What do I actually like?
February 9, 2011 8:43 PM   Subscribe

How do I know what hobbies I like and things I want to do?

This may seem like a silly question but it's something I've been pondering about and wanted to get some advice.

It seems like my pattern goes like this:

Find interesting hobby (anime, vinyl, comic books, Android coding, guitar,manga)
Go on a ridiculously collect a thon and spend a thon.
Enjoy for a few days/weeks/months
Realize that I don't actually really enjoy what I'm doing all that much
Search feverishly for a new hobby.

I want to use my spare time doing good useful fun things. But I feel like I don't really know what those are. I end up on the computer just browsing for hours and feel like crap when I get done.

I hope this question makes enough sense.
posted by lakerk to Society & Culture (20 answers total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
 
Ask yer inner voice. Those aren't hobbies. They're collections. Move past this inanimate mind set. Find engagement in physical activity instead. I recommend bicycling, to all and sundry.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 9:05 PM on February 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


It sounds like it's not the hobbies per se that you enjoy, but rather the finding, collecting and spending. I don't know how helpful that insight will be, but maybe it'll help with finding a useful way to think about this situation.

You say you want to do good useful fun things, but how many of the things you cite meet those criteria? You could think about doing different things, but the answer might be to think in a different way about the things you do. I mean, people could say 'take up cooking,' but then you'd just geek out on buying chefs' knives or ten kinds of cinnamon or whatever. I know dudes who collect guitars. I also know dudes with one decent guitar who play for two or three hours most days.

Try to do stuff on the cheap, to make do with what you've got. Try to create as much as you consume. Try not to be a hungry ghost.
posted by box at 9:10 PM on February 9, 2011 [2 favorites]


Why not do the things for a while without buying stuff related to them? Whatever the things are--rock climbing, cooking (tons of free recipes on the Internets), collecting stamps (going to stamp shows and reading stamp magazines rather than just buying stamps), knitting (tons of people giving away basic knitting stuff on Freecycle), bicycling (rent a bike and see how you like it before buying one) and so forth.

If you made "I'm not going to buy anything related to {$interest} before I've spent {$time period} engaging in the activity" a rule, you might not get into this cycle so much.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:10 PM on February 9, 2011 [3 favorites]


Most of your hobbies don't sound so much to me like "hobbies" as much as "things to collect."

Is it that you like reading comic books or anime or manga? Or do you like drawing them? If it's the latter, maybe you'd enjoy cartoon drawing or starting a simple webcomic. If it's the former, are you into the stories or the characters? Maybe you'd like to try writing fiction. Or maybe you'd like to know more about Superman than anyone else. Do you mean vinyl like records? Maybe you could combine that with the guitar and try to teach yourself some of your favorite songs.

If you look at hobby time as time to learn a subject and get really, really good at it, I think you might be better able to find something you really like to do.

It may also help you to set a (low) dollar amount for what you allow yourself to spend on a hobby in a month, and only increase it when you find yourself truly enjoying how you spend your time.

(And it's OK to not have a hobby, you know. There are plenty of things you probably enjoy doing that you might not classify as a HOBBY, but that still productively occupy your time. Don't worry about trying to find one. Just be open to new experiences.)
posted by phunniemee at 9:15 PM on February 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


Response by poster: Thank you guys for some of the insight so far... it is interesting to put it in that light. I really enjoy stories but have recently just grown tired of them, whether that is a TV show, a novel, a comic book, or an anime. I end up getting excited to start them and end up turning them off or putting them down half finished.

I do enjoy playing the guitar and that's probably the only thing on the list not directly related to collecting.. which apparently I also enjoy.
posted by lakerk at 9:22 PM on February 9, 2011


Well, some of these things hold your interest for a few months - is there a pattern there? Like learning a skill versus simply amassing stuff? I think it's pretty normal to have several hobbies and cycle among them so that when you hit a slump with one hobby you can pick up another one where you left off.

Also, the examples you gave seem rather solitary. Perhaps you need hobbies that involve other people. For example, maybe instead of playing your guitar alone all the time you should look for a band. Taking classes or joining clubs is the usual way to find others who share your interests.

