My Mother-in-Law is Deaf
January 6, 2011 6:40 AM Subscribe
Can the metafilter community help me get my deaf mother-in-law to see an ear doctor?
My mother-in-law (MIL) is very hard of hearing, so much so that it has been the root of arguments within our family because she either (a) mis-hears conversations or (b) thinks we are holding discussions "behind her back" when she enters late into a conversation, simply because she couldn't hear one going on. For instance we will be having a conversation in our kitchen and it will lead to a circle of laughter when someone cracks a joke and then MIL will walk in the room and feel like she is out of the loop. Or my wife will tell her to do something in a particular way and she will do it another way...and then you can imagine what happens next. Although the most annoying aspect of the entire situation is the fact that 95% of the questions she asks have already been answered.....if she could hear. This sort of thing happens every single day and it is only becoming worse. My wife refuses to push her on this, as does my wife's brother. This is simply an accepted facet of her personality. The MIL refuses to see a specialist when I bring it up. She tends to say things like "well, when you are my age your hearing will be terrible too". Her point is irrelevant. Another complicating factor is that she is a two-time cancer survivor (breast and lung) and, to some degree, probably feels like she shouldn't have to deal with this because it is not a matter of life and death like the cancers were. I try to convince her of how much better her life would be with a teeny-tiny aid in her ear so that she can hear all of our conversations, hear her grandchildren when they are in bed crying or not being forced to absolutely blare the TV set so that no one else can even think. She refuses to deal with it. I need a new tact. This is my 2011 mission and I need your help! Advice please!?!?!
My mother-in-law (MIL) is very hard of hearing, so much so that it has been the root of arguments within our family because she either (a) mis-hears conversations or (b) thinks we are holding discussions "behind her back" when she enters late into a conversation, simply because she couldn't hear one going on. For instance we will be having a conversation in our kitchen and it will lead to a circle of laughter when someone cracks a joke and then MIL will walk in the room and feel like she is out of the loop. Or my wife will tell her to do something in a particular way and she will do it another way...and then you can imagine what happens next. Although the most annoying aspect of the entire situation is the fact that 95% of the questions she asks have already been answered.....if she could hear. This sort of thing happens every single day and it is only becoming worse. My wife refuses to push her on this, as does my wife's brother. This is simply an accepted facet of her personality. The MIL refuses to see a specialist when I bring it up. She tends to say things like "well, when you are my age your hearing will be terrible too". Her point is irrelevant. Another complicating factor is that she is a two-time cancer survivor (breast and lung) and, to some degree, probably feels like she shouldn't have to deal with this because it is not a matter of life and death like the cancers were. I try to convince her of how much better her life would be with a teeny-tiny aid in her ear so that she can hear all of our conversations, hear her grandchildren when they are in bed crying or not being forced to absolutely blare the TV set so that no one else can even think. She refuses to deal with it. I need a new tact. This is my 2011 mission and I need your help! Advice please!?!?!
Response by poster: Fraula, you raise very good points, but I must admit, your paternal grandfather and family seem to have a sharper sense of humor about the whole situation than my mother-in-law. Furthermore, she is only in her mid to late 60's. We aren't talking about a geriatric here with most of her life behind her. We count on her being around for a very, very long time. If her hearing is this bad at 67, I can't imagine it at 77 or 87.
This is more about conquering a stubbornness than it is anything else. If she is caring for either my 2 year-old or newborn, then it is more than just a cutesy part of her personality or our family fabric, it is a safety issue. So yes, we do love her immensely, and lord knows we appreciate everything she does for us-- but that doesn't get around the fact that this is something that should be taken care of.
Also, concerning the technology of hearing aids, I believe that has come a long, long way since your grandfather used them. These things are barely detectable now and I never hear them buzz when I am in church, for instance-- or other places where folks who tend to use them congregate.
posted by tdalton at 8:00 AM on January 6, 2011
This is more about conquering a stubbornness than it is anything else. If she is caring for either my 2 year-old or newborn, then it is more than just a cutesy part of her personality or our family fabric, it is a safety issue. So yes, we do love her immensely, and lord knows we appreciate everything she does for us-- but that doesn't get around the fact that this is something that should be taken care of.
Also, concerning the technology of hearing aids, I believe that has come a long, long way since your grandfather used them. These things are barely detectable now and I never hear them buzz when I am in church, for instance-- or other places where folks who tend to use them congregate.
posted by tdalton at 8:00 AM on January 6, 2011
I try to convince her of how much better her life would be with a teeny-tiny aid in her ear so that she can hear all of our conversations, hear her grandchildren when they are in bed crying...
Keep plugging away on the grandchildren angle. And not just hearing them in bed crying, but hearing them anywhere. Point out that she won't be able to have a close and meaninful relationship with them if there are communication barriers.
Even if she doesn't care about what you and your wife feel or think, it'll be harder for her to be dismissive of concerns about her interaction with her grandhildren.
posted by amyms at 8:07 AM on January 6, 2011
Keep plugging away on the grandchildren angle. And not just hearing them in bed crying, but hearing them anywhere. Point out that she won't be able to have a close and meaninful relationship with them if there are communication barriers.
Even if she doesn't care about what you and your wife feel or think, it'll be harder for her to be dismissive of concerns about her interaction with her grandhildren.
posted by amyms at 8:07 AM on January 6, 2011
I am a giant fan of my hearing aids. I wear them pretty much all the time when I'm awake and will eagerly show them off at the drop of a hat.
My father-in-law, not so much. He went through a few pairs years back, destroyed them because he's a really active guy and sweat is bad for the electronics, and gave up... until he saw me digging mine this year over the holidays. He's waiting on his new mostly-waterproof ones now.
I was entirely uncertain about getting the things until a fellow MeFite pulled his out of his ear at an event and showed me how great it was. Hearing aid evangelism seems to be transmitted by direct contact with other hearing-impaired folks who are getting the benefits.
Complicating that, though, not everyone has a good HA experience-- they can be uncomfortable, hard to get used to, make annoying noises, and need a ton of adjustment initially. They are ungodly expensive, all the models out there are customized for high-frequency hearing losses and leave a bit to be desired if you've got low-frequency issues, and insurance hates to pay for them. Some people get vanity issues about them. Some people object to having physical totems of disability.
And some folks are just gonna be stubborn about the able-bodied pressuring them to conform without an understanding of the psychological issues. Your MIL may need a friend with aids who just models the benefits. She may just want wireless headphones for the TV, or the CC turned on when she's watching.
She might just opt out, too. Her decision to make.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 8:13 AM on January 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
My father-in-law, not so much. He went through a few pairs years back, destroyed them because he's a really active guy and sweat is bad for the electronics, and gave up... until he saw me digging mine this year over the holidays. He's waiting on his new mostly-waterproof ones now.
I was entirely uncertain about getting the things until a fellow MeFite pulled his out of his ear at an event and showed me how great it was. Hearing aid evangelism seems to be transmitted by direct contact with other hearing-impaired folks who are getting the benefits.
