Nervous about sex
December 31, 2010 4:29 PM Subscribe
Is my nervousness about sex due to lack of experience or is there something else? (full story inside)
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (30 answers total) 18 users marked this as a favorite
I'll try and keep this simple but I'm thinking this is going to be a bit long:
I lost my virginity later in life than most of the girls I know. It wasn't anything special but it happened and it was fine. I was 21 when that happened and am still in my mid-twenties.
I have never been in a proper relationship, and though I have dated and slept with several guys since the virginity event, they never were my "official boyfriends". (which, that's a whole new question. Dating vs are you my boyfriend etc etc)
Here's the thing. The idea of sex doesn't bother me- I'm not religious at all, I've never been sexually abused, I was never raised to feel guilty for having sex, thinking about sex etc. But when it comes time to have sex I get so nervous, so anxious and just so... Uncomfortable About it that it ends up not being fun.
At first I thought this was just a sign that maybe I hadn't found someone I was that into and once I found "the right guy" sex would just come naturally, I'd do everything right, I wouldn't worry and it would just work.
Well I've met several of "right guys" since then and no matter how sexually attracted I am to them, after casual dating when things get taken to the next level, I get uneasy.
To be honest, I think my issue comes from poor self confidence. I was a late-bloomer and boys didn't even start looking at me until college. I am getting better with dating because at first it was awkward for me when guys started paying attention to me. But now, my confidence levels are at the highest they've ever been: I think I'm pretty I maintain a good weight and while there are things I want to change about my body I'm OK with who I am.
I do, however, put a lot of pressure on myself in general and am constantly worried about what people think about me. I spend a lot of time putting together an image and I guess I kind of hide behind it.
I think this is why sex is difficult for me. I guess I am constantly worried that I'm doing something wrong and that I might be letting the guy down. I'm so worried about being exposed and just losing control of how i present myself. The entire time I'm having sex I'm too busy worrying about the noises I'm making, if I'm in the right position if I look good, if he's having fun.. Real sexy right? Kind of takes away from the whole thing. I spend so much time worried about all of this that even though the guy has fun he can tell something is wrong and just ends up being weirded out.
So let me stop rambling. What I'm asking is how can I just cut it out? Is it lack of practice? Do I just need confidence? Do I need to go watch some porn and take notes? Have I just not found the right guy? Is this totally not normal...do I need to just go become a nun because there is no hope?