Finally, you mention wanting to do useful things for fun. I totally understand this, and most of my hobbies result in making something useful - dinner, a sweater, a blouse, etc. Collecting stuff isn't nearly as satisfying as making things, and useful things are the most satisfying of all, I find. Making music is also deeply satisfying although arguably not very useful, but on the plus side it doesn't clutter up your house with little crafty knick-knacks ;-)

If you're really at a loss for what's good and fun and useful, here's my advice: take up cooking as a hobby. Undeniably useful, lots of fun when you get some confidence at it, can be a social activity (my Taiwanese college roommate used to organize wonton-folding parties), good for your health, and with the money you save on restaurants and convenience food you can indulge your tool/gadget-collecting streak. There's always something new to learn, new recipes to try, new cookbooks or blogs to read, new cuisines to explore, new ingredients to taste - you get the idea. And when you hit a slump and it doesn't seem like fun (hey, it happens to me too) ... well, you still need to eat and now you have a repertoire of favorite dishes you can bang out easily.
posted by Quietgal at 9:25 PM on February 9, 2011 [2 favorites]


Like everyone else has said, you seem to enjoy collecting things. Further, you seem to enjoy the process of collecting more than you like having the collection.

Maybe you should take up a hobby that caters to that? How about bird watching? You try to find all the different species of birds that live in your area, but all you actually have to buy is a pair of binoculars, and you don't have to stuff your house full of hundreds of birds. Also, unlike just buying a lot of stuff, you don't "finish" this hobby as quickly as you can throw money at it. You actually have to go out in the forest and look for things, and sometimes you have to wait for birds that are only nearby seasonally.

Or you could find other ways in which you can "collect" things that aren't really things. Try to learn 100 different yoga poses, or 100 new recipes, or write 100 songs to play on your guitar. Maybe even a competitive sport where all you try to collect is wins. If it's competitive, it's hard to get bored, because if you get good enough that you're winning all the time, there's usually a higher level of play you can move up to. Does that sort of thing sound appealing at all?
posted by tylerkaraszewski at 9:43 PM on February 9, 2011 [5 favorites]


I think you need to develop a community around your interests. Quietgal notes that your pursuits are pretty solitary, which is not to say you can't have a hobby that only requires one person. But it might be a more fun, more interesting, and/or more long-lasting hobby if you can communicate with other people about it, in real life or online. For example, I started knitting a few years ago and fell in with a group of women in my grad program who were knitters -- there were people who were better than me who could teach me new things and people who were at the same level or lower and we all encouraged each other. At the same time, I also found Ravelry (a social networking site for knitters and crocheters) that linked me up with other people who loved the craft and inspired me to try new things, introduced me to new yarns/patterns/techniques, and kept my interest up. Without both my knitter friends and the online presence, I'm pretty sure I would have given up knitting a couple months in (like I did the last time), but now I'm obsessed and just love it. This is not to say try knitting, but try to get involved with something where you can hang out with other people while you do it.
posted by pised at 9:47 PM on February 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


A number of people in this thread seem to ignore the fact that almost every hobby involves an up-front financial cost. I'm not sure if I'm just not reading the responses charitably or if this is a genuine blind spot for most people.

Bicycling costs money if you don't already have the right bicycle, and you'll probably also have to spend money on equipment and gear. Then, eventually, you'll be buying bike upgrades and various lifestyle accessories. Same with rock climbing: can't do it for free. You'll need a gym membership, at least. In real life, you'll need safety equipment, training, and probably other things. Same with cooking, if you're cooking using recipes and need specific ingredients.

The problem that you've identified seems to be that you're confusing the pursuit of an interest with the cost to pursue it. I suggest learning to separate those two things explicitly in your mind. In other words, you need to cultivate the ability to devote concentrated attention to some subject or activity, which goes beyond paying the start-up cost.

If you're into manga and anime, explain to yourself that, in addition to buying it up, you will need to devote time to reading it, watching it, maybe talking to other people about it, maybe attending the meetings of a local fan club, posting to related message boards, developing an opinion on sub vs. dub, forming friendly relationships with other fans, and otherwise making it a part of your life.

Same thing for any other hobby: make a checklist, possibly in your mind, of all the sub-activities you need to pursue in order to be able to say that you're actually pursuing the hobby in question. The start-up cost is usually only the first requirement.

If you're having trouble with this, try looking for hobbies that you don't need to pay extra for, given what you already have. Because you can already access the Internet, look for some programming tutorials. Or else, download and learn to use some kind of free software, like Inkscape or Blender or the GIMP. Practice your creative writing and post it to a critique website like Critique Circle. Try the 100 Pushups program.

Once you've internalized the need to commit time and energy to a hobby in addition to money, you can go back to trying a hobby that costs more money than choices like the above.
posted by Nomyte at 9:59 PM on February 9, 2011 [5 favorites]


My grandfather, my father and I share a characteristic: find a new interest, get good at it, find out that being good at it is not that exciting, find new interest. Lather, rinse, repeat.

