How did you decide to do what you do?

December 21, 2010 8:13 PM

How did you decide what you wanted to do for a living?

That is a vague, chat-filter-y question, right? But I'm genuinely interested: How did you decide what you wanted to do with your life and how did you get there?

A little background: I'm nearly 27. I have a degree in English and Philosophy because when I was in college I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I like reading, I turned out to be an okay writer and I figured Philosophy was a good 'smart dude' skill to have.

I graduated college and found out that my occupation was not going to fall into my lap like I'd hoped. I languished at an office gig that had me in a fit of self-despair. I left that job to follow (and marry!) a girl. I spent a year in flux, taking odd jobs and being broke. I worked at a diner as a short order cook and I really liked that, so I thought maybe I should go to Culinary School. It soon emerged that while I liked the job, it was kind of incompatible with things like living wage, free time etc etc. I didn't love it the way I thought you'd need to to survive in it.

After that, through a series of lucky breaks, I ended up working in Marketing at a small food company. This was better- I figured I was better at being smart about food than cooking it. For awhile this okay, but the pay was awful (20k, in New York, does not go far), hours were crazy and benefits were non-existent and my wife lost her job.

After that we moved to Korea to teach English. The job is kind of a joke for a million reasons I could discuss, but the pay is good, the benefits are great and we get to travel and see the world. But our contract will be in August and, well. I need to decide what I want to do with my life.

The problem is, I can't decide. On Monday I'll think about how I want to live a good life and study the Bible. I'll decide to become a Pastor. On Thursday I'll decide that maybe I don't like it that much and that I should design video games. By Saturday I'm thinking about doing freelance web design again. Tuesday rolls around and I figure, again, that the Foreign Service would be a good fit. The next Friday I'm ready to get an MFA in Creative Writing and be a journalist.

I think I've got a handful of things working against me:

1- Myself. I really have to struggle to not make excuse. I think maybe I look for reasons to disqualify a job. I think I'm really, really scared of getting stuck in something I hate. I'm also afraid of failure and I find it difficult to be focused.

2- I like everything. I go home and write a song. Then I take pictures. Maybe I'll paint for a bit, read a book and then futz with my Arduino. I'll program for awhile and then cook dinner. All of these things bring me joy. I know making your hobby into a full time job is a bad idea or, at least, very different from what you think it will be, but when people say "Well, what do you like to do?" I can only answer "Everything".

3- That first job, and the marketing job, really scared the heck out of me. I've never been that depressed, that angry, that despondent in my life. I felt like I was wasting away and it negatively affected everything in my life. I can't do that. And I think it just put the fear in me of "Well, that's every job". And I know that's not the case, but the jobs I've had that aren't like that tend to be the kind that you don't support a family or an adult career on.

4- I already have 2 useless degrees. I'm okay with shelling out for another if I think it's something I want to do, but I'm afraid of dropping another 50k+ on a degree for a career I'll turn out to hate.

Anyway, boy. That got long. I kept trying to condense, but I was trying to explore just how. Panic-y and nervous and weird this makes me feel. Which brings me to the question:

How did you end up doing what you do and are you happy about it?

posted by GilloD to work & money (39 answers total)

I crossed out all majors listed in my university's catalog, based on chances of having to deal with (worse, take orders from) stupid people at work. I'm a biomedical researcher, and I'm happy.
posted by halogen at 8:35 PM on December 21, 2010

I chose my major in college because I liked the other people in the major. I think that's probably a good way to choose a career, too -- what kind of people do you want to spend time around?
posted by amtho at 8:39 PM on December 21, 2010

I'm nearly 27

I didn't really land on something sustainable until after that.

I like everything.

This is one of those quarter-life crisis symptoms that's really painful: You might have to focus on one or two things that you do really well, even if you think you could do other stuff really well, too.

The results aren't painful, though. You get to live with a decision to make use of your best talents. What's the worst that could happen? What's painful is thinking about this in advance, and not wanting to get too far into the stability you crave without a way out if you need one.

And I know that's not the case, but the jobs I've had that aren't like that tend to be the kind that you don't support a family or an adult career on.

You don't really mention any people in these jobs. Maybe that's just coincidence, but perhaps what you might look at is building relationships as a way to start your new career.

When I was starting out, doing what I'm doing now, I thought of every type of person that I tend to work well with. Then I went through the phone book and looked up those sorts of people. The second person I called was a great match, and we've been great colleagues ever since. At first it was stilted and awkward, but the personal relationship has been the really crucial part, and we're more comfortable working together now.

So that was sort of my key -- looking at my body of work, thinking of ways it might fit into a local economy, thinking of types of people I could meet that could help me get started, then looking them up and making the call.

