My 20 year old younger sister is dating a 30 year old man. Is this a cause for concern?
*Note: My younger sister is aware I am posting this question, and she will be reading the replies.*
This morning, my younger sister called me to tell me she has been dating a man who is 10 years older than her. This concerns me. According to her, everything is brilliant and wonderful and he is a prince who treats her with respect, love, and affection. I am posting to query how problematic this age difference is considered by mefites, whom I consider a good barometer on this sort of thing.
Details about the relationship that may or may not be relevant:
- She and I were both raised by strict religious mormon parents. We both independently left this religion years ago for saner pastures. We were taught some good and many deeply twisted, woman hating, and patriarchal things about love, sex, and relationships. She still lives at home with our parents.
- She is having sex with this guy (he is her first), and our parents would maybe/probably kick her out of the house if they knew this. She would not be homeless, because she could come live with me, but given that I live in another state she is not super fond of, I am sure she wouldn't prefer that. Because of the very high cost of rent where she lives with my parents and the fact that she is in college, she cannot get a place of her own until she finishes school so suggestions to move out are not very helpful.
- She works with him, and they are keeping their relationship private for now because of that. This was a mutual decision, although they are both anxious to be public.
- He treats her very well and with a lot of respect and kindness. She says he has been wonderful, caring, and gentlemanly to her.
- THe relationship has moved somewhat fast, and she says this is the first time she has felt such mutual love and commitment.
- She is mature as any 20 year old I know. However, I know at 20 years old I still had a lot of growing up to do. She is more mature than me than I was at that age though.
So basically, this is a relationship where other than the age difference, there aren't really any huge red flags. The problem is, I don't know how much of a red flag the age difference is. I'm in my late late 20's and I simply cannot imagine dating a 20 year old under ANY circumstances. She is taking a balanced perspective on this, and she realizes that even though this guy seems perfect now, things could go very wrong and is she is open to more information and perspectives.
So, hive mind- please tell us, how worrisome or problematic is this age difference?