If You Were Gay, That'd Be Okay....
December 31, 2010 2:10 PM Subscribe
I am a single straight female in my early 20s who has developed a close friendship with a guy who I assumed was gay. It turns out he's actually not gay and apparently has been interpreting my platonic faux-romantic actions, behaviors, and words as legitimate romantic/sexual gestures. I am not really attracted to him and I don't know how to navigate this situation.
Because of the communities and activities I'm involved in, I have a large number of gay male friends. Most of the relationships I have with these men are verbally and physically affectionate (pet names, L-bombs, blown kisses, hugs, cuddles, whatever), simply because neither of us are sexually attracted to the other, so we can be more open with each other than we would with potential partners.
When I met this guy, Mark, a few months ago at a party and we hit it off well, but he definitely set off my 'gaydar'. I assumed (foolishly, I know), that he was gay.
We've been hanging out fairly regularly, mostly with a group of friends, and we've both been flirtatious (walking arm in arm, innocent cuddling on the couch, mildly suggestive comments) but I never thought it was anything serious. He's not an unattractive guy, but in my brain, he is well-entrenched in the 'friends zone'.
A series of recent events and conversations led me to several conclusions:
1) I'm pretty sure he is not gay*
2) he is rather sensitive/defensive about people assuming that he is gay
3) he is sexually attracted to me and is interested in dating me
Here is my dilemma: I am not really attracted to him, but all my previous actions/behaviors demonstrate otherwise. If he says, "I want to date you" and I say, "Oh, I'm just not that in to you, let's be friends", how do I explain away the previous months of flirting? The only way I can explain my previous affectionate actions is to say, "Oh, I thought you were gay", which would be really hurtful/frustrating to him. He's a great guy and I really love spending time with him. I just don't sense a lot of legitimate sexual chemistry.
I've considered giving a relationship with him a shot, thinking that maybe if we kiss (tonight? at midnight? we'll be together anyway), I'll feel a spark and we'll go from there, but I'd hate to lead him on even more so than I already have.
I don't know a lot about his previous relationships; that hasn't come up in conversation.
So, in summation: I'm hanging out with this dude tonight at a friend's party for NYE. He's probably going to try to kiss me. What is the least dick-ish way to let him know that I'm not into him, even though I've been unknowingly leading him on for months? I would like to maintain our friendship and his pride and I'd like to avoid mentioning my perceptions about his sexual orientation. Is that possible? Or should I just give the relationship a shot?
Oy...
* I've considered the fact that maybe he's in the closet about his sexuality, but both his family and our community of friends are so open and all over the sexuality spectrum that it's hard for me to imagine him being ashamed of or forced to hide his orientation. Of course, I know that my heterosexual privilege is skewing my perspective; every person's sexual journey is different.
Because of the communities and activities I'm involved in, I have a large number of gay male friends. Most of the relationships I have with these men are verbally and physically affectionate (pet names, L-bombs, blown kisses, hugs, cuddles, whatever), simply because neither of us are sexually attracted to the other, so we can be more open with each other than we would with potential partners.
When I met this guy, Mark, a few months ago at a party and we hit it off well, but he definitely set off my 'gaydar'. I assumed (foolishly, I know), that he was gay.
We've been hanging out fairly regularly, mostly with a group of friends, and we've both been flirtatious (walking arm in arm, innocent cuddling on the couch, mildly suggestive comments) but I never thought it was anything serious. He's not an unattractive guy, but in my brain, he is well-entrenched in the 'friends zone'.
A series of recent events and conversations led me to several conclusions:
1) I'm pretty sure he is not gay*
2) he is rather sensitive/defensive about people assuming that he is gay
3) he is sexually attracted to me and is interested in dating me
Here is my dilemma: I am not really attracted to him, but all my previous actions/behaviors demonstrate otherwise. If he says, "I want to date you" and I say, "Oh, I'm just not that in to you, let's be friends", how do I explain away the previous months of flirting? The only way I can explain my previous affectionate actions is to say, "Oh, I thought you were gay", which would be really hurtful/frustrating to him. He's a great guy and I really love spending time with him. I just don't sense a lot of legitimate sexual chemistry.
I've considered giving a relationship with him a shot, thinking that maybe if we kiss (tonight? at midnight? we'll be together anyway), I'll feel a spark and we'll go from there, but I'd hate to lead him on even more so than I already have.