There are still many other things that I'm not doing, that I plan on doing in the future. Other talents, other gifts. But I no longer feel panicky about never having a chance to do those things. The time will come. For now I can plan and prepare.

On a personal-economics level, one thing I would mention is that your power to make decisions is directly proportional to your ability to save up and manage money. If you can find a no-rent or low-rent situation, or find ways to skimp and save up even half a year's income, suddenly you have the option of really working a plan that would otherwise seem like a daydream.

Good luck! You'll get where you want to go. People who put this much hard mental work into things usually get where they want to go. Even if they don't currently know where that is. :-)
posted by circular at 8:42 PM on December 21, 2010 [2 favorites]

I've had a pretty varied job profile as well. The last time I was asked in a job interview what my "career goals" were, I said "none."

You do the things you do because you like to do them, and the things you have to do in exchange for money. It's rarely been my experience that those two actually intersect.

I do office work. When I'm not doing that, I do whatever the hell I want, from volunteering to writing to birdwatching to cooking fun meals to tromping around in the park.

I majored in Anthropology, with a minor in American Studies.
posted by Gilbert at 8:47 PM on December 21, 2010 [4 favorites]

How did you end up doing what you do and are you happy about it?

I graduated with a BA as a double major in anthropology and cognitive science, without really having put any work into making a living with them: no internships, no study abroad, no independent research, no senior thesis, just decent grades. I held a small handful of jobs that I could imagine pursuing as careers, but that all ended badly:

• as an aide at a school for developmentally disabled children, I ended up being bullied by coworkers and quit
• as an intern at a test-prep-material-editing company, I was asked to leave because I didn't believe in the product
• as a temporary recording assistant at a language research center, I was let go early by my supervisor, because she said I needed to get myself into a graduate program

After a period of painful unemployment, I found a research assistant job that has more to do with my background than any of my previous jobs. It pays a modest salary, but I enjoy the daily variety and the educational opportunities.
posted by Nomyte at 8:49 PM on December 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

Hmmm. My way of figuring out what I wanted to do with my life was to travel the world and do many things, but you've already done that. Perhaps you could analyse what you disliked about those various jobs? Why did those two jobs scare you, exactly?

What I concluded, after said travel, was that I like travelling and seeing/doing many different things and that I wanted a career that would allow me to do that. So I decided to go into tech consulting, which I think is fantastic, but I've only been here for a month: ask me again next year. Before that I did an internship at an IT department (convinced me I didn't want to be a sysadmin because it was boring) and did part-time helpdesking at uni (convinced me I didn't want to be in tech support because the point of the job is to deal with stupid people and I am bad at that).
posted by Xany at 8:56 PM on December 21, 2010

Well, you could have a kid.

When my now-wife got pregnant, we were two single, unemployed hobos living on savings while pursuing a dream of becoming screenwriters. After finding out for sure that we were going to have a baby, we had many difficult conversations about how I'd have to go back in the military and she could maybe try to write novels or something as we moved from base to base. Having, suddenly, a helpless third person completely dependent on you really focuses your mind. You just no longer have the luxury of being an intellectual drifter.

Reality turned out much better than our initial projections: I only had to join the Army Reserve to get us health insurance, and she eventually got a steady screenwriting gig that's currently paying our bills while I stay home with our son and apply to law schools. So, basically, one person got their dream job, and the other person is now working toward a job that might not be the dream but is pretty cool nonetheless. And that's often what a really successful adulthood looks like.

But in order to get to that place, we both had to mentally accept that providing for our son was the most important thing in our lives, now.

So try approaching your four weaknesses as though some innocent person's life depends on you overcoming them. E.g.:

I think I'm really, really scared of getting stuck in something I hate. Tough shit. Most people have jobs they're not that crazy about. Pick something.

Or....

When people say "Well, what do you like to do?" I can only answer "Everything". You can't do "everything." "Everything" is not a job description. Stop dicking around and pick something you are qualified to do or could get qualified to do on a reasonable timeline. Do it for a long time. Get good at it.

I'm not saying these things to be harsh. 26 is still very young, and you have plenty of time to road test a few more careers. Especially if you don't have a kid. Don't have a kid yet. But try acting like you have a kid. Act like having a job that pays adult wages is more important than your personal satisfaction. That's how you quickly narrow down the things you could do for money that wouldn't make you want to kill yourself.
posted by thehandsomecamel at 8:59 PM on December 21, 2010 [4 favorites]

i got really lucky: i've known since i was six that i wanted to be a designer (altho, at that age, i had no idea that it was an actual profession or even what it was called—i just knew it was different than being an artist)—and even luckier that i've got the talent and drive to do it. i knew that i wanted to go to art school eventually to get a design degree, but i too like nearly everything, so i went to a traditional university instead. i studied art history and folklore. then i worked in advertising and publishing for a few years before finally heading to art school. my previous degrees and my previous work experiences have definitely been helpful for what i do now. i love what i do, and i can't imagine doing anything else really (altho, every once in awhile, i do imagine my life on it's plan B path, as an attorney—and then my attorney friends quickly disabuse me of any fantasies i might have about that).
posted by violetk at 9:01 PM on December 21, 2010

I still haven't really decided, but I am content in the job I have now. I know a few personal things I want to accomplish in the next few months, but aside from that my only career goal in life has been to find a stable, consistent day job that doesn't make me feel horrible for one reason or another.

