Why should I move to India? What do I need to know?

December 10, 2010 7:50 PM

Why should I move to India? What do I need to know?

I'm considering applying to a service job in India in my field. I have 4 years of experience, the job would pay fine, and it would be in India. Why do I want to go? Because I've never lived (or stepped foot) outside the U.S., and I'd like to before it's too late.

But I know nothing about India! What should I be excited about? What should I read / watch / hear / eat? What is one thing I would need to understand about India's culture to really get where the country is in terms of politics, customs? How are Americans viewed - will the girls like me?

What is education like there (I hear they have an Ed Reform thing going on there, too)?

And if you think my reasons are stupid, you can explain that to me, too.

posted by jander03 to travel & transportation around India (24 answers total)

The best thing to realize is that considering "India" as a single place is an illusion you need to dispel. It's an incredible diverse region of the world in every way - language, geography, culture, food, religion, weather, you name it. The "culture" is multi-dimensional, much more so than America, or most other nations for that matter. You'd probably get a lot more out of your question if you specified the region or city in which you might be working.
posted by Dee Xtrovert at 7:58 PM on December 10, 2010 [6 favorites]

Echoing Dee, where will you be in India?

Your answer to this prefaces answers to the rest of your questions -- from "will the girls like me" to everything else.

If you'll be in Delhi or Mumbai, I can give you clues. If in Bangalore... I'll keep mum. :)
posted by artemisia at 8:01 PM on December 10, 2010

That's a poor reason to move to India. At the very least, you should visit. There's plenty to like and plenty not to like.

I assume you are white. Socially, it may be hard to find friends there. You will have little in common with the overwhelming majority of the population. The girls will not like you. Most of their relationships are family based and you will not get close to most girls unless you are close to their families.

The working hours will be just as long if not longer than US companies. Saturday is a working day.

If you do move you should move to a city with a lot of expatriates.

There's not one thing to understand about India's culture. It's like asking "what's the one thing I would need to understand about Europe?". India is itself composed of different cultures, languages and ethnicities. South India differs greatly from North India.

I know I speak in generalizations. I was once in a similar situation as yourself - I wanted to move to Tokyo. I visited Tokyo and I realