one third long distance relationship
February 21, 2011 7:13 PM Subscribe
my boyfriend goes out of town to deal with difficult things, I miss him: I need to keep these feelings 'normal and healthy' as opposed to 'irrational and demanding'
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (17 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
my boyfriend goes home for 4-5 days every second weekend to visit his father, who is terminally ill. he also occasionally goes away for longer periods of time as well. I of course miss him, a lot, when he is gone, and have spent a good chunk of time dealing with that without saying anything.
When we started dating (6 months ago) I didn't want to communicate things to him like - I miss you, I need you to tell me you miss me, can we speak more when you are gone - because I understand him to be doing things that are a lot more important than saying 'hi' to me. We do speak when is is away though, every day, just only ever at the end of the day when we are both going to bed though. Either way, last weekend I told him the particular sadness I feel when he goes away, which is that it feels like he doesn't miss me when he's gone and really, all I need is for him to send me a quick 'hello' early in the day and, if he misses me, to tell me so. he told me that OF COURSE he misses me when he's gone, it's jsut that he is (as i said), dealing with bigger stuff and doesn't always have time to talk to me (which is true, I've been there, you don't have time to do anything other than help his parents). either way, he's become super wonderful about sending my a quick 'hello' early in the day and tell me he is thinking about me, which does heaps to make me feel better.
problem: I still feel insane. part of it is just the way I am in a newer relationship, part of it is just that of course I just miss my boyfriend when he is gone, but mostly I can tell that at this point, the way I am feeling is mostly just 'manic' and that I truly cannot ask to hear from him anymore (and nor would I want to).
I try to keep busy when he is gone but I miss him so much regardless, and don't want to say that because I don't want to give him any more pressure than he needs to deal with. please help me with any advice about switching constantly from seeing each other almost every day to barely speaking for five days.
(I will also agree with anyone who says 'it's probably good for you to occasionally barely speak for a little while': this is true, and when we come back it is so so good to see him, but I still feel bummed when he's gone and that's about a third of the time)