I don't know a lot about his previous relationships; that hasn't come up in conversation.
So, in summation: I'm hanging out with this dude tonight at a friend's party for NYE. He's probably going to try to kiss me. What is the least dick-ish way to let him know that I'm not into him, even though I've been unknowingly leading him on for months? I would like to maintain our friendship and his pride and I'd like to avoid mentioning my perceptions about his sexual orientation. Is that possible? Or should I just give the relationship a shot?
Oy...
* I've considered the fact that maybe he's in the closet about his sexuality, but both his family and our community of friends are so open and all over the sexuality spectrum that it's hard for me to imagine him being ashamed of or forced to hide his orientation. Of course, I know that my heterosexual privilege is skewing my perspective; every person's sexual journey is different.
This post was deleted for the following reason: poster's requedt -- jessamyn
Not to minimize your situation, but really, most of this information is noise. You like him as a friend, and are not interested in him as a lover; tell him that. All the other stuff is immaterial.
posted by threeants at 2:16 PM on December 31, 2010 [16 favorites]
posted by threeants at 2:16 PM on December 31, 2010 [16 favorites]
"Hey, i was doing some thinking and realized that I might have come off as really flirty, and in the past it's gotten me in trouble with guys thinking i'm interested in being more than friends. I just felt like i needed to play it safe and make sure i wasn't giving you the wrong impression, because i've had such a fun time with you recently but i'm really not in a place in my life where i want to get into a relationship....and i really hope i didn't just put my foot in my mouth and make things awkward."
i find that offsetting things with some light humor eases any tension that can arise on both sides.
posted by assasinatdbeauty at 2:26 PM on December 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
i find that offsetting things with some light humor eases any tension that can arise on both sides.
posted by assasinatdbeauty at 2:26 PM on December 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
Made a big assumption and got bit by it.
A pity date may be worse than owning up to the mistake, but you likely will face a very disappointed and hurt (perhaps angry) fellow who interpreted your signals wrong and may feel played and made a fool of.
posted by edgeways at 2:28 PM on December 31, 2010
A pity date may be worse than owning up to the mistake, but you likely will face a very disappointed and hurt (perhaps angry) fellow who interpreted your signals wrong and may feel played and made a fool of.
posted by edgeways at 2:28 PM on December 31, 2010
I have a good friend who is often mistaken as gay because of his mannerisms, stated political commitments, activities, general attitude, etc. I mean, your post could be describing him the similarities are so uncanny.
This means he often finds himself in the same situation you are describing -- women he's interested in think he's gay, and so let him "into the zone" as it were, and then get annoyed/puzzled/freaked out when he pursues something. He gets quite hurt when this happens, and is likewise sensitive about being thought of as gay, despite being overtly "gay-positive" in his life. So too do people think he is just repressed or in the closet -- but I've known him for close to 10 years, and have had this conversation with him many times... my best advice to you is just to treat it like you would any other situation in which you were interested in someone as a friend but not otherwise -- "sorry if I my actions were confusing, but I'm really more interested in keeping this as a friendship right now".
(and moving forward, you might consider reevaluating your 'faux romantic' actions with friends, gay or otherwise, unless you want people to follow through on them).
posted by modernnomad at 2:28 PM on December 31, 2010 [8 favorites]
This means he often finds himself in the same situation you are describing -- women he's interested in think he's gay, and so let him "into the zone" as it were, and then get annoyed/puzzled/freaked out when he pursues something. He gets quite hurt when this happens, and is likewise sensitive about being thought of as gay, despite being overtly "gay-positive" in his life. So too do people think he is just repressed or in the closet -- but I've known him for close to 10 years, and have had this conversation with him many times... my best advice to you is just to treat it like you would any other situation in which you were interested in someone as a friend but not otherwise -- "sorry if I my actions were confusing, but I'm really more interested in keeping this as a friendship right now".
(and moving forward, you might consider reevaluating your 'faux romantic' actions with friends, gay or otherwise, unless you want people to follow through on them).
posted by modernnomad at 2:28 PM on December 31, 2010 [8 favorites]
Most of the relationships I have with these men are verbally and physically affectionate (pet names, L-bombs, blown kisses, hugs, cuddles, whatever), simply because neither of us are sexually attracted to the other, so we can be more open with each other than we would with potential partners.
When I met this guy, Mark, a few months ago at a party and we hit it off well, but he definitely set off my 'gaydar'. I assumed (foolishly, I know), that he was gay.