The other key is, like amtho said, enjoying my coworkers. I feel like I have things in common with these people. So I work my job, and then I go home and do whatever it is I feel like doing that makes me "me." My job is good, but the Me stuff is what really makes me happy. My professional life has been fairly improvisational - I have had three jobs since graduating from college 6 years ago - and I'm just a little older than you are.

You ask us how we "ended up" doing what we do, but I don't feel like I've "ended up" anywhere. I don't think you really end up anywhere until you're dead. A big part of figuring out how to proceed with where I wanted to move after college and what sorts of jobs to apply for was simply that I could always just get a different job later on if it didn't work out, or move somewhere else. It seems you've been aware of this for a while but are starting to doubt the validity of that line of thought. But I think it's still valid.

While some people have clear ideas of their long-term career direction, a lot of other people don't. It sounds like you really don't want to dedicate your life to a single industry, in which case it would probably be more practical to focus more on finding a job you can simply tolerate than spending more money on more degrees. Look at what jobs you've already had, which one was the least bad, and try to find a better version of that.
posted by wondermouse at 9:06 PM on December 21, 2010

Ok, I currently am not really happy doing what I do, but I think I've figured out what I would be happy doing and am moving towards that. So grain(s) of salt.

What helped me do this was to think of the things I have liked about jobs I've had, and what I haven't liked. Basically a big Pro/Con in jobs list. And then poke around and try to find jobs that hit a maximum number of pros and a minimum number of cons.

Also if you haven't already, read this excellent comment on discovering your Passion vs. finding a job you can do.
posted by grapesaresour at 9:06 PM on December 21, 2010 [3 favorites]

Every decision or plan I have ever made about what to do for a career based on my interests has not worked out for various reasons. My employment experience, like yours, has been rather diverse.

Then about 2 1/2 years ago I took a part-time job that I figured I'd be at for six months to a year tops. It has turned out to be the best employment experience of my life because of the wonderful people and the organizational culture. This has given me the opportunity to learn that my job satisfaction is affected far more by the people I work with than by what kind of work I'm doing. So, now that I've found the right people, I'm focused on developing the skills that will increase my job security and help me advance as part of the same team.

Since you "like everything" and are obviously able to pick up new skills and knowledge quickly, maybe you should try focusing on finding the right people first (especially the right boss), then learn whatever you need to learn to become a better contributor to the team?

If you do decide to take the people-oriented approach, begin your search in fields and organizations with low turnover so your investment in learning new skills for that job isn't lost when the people you like working with all leave for other jobs.
posted by Jacqueline at 9:18 PM on December 21, 2010 [3 favorites]

Some people know what they want to do with themselves. Some of us don't. That said, damn near all of us aren't going to have it work out exactly the way we think.

Stop worrying about the job you're supposed to have because of your degrees, and please, don't go back to school for a degree to try and get a different job. Degrees don't get you jobs. Accomplishments do. What have you accomplished in work or in hobbies recently? Things you can produce accomplishments in are things you can make a living at. Note: an accomplishment is doing above what the job requires. An accomplishment is what makes you better than just another warm body.

The best advice I can give you is to capitalize on the serendipity you encounter in your life. Maybe a friend tells you about an opening. Apply! Don't be afraid to try things; don't be afraid to say no if it doesn't sound like a fit.

Also: purchase What Color is my Parachute? and use it to define what you actually want out of a job. It's a better starting point than "everything" (which is BS -- you said you hated several of your jobs, so you obviously have SOME preferences).

I think circular has it with the quarter-life crisis. The world is not your oyster. When your teachers and parents told you that you could be anything you wanted, they lied. No one is coming to give you an awesome job now that you have degrees. You can either lament that or go do something that, if you're not proud of, you can at least respect yourself for doing.
posted by bfranklin at 9:19 PM on December 21, 2010 [3 favorites]

Oh, and as far as staying focused goes, I've found that I'm a lot more motivated to carry through on developing skills and knowledge that I know would make a concrete impact on helping the people I work with now than on skills and knowledge for a vague future hypothetical career.
posted by Jacqueline at 9:21 PM on December 21, 2010

I work in advertising. I don't think I chose it as much as I kind of fell into it:

