How can I help someone I my physical presence probably hurts?
February 8, 2011 8:19 AM Subscribe
Met a girl who seemed to like me. As an aspie virgin, this is unprecedented: she's sending huge-massive signals. Long story short, it turns out she's fallen really, really
hard for me, is probably depressed and tells me she's self-harming. Tried being friends, didn't work. Can I help her? Is that even possible?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (17 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
We met near the end of term, and exchanged emails over break. They were light, just chatting about music and books. I got back to school, and she was really happy to see me. Hey great, I thought. A girl who likes me, and I seem to have noticed (as referenced above the fold, I'm a diagnosed Aspie; I pass for "a bit of a geek" and have enough painfully learned social graces to get by. No romantic experience, but plenty of girls who are friends).
It became clear pretty quickly that she was more into me than I her. I was in the "let's see what happens" dating mindset, she was in the "infatuation" mindset. She said that she was unhappy at school, and felt out of place (she's from a unintellectual working class family; we're at a small private liberal arts school). I began to worry that she saw me as a "savior" but I didn't want to sabotage things.
I ended up trying to be friends, but it just wasn't working- I still got mega vibes off her. I was just way too uncomfortable, and so I decided to "unfriend" her- it was just not going to work until she got over me. This was Saturday (or, rather, Sunday morning).
She chose this time to tell me that she felt empty, disconnected and unable to cry. That she hurt herself sometimes. This is at 2 in the morning (yes, we were both sober), and once I walk out the door I'm not going to see her again- even in this small school we don't cross paths without trying. I left, eventually, but I felt awful. I don't know how to help her- I told her to talk to the people at our school's health center. I told her to tell them what she told me, and that they're professional and caring.
Is there anything more I can do? I don't think I can see or talk to her without making her feel worse when I leave. I can talk to a counselor at the health center who I talk to about my own issues; I don't want to breach her confidence, though. The counselor already knows who she is. But her health is more important, surely? The soonest I can talk to the counselor in person is on Friday. I'm trying my very best not to be a douche or try to get too involved, but I like her and want her to be happy. I know I'm not responsible for her state of mind... but I worry about her. She sounds like she might be bipolar- she told me she has phases where she barely sleeps, and phases when she only sleeps. She just seems miserable.
I could ask her roommate to keep an eye out for her; I don't know what other friends she has. I don't think she has any close friends here. I want to make sure she's okay. O oracle of the internet, what advice have you for me?