Are you sure all these guys are gay? Like, did you meet them at the Barbra Streisand fan meetup*? Do they explicitly tell you they're gay? Do they have boyfriends? Do they hang out in gay bars? Because I have a lot of gay male friends (also a lot of straight and bi male friends where there's no mutual attraction whatsoever), and I don't kiss, hug, cuddle, or tell them I love them in any but the most superficial/facetious sense. This really seems like a recipe for disaster, especially if you're often just "assuming" they are gay because they "set off your gaydar".
Also, it's difficult to figure out from your post how much of all of this is things you've drawn your own conclusions about vs. things that are above-board and on the table. Do you know for real that this is a thing, or is it just that you've realized that you crossed a boundary (acting towards a straight man in a way you usually reserve for gay men) and don't know how to feel about it?
If this is an actual thing, and now there is this guy who thinks you're his girlfriend, you have to woman up and explain what happened. I would not frame it around being gay or not - I would simply say, "I'm sorry I've sent mixed signals and led you on. It was really unfair of me, and I understand completely if you don't want to be friends." And then you let him take the lead.
If you're just squicked out because you've put this person in a box it turns out they don't want to live in, I'd just... stop doing it. Put some distance between the two of you. Stop throwing around "I love you". Stop snuggling. And, ideally, you should stop acting this way in general, to anyone you think is gay. It sets a really bad precedent and invites a lot of awkwardness. It's also immature and somewhat objectifying.
*Even so, there are probably straight male Barbra fans out there.
posted by Sara C. at 2:31 PM on December 31, 2010 [12 favorites]
When I met this guy, Mark, a few months ago at a party and we hit it off well, but he definitely set off my 'gaydar'. I assumed (foolishly, I know), that he was gay.
Are you sure all these guys are gay? Like, did you meet them at the Barbra Streisand fan meetup*? Do they explicitly tell you they're gay? Do they have boyfriends? Do they hang out in gay bars? Because I have a lot of gay male friends (also a lot of straight and bi male friends where there's no mutual attraction whatsoever), and I don't kiss, hug, cuddle, or tell them I love them in any but the most superficial/facetious sense. This really seems like a recipe for disaster, especially if you're often just "assuming" they are gay because they "set off your gaydar".
Also, it's difficult to figure out from your post how much of all of this is things you've drawn your own conclusions about vs. things that are above-board and on the table. Do you know for real that this is a thing, or is it just that you've realized that you crossed a boundary (acting towards a straight man in a way you usually reserve for gay men) and don't know how to feel about it?
If this is an actual thing, and now there is this guy who thinks you're his girlfriend, you have to woman up and explain what happened. I would not frame it around being gay or not - I would simply say, "I'm sorry I've sent mixed signals and led you on. It was really unfair of me, and I understand completely if you don't want to be friends." And then you let him take the lead.
If you're just squicked out because you've put this person in a box it turns out they don't want to live in, I'd just... stop doing it. Put some distance between the two of you. Stop throwing around "I love you". Stop snuggling. And, ideally, you should stop acting this way in general, to anyone you think is gay. It sets a really bad precedent and invites a lot of awkwardness. It's also immature and somewhat objectifying.
*Even so, there are probably straight male Barbra fans out there.
posted by Sara C. at 2:31 PM on December 31, 2010 [12 favorites]
I haven't read anything that would necessarily indicate he's *that* into you. You may be anticipating a psycho-drama that doesn't even play out. My single days were long ago, but I dated and kissed people whom I didn't go on to have epic relationships with. I'm not a huge believer in "gaydar," but is it possible he's somewhat bi or a bit asexual? Even if he isn't, again, maybe he's enjoyed the brief cuddles but not pursuing, er, harder. Seems like by now if he were eager to go further you'd know by now...
I have a hard time seeing a big speech go well. Why not just enjoy the evening, keep physical contact to a friendly level (a brief kiss at midnight doesn't seem like that big a deal to me), and if things develop in an unwelcome direction, then level with him, without bringing your assumptions about his orientation into it? I'd be fairly annoyed/hurt by a woman assuming I was gay (if this doesn't seem PC, I'm sorry, some of my best friends, etc; it would just set off a squick-bomb inside me because I would feel like the entire relationship was based on one wrong assumption that lead to several others - not far from the truth in your case, but not helpful to tell him)
Going forward, I would agree that you should keep physical contact to a level consistent with friendship, not being lovers, if such is not your intention. Perhaps a lesson learned about a) making assumptions and b) getting your kicks flirting with guys you assume are gay? :-)
posted by randomkeystrike at 2:37 PM on December 31, 2010
I have a hard time seeing a big speech go well. Why not just enjoy the evening, keep physical contact to a friendly level (a brief kiss at midnight doesn't seem like that big a deal to me), and if things develop in an unwelcome direction, then level with him, without bringing your assumptions about his orientation into it? I'd be fairly annoyed/hurt by a woman assuming I was gay (if this doesn't seem PC, I'm sorry, some of my best friends, etc; it would just set off a squick-bomb inside me because I would feel like the entire relationship was based on one wrong assumption that lead to several others - not far from the truth in your case, but not helpful to tell him)
Going forward, I would agree that you should keep physical contact to a level consistent with friendship, not being lovers, if such is not your intention. Perhaps a lesson learned about a) making assumptions and b) getting your kicks flirting with guys you assume are gay? :-)
posted by randomkeystrike at 2:37 PM on December 31, 2010
It's "fake new boyfriend" time. You see him tonight, just mention that you've met a guy you're really into. Ideally, do this before he goes for the midnight kiss, but shortly after is OK too; the point is, you are not interested and are going to dial back the flirting, but it's not because he's gay.
posted by nicwolff at 2:40 PM on December 31, 2010
posted by nicwolff at 2:40 PM on December 31, 2010
To be honest you could replace "gay" here with "married" or just "uninterested in me" and have the same problem, a problem that many people have had. Flirting is fun, even when it's not a means to an end.
It's possible that the guy has noticed that you're similarly flirty with lots of people and understands perfectly well that your behavior towards him doesn't mean what it might mean coming from someone else in another place. That is, his head might understand; his heart or gonads might not.
I agree with Ashley801, just bring it up explicitly. Tell him you're just being friendly-flirty, explain that you don't mean anything serious by it, apologize for possibly leading him on (if you want to keep him as a friend), see what he says.
Maybe he'll say "What? I'm gay!". Maybe he'll say he was enjoying consequence-free return flirting, like you. Maybe he'll say you're an evil bitch who destroyed his life and he can never love again (he'll get over it, though).
posted by hattifattener at 2:51 PM on December 31, 2010
It's possible that the guy has noticed that you're similarly flirty with lots of people and understands perfectly well that your behavior towards him doesn't mean what it might mean coming from someone else in another place. That is, his head might understand; his heart or gonads might not.
I agree with Ashley801, just bring it up explicitly. Tell him you're just being friendly-flirty, explain that you don't mean anything serious by it, apologize for possibly leading him on (if you want to keep him as a friend), see what he says.
Maybe he'll say "What? I'm gay!". Maybe he'll say he was enjoying consequence-free return flirting, like you. Maybe he'll say you're an evil bitch who destroyed his life and he can never love again (he'll get over it, though).
posted by hattifattener at 2:51 PM on December 31, 2010
Any suggestion that he wants to date you has to come from him. The worst possible thing to do would be to say, "Hey Mark, let me really conspicuously and in front of everybody take you outside for a Big Talk so everybody, who have totally been gossiping about this, knows what I'm going to tell you and why! Hey, won't we both be embarrassed when it turns out to be a big joke at our expense! Anywho, because you comport yourself like a flaming queen in public, I've always assumed you were gay, but 100 of your closest friends got together and told me that actually you have been crushing on me big time, and consequently have been deluded enough to interpret my universally flirtatious behaviour as romantic interest! So much so that you were probably going to snog me in an unequivocally demonstrative way at midnight! Well, don't. Because I just invented a new fake boyfriend called Unreal Steve! Can't see him? He's just over there. No, he is. Hi honey!"
Yeah, don't do that.
Here is what you should do:
- make no assumptions
- believe no hearsay
- carry on as you are
- if Mark makes a move that could be interpreted as more romantic than you would like, deflect with an equal and opposite move
- if Mark says, "but I love you!" and only if he does, reply, "I'm sorry, Mark, I don't feel the same." He may argue with this, to which you can only say, "I'm sorry, I was really thoughtless about how flirtatiously I was coming across, and I obviously have led you on more than I intended to, but I don't have any romantic feelings for you."
posted by tel3path at 2:58 PM on December 31, 2010 [8 favorites]
Yeah, don't do that.