For all three of us, finding interests that are truly difficult and with a tremendous range of enjoyment regardless of ability is the key. For my grandfather, golf and roses were his abiding interest because he never got good enough to please himself. For my dad it was sailing, for me it's bouldering.
posted by jet_silver at 10:37 PM on February 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


It's possible your favorite hobby is shopping. You could also try spending at a more measured pace. That way, if you do comics for two weeks and bike riding for two weeks and then skiing for three weeks and then comics for a week and then manga for a month, you don't end up with a year's supply of comics, bike gear, etc. You can buy one comic book, or borrow a bike, and so forth. That way there will always be something new to buy or explore when the wheel turns back around to comics again in four months. So when I get into a new hobby, I don't let myself go all out. I say to myself "okay, you can spend $35 on gardening stuff and then, in a month if stuff is still growing, we can talk again." It's a way of juggling a bunch of interests without exhausting my budget or otherwise going all in, on just one hobby.
posted by salvia at 10:44 PM on February 9, 2011


Bicycling costs money if you don't already have the right bicycle, and you'll probably also have to spend money on equipment and gear. Then, eventually, you'll be buying bike upgrades and various lifestyle accessories.

Some approaches to hobbies are more expensive than others. Honestly, once you have a bicycle which is acceptable for the kind of riding you do, a helmet, and a lock if you plan to use your bike as transportation, you pretty much have all you need. It's true that you can get more stuff - and if you're the collecting type, you might want to. Or if you're unhappy about your penchant for acquiring crap, you might discover that you gravitate toward the acquisitive aspect of bicycling and work to subdue that craving.

Also, some kinds of cycling are more conducive to this than others. It's not lost on me that the reason the big bicycle companies in the US push racing style bikes is that the competitive/racing approach requires people to spend a ton of money on endless lists of specialized equipment. But, you know, I love cycling and I spent $150 on a used bike, $30 on a helmet, and $60 on a lock. It doesn't diminish my love of cycling any.

Same with rock climbing: can't do it for free.

Well, yeah. Some hobbies are expensive. And you definitely have to tailor your hobbies to your financial situation. I really want to take up the piano again, but I'm broke and I live in a tiny apartment. I'm not going to be able to study the piano again anytime soon. Someone else who is in a different situation might find that the piano is exactly the right hobby for them.
posted by Sara C. at 11:32 PM on February 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


It is possible that part of your hobby is shopping and that you need to address that before you can move on.

I suggest you handle it by taking up thrifting so that you don't spend very much and what you do spend is going to a good cause. Not allowed to eBay for a little while, you have to go to thrift stores. That should feed the shop-monster, and also get you out of the house and exploring neighbouring towns.

As for finding hobbies, get a prospectus for evening classes in your area and leaf through it until one of them grips you. You don't have to commit to the hobby any longer than the evening course lasts, by the end of which you should have at least learned the basics. Maybe you'll be bored and ready to move on then, but you'll have done a chunk and earned the right to change your mind.

I developed a shopping habit when my schedule was crammed and the only recreation I had time for was two minutes here, two minutes there on eBay while I was working. It also gave me something to look forward to, getting something in the mail. The problem with eBay is prices can go sky-high, so stay off that.
posted by tel3path at 12:01 AM on February 10, 2011


I really enjoy stories but have recently just grown tired of them

This seems sort of related to the collecting thing - stories are another thing to consume. Try something that gets your brain, hands, or body (or all three) active with minimal prompting or props. Look for ways to maximize your activity to stuff ratio.

As for the expense of new hobbies: quite a few gyms, yoga studios, martial arts places, etc. will offer a free or heavily discounted first class. Or find a group in the neighborhood that meets every week and crafts or plays kickball - the casual meetups are frequently free or cheap.
posted by Metroid Baby at 4:42 AM on February 10, 2011


Personally, my hobby is learning new things. I used to get all excited about my "new hobby," take a class, and then be like, "Okay, no longer interested in throwing pots/making stained glass/whatever." I was frustrated about this for years because a hobby is something you're supposed to keep DOING ... until it finally dawned on me that the hobby was the LEARNING, not the task itself. I'm a happy dilettante.

Now that I know this I can sign up for classes or pursue new skills with a clear heart because I can ACCURATELY judge the expense ... $300 isn't a lot upfront if this is something you'll do for years, but it IS a lot if you're going to do it for 12 weeks and be done. So I can look at the cost of a class and more accurately judge it, and I know to get my books from the library.

I think people are probably on to something with your hobby being collecting or shopping ... but with the search for novelty, you might also think about what sort of newness you're seeking, and whether that can be sought in other ways. Maybe it's mastery of new information on an arcane topic; maybe it's just something shiny and new to you. There's nothing actually WRONG with wanted to totally absorb new skills/information/topics ... it's just, as you've discovered, it gets expensive when you think your new enthusiasm is about the THING rather than about the NEWNESS. So if for you, like me, it's about the newness, figure that out and then find ways to adjust.

