Slept with a girl - now nothing.....
January 10, 2011 12:50 PM   Subscribe

Slept with a girl - now nothing.....

Hey everyone,

Just a quick question really. I finally got a chance to meet up with a girl I've liked for quite sometime. Over Christmas she stayed over the one night that we went out. The next night we went to the Cinema and she stayed over again.( We had sex for the record)

After those nights I really heard nothing . I spoke to her best friend and she said that she really liked me (And I do trust what she says. She's been a family friend for years and' prides' herself on her honesty)

To quote her friend - "she over analyses things, fears getting hurt and doesn't live round here." The distance wouldn't have been an issue - I do/did like her and would have made the effort. She comes back quite frequently because her family still lives here.

I got a text off her a week or so ago - just a see you around type. I was polite and sent a text back similar. I haven't contacted her since. I was just wondering what everyone thought ...

Just forget it altogether? Or try a different approach? It was a shame because I thought a lot of her.

Thanks everyone, all comments are welcome.

Cheers
posted by mark25 to Human Relations (28 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
 
Did you contact her, other than to respond to her text?
posted by amro at 12:52 PM on January 10, 2011


since this is anonymous, I should add that if you haven't contacted her, she's probably feeling exactly the same as you.
posted by amro at 12:54 PM on January 10, 2011 [10 favorites]


Wait, did you call her after she stayed over? It not call her and ask her out again, right?
posted by chrillsicka at 12:54 PM on January 10, 2011


You txt someone you want to fuck again.
You call someone you want to see again.
posted by munchingzombie at 12:57 PM on January 10, 2011 [33 favorites]


Call her. You kids and your texting.
posted by sweetkid at 12:58 PM on January 10, 2011 [18 favorites]


Make it a new year resolution to simplify your life. Tell her what you are looking for. Be specific and don't BS her. Hint: some people don't like to make the first move.
posted by quadog at 12:58 PM on January 10, 2011


Yeah, it doesn't sound like you called her. She probably feels equally puzzled at best, at worst cruelly dumped and used. You need to tell her what you're telling us!
posted by tel3path at 12:58 PM on January 10, 2011 [2 favorites]


Just freaking call her on the phone and stop overthinking.

There, that was worth the fiver, right? :)
posted by iconomy at 12:58 PM on January 10, 2011 [3 favorites]


If I liked a guy for a long time as well, and then had sex with him, and then didn't hear from him for weeks afterward, I would assume he wasn't interested and I'd be incredibly disappointed.

So...exactly why haven't you called her?
posted by punchtothehead at 12:59 PM on January 10, 2011 [10 favorites]


You'll never win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket. Talk to her!
posted by bartleby at 1:01 PM on January 10, 2011 [1 favorite]


Give her a call and tell her you want to see her again; a movie, dinner, whatever.

It's entirely possible she's asking herself the same questions you are.

If she says no then she says no and then: oh well. Chalk it up to experience and move on.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 1:02 PM on January 10, 2011 [2 favorites]


Ok, it sounds like you tried to contact her from your question, and she didn't respond. Her best friend explained it as she didn't know what to do with the LDR thing and was over-analyzing. So she is Intentionally keeping things really casual, afraid of a LDR.

If that's true, calling her isn't a good idea. Keep it light if you do contact her again, and just ask her to let you know when she'll be in town again, as you really enjoyed her company. That way she knows where you stand, and she might be able to get to know you better when she's around next.
posted by ldthomps at 1:08 PM on January 10, 2011


Like everyone else is saying, *call her*. No need to make things difficult, simply call her and see if she'd like to go out this weekend.
posted by Sufi at 1:08 PM on January 10, 2011


If you haven't contacted her, she could be waiting for you to contact her because she's afraid you're not interested in anything else

She could like someone else as well - and is confused.

She could be afraid of getting into a relationship right now. More uncommon for females, but it happens.

Could be playing hard to get.

Just text her. What will it hurt? you already think she's not interested. Just say something like "Had a good time over the holidays. Do you want to hang out sometime again?"
or
"Hi. How have you been?" and see where the conversation goes from there.
posted by KogeLiz at 1:17 PM on January 10, 2011


Just because the distance wouldn't be an issue for you doesn't mean it wouldn't have been an issue.

