Apparently I've wandered into a Love Triangle...how to get out?
January 22, 2011 8:38 AM Subscribe
Fell for someone, thought it was over and started to move on, now maybe it isn't?? Lots of complexities and juicy details inside (long, naturally)
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (10 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
We met almost two months ago online - to keep things clear, I'll call her "Jess". The first date was around the holidays and was simply incredible (I've probably been on dozens of we-met-online first dates, and this blew them all out of the water - it was THAT good). We subsequently went on a couple more dates over the course of almost a month (none as perfect as the first, but still really good dates) - had fun but never did get physical (I tend to be a bit reserved on such matters, although I did give her a quick kiss on the cheek the last time we saw each other). We seemed to be moving slowly but steadily towards a relationship...something that I thought had very good long-term potential.
All that came to a halt about 3 weeks ago, when she suddenly said there was a family emergency and she had to leave town ASAP. She sounded distraught and didn't give details, so I offered my support then waited a week before sending her a quick "how are you?" text. She thanked me and gave me a quick update - one of her parents was in the hospital and she was staying to help them and we left it at that. Wasn't sure how to proceed, so I just decided to leave her alone, hope to hear back from here at a later date, and meanwhile keep myself open to other opportunities (I still have feelings for her, but it seems debatable as to whether we are/aren't in a relationship).
So an added complication occurred a week ago, one I'm not proud of (and the reason why I'm posting anonymously). A distant friend I didn't know well was visiting from out-of-town with a friend of hers in tow, and they asked if they could stay at my place. I have a spare room and no roommates at the moment, so I said "sure". BTW I purely meant this as a fun social gathering, I have zero romantic interest in these girls. Of course that's not what happened - we all started drinking, I found out one of these girls is developing a massive crush on me, one thing led to another...and I ended up sleeping with her. The next morning she started alluding to how amazing I am and bemoaning the fact that we live so far apart - I suspect she really wants a relationship out of it, but I also think she knows it probably won't happen. As for me - I think she's a really sweet girl (and simply amazing in bed), but I just don't really see a relationship happening between us - we're just too different (plus I don't really want to deal with a long-distance relationship right now). I was kind of leaving things open after she left, but am starting to think I should just say flat-out "I don't want a relationship right now" if/when she contacts me again.
So after all that happened, I started thinking about "Jess", and kind of realized that part of my reservations with the hookup was because I still have feelings for her. So I decide to make a last-ditch effort last night and sent her a text asking how things are, etc. At this point it's been two weeks since I heard from her and I was assuming she'd moved on. Low and behold, she texts me back! She's very friendly but not too engaged - says things are unfortunately "not going that well" but that she's handling it fine and makes a couple of other friendly comments.
So if you made it through all that, I have a few questions. First, how do I proceed with "Jess"? I haven't texted her back yet because I'm not sure how to proceed - whether I should ask if she's back in town (I don't know if she is or isn't) and try to set something up, or just offer my support again and put off seeing her a little while longer. Second, how do I sort out my feelings with regard to the hookup situation? I'm a bit new to casual sex and have mixed feelings about it - part of me enjoyed it, part of me is guilty for sleeping around when I still have feelings for someone else.
Throwaway e-mail is: firstname.lastname@example.org
Thanks and I look forward to your replies :)