Complicating that, though, not everyone has a good HA experience-- they can be uncomfortable, hard to get used to, make annoying noises, and need a ton of adjustment initially. They are ungodly expensive, all the models out there are customized for high-frequency hearing losses and leave a bit to be desired if you've got low-frequency issues, and insurance hates to pay for them. Some people get vanity issues about them. Some people object to having physical totems of disability.
And some folks are just gonna be stubborn about the able-bodied pressuring them to conform without an understanding of the psychological issues. Your MIL may need a friend with aids who just models the benefits. She may just want wireless headphones for the TV, or the CC turned on when she's watching.
She might just opt out, too. Her decision to make.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 8:13 AM on January 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
Two points, though:
1. My aids don't feed back much-- but they do at times, and with the in-ear receiver, I'm the only one hearing that. And yes, it's annoying. My beatboxing coworker was stunned to learn that his whistles basically killed my aids. The tech is better, but nowhere near even iPod levels of sonic competence.
2. If she is a danger as a caretaker due to her disability, then don't let her caretake, make it clear why, and enforce that. After you draw the line, it's her turn to respond, and you can stop having the unproductive interaction over the gear itself in favor of the actual issue of safety measures.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 8:20 AM on January 6, 2011
1. My aids don't feed back much-- but they do at times, and with the in-ear receiver, I'm the only one hearing that. And yes, it's annoying. My beatboxing coworker was stunned to learn that his whistles basically killed my aids. The tech is better, but nowhere near even iPod levels of sonic competence.
2. If she is a danger as a caretaker due to her disability, then don't let her caretake, make it clear why, and enforce that. After you draw the line, it's her turn to respond, and you can stop having the unproductive interaction over the gear itself in favor of the actual issue of safety measures.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 8:20 AM on January 6, 2011
I've been around a few people who were noticeably losing their hearing. They knew and everyone they interacted with knew. Of these few, only one admitted it was a problem and went out of his way to address it, i.e. looking people in the face, asking people to repeat themselves, saying "I didn't hear you", etc. But even that one person didn't (and doesn't) want hearing aids.
A lot of people going hard-of-hearing don't like to admit it. Some people who have hearing aids don't like to maintain them or wear them. The only people I've known who are comfortable with hearing aids were hard-of-hearing from an early age and need them to have any hearing at all.
It can be irritating. (Believe me, I understand. My father-in-law is hard-of-hearing and misunderstands a lot. He bought me an expensive Christmas present even after I said I didn't want it.) But taking out your irritation on the person for something that isn't their fault doesn't help. Making it "your mission" to get her hearing aids will only make her more defensive, I think.
If and when a hard-of-hearing person gets hearing aids, it will be on their own terms. Pressure from peers and loved ones doesn't seem to have a positive effect in cases like this. This is because you're making it sound like the MIL has a problem, like she's inconveniencing you, and is a source of frustration. She's defensive because she's not doing anything wrong.
Losing her hearing doesn't require an intervention. She's not hurting you or anyone else. Treat her gently when she misunderstands. Just say, "I'm sorry you didn't hear me/us" and repeat what she missed. If the TV is too loud, explain it's uncomfortably loud for everyone else and turn on the subtitles for her.
You say she's in her 60s. Chances are, her hearing will continue to get worse, possibly in ways that hearing aids won't help. Hearing aids don't "fix" hearing the way glasses fix nearsightedness or farsightedness. They mainly amplify sounds, so there will still be frequencies a hard-of-hearing person can't hear no matter how loud they are. That is to say, even with the best hearing aids, she still might not hear her grandchildren crying. Furthermore, you and others around her might still have to adjust, speak loudly, clearly, and make sure she's facing you to be understood.
If you're worried about her caring for your children, remember that deaf people have children and can't hear them cry. There are ways to deal with that. If she often takes care of children, look into products for deaf people (see the catalog at Harris Communication) like visual alarms trigger by sound. Like amyms says, perhaps if you feel something like this is necessary, she'll convince herself to have hear hearing checked for the children.
I also like fairytale's advice regarding having someone who has hearing aids talk to her.
posted by Anephim at 8:39 AM on January 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
A lot of people going hard-of-hearing don't like to admit it. Some people who have hearing aids don't like to maintain them or wear them. The only people I've known who are comfortable with hearing aids were hard-of-hearing from an early age and need them to have any hearing at all.
It can be irritating. (Believe me, I understand. My father-in-law is hard-of-hearing and misunderstands a lot. He bought me an expensive Christmas present even after I said I didn't want it.) But taking out your irritation on the person for something that isn't their fault doesn't help. Making it "your mission" to get her hearing aids will only make her more defensive, I think.
If and when a hard-of-hearing person gets hearing aids, it will be on their own terms. Pressure from peers and loved ones doesn't seem to have a positive effect in cases like this. This is because you're making it sound like the MIL has a problem, like she's inconveniencing you, and is a source of frustration. She's defensive because she's not doing anything wrong.
Losing her hearing doesn't require an intervention. She's not hurting you or anyone else. Treat her gently when she misunderstands. Just say, "I'm sorry you didn't hear me/us" and repeat what she missed. If the TV is too loud, explain it's uncomfortably loud for everyone else and turn on the subtitles for her.
You say she's in her 60s. Chances are, her hearing will continue to get worse, possibly in ways that hearing aids won't help. Hearing aids don't "fix" hearing the way glasses fix nearsightedness or farsightedness. They mainly amplify sounds, so there will still be frequencies a hard-of-hearing person can't hear no matter how loud they are. That is to say, even with the best hearing aids, she still might not hear her grandchildren crying. Furthermore, you and others around her might still have to adjust, speak loudly, clearly, and make sure she's facing you to be understood.
If you're worried about her caring for your children, remember that deaf people have children and can't hear them cry. There are ways to deal with that. If she often takes care of children, look into products for deaf people (see the catalog at Harris Communication) like visual alarms trigger by sound. Like amyms says, perhaps if you feel something like this is necessary, she'll convince herself to have hear hearing checked for the children.
I also like fairytale's advice regarding having someone who has hearing aids talk to her.
posted by Anephim at 8:39 AM on January 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Wow, this is all great advice. I really like the idea fairytale proposed about learning through another person who wears aids. Also, I am not making this my mission in the literal sense, and she has no idea what a priority it has become for me. My intention at the end of the day is to try to make her life better...and then the entire family benefits from her joy. I really think the best plan is to simply encourage her to see a doctor. All of these points and ideas suggested on this thread could be explained by a doctor.
posted by tdalton at 9:04 AM on January 6, 2011
posted by tdalton at 9:04 AM on January 6, 2011
Seems like she doesn't seem to be all that worried about it - so really and ultimately - maybe you should just let her be and let her figure it out herself. She's not a child. If you want, download some granny-hip literature on the subject and give it to her to read.
posted by watercarrier at 9:45 AM on January 6, 2011
posted by watercarrier at 9:45 AM on January 6, 2011
Also, concerning the technology of hearing aids, I believe that has come a long, long way since your grandfather used them. These things are barely detectable now and I never hear them buzz when I am in church, for instance-- or other places where folks who tend to use them congregate.
