a new phone with an Indianapolis number and to immediately file an order of protection or restraining order against him in case he comes to Indianapolis.
My primary concerns are for her to have some support structures to help her get over this jerk. I was hoping that someone might know of support groups or organizations that are geared toward helping emotionally/physically abused women get back on their feet. Are there any kinds of programs that will help her get a place, a cellphone, a vehicle, etc? I don't know how someone can get by without being able to work, how does that even happen? I'm only about 2.5 hours away in central IL, but my wife and I have zero dollars and zero time to do much in the way of anything but emotional support and the occasional trip for lunch on the weekend.
tl;dr- Help me help my mom get back on her feet in Indianpolis after finally escaping an abusive relationship.
Best answer: My wife used to answer calls at a crisis hotline in Indy. She says that the Julian Center and/or calling 211 (for info and referral) are both excellent resources.
posted by JohnFredra at 7:24 PM on March 20, 2011
posted by JohnFredra at 7:24 PM on March 20, 2011
Best answer: And after thinking about it a bit more, she also remembered Fresh Start, which exists primarily to support women as they transition out of abusive relationships.
posted by JohnFredra at 7:30 PM on March 20, 2011
posted by JohnFredra at 7:30 PM on March 20, 2011
Best answer: I am a supervisor for domestic violence advocates in Illinois. Many of the resources are similar, so hopefully this is still helpful.
First, I would like to commend your efforts to help your mom. Many women we work with do not have family or friends to support them, and this really hurts their ability to thrive apart from their partners.
I'd recommend SafeLink as a free/low-cost cellphone option for low-income folks. You can apply online and there are a variety of plans to choose from.
If he does end up contacting her, she should record all of these contacts in a notebook with all of the details of the contact (date, time, nature of contact). That can help her obtain a protection order.
Here's a list of relevant support groups and similar services in Indy. The Julian Center looks like it provides advocacy services, which will help your mom connect with her basic needs and provide her with basic support. There are also victim advocates through Marion County Prosecutor's Office who are specially trained to help with protection orders. You can reach them at (317)327-6941.
Feel free to MeMail me if you need additional suggestions.
posted by quiet coyote at 7:52 PM on March 20, 2011
First, I would like to commend your efforts to help your mom. Many women we work with do not have family or friends to support them, and this really hurts their ability to thrive apart from their partners.
I'd recommend SafeLink as a free/low-cost cellphone option for low-income folks. You can apply online and there are a variety of plans to choose from.
If he does end up contacting her, she should record all of these contacts in a notebook with all of the details of the contact (date, time, nature of contact). That can help her obtain a protection order.
Here's a list of relevant support groups and similar services in Indy. The Julian Center looks like it provides advocacy services, which will help your mom connect with her basic needs and provide her with basic support. There are also victim advocates through Marion County Prosecutor's Office who are specially trained to help with protection orders. You can reach them at (317)327-6941.
Feel free to MeMail me if you need additional suggestions.
posted by quiet coyote at 7:52 PM on March 20, 2011
It looks like SafeLink doesn't currently offer service in Indiana due to lack of regulatory approval. :(
posted by JohnFredra at 7:57 PM on March 20, 2011
posted by JohnFredra at 7:57 PM on March 20, 2011
It looks like SafeLink doesn't currently offer service in Indiana due to lack of regulatory approval. :(
Shoot, sorry. It looks like there's something similar called Hopeline which just got a big donation, so there is a good chance that some phones are still available. The Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence should know how to access the phones, you can try them at (317) 917-3685.
posted by quiet coyote at 8:06 PM on March 20, 2011
Shoot, sorry. It looks like there's something similar called Hopeline which just got a big donation, so there is a good chance that some phones are still available. The Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence should know how to access the phones, you can try them at (317) 917-3685.
posted by quiet coyote at 8:06 PM on March 20, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
This is the hardest part. It will get easier with time. I wish all the best for you and your family.
posted by decathecting at 6:58 PM on March 20, 2011