-I majored in journalism in college. My intention was to be a magazine editor.
-I had an internship at Advertising Age and found the subject matter I was covering fascinating.
-Took a hiatus from college. Offered a temp job in the classified advertising department of a local paper. Took job, figuring it would be my foot in the door and I could move into editorial eventually.
-Hired full-time at paper. Promoted to position where I worked extensively with reps from ad agencies. Thought working at an agency might be an interesting career move, eventually.
-Quit job after four years to finish my degree.
-Finally got journalism degree. Graduated into dreadful job market. Temped at various places in various industries, finally got full-time job - doing classified advertising at major metropolitan newspaper.
-Position at major metropolitan newspaper eliminated almost 2 years later. Temped at various places again until even temp work dried up. Panicked.
-Found posting on Craigslist for job at ad agency - a very similar position to one that reps I dealt with while at local paper held, the kind I thought might be interesting. Sent resume at odd hour at night. Got call for initial interview the next day. A few weeks later - GOT JOB! HALLELUJAH!
-A little over two and a half years later I'm still there. It's definitely had its ups and downs, but overall I really like being on the agency side of things.

It seems like no matter what else I dabbled in, I always ended up back in advertising.
posted by SisterHavana at 9:41 PM on December 21, 2010

In my last semester of college (as an anthropology major), I took a part-time job doing occasional light office/organizing tasks for a film industry UPM/line producer, via craigslist. A couple months in, the film she was working on desperately needed interns to get a handle on a few tasks she knew I was capable of. By the end of my first week, I knew I was meant for film/TV production. Five years later, it's one of two careers I've given any serious thought to.

And, yes, I make very little money. Yes, it's often very menial. I can work up to 15 hour days, there's no paid vacation, and very little glory. But I love it.

I think that's the key here. It seems to me that, unless you're very lucky, you have two choices in life. You can make a ton of money, or you can be really happy in what you do. I chose the latter. Someday it's possible that I might get to have both. But for the time being I'm OK with making 30K and loving what I do.
posted by Sara C. at 10:07 PM on December 21, 2010

You seem to be me (English and Philosophy double major, teaching in Asia), except you're in Korea, not Japan. Here's the thing: I didn't choose this career. I just kind of let it happen. I didn't really want to be an EFL teacher for the rest of my life, and maybe I won't be, but I can be pretty sure that a lot of the ideas I had earlier in life about jobs that I wanted (mostly having to do with writing, or the teaching thereof) just aren't going to happen.

I think you're about where I was where I might have been able to steer things a bit differently than I have. If you are going to make a change, you need to sit down and seriously think about what jobs you'd be able to do, and then out of those, think seriously about which of them you'd like to do, and what you're going to need to get to that point. Lists, and crossing off of items type level of detail is what I'm talking about. Do you want to stay in Korea? How's your language skill? If you want to stay there, and keep teaching, what credentials are you preparing to get? If you want to stay, but not teach, what connections do you have? What skills do you think would be valuable? If you want to go back home, have a plan for that, but for the love of god, do it sooner rather than later. Seemingly no one is interested in hiring someone over 30 who just spent the last ten years of their life teaching EFL.

/sobs.
posted by Ghidorah at 10:43 PM on December 21, 2010

I was walking past the Office of Career Planning and Placement at my school in late April of my 4th year, stopped in to see how it could help me answer this very question when I saw a small add on the bulletin board for a low level job on Wall Street. I applied and was chosen as one of two from hundreds of applicants at the three schools the job was posted. I think I got the job because of the two tests they gave us all, one an aptitude test and the other an IQ type test revealed that I was a great fit. Turns out it really fit my personality. Very black and white job. No projects, no deadlines, no working well with others, simply trade and make money or be out of a job. A very objective job in that there was no boss to suck up to who made a subjective evaluation. My P&L was my boss. I got a percentage of it and the firm the larger split.
posted by AugustWest at 4:53 AM on December 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

ROTFL!

Philosophy doesnt really pay, does it?!

I was exactly the same as you; was encouraged to go to university, so I went and did a very interesting degree that left me virtually unemployable. It took a major life crisis (essentially a year spent in pain) to rocket me into sorting things out and finding employment.

I got a book. It's not really important what book; it's the process and the discipline of deconstructing your abilities, your likes and the job market's needs that is important. There are three fundamentals; to be successful at your job you must 1)have a natural ability for some of the skills required, 2)enjoy using some of the skills required and 3)be valued for using these skills. If you can fulfil these three things you will be enjoying doing something which you find easy but which others value. It's a virtuous circle.
Investigating this is not an easy, or a quick process; be prepared for endless lists reducing simple things to basic blocks, long discussions with friends, online questionaires, possibly professional opinions. I had assumed that 1 & 2 were complementary, but that's not necessarily so, it turns out I enjoy lots of things I'm not good at (singing for example...) so it's important to understand the difference, and the overlap, between the two.