My Dad has very good health insurance, and between that and Medicare, the only type of hearing aids that were covered were the larger type, not the tiny hidden-in-the-ear type. Dad's tended to feed back and the batteries seemed to wear down very quickly. To him they ended up being more frustration than not hearing us. And I can sympathise with your frustration over your MIL - Dad was/is the same, even though he finally went to a specialist and found out that years of working in a machine shop had rendered him nearly deaf. It was always our fault - we didn't speak loudly enough. We never had the TV turned up enough, he was forever entering the room and yelling at us "Why do you always have the volumne set on 'mumble'? You can't hear it that low!" And then he turns it waaay up and the rest of us are left wincing from the sound. Sorry to say, even if you convince your MIL to see a specialist, there's a good chance she's not going to want to futz with hearing aids, or she'll switch her topic of complaint to those little gadgets that make everything too loud, and that feed back and that she keeps misplacing.....
posted by Oriole Adams at 9:46 AM on January 6, 2011
My Dad has very good health insurance, and between that and Medicare, the only type of hearing aids that were covered were the larger type, not the tiny hidden-in-the-ear type. Dad's tended to feed back and the batteries seemed to wear down very quickly. To him they ended up being more frustration than not hearing us. And I can sympathise with your frustration over your MIL - Dad was/is the same, even though he finally went to a specialist and found out that years of working in a machine shop had rendered him nearly deaf. It was always our fault - we didn't speak loudly enough. We never had the TV turned up enough, he was forever entering the room and yelling at us "Why do you always have the volumne set on 'mumble'? You can't hear it that low!" And then he turns it waaay up and the rest of us are left wincing from the sound. Sorry to say, even if you convince your MIL to see a specialist, there's a good chance she's not going to want to futz with hearing aids, or she'll switch her topic of complaint to those little gadgets that make everything too loud, and that feed back and that she keeps misplacing.....
posted by Oriole Adams at 9:46 AM on January 6, 2011
tdalton, I understand how incredibly frustrating this can be! My spouse's family never dealt with my MIL's hearing loss directly, though everyone suffered from both her inability to hear us and our inability to communicate with her, which really hampered the relationships between her and the grandkids. Finally, when her Alzheimer's was so bad she couldn't remember her own daughter, they looked into hearing aids, but then it was too late because she couldn't remember to wear them. She became frightened by the noise of loud groups, even her own family surrounding her, when time with them was something she had always treasured before.
My mother's family took a different approach with my own grandmother, my kids' great-grandmother (who at 96, is still going strong, taking art classes and painting). There are six siblings, and they made an appointment for her at a hearing specialist and took her in. He asked her questions; when she didn't hear, the siblings' would naturally jump in to address her and try to interpret what he'd said, and the specialist stopped them. He needed to know how bad her hearing had become, and it became pretty clear that she needed help despite her own stubbornness when no one stepped in to explain to her what he was saying. She wasn't happy about it, but accepted the inevitable when it was shown, objectively, that her hearing was an issue for everyone.
I think it is wonderful that there are angels out there like the above people in the thread who never become frustrated with the situation. For my part, I had no problem raising my voice to speak with my MIL, and I would try to take time out to speak one-to-one with her. But the inaction on a health problem disturbed me, as much as not getting a wound checked out would. Ignoring an issue doesn't make it go away, it just alienates the people trying to help you with your other issues!
So I think you and your wife need to make an appointment for your MIL with a hearing specialist, take her in (and resolve to handle the fallout from her when you do, because of course she will not be too happy about this). Let her know that if the specialist finds she does not have a problem or that there is nothing that can be done, you will not get into altercations with her again over this issue. And I would also make it clear that your intentions are to improve her, and everyone else's, quality of life by allowing her to have that relationship with her grandkids that she, and they, deserve.
Good luck. I feel for you.
posted by misha at 10:46 AM on January 6, 2011
My mother's family took a different approach with my own grandmother, my kids' great-grandmother (who at 96, is still going strong, taking art classes and painting). There are six siblings, and they made an appointment for her at a hearing specialist and took her in. He asked her questions; when she didn't hear, the siblings' would naturally jump in to address her and try to interpret what he'd said, and the specialist stopped them. He needed to know how bad her hearing had become, and it became pretty clear that she needed help despite her own stubbornness when no one stepped in to explain to her what he was saying. She wasn't happy about it, but accepted the inevitable when it was shown, objectively, that her hearing was an issue for everyone.
I think it is wonderful that there are angels out there like the above people in the thread who never become frustrated with the situation. For my part, I had no problem raising my voice to speak with my MIL, and I would try to take time out to speak one-to-one with her. But the inaction on a health problem disturbed me, as much as not getting a wound checked out would. Ignoring an issue doesn't make it go away, it just alienates the people trying to help you with your other issues!
So I think you and your wife need to make an appointment for your MIL with a hearing specialist, take her in (and resolve to handle the fallout from her when you do, because of course she will not be too happy about this). Let her know that if the specialist finds she does not have a problem or that there is nothing that can be done, you will not get into altercations with her again over this issue. And I would also make it clear that your intentions are to improve her, and everyone else's, quality of life by allowing her to have that relationship with her grandkids that she, and they, deserve.
Good luck. I feel for you.
posted by misha at 10:46 AM on January 6, 2011
For instance we will be having a conversation in our kitchen and it will lead to a circle of laughter when someone cracks a joke and then MIL will walk in the room and feel like she is out of the loop.
A hearing aid won't help if she isn't in the room...
Or my wife will tell her to do something in a particular way and she will do it another way...and then you can imagine what happens next.
I don't see how a hearing aid would help here, either.
Although the most annoying aspect of the entire situation is the fact that 95% of the questions she asks have already been answered.....if she could hear.
could it be not so much about hearing as about understanding, or not needing to go over things again? sometimes people aren't as good at processing information as they once were, too. Hearing aids may help, but I wouldn't expect them to be a magic solution - I know people who wear them and still don't hear well, especially if they're stubborn about admitting the problem to start with.
But, as to your actual question, maybe instead of making it a fight between you, it can be set up more as an exciting technology available to her - not a "you should!" but more like "wow, you could..." I'm not sure exactly how you'd want to go about changing the dynamic, but I'd try to stop harassing her on the point, and instead have her doctor talk to her at the next check-up, or maybe someone else (friend or family) bring it up in a more casual way (especially if they can provide real life examples - "my dad just tried [modelx] and it seemed to help a lot... it might be useful for you too.")
posted by mdn at 11:07 AM on January 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
A hearing aid won't help if she isn't in the room...
Or my wife will tell her to do something in a particular way and she will do it another way...and then you can imagine what happens next.
I don't see how a hearing aid would help here, either.