I'm assuming you tried to call her, text her, etc. after you slept together. If that's the case, by not responding and then just texting "see you around," it seems like she's made her decision not to have an ongoing romantic relationship pretty clear.
posted by J. Wilson at 1:26 PM on January 10, 2011


calllllllllll heeerrrrrr
posted by angrycat at 1:27 PM on January 10, 2011 [4 favorites]


since this is anonymous, I should add that if you haven't contacted her, she's probably feeling exactly the same as you.

Huh, not actually anonymous, sorry.
posted by amro at 1:28 PM on January 10, 2011


Woo her.

You know - by phone, for starters.
What have you got to lose? ... and what precisely are you waiting for?
posted by labberdasher at 1:30 PM on January 10, 2011


Forget it, she has her hangups about the whole situation already. If you see her again, great, but if not, don't sweat it.
posted by darkgroove at 1:32 PM on January 10, 2011


Call her on the telephone. Ask her out. Make concrete plans. Then when you do go out don't sleep with her (that time) so she knows she isn't just some kind of booty call.
posted by TooFewShoes at 1:38 PM on January 10, 2011


...wait, you can have sex with her but you can't call her on the phone?!!?

Kids today!
posted by tel3path at 2:12 PM on January 10, 2011 [3 favorites]


Definitely follow up by telephone and sooner rather than later. If she's not into you, or just wants a casual FWB relationship, I'm sure you can clarify that. If you want to date her, then ask her out on a date. If you don't want to date her, but just want a friend+, then by all means propose that you "hang out." The two are not the same and you should be clear about your intentions.

Also, if you didn't call her, you should have, and you owe her an apology. (Not the groveling kind but the "I'm an idiot with good intentions who hoped that you'd call me" kind.)
posted by Hylas at 2:21 PM on January 10, 2011


IF YOU LIKE HER PLEASE ASK HER OUT NOW,

(speaking as an authority from the other side)
posted by moiraine at 2:32 PM on January 10, 2011


"Call her on the telephone. Ask her out. Make concrete plans. Then when you do go out don't sleep with her (that time) so she knows she isn't just some kind of booty call."

.... seconded
posted by moiraine at 2:33 PM on January 10, 2011 [1 favorite]


To quote her friend - "she over analyses things, fears getting hurt and doesn't live round here."

Her friend is doing you a favor. Just let this one go.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:00 PM on January 10, 2011 [3 favorites]


If you haven't tried to contact her, then she sent you a "see you around" text, she might have sent that in an "I guess you aren't going to want to date me and just wanted to sleep with me that one time... see you around" sort of way. If you had tried to contact her and she sent you that, it might be more of a "I just wanted to hook up that one time...see you around," thing but not necessarily.
I would suggest if you haven't called her ever since the date, call her and talk to her about seeing each other again. If you did and she didn't respond and then sent you that text, then maybe text her and be like, "hey, how's it going" or something equally casual.
posted by elpea at 4:15 PM on January 10, 2011


Thanks for the replies everyone. Here's something that makes it harder to understand. On the first night she stayed over I told her that I liked and thought a lot of her (subtly hinting to possibly leading to a relationship). I'm not usually that forward but being as she was going back to where she lives I thought what the hell.

I could have understood if she didn't feel the same way after that. But as I wrote earlier we went out the next night and she stayed over again.

Then nothing .....

Thanks for comments thus far ....
posted by mark25 at 3:21 PM on January 11, 2011


In response to your follow-up comment and original question of whether you should try a different approach: YES, absolutely, you should try a different approach. You guys did the nasty and she spent the night and you think saying "I like you, you're a cool chick" (while she's there, and not even the next morning) is forward? It's not. It's not really a subtle hint that you want a relationship; further, as the man, there's a real chance she expected/expects you to man up and tell her what you want.

Do what others are suggesting and phone her and ask for a proper date.
posted by J. Wilson at 5:07 PM on January 11, 2011


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