As I said, the process of finding this out is important. It became increasingly obvious what I should be doing, and what I would enjoy doing and where I could find work. That was 10 years ago, I'm now developing exciting cutting edge technology and get great job satisfaction. Worked for me!
posted by BadMiker at 5:30 AM on December 22, 2010 [5 favorites]

Like you, I like to do a lot of different things. I like technology and animals and reading and helping people and learning and travel and... the list goes on.

But I figured out what my true driving desire was: it was to make the world a better place, at least in some small way. This led to getting a psychology degree with an eye toward getting a Master's degree in Social Work.

But once I discovered I didn't want to deal with other folks' emotional baggage, I had to figure out what would let me help the world but not cause me to deal with drama.

I ended up in a job where I pretty much am involved in all of the interests above, minus the animals.

So, I would suggest examining what really drives you. How can you take your skills and put them to work in service of that? (Yeah, I got a lot of "but that won't make you any money" from my rich-but-unhappy aunt, but I really can't complain.) Find a life you love despite how much money you'll make and you'll be happier in the long run.

(I apologize if this really isn't an "answer"!)
posted by metarkest at 5:59 AM on December 22, 2010

I'm more than twice your age, but I still have that problem of being into a whole lot of different -often totally unrelated- things. A few years ago I finally figured out that being an academic reference librarian would suit me just fine. Yeah, the pay is shit, but I get to learn new stuff and meet interesting people every day.
posted by mareli at 6:06 AM on December 22, 2010

My job used to be a hobby. My first job as a programmer is exactly what my qualifications were for. Pretty good pay, but the job was... not exactly creative. I knew I would not take it for long - hell I was depressed on day 3 - and left after the first week. I took up a job that I was not qualified for, which meant a massive pay cut - but it was closer to what I did like to do. And enjoy it I did. It's been 5 years now, and there's been alot of changes and country hopping, and I am very pleased with where I am.

Looking back, I won't say turning a hobby into a job is so bad. Sure, I no longer go home and mess around with it, but on the flip side, I really enjoy my work. I don't drag myself there everyday. I still think about how to solve issues when I'm at home. Sure, I do complain but on the whole the experience has been good. The offshoot of this is that I now just spend my time after work developing other hobbies, stuff that I never got the chance to do, and I'm doing it now.

Also: I think I may not have answered your question. I basically was looking for something to do in my life that I would enjoy, and co-incidently attended a talk about my hobby, and how professionals did it. I was very inspired by that talk, and decided to give it a full time push.
posted by TrinsicWS at 6:28 AM on December 22, 2010

I work in a museum, but it's taken me a long time to figure out what part of the museum I wanted to work in, and what would make me like my job and feel fulfilled.

First I had to figure out if I was the "work to live" or "live to work" type of person. Both perspectives have merit, and in the end I realized that I needed to be happy in my job in order to be a happy person in the rest of my life. Then I sort of sat down with myself and tried to figure out the two most important things for a job to have. What would really make me feel like it was worth getting up at 6:30 or taking a long commute or living with lower pay? I decided that my ideal job would have two components: 1) it needed to be large-ish scale work that included a variety of activities (i.e. no stamping one form or dealing with one issue every day) and 2) I needed to be doing something to help others or enrich the lives of others. I kept in mind that 1) I am an introvert and 2) I like a mix of working with others and working independently.

Once I figured out these needs, I felt like a world of possibilities opened up. I've ended up as the museum educator for a small-medium sized non-profit museum, and I love my job. As an added bonus to meeting my job goals, I learn something new every day. FWIW, I graduated with a degree in Anthropology/Classics and am working on an MA in Museum Studies.

This isn't to say I won't change my mind and go back to school to become a psychologist (because that's the job I wanted to have for years and basically chickened out on), but for now I am content.
posted by Mouse Army at 6:41 AM on December 22, 2010

Watching TV, I said, Oh, that looks like fun, I should do that as a career. So far, so good... more or less.

A couple comments about your situation:

Don't spend time and money on a "useful" graduate degree if you don't have a specific plan in mind and some willingness to commit to it.

You can't do everything, even if you are interested in and like everything. It's hard to accept that fact when you're having that quarter-life crisis, but all you can do is pick something you like (or think you will like) and give it a shot. If you hate it, it's always possible to change careers, but it's extremely important to find a way to reject that quarter-life crisis. I was between two main options, and it was almost a coin-toss situation, but I chose one over the other, and a handful of years later I'm not looking back.
posted by J. Wilson at 6:55 AM on December 22, 2010

For me it was helpful to first figure out what kind of purpose I wanted to fulfill, what kind of meaning I wanted my life to have. I questioned what kind of work would make me feel satisfied. After that I was able to brainstorm jobs that would allow me to accomplish that kind of thing, and I chose one from there.