Although the most annoying aspect of the entire situation is the fact that 95% of the questions she asks have already been answered.....if she could hear.
could it be not so much about hearing as about understanding, or not needing to go over things again? sometimes people aren't as good at processing information as they once were, too. Hearing aids may help, but I wouldn't expect them to be a magic solution - I know people who wear them and still don't hear well, especially if they're stubborn about admitting the problem to start with.
But, as to your actual question, maybe instead of making it a fight between you, it can be set up more as an exciting technology available to her - not a "you should!" but more like "wow, you could..." I'm not sure exactly how you'd want to go about changing the dynamic, but I'd try to stop harassing her on the point, and instead have her doctor talk to her at the next check-up, or maybe someone else (friend or family) bring it up in a more casual way (especially if they can provide real life examples - "my dad just tried [modelx] and it seemed to help a lot... it might be useful for you too.")
posted by mdn at 11:07 AM on January 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
My Dad has very good health insurance, and between that and Medicare, the only type of hearing aids that were covered were the larger type, not the tiny hidden-in-the-ear type.
The different types of hearing aids are for different types of hearing loss; it's not just a cosmetic difference. So it may be that they'd only cover the behind-the-ear type because that was what was appropriate for your dad's hearing. (You're lucky, most US insurance doesn't cover hearing aids at all.)
I've worn hearing aids for a couple years now. I'm not old (39) and have a relatively mild loss, but enough to affect comprehension (my loss is unfortunately right in the same pitch range as human speech.)
As a few people have mentioned, they're not going to automatically make your MIL able to hear in all situations: they amplify background noise just as much as anything else, so in crowded situations where there are a lot of people talking, or places where there is background noise that happens to match the pitch of the voice I'm trying to hear, they actually make things worse for me, not better.
They take a lot of fiddling with, they're more of a hassle than you think, and there's a learning curve, especially for the first few weeks when your ears itch all the time because there's something stuck in there you're not used to. If your MIL is not totally on board with the idea, don't push her or you'll end up going to a lot of expense just so you can trade being annoyed that she can't hear you for being annoyed by the fact that she's not wearing / not using her aids. And if she's just not going to go for it, don't be too disappointed; it could well be that they wouldn't have changed much in her life or yours anyway. Hearing aids can be better than nothing enough of the time to make them worthwhile, but they are not a cure.
You know what the best, quickest, and easiest way to improve your life and your MIL's life?
1) Have a little more sympathy than is demonstrated by the way you asked your question. Hearing loss sucks. Stop getting annoyed that she can't hear you. Or go ahead and get annoyed if you have to, but be better at hiding it. Yeah, it's annoying to have to repeat yourself. You know what's even more annoying? Not being able to hear.
2) Whenever you talk to her, remember to face directly towards her, don't have anything in front of (or in) your mouth, and enunciate more clearly than you think you need to. (Loud helps, but not slurring your words together helps much much more.) In group conversations, make an effort to take turns; don't talk over each other. Especially the part about facing towards the person you're talking to -- it's a small thing, really, and you wouldn't believe how much of a difference it makes. If your hearing is good you're probably not conscious of how often you talk to people while looking the other way.
Those two things will make much more practical difference than hearing aids will. And you'll still need to do them even if she does get hearing aids, so you may as well get used to it now.
That said, if you're looking for ways to encourage her to try aids, the two situations where I find them an absolute improvement: TV and the telephone. Mine have a bluetooth receiver built in, and you can get transmitters to hook up to your television or the phone (or your ipod or baby monitor or anything else, really) and I think at this point I'd want this capability even if I didn't have any hearing loss at all. It's pretty awesome being able to separate the dialogue from the goddamn overamplified background music without turning on the subtitles, or to just turn up the volume on the mumbly guy who never sits close enough to the conference call microphone. (The drawback with this is that it cuts out the sound from the rest of the room while you're using it -- great if you want to just hear the TV, not so great if you want to have a conversation at the same time.)
Other positive selling points: the technology really has improved; they're not those big clunky embarrassing things any more. Mine are tiny, very lightweight and unobtrusive, and only feedback or squeal if I've got my ear right up against something solid. Even the behind-the-ear types can be really inconspicuous: I still occasionally surprise friends when I pull one out to change the battery and they say hey I didn't know you wore hearing aids.
And even with all the drawbacks, better than nothing is still better than nothing. That "out of the loop" feeling totally sucks. Having to ask questions that you didn't hear the answer to earlier totally sucks. Having to nod and smile and fake your way through conversations where you can only hear one word in three totally fucking sucks. Even a mild hearing loss can be really isolating; I promise you she's feeling this even if she won't talk about it. I suspect you'll have more luck getting her to try hearing aids if you approach it from an angle of empathy for her situation than from the sort of arch "hey MIL I am annoyed that I have to repeat myself sometimes" you seem to be going with right now.
Or my wife will tell her to do something in a particular way and she will do it another way...and then you can imagine what happens next.
Case in point. This particular issue may or may not have anything to do with hearing loss -- but either way maybe try to be a little less condescending about it.
posted by ook at 11:52 AM on January 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
The different types of hearing aids are for different types of hearing loss; it's not just a cosmetic difference. So it may be that they'd only cover the behind-the-ear type because that was what was appropriate for your dad's hearing. (You're lucky, most US insurance doesn't cover hearing aids at all.)
I've worn hearing aids for a couple years now. I'm not old (39) and have a relatively mild loss, but enough to affect comprehension (my loss is unfortunately right in the same pitch range as human speech.)
As a few people have mentioned, they're not going to automatically make your MIL able to hear in all situations: they amplify background noise just as much as anything else, so in crowded situations where there are a lot of people talking, or places where there is background noise that happens to match the pitch of the voice I'm trying to hear, they actually make things worse for me, not better.
They take a lot of fiddling with, they're more of a hassle than you think, and there's a learning curve, especially for the first few weeks when your ears itch all the time because there's something stuck in there you're not used to. If your MIL is not totally on board with the idea, don't push her or you'll end up going to a lot of expense just so you can trade being annoyed that she can't hear you for being annoyed by the fact that she's not wearing / not using her aids. And if she's just not going to go for it, don't be too disappointed; it could well be that they wouldn't have changed much in her life or yours anyway. Hearing aids can be better than nothing enough of the time to make them worthwhile, but they are not a cure.
You know what the best, quickest, and easiest way to improve your life and your MIL's life?
1) Have a little more sympathy than is demonstrated by the way you asked your question. Hearing loss sucks. Stop getting annoyed that she can't hear you. Or go ahead and get annoyed if you have to, but be better at hiding it. Yeah, it's annoying to have to repeat yourself. You know what's even more annoying? Not being able to hear.
2) Whenever you talk to her, remember to face directly towards her, don't have anything in front of (or in) your mouth, and enunciate more clearly than you think you need to. (Loud helps, but not slurring your words together helps much much more.) In group conversations, make an effort to take turns; don't talk over each other. Especially the part about facing towards the person you're talking to -- it's a small thing, really, and you wouldn't believe how much of a difference it makes. If your hearing is good you're probably not conscious of how often you talk to people while looking the other way.