Here is what you should do:
- make no assumptions
- believe no hearsay
- carry on as you are
- if Mark makes a move that could be interpreted as more romantic than you would like, deflect with an equal and opposite move
- if Mark says, "but I love you!" and only if he does, reply, "I'm sorry, Mark, I don't feel the same." He may argue with this, to which you can only say, "I'm sorry, I was really thoughtless about how flirtatiously I was coming across, and I obviously have led you on more than I intended to, but I don't have any romantic feelings for you."
posted by tel3path at 2:58 PM on December 31, 2010 [8 favorites]
I've known this guy. And I've known other metro guys who shrug and laugh off being mistaken for gay, even though it happens often. My guess is that a guy who is Sensitive about being mistaken for gay is also Sensitive in general, and has a kind of touchy personality. Therefore, he's likely to be Sensitive about Women Leading Him On, and Why Can't He Catch a Break etc. You know the guy and I don't, but I don't think it's too much of a leap to make.
What I'm getting at is that he's probably going to blame you, sulk, and rant whether it's "I'm just a big flirt, tee hee!" or "I thought you were gay." Not sure there's much difference. Neither one makes you look good if he's the type to blame others. Also, if he really likes you, no matter what you say, he's going to be bummed.
In that case, using Occam's Razor, I would just tell the truth. When all options lead to upset, angry, sulky guy, then there is no correct option, and you might as well tell the truth. It may benefit him in some obscure way. He may be used to dealing with it by now (optimistically).
Of course, you could also just do the avoidance dance, or spread it through the grapevine and hope it gets back to him that you're not interested. It might be less awkward for both of you. You know the guy best.
Definitely, definitely don't go on a date with him. That will make everything much worse.
posted by Nixy at 3:11 PM on December 31, 2010
What I'm getting at is that he's probably going to blame you, sulk, and rant whether it's "I'm just a big flirt, tee hee!" or "I thought you were gay." Not sure there's much difference. Neither one makes you look good if he's the type to blame others. Also, if he really likes you, no matter what you say, he's going to be bummed.
In that case, using Occam's Razor, I would just tell the truth. When all options lead to upset, angry, sulky guy, then there is no correct option, and you might as well tell the truth. It may benefit him in some obscure way. He may be used to dealing with it by now (optimistically).
Of course, you could also just do the avoidance dance, or spread it through the grapevine and hope it gets back to him that you're not interested. It might be less awkward for both of you. You know the guy best.
Definitely, definitely don't go on a date with him. That will make everything much worse.
posted by Nixy at 3:11 PM on December 31, 2010
You don't feel overwhelming sexual chemistry with a guy with whom you've been fake flirting, but otherwise you think he's totally awesome. Assuming he actually is interested, why not just give it a shot? If you're still not feeling it then, just say so, but it's plausible that you haven't been feeling it sexually because you've been fake flirting (and thinking he was gay).
I also agree with everyone else who's saying you should reevaluate acting this way toward people in the future.
posted by J. Wilson at 3:15 PM on December 31, 2010 [2 favorites]
I also agree with everyone else who's saying you should reevaluate acting this way toward people in the future.
posted by J. Wilson at 3:15 PM on December 31, 2010 [2 favorites]
When I lived in Southern California and worked at a certain leading entertainment industry company, lots and lots of straight girls interacted with gay guys like this. I used to think that pretending to be gay at that workplace would be a rewarding scam for a shameless straight guy who wanted his face smashed into lots of almost-bare bosoms, etc.
The straight guys who were frequently mistaken for gay (which was most of them) were well aware that the girls' boundaries were set differently due to those perceptions and group standards. In fact, a lot of the girls treated them the same way, in the "just friends but we make out a lot" style, when everyone knew those guys were straight.
In your case I'd accept a date (I think a yes-at-least-once policy is healthy) but rebuff a serious declaration of love. And I'd dial it back with everyone, because the risk is real that this will happen often. But, I was the Mormon girl who didn't do the "we can kiss and cuddle because you're gay" thing even when everyone else seemed to, so.
posted by SMPA at 7:19 PM on December 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
The straight guys who were frequently mistaken for gay (which was most of them) were well aware that the girls' boundaries were set differently due to those perceptions and group standards. In fact, a lot of the girls treated them the same way, in the "just friends but we make out a lot" style, when everyone knew those guys were straight.