For me the process involved 5 sheets of notebook paper, with me brainstorming on every line what my purpose in life was. It was frustrating, and it took me a long time to figure out, but I sat with it and kept working for a couple hours over a couple days until something really felt right. I got this idea from some blog, but I don't have the link anymore. The idea was to list "purposes" until you find one that makes you cry. I danced around the ideas of helping people and doing something "intelligent," because those are the things that have felt most satisfying to me in my previous work, or been most obviously lacking in the jobs I hated. What I finally came up with for myself is that I want to help individual people by providing the information they need, when they need it.

After that I brainstormed careers that would fit. 911 operator. Reference librarian. Help desk. I have another few notebook pages of these, some of which are a terrible fit (help desk!) and some of which were very plausible. I ended up deciding to become a nurse. I'm 29, and I just graduated from nursing school last week. I would not have wanted to spend so much money and time changing careers (I used to program computers) if I didn't feel strongly that I was moving in the right direction, but this extensive process of self-exploration really did give me the confidence that I was making the right decision, not throwing my time and money into another useless degree.
posted by vytae at 7:18 AM on December 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

GilloD, take heart: I did not find my current, beloved, carreer until I was more than a year older than you. At 21 I had a four-year degree in Political Science, and it took me three more years to determine I just was not cut out to pursue my dream career of being a professional campaign worker. I spent four years at a dead-end job in a hotel before some very good friends roped me into getting my MSCE certification (Windows tech support) and helped me get an entry-level job as an onsite computer support person.

It turned out I was/am REALLY GOOD at that, and I LOVE the work. I feel incredibly lucky to be working for a stable company among human, friendly co-workers and kind, sensible bosses who respect me, doing "work" I regularly find challenging and rarely boring. I like doing this so much I started a side-business so I could do it all day, every day. That's 50-60 hours of computer-support-related work, weekly, for five straight years, and I'm still enjoying it.

Your niche is out there, man. You just need to keep your eyes open and it will find you eventually.
posted by BigLankyBastard at 8:10 AM on December 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

I used to feel a lot of stress and pressure to have the right job that would be fulfilling, the best use of all of my skills, the correct career path, something that lived up to the potential I showed at school, etc. etc. etc.

It took some therapy, but I've reached the point where I accept that I don't *have* to get that sense of fulfillment from my day job. I have a side hobby that's where my real passion is, and once I started making steps to pursue that more in my free time, it alleviated so much of that pressure I was feeling to choose the "right" career.

I'll always have a zillion other interests and side hobbies, but now I can appreciate that I don't have to make them my day job. I have a great day job that I've idled my way into - it's creative, challenging, and a good-for-society thing - but mainly I'm satisfied that I can pay rent, buy groceries, get health insurance, save extra money for travel and treats, and go to bed at night not worrying about the bills. That frees up the mental space to work on my side hobby.

And how I realized that this day job is the right fit for me: I noticed how excited and enthusiastic I got when I described it to other people.
posted by cadge at 8:15 AM on December 22, 2010

For me it was easy. I always like playing with computers and now I'm a computer programmer and have been for 15+ years now.

One possible thing you might be overlooking: your job does not (have to) define you. I'm pretty much a paid nerd. That's fine. But you don't have to be your job. There's nothing wrong with having a job that is perfectly pleasant but not great, with nice co-workers, that pays the bills and then having a bunch of hobbies that scratch every other itch you have in life. You might be trying to be the person who is a natural fit for their job when that just isn't you.

A friend of mine used to be bugged if he wasn't being "challenged" by work. Now he has two kids and a bunch of hobbies and he's got all the challenge he can handle outside of work. If the job doesn't make him actively want to kill someone and it pays the bills then he's just fine with it.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 8:23 AM on December 22, 2010

I like everything. I go home and write a song. Then I take pictures. Maybe I'll paint for a bit, read a book and then futz with my Arduino. I'll program for awhile and then cook dinner. All of these things bring me joy.

You enjoyed being a short order cook but the pay/time/value thing didn't do it for you. I can understand that. But I would bet that part of the "cooking" was working with your brain and your hands at the same time.

You can write songs so I assume you can play an instrument. Learn how to build that instrument. It maybe a guitar or a piano or drums. Find someone who can teach to the craft (or just do it yourself) and build an instrument or two. It could change your life.