Those two things will make much more practical difference than hearing aids will. And you'll still need to do them even if she does get hearing aids, so you may as well get used to it now.
That said, if you're looking for ways to encourage her to try aids, the two situations where I find them an absolute improvement: TV and the telephone. Mine have a bluetooth receiver built in, and you can get transmitters to hook up to your television or the phone (or your ipod or baby monitor or anything else, really) and I think at this point I'd want this capability even if I didn't have any hearing loss at all. It's pretty awesome being able to separate the dialogue from the goddamn overamplified background music without turning on the subtitles, or to just turn up the volume on the mumbly guy who never sits close enough to the conference call microphone. (The drawback with this is that it cuts out the sound from the rest of the room while you're using it -- great if you want to just hear the TV, not so great if you want to have a conversation at the same time.)
Other positive selling points: the technology really has improved; they're not those big clunky embarrassing things any more. Mine are tiny, very lightweight and unobtrusive, and only feedback or squeal if I've got my ear right up against something solid. Even the behind-the-ear types can be really inconspicuous: I still occasionally surprise friends when I pull one out to change the battery and they say hey I didn't know you wore hearing aids.
And even with all the drawbacks, better than nothing is still better than nothing. That "out of the loop" feeling totally sucks. Having to ask questions that you didn't hear the answer to earlier totally sucks. Having to nod and smile and fake your way through conversations where you can only hear one word in three totally fucking sucks. Even a mild hearing loss can be really isolating; I promise you she's feeling this even if she won't talk about it. I suspect you'll have more luck getting her to try hearing aids if you approach it from an angle of empathy for her situation than from the sort of arch "hey MIL I am annoyed that I have to repeat myself sometimes" you seem to be going with right now.
Or my wife will tell her to do something in a particular way and she will do it another way...and then you can imagine what happens next.
Case in point. This particular issue may or may not have anything to do with hearing loss -- but either way maybe try to be a little less condescending about it.
posted by ook at 11:52 AM on January 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
My mother-in-law (MIL) is very hard of hearing, so much so that it has been the root of arguments within our family because she either (a) mis-hears conversations or (b) thinks we are holding discussions "behind her back" when she enters late into a conversation, simply because she couldn't hear one going on. For instance we will be having a conversation in our kitchen and it will lead to a circle of laughter when someone cracks a joke and then MIL will walk in the room and feel like she is out of the loop. Or my wife will tell her to do something in a particular way and she will do it another way...and then you can imagine what happens next.
So obviously there are safety issues that you are entirely within your rights to address with her (including asking her not to care for your kids if you're not comfortable with it), and there are a variety of other benefits to her directly addressing the hearing problem. But how much have you tried to figure out other ways to address some of the communication challenges/frustrations? Like making a habit of actively trying to confirm that she's heard and understood you correctly, so that you can correct her if she's wrong? It will take some tact to not do it in a "DID YOU HEAR THAT RIGHT, MA? WHAT DID I JUST SAY?" kind of way, but hopefully if you combine things like clever question-asking ("Is there any milk in the fridge, Ma? If not, I need to go buy some, since I'll need it for the recipe I'm making for dinner." "Yes." "Is it skim or 2% milk? And do you have two cups worth?") with speaking loudly, clearly, and with as much repetition as you can manage reasonably subtly, you'll all be happier.
(As far as the suspicions of conversations behind her back, maybe combine making more of an effort to actively invite her into conversations more often, along with all of you being firm and clear and non-defensive that yup, you've all been talking for awhile and nope, you weren't intentionally excluding her, you'd love to have her join the conversation, so where were we?)
posted by EmilyClimbs at 11:58 AM on January 6, 2011
So obviously there are safety issues that you are entirely within your rights to address with her (including asking her not to care for your kids if you're not comfortable with it), and there are a variety of other benefits to her directly addressing the hearing problem. But how much have you tried to figure out other ways to address some of the communication challenges/frustrations? Like making a habit of actively trying to confirm that she's heard and understood you correctly, so that you can correct her if she's wrong? It will take some tact to not do it in a "DID YOU HEAR THAT RIGHT, MA? WHAT DID I JUST SAY?" kind of way, but hopefully if you combine things like clever question-asking ("Is there any milk in the fridge, Ma? If not, I need to go buy some, since I'll need it for the recipe I'm making for dinner." "Yes." "Is it skim or 2% milk? And do you have two cups worth?") with speaking loudly, clearly, and with as much repetition as you can manage reasonably subtly, you'll all be happier.
(As far as the suspicions of conversations behind her back, maybe combine making more of an effort to actively invite her into conversations more often, along with all of you being firm and clear and non-defensive that yup, you've all been talking for awhile and nope, you weren't intentionally excluding her, you'd love to have her join the conversation, so where were we?)
posted by EmilyClimbs at 11:58 AM on January 6, 2011
Have you offered to pay for her hearing aids?
Maybe she's not stubborn. Maybe she's just on a fixed income, and too proud to ask for financial help.
Hearing aids can cost several thousand dollars. If you can find a way to compassionately say, "If you ever change your mind about hearing aids, we will foot the bill for you," it might tip her towards getting them.
(But for the love of all that is holy, do not give her a handmade coupon for "1 free pair of hearing aids on us" as a birthday gift or anything.)
posted by ErikaB at 1:11 PM on January 6, 2011
Maybe she's not stubborn. Maybe she's just on a fixed income, and too proud to ask for financial help.
Hearing aids can cost several thousand dollars. If you can find a way to compassionately say, "If you ever change your mind about hearing aids, we will foot the bill for you," it might tip her towards getting them.
(But for the love of all that is holy, do not give her a handmade coupon for "1 free pair of hearing aids on us" as a birthday gift or anything.)
posted by ErikaB at 1:11 PM on January 6, 2011
Maybe my experience will help illuminate--or amplify--this situation. I'm older than your MIL, and male and single, and afflicted with advancing Rolling-Stone syndrome, as I call it to try to make it seem cool and not an old-guy disability. I turn up the TV, I have a hard time understanding people at dinner parties, I enjoy music much less now because I miss so much of the sublety.
I've just returned home from a free-lunch "seminar" in which a local eye,ear, etc MD made an excellent pitch to about 30 of us aging hard-of-hearers. But I'm still on the fence. I'm over the vanity part--some of the new aids are quite cool-looking. But do I want to spend $6k for two aids and then find that I lack the patience to let my brain adapt to them and get the best use from them? What if they don't help me any more than the $300 set of Acoustitones for sale on Amazon? (With a LOT of positive reviews.) Do I resent the clear price-fixing and price-gouging that's endemic in the hearing aid industry? (Yes.) Do I want to commit to changing batteries every four days for the rest of my life?