In your case I'd accept a date (I think a yes-at-least-once policy is healthy) but rebuff a serious declaration of love. And I'd dial it back with everyone, because the risk is real that this will happen often. But, I was the Mormon girl who didn't do the "we can kiss and cuddle because you're gay" thing even when everyone else seemed to, so.
posted by SMPA at 7:19 PM on December 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
Definitely do not give a relationship a shot. A simple rejection is way easier on his ego than the inevitable "relationship" break-up would be.
posted by mpls2 at 10:56 PM on December 31, 2010
posted by mpls2 at 10:56 PM on December 31, 2010
J. Wilson has a great point. What if you let this guy out of the friend zone? Just for a little while?
Otherwise, just dial it back. If you've been flirting with the guy for months, then he's not so into you he'll be crushed when you aren't that into him. Back when I was dating, if a girl I liked held my hand once, I'd have asked her out on a date immediately. If he hasn't, then you can't be his one and only, whether it's Ms. or Mr. Right he's looking for.
posted by musofire at 6:42 AM on January 1, 2011
Otherwise, just dial it back. If you've been flirting with the guy for months, then he's not so into you he'll be crushed when you aren't that into him. Back when I was dating, if a girl I liked held my hand once, I'd have asked her out on a date immediately. If he hasn't, then you can't be his one and only, whether it's Ms. or Mr. Right he's looking for.
posted by musofire at 6:42 AM on January 1, 2011
FWIW I've sort of been the guy in this situation more times than I can remember. Hope this doesn't come across as bitter. Still good friends with almost all of them, and don't think they did anything wrong.
What is the least dick-ish way to let him know that I'm not into him, even though I've been unknowingly leading him on for months? I would like to maintain our friendship and his pride and I'd like to avoid mentioning my perceptions about his sexual orientation. Is that possible?
I think one of the duties of being an adult is being aware of the consequences of your actions/words and taking responsibility.
You clearly feel that your actions have led to him believing he has 'a chance with you'.
Therefore, it is only right for you to as tactfully as possible set the record straight. Avoid the whole "I thought you were gay thing". You should apologise, along the lines of "Mark, I think I might have given you the wrong impression. Sometimes I accidentily cross from friendly to flirty, without meaning to. I'll do my best to act more appropriately in the future."
I wouldn't even address the whole, your into me aren't you. That's his call if he decides to bring it up.
Also going to agree with others here about considering how to act around members of the opposite sex.
Hypothetical situation 1
Let's say a lady called Sally was interested in Mark. And Sally sees you and Mark together, and decides against doing anything as a result of your faux-romantic actions.
Or to put it another way, if you had an SO, would they be happy with the way you were acting with other men (you weren't interested in).
Finally
Or should I just give the relationship a shot?
Unless you're into him I don't see what good can come of this.
Best wishes, dealing with romantic matters with friends can be a minefield.
posted by 92_elements at 9:49 AM on January 1, 2011
What is the least dick-ish way to let him know that I'm not into him, even though I've been unknowingly leading him on for months? I would like to maintain our friendship and his pride and I'd like to avoid mentioning my perceptions about his sexual orientation. Is that possible?
I think one of the duties of being an adult is being aware of the consequences of your actions/words and taking responsibility.
You clearly feel that your actions have led to him believing he has 'a chance with you'.
Therefore, it is only right for you to as tactfully as possible set the record straight. Avoid the whole "I thought you were gay thing". You should apologise, along the lines of "Mark, I think I might have given you the wrong impression. Sometimes I accidentily cross from friendly to flirty, without meaning to. I'll do my best to act more appropriately in the future."
I wouldn't even address the whole, your into me aren't you. That's his call if he decides to bring it up.
Also going to agree with others here about considering how to act around members of the opposite sex.
Hypothetical situation 1
Let's say a lady called Sally was interested in Mark. And Sally sees you and Mark together, and decides against doing anything as a result of your faux-romantic actions.
Or to put it another way, if you had an SO, would they be happy with the way you were acting with other men (you weren't interested in).
Finally
Or should I just give the relationship a shot?
Unless you're into him I don't see what good can come of this.
Best wishes, dealing with romantic matters with friends can be a minefield.
posted by 92_elements at 9:49 AM on January 1, 2011
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posted by Ashley801 at 2:14 PM on December 31, 2010 [5 favorites]