At nearly twice your age I still have never made the decision about what I am going to do, my jobs have always found me. You have a lot of time - don't rush.
posted by alfanut at 8:24 AM on December 22, 2010

I fell into my career by accident. Armed with an English degree, I worked in a museum, for a consulting firm, and as a writer for a series of how-to books. Then, I shared a cab with a guy who turned out to be a producer for Australian TV. He told me what he did, and I thought--"I can get paid for talking to people?" And my synapses started firing away.
My point is that you have to be open to serendipity. Your perfect fit might be in a field that you've never considered. I don't believe that your job should be the sole source of all happiness and fulfillment in your life, but I love what I do, and I still can't believe I get paid for this.

Liking to do hobbies--painting, singing, cooking dinner--doesn't actually foretell what you'd enjoy and be good at doing for work. Do you want to work with people or by yourself? Do you want to have clearly defined milestones and deadlines or can you function with more free-floating requirements? Do you work well in an atmosphere of clear hierarchies and duties or are you happier in a more communal setting? Do you want to be in charge of your daily schedule--how many clients or projects to take on--or would you rather not have to hustle to build a business or practice?

If you've got access to any career testing or consulting, I'd think it would be worthwhile to take advantage of it.
posted by Ideefixe at 8:35 AM on December 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

I got there by trying a lot of things out. Your description of yourself is ME! I had 7 different majors in college & currently hold three degrees in very different subjects. I wouldn't suggest another degree until you figure out exactly what you want to do. Here was my path:

1. Graduated from uni with a degree in botany (not really useful without a phd but one thing I did know was I didn't want a phd in botany). Did a lot of searching for jobs in botanical gardens, farms, etc. but hadn't done an internship/study abroad/extra research in school so wasn't having any luck. Finally got a laboratory assistant job at the uni I had just graduated from. When the lab moved ended up getting a few more research jobs.

2. Had applied to graduate school for library science & decided I didn't really want to go that route. Then BAM major life changes and needed to get out of town for a while... Unfortunately, graduate school felt like the best way to do that at the time. So I picked up a masters in library science. Got a job as an academic science librarian. Knew from week 1 it wasn't going to work.. Being in an office drove me batty. And don't even mention the meetings. Argh. Anyhow, spent 3 yrs in that job figuring out what I liked/disliked about the jobs I'd had. What my "mission" was in life. What skills I wanted to use. Etc.

3. Finally settled upon nursing as it used the skills I wanted (helping ppl individually), wasn't in an office (yay, limited meetings & good for hyperactive me), and provided opportunity for lateral movement into new very different nursing positions (should I get bored with my job) & vertical movement (if I decided I wanted to make more $$). Went to school. Got degree #3. Currently a nurse and still amazed I get paid for my job.

Good luck! You'll figure it out.. It takes a lot of time & trying different things out.

Also, BadMiker's process was essentially what I ended up doing. Be careful! I found there are lots of things I'm good at... However, I don't necessarily enjoy using those skills in a job.
posted by newsomz at 8:37 AM on December 22, 2010

Autonomy, mastery, purpose.
I did an English degree, and always thought I'd do something arty. When I actually entered the world of work, I discovered the things I enjoyed at work had nothing to do with that.
So I think my advice is, try a few things out, get a job, experiment.
posted by greytape at 9:12 AM on December 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

Don't choose. Life is more interesting with more careers.
posted by Kurichina at 9:17 AM on December 22, 2010

I worked for 15 years as an admin assistant - mostly temp because my temperament does not lend itself to permanent work in that field (read: it bores me to tears), but I had to pay the bills and I was good at it. I actually enjoyed aspects of it - database management is pretty interesting and my knowledge of databases landed me some interesting jobs. But I really don't fit well in corporate America and hated most of my sojourn there. Finally, after the kids were grown and gone and life slapped me upside the head, I'm back in college getting my Master's in English to do what I really want to do - teach English. Yep, I wanna do what you don't want to do.

The best job I ever had in all of my job hopping was in a tutoring lab during community college. I loved, loved, love to tutor English. Loved it. I loved teaching my kids to read. I loved helping them with their English homework. I've tutored on the side. If I didn't need a Master's to do it, I'd be doing it now. I'm already TESOL certified and ready to go. That little gig is what gave me the teaching bug, and it's sat and waited all this time for me to have the time and wherewithal to finally set it free. It's not my career yet, but it will be... it will be.
posted by patheral at 9:30 AM on December 22, 2010

Pick up a copy of Po Bronson's book "What Should I Do With My Life?" It's not a how-to book, but a collection of interviews Bronson did with various people about how they found their calling - or ignored it.

I have read it many times over the years, and I always get something new out of it.
posted by ErikaB at 9:42 AM on December 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

I looked at the subjects I was interested in and the career fields that pay well and offer a good life and took the intersection (computer programming, in my case.)
posted by callmejay at 11:11 AM on December 22, 2010

I love when people ask this question, because I have a great answer for it that has worked out really well for me.