People have been kind and patient with my frequent "What?" habit. But the ever-present temptation to avoid social situations is real, and social isolation is a known killer, especially of older males. So I go out even when I don't feel like it and when I know how exhausting it sometimes is to just listen. I'm still on the fence, but I'm leaning toward springing for a couple of hearing aids and taking the chance that they might improve my quality of life. And while I listen carefully to any advice about this, I'm still a bit sensitive about it. I'm not sure lecturing or "explaining" will help make your point. Your MIL knows what the problem is.
posted by fivesavagepalms at 1:23 PM on January 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I've just returned home from a free-lunch "seminar" in which a local eye,ear, etc MD made an excellent pitch to about 30 of us aging hard-of-hearers. But I'm still on the fence. I'm over the vanity part--some of the new aids are quite cool-looking. But do I want to spend $6k for two aids and then find that I lack the patience to let my brain adapt to them and get the best use from them? What if they don't help me any more than the $300 set of Acoustitones for sale on Amazon? (With a LOT of positive reviews.) Do I resent the clear price-fixing and price-gouging that's endemic in the hearing aid industry? (Yes.) Do I want to commit to changing batteries every four days for the rest of my life?
People have been kind and patient with my frequent "What?" habit. But the ever-present temptation to avoid social situations is real, and social isolation is a known killer, especially of older males. So I go out even when I don't feel like it and when I know how exhausting it sometimes is to just listen. I'm still on the fence, but I'm leaning toward springing for a couple of hearing aids and taking the chance that they might improve my quality of life. And while I listen carefully to any advice about this, I'm still a bit sensitive about it. I'm not sure lecturing or "explaining" will help make your point. Your MIL knows what the problem is.
posted by fivesavagepalms at 1:23 PM on January 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
My mother has a hearing problem, she went and got the Miracle Ear hearing aides several years ago. Well now guess what? She won't wear them, she says they are uncomfortable and noises are irritating with them in. So, I know what you are going through. I have actually figured out my mother fakes it half the time, pretending to hear the conversation and then it comes out later she didn't hear it! I can tell when she really wants to hear gossip or whatever because she will ask us to repeat it. I feel bad for her missing a lot of what is being said though.
posted by sandyp at 5:17 PM on January 6, 2011
posted by sandyp at 5:17 PM on January 6, 2011
But do I want to spend $6k for two aids and then find that I lack the patience to let my brain adapt to them and get the best use from them? What if they don't help me any more than the $300 set of Acoustitones for sale on Amazon? (With a LOT of positive reviews.) Do I resent the clear price-fixing and price-gouging that's endemic in the hearing aid industry? (Yes.) Do I want to commit to changing batteries every four days for the rest of my life?
I had all those questions before I got mine and I asked them here; the hearing-impaired MeFite subset is pretty blunt about that stuff. It is a pain in the ass, to be sure. If glasses were sold like this, people would riot in the streets with pitchforks. Having a good audiologist and a fairly lenient return/ replace/ try new vendor policy with the purchase helps immensely.
I laid out $3800 for my Phonak BTEs. I have a low-frequency hearing loss, which makes the entire thing that much worse-- since 98% of the consumer base for HAs has high-frequency loss, they do not engineer the things for the other 2%, and fitting is correspondingly much harder. I've been to the dispenser's office... I think 14 times... since October, when I got them. The right-ear unit was defective from the get-go and went back to Phonak for repairs (which explains why we were having such a time fitting it). I got it back, I got it re-fit, I had one of the domes changed out to accomodate the fact that my loss is worse in one ear...
and Phonak refreshed the entire product line, six weeks after I bought my set. New chipsets, new settings, new UI design.
The audiologist at the dispenser shrugged and said "Sure. We'll just send the old ones back and get you the new ones."
The new ones came and, bam, we hit some kind of bug in the actual firmware on the things. I got to keep my old ones while the new ones went to Intensive Special Phonak Quality Control Camp or something and got a patch set up and installed. I got them back Monday and they are absolutely great.
How much have I paid for 14 visits to the dispensing office, two full sets of aids, and two serious, involved repair calls that also required Phonak phone support to sit down with my audiologist and walk him through stuff before nothing else could be done and the unit had to go back?
$3800.
Seriously, those guys have bent over backwards to make sure I am happy with what I have and that it's working up to full capacity, and the only other upfront cost I've had is the $40 I blew on 14 months' worth of batteries at Costco (they keep). If you're gonna get hearing aids, you may as well fully exercise the undeserved reputation the hearing-impaired have for being stubborn as fuck and insistent on every little thing to get exactly what you need. If something's seriously going to cost several months' rent and is supposed to last you at least five years of making your life easier, you are damn well entitled to insist on getting the absolute peak of service for reasonable expense and trouble to yourself.
And, well, in the OP's case, $1800-6400 could also pay for a lot of assistive-tech modifications to the home to enable the MIL to caretake, if she really is dead-set against it even after an ENT visit. My ENT was seriously soft-sell; he looked at my audiogram, took out a piece of paper and checked off "patient would benefit from hearing aids," signed it, and said "I think you would find hearing aids helpful to you in dealing with your hearing loss. The nurses will give you a list of places to get them, if you'd like." I was receptive but a little terrified after I did some research; it took having asavage pull his out and show them off to me to sell me on it. (Really, if Adam Savage can't sell you on something scientific, you may lack a soul.)
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 10:18 PM on January 6, 2011
I had all those questions before I got mine and I asked them here; the hearing-impaired MeFite subset is pretty blunt about that stuff. It is a pain in the ass, to be sure. If glasses were sold like this, people would riot in the streets with pitchforks. Having a good audiologist and a fairly lenient return/ replace/ try new vendor policy with the purchase helps immensely.
I laid out $3800 for my Phonak BTEs. I have a low-frequency hearing loss, which makes the entire thing that much worse-- since 98% of the consumer base for HAs has high-frequency loss, they do not engineer the things for the other 2%, and fitting is correspondingly much harder. I've been to the dispenser's office... I think 14 times... since October, when I got them. The right-ear unit was defective from the get-go and went back to Phonak for repairs (which explains why we were having such a time fitting it). I got it back, I got it re-fit, I had one of the domes changed out to accomodate the fact that my loss is worse in one ear...
and Phonak refreshed the entire product line, six weeks after I bought my set. New chipsets, new settings, new UI design.
The audiologist at the dispenser shrugged and said "Sure. We'll just send the old ones back and get you the new ones."
The new ones came and, bam, we hit some kind of bug in the actual firmware on the things. I got to keep my old ones while the new ones went to Intensive Special Phonak Quality Control Camp or something and got a patch set up and installed. I got them back Monday and they are absolutely great.
How much have I paid for 14 visits to the dispensing office, two full sets of aids, and two serious, involved repair calls that also required Phonak phone support to sit down with my audiologist and walk him through stuff before nothing else could be done and the unit had to go back?
$3800.