I do have a couple of hobbies that I DO do over and over and have gained mastery at. That's okay. Humans are complicated. Mostly I just like to learn new things but sometimes I like to keep doing them. It's okay if you find something in your newness hobby that you want to keep at.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:59 AM on February 10, 2011 [4 favorites]


I think that you've already gotten a lot of great comments, but want to suggest another angle you could look at, too: Burnout.

When I get interested in something new, I spend a ton of energy and attention on it until I just... stop. It's kind of like how I don't want to eat ramen much anymore, after a couple month as a teen when I ate it way too much. I just woke up one day and said, "OMG NOT MORE RAMEN."

I would suggest trying to pace yourself. Avoid instant gratification. If you're newly into collecting model airplanes and want to spend ALL DAY shopping for models and assembling them, just don't. Quit before you want to. I find that doing this makes my interests last much longer.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 6:32 AM on February 10, 2011


I like all the other answers here, too. But one thing I don't see mentioned is, if your real passion is researching and buying and collecting things, why not add "selling the things" too?

Most of the people you're buying from are actually collectors who have taken it to the next level. That anime seller on eBay started out like you - as someone who loves anime - and expanded that to include importing, sourcing, and selling it too.

Selling online is a whole separate skill, one with a good learning curve. And needless to say, you can earn money at it (or at least recoup some of your losses).
posted by ErikaB at 10:19 AM on February 10, 2011


Try to take some classes with the money you would otherwise invest in a hobby. This will benefit you because it will teach you the basics, allow you to figure out if this is simply satiated curiosity or something you want to pursue more as a hobby, and will hook you up with other people in the budding stages of discovering the class topic.

You could also try collecting or record hobbies, such as walking a few times a week and taking a digital camera to snap pictures of interesting things that catch your eye. you could also try something like geocacheing which is like treasurehunting and has an initial investment of maybe $1. You might also want to try hiking (all you need is shoes! You probably have those already) or journaling.

Another way to get your fix would be to make your hobby volunteering. You can volunteer at an organization tangentially related to your interests. For example, you seem to like music so maybe you could volunteer with the local NPR station or at the local library helping in the recordings section. this is free and will also hook you up with other peopel that share your interests. You may be given grunt work like filing at first, but start conversations with the people there and just treat it as conversation over coffee - you might find yourself being asked to help backstage at a concert, give some input for songs to be featured in the library newletter for Black History Month, and other such things more directly related to your interests.

Lastly if you do find that you really like collecting as a hobby in and of itself, try to pick something specific to collect that's tied to some sort of life event. for example, I know a lot of people who buy a shot glass from every place they visit on vacation. Ditto postcards. Maybe you can take a picture of your house every day for a year and collect them into a coffee table book. Collect autographs. Collect a T-shirt from every concert you go to. Collect the ticket stubs. This will give the collecting an associated activity which has enough variation in it to prolong interest, and you still get the sense that you "have something to show for it" in regards to how you spend your free time.
posted by WeekendJen at 10:26 AM on February 10, 2011 [2 favorites]


There is nothing wrong with shopping as a hobby as long as you can afford it. Why don't you try getting rid of your home internet for a while and see what you do when you can't sit at the computer?
posted by betweenthebars at 11:07 AM on February 10, 2011


I recommend you look for the book Refuse to Choose at your local library.

The basic idea is that some of us enjoy starting things but hate finishing them and that's ok. Some people are excellent at finishing and even polishing things even though they are terrible at getting started. Like me, you've already figured out where on that spectrum you fit. Now figure out what aspects of your past hobbies/collections/projects you enjoyed the most, and then look for ways to help you explore future hobbies without spending as much money as you used to. A lot of this stuff has been touched on by other commenters. If you like collecting things but are bored by having the collection, next time approach it with the intent to sell your collection as soon as, or maybe even before your interest starts to fade. Sure, you're unlikely to sell your collection for as much as you paid in both time and money, but you spent that time and money doing something you enjoyed.

When you're ready to abandon a hobby and move on you have to give yourself permission to do so. By following some suggestions in this thread and in that book you can explore a new interest with the understanding that it probably isn't going to turn into a life-long passion or launch a business, and that's ok. You can go on a less-ridiculous collect a thon and spend a thon, still enjoy for a few days/weeks/months, then let go and move on.
posted by J-Garr at 12:35 PM on February 10, 2011 [3 favorites]


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