When my dad was in his late 20s, he had been a youth pastor for 7 years and knew that he ought to do something else. But he had gone to a Bible college and had no other training, or even any idea really, of what that other career path should be. So he went to this place that does in-depth aptitude testing. Not the kind of aptitude test that you typically get in high school, which is just questions on a piece of paper like "would you rather build a boat or talk to people about their feelings." Their testing methods were physical experiments designed to test natural ability for a range of different skills. It took a day and a half, and at the end, they sat him down and showed him the results, which were in the form of "you have a XX% aptitude in this skill, a YY% aptitude in this other skill" etc. for something like 20 different skill categories. And then they tell you which career paths are well-suited to people with that kind of natural ability. The idea is, if you choose work in an area in which you're naturally skilled, then you'll be happier. So my dad took their recommendations and started his current career as a financial manager, which he's been at for a good 25 years now, has been wildly successful and is extremely happy. He says all the time that he's never going to retire because he loves what he does so much, and it's obvious how fulfilling his work is to him.

He resolved that, as soon as I was old enough for the testing to be relevant (they recommend a minimum age of 16), he was going to put me through that same process. I went when I was 16, did the testing and found out I had really high numbers in two particular areas, which lent toward two particular and wildly different career paths - music performance and structural engineering. Before starting college, I chose to pursue structural engineering for an education/career and music performance as a personal/non-career interest. I've worked a structural engineer now for 6 years, do music on the side, and am very happy with those choices. I feel lucky because I never wanted to switch majors in college, or change careers, or go back and make these choices over again. I've even moved to another country and kept the same career, and have been happy and successful doing so.

I've avoided naming the institution that does this testing so that I don't look like I'm advertising for them. I'm not affiliated with them in any way aside from getting that testing done. If you'd like the name, memail me and I'll happily provide it. I haven't heard of other institutions that do the same thing, but I haven't looked for them, either.
posted by hootenatty at 11:37 AM on December 22, 2010 [10 favorites]

I lucked into a decent profession, and when that opportunity knocked, I ran with it.
posted by talldean at 2:02 PM on December 22, 2010

I was going to write down my story but then I realized I already did: it's here (I ended up working there for 4 years, and starting a freelance design business now).
posted by wolfr at 2:48 PM on December 22, 2010

I agree with those upthread that say
- not to necessarily look at your hobbies/degrees/interests for direction, but what you’re good at instead. In my case, doing what I’m really good at and doing it well brings, if not joy, at least a lot of satisfaction.
- that your niche will eventually find you, not the other way around. Career paths are strange and winding roads, and often utterly unpredictable.

My story, well. I have a degree in English, too. I wanted to go into publishing and be an editor. I got a job as a technical writer instead and stayed there about five years in a mix of permanent and contract gigs. It was okay, not my favorite, but tolerable, and it allowed me tease out over the course of a couple years what I was best at (intensely detail-oriented and organized, can handle a crapload of information without getting even a little bit overwhelmed, am very competent at overseeing projects, enjoy working with people one-on-one). Last year when my contract ended, I decided to finally give full-time freelancing a go like I had always fantasized about. While I was able to get a number of clients fairly quickly, I learned that I absolutely do not have the chops to work for peanuts, regardless of how much love it, and I hated being so isolated and never getting to talk to anyone (that was a surprise for this introvert). Nine miserable months into it, one of my freelance clients, a consumer and market research firm, had an opening for a taxonomist and offered it to me, along with a fantastic salary and benefits package that I was craving. I get to read all the research the firm produces (and it’s fascinating stuff), make small editorial fixes, catalog and tag and organize it all, work with clients on special projects, do lots of number tracking and maintenance on the research database, think about long-term taxonomy strategy. I sit in on the editorial meetings and am encouraged to contribute to research and pitch ideas. It’s really fun—and that is the first time in my life I’ve been able to say that about any job I’ve ever had.

It’s not editing, like I (thought I) wanted, but it’s perfect for me. And I totally feel like it found me, I would never have thought to seek out something like this. At the same time, I wouldn’t say I’ve “ended up here” because I know I won’t be here forever. It’s just one job in a string of probably many over the course of my lifetime. Eventually I will have to move on, and in doing so I know I’ll probably have another existential crisis like the one I just went through before I find another job that fits me.

Honestly, you’re not going to arrive at the answer overnight or probably even by August. Do not panic—that’s completely to be expected. The only solution, really, is just to start doing something and eventually you’ll discover your strengths/weaknesses/motivations/etc. Just like you’ve done here, I encourage you to speak to everyone you possibly can about this. Hearing about other people’s jobs always helps me consider possibilities I didn’t even know existed, they’ll often ask what you’re looking for and talking it out helps crystallize what I want in a job, and you never know what will come of those conversations.
posted by anderjen at 7:51 AM on December 23, 2010