Seriously, those guys have bent over backwards to make sure I am happy with what I have and that it's working up to full capacity, and the only other upfront cost I've had is the $40 I blew on 14 months' worth of batteries at Costco (they keep). If you're gonna get hearing aids, you may as well fully exercise the undeserved reputation the hearing-impaired have for being stubborn as fuck and insistent on every little thing to get exactly what you need. If something's seriously going to cost several months' rent and is supposed to last you at least five years of making your life easier, you are damn well entitled to insist on getting the absolute peak of service for reasonable expense and trouble to yourself.
And, well, in the OP's case, $1800-6400 could also pay for a lot of assistive-tech modifications to the home to enable the MIL to caretake, if she really is dead-set against it even after an ENT visit. My ENT was seriously soft-sell; he looked at my audiogram, took out a piece of paper and checked off "patient would benefit from hearing aids," signed it, and said "I think you would find hearing aids helpful to you in dealing with your hearing loss. The nurses will give you a list of places to get them, if you'd like." I was receptive but a little terrified after I did some research; it took having asavage pull his out and show them off to me to sell me on it. (Really, if Adam Savage can't sell you on something scientific, you may lack a soul.)
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 10:18 PM on January 6, 2011
And, just FYI, chemotherapy can cause hearing loss. If your MIL had chemotherapy as part of her cancer treatments, she should mention that to the audiologist if/when she decides to get her hearing tested.
posted by Anephim at 6:22 AM on January 7, 2011
posted by Anephim at 6:22 AM on January 7, 2011
As a former HIS (Hearing Instrument Specialist) in the State of Florida and a hearing aid wearer for... 30 years now: I tend to agree with most of the previous comments.
I feel for your mom because as a hearing aid wearer and having treated many many patients in her boat she exhibiting what I consider classic symptoms of paranoia, suspicion and denial. (It ain't just a river in Egypt)
I have posted this sort of info before but I do want to point out some differences you should be aware of...
Medical professionals:
An ENT is your best bet as there may be other things affecting his hearing besides age-related or exposure-related loss. (They may have an in-house or external audiologist do a hearing test)
An audiologist is trained in testing and diagnosing ear conditions and loss types, but not all ENT or Audiologists prescribe Hearing Aids (as a medical device). The ones that do are often set up for only a few different brand lines and essentially fit your loss to the brand they carry. If you find someone who works across the board in brands then that's a rare find.
An HIS or your standard "hearing aid store" type office is usually a brand-specific or limited brand availability and will usually provide a free test and will fit your loss to the brand/model they sell (not too much different than car salesmen in the sales asspect)
While all of these professionals are attempting to help you, the HIS is essentially a medically trained salesperson. An audiologist is a medical professional who also happens to sell hearing aids. An ENT is a medical doctor who is going to provide a diagnosis and possibly refer you to an audiologist or HIS for fitting of an HA, but may also do it in-house.
FYI- I became an HIS purely to learn more about my own hearing loss, and because the brand franchise allowed me to be a "service" guy who tweaked and fixed hearing aids wherever possible so that new aids weren't always required. I also did testing and fitting of aids when needed and provided assistance and understanding that many of the above professionals do not always possess. of course, there are exceptions to these generalizations, I met many great folks in all these spots, but as a whole, the above holds true in most cases.
Types Hearing Loss:
There are a lot of causes and conditions of loss, so only thorough testing is going to determine what might be best for your mom. Adding to that, the possible loss form the cancer and/or treatments adds additional concerns.
Don't be afraid to get 2nd 3rd and fourth opinions. Get referrals and recommendations from other clients of whomever fits the HA.
Types of hearing aids:
Again, depending on the type and severity of the hearing loss, different types of aids are available.
The main types are:
Analog or Digital
An analog HA has a specific circuit that will generally boost sound in specific frequency ranges and the circuit used is determined by the type of loss.
A digital HA has a circuit that can be modified by 1, 2, 3, 4 as many as 16 and 32 channels. Channels can be defined within frequency ranges to allow more customized adjustment of what ranges are boosted, left alone, or even reduced in intensity.
The main styles are:
CIC: Completely in the Canal (these are the kind you are thinking of and yes, they are VERY expensive)
ITC:In The canal
ITE:In the ear
BTE: Behind the ear
Don't fixate on a certain size because a lot of factors come into play.
With a CIC you almost don't see a thing, except for the small pull tab (which is basically just a piece of fishing line) and it's either on or off (you use the battery door as a switch) These need to be very well-tuned and will require several follow-up visits to ensure a proper fit and sound quality. The drawback is they are very small and those with arthritis or limited hand mobility may have some trouble.
An ITC is a little bigger, visible unless covered by hair or if you have a very deep canal. They do usually have a volume control, and sometimes have a button for switching preset settings.
An ITE is very common and is almost always visible and usually can work with most types of loss (is also usually the least expensive fit)
A BTE is usually, but not always, the most powerful circuit and fit as it doesn't need to fit into a cramped unusual fit and can be mass produced and configured later. They are definitley the most visble as they also require the use of a mold and tubing to channel the sound from the hearing aid to the ear canal.
I mention visibility above because many people are vain. I even tried CIC's once (at no cost through my HIS employer_ but they were not right for my loss, so I still wear and have almost always worn, BTE style HAs due to the severity of my loss.
There are loads of other options and upgrades one can get (mostly on digital hearing aids) like directional microphones, T-COIL (for induction telephones), noise reduction (for sudden decibel level changes, and a bunch of others. Only getting tested and checking out your options and liberally exerting your rights as a patient and a consumer will get you the best match for your husbands loss.
I think the "trick" is to get her to want to go in. This can be subtle, or straightforward. TO be more subtle, try the "TV-Ears" She likely either blasts the TV now or doesn't hear everything when it's at a comfortable level for everyone else. The TV ears are a basic analog "hearing aid" that will allow her to boost the sound of the TV. Very likely she will be able to catch a lot more of what is going on and enjoy her programs more. Segue into "Hey Mom, you could hear more like that all the time if you wore real hearing aids. (alternatively there are churches and events that provide these types of hearing devices that you could bring her to and surprise her with the differences in sound)
To be more straightforward, tell her you love her and the grandkids love her but say that it's not safe to leave the kids in her care because she cannot hear them (kids tend to speak primarily in higher frequencies which is where 98% of traditional hearing loss occurs) And ENFORCE that by not letting her watch the (grand)kids. Tough love, I guess.
Once she's willing, get tested at more than one place and use different types of professionals. As was previously stated, once you purchase, that person is likely to be the "face" and you will initially have several interactions with that person for fitting and adjustment and ongoing checkups periodically over the years. You want to be comfortable with them and trust that they are doing whats best for you.
Once fit for the HA(s) have her pay attention... hearing loss is not just physical, it's also mental and requires a little more focus to adjust to different listening environments, if things sound "A little off" then you need to report that back to the dispenser and try for an adjustment or an explanation (little things like the "ding" of the microwave or hearing road noise again can really unsettle people who havent heard it in years. A gradual loss loss seems shocking with a sudden improvement. Just be patient and try to understand that it's not really an instant fix, but there will be immediate improvement, and and more gradual improvement as time goes on.... all depending on if she gets a good fit and interacts with the dispenser for tweaking and adjustments.
I fall into the long-winded angle on this too often - check my other posts on hearing aid related stuff. Sorry for the length. Hope it helps.
posted by emjay at 4:56 PM on January 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
I feel for your mom because as a hearing aid wearer and having treated many many patients in her boat she exhibiting what I consider classic symptoms of paranoia, suspicion and denial. (It ain't just a river in Egypt)
I have posted this sort of info before but I do want to point out some differences you should be aware of...
Medical professionals:
An ENT is your best bet as there may be other things affecting his hearing besides age-related or exposure-related loss. (They may have an in-house or external audiologist do a hearing test)
An audiologist is trained in testing and diagnosing ear conditions and loss types, but not all ENT or Audiologists prescribe Hearing Aids (as a medical device). The ones that do are often set up for only a few different brand lines and essentially fit your loss to the brand they carry. If you find someone who works across the board in brands then that's a rare find.
An HIS or your standard "hearing aid store" type office is usually a brand-specific or limited brand availability and will usually provide a free test and will fit your loss to the brand/model they sell (not too much different than car salesmen in the sales asspect)
While all of these professionals are attempting to help you, the HIS is essentially a medically trained salesperson. An audiologist is a medical professional who also happens to sell hearing aids. An ENT is a medical doctor who is going to provide a diagnosis and possibly refer you to an audiologist or HIS for fitting of an HA, but may also do it in-house.
FYI- I became an HIS purely to learn more about my own hearing loss, and because the brand franchise allowed me to be a "service" guy who tweaked and fixed hearing aids wherever possible so that new aids weren't always required. I also did testing and fitting of aids when needed and provided assistance and understanding that many of the above professionals do not always possess. of course, there are exceptions to these generalizations, I met many great folks in all these spots, but as a whole, the above holds true in most cases.
Types Hearing Loss:
There are a lot of causes and conditions of loss, so only thorough testing is going to determine what might be best for your mom. Adding to that, the possible loss form the cancer and/or treatments adds additional concerns.
Don't be afraid to get 2nd 3rd and fourth opinions. Get referrals and recommendations from other clients of whomever fits the HA.
Types of hearing aids:
Again, depending on the type and severity of the hearing loss, different types of aids are available.
The main types are:
Analog or Digital
An analog HA has a specific circuit that will generally boost sound in specific frequency ranges and the circuit used is determined by the type of loss.
A digital HA has a circuit that can be modified by 1, 2, 3, 4 as many as 16 and 32 channels. Channels can be defined within frequency ranges to allow more customized adjustment of what ranges are boosted, left alone, or even reduced in intensity.
The main styles are:
CIC: Completely in the Canal (these are the kind you are thinking of and yes, they are VERY expensive)
ITC:In The canal
ITE:In the ear
BTE: Behind the ear
Don't fixate on a certain size because a lot of factors come into play.
With a CIC you almost don't see a thing, except for the small pull tab (which is basically just a piece of fishing line) and it's either on or off (you use the battery door as a switch) These need to be very well-tuned and will require several follow-up visits to ensure a proper fit and sound quality. The drawback is they are very small and those with arthritis or limited hand mobility may have some trouble.
An ITC is a little bigger, visible unless covered by hair or if you have a very deep canal. They do usually have a volume control, and sometimes have a button for switching preset settings.
An ITE is very common and is almost always visible and usually can work with most types of loss (is also usually the least expensive fit)
A BTE is usually, but not always, the most powerful circuit and fit as it doesn't need to fit into a cramped unusual fit and can be mass produced and configured later. They are definitley the most visble as they also require the use of a mold and tubing to channel the sound from the hearing aid to the ear canal.
I mention visibility above because many people are vain. I even tried CIC's once (at no cost through my HIS employer_ but they were not right for my loss, so I still wear and have almost always worn, BTE style HAs due to the severity of my loss.
There are loads of other options and upgrades one can get (mostly on digital hearing aids) like directional microphones, T-COIL (for induction telephones), noise reduction (for sudden decibel level changes, and a bunch of others. Only getting tested and checking out your options and liberally exerting your rights as a patient and a consumer will get you the best match for your husbands loss.
I think the "trick" is to get her to want to go in. This can be subtle, or straightforward. TO be more subtle, try the "TV-Ears" She likely either blasts the TV now or doesn't hear everything when it's at a comfortable level for everyone else. The TV ears are a basic analog "hearing aid" that will allow her to boost the sound of the TV. Very likely she will be able to catch a lot more of what is going on and enjoy her programs more. Segue into "Hey Mom, you could hear more like that all the time if you wore real hearing aids. (alternatively there are churches and events that provide these types of hearing devices that you could bring her to and surprise her with the differences in sound)
To be more straightforward, tell her you love her and the grandkids love her but say that it's not safe to leave the kids in her care because she cannot hear them (kids tend to speak primarily in higher frequencies which is where 98% of traditional hearing loss occurs) And ENFORCE that by not letting her watch the (grand)kids. Tough love, I guess.
Once she's willing, get tested at more than one place and use different types of professionals. As was previously stated, once you purchase, that person is likely to be the "face" and you will initially have several interactions with that person for fitting and adjustment and ongoing checkups periodically over the years. You want to be comfortable with them and trust that they are doing whats best for you.
Once fit for the HA(s) have her pay attention... hearing loss is not just physical, it's also mental and requires a little more focus to adjust to different listening environments, if things sound "A little off" then you need to report that back to the dispenser and try for an adjustment or an explanation (little things like the "ding" of the microwave or hearing road noise again can really unsettle people who havent heard it in years. A gradual loss loss seems shocking with a sudden improvement. Just be patient and try to understand that it's not really an instant fix, but there will be immediate improvement, and and more gradual improvement as time goes on.... all depending on if she gets a good fit and interacts with the dispenser for tweaking and adjustments.
I fall into the long-winded angle on this too often - check my other posts on hearing aid related stuff. Sorry for the length. Hope it helps.
posted by emjay at 4:56 PM on January 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
Here is what we did, and did not do: We did not ask him to do anything he risked misunderstanding. We were happy to have him around. When he complained about his "GODDAMNED HEARING AIDS I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING DAMMIT" (all caps because that's how a man who's lost his hearing talks), my grandmother would make funny faces at him, he'd laugh, we'd all laugh.
We did not force the issue. His decisions were his decisions, and he'd earned them after his long life. We accepted his hearing state as it was, and worked around it. For instance, I LEARNED TO TALK LIKE THIS, AND JOKE ABOUT IT.
We loved him. We appreciated him. And y'know what? Without any pressure from us, eventually, he went in to get new hearing aids.
Stop trying to make her do things she can no longer do, not listening to her, and generally making her life miserable. Start accepting her as she is.
posted by fraula at 7:27 AM on January 6, 2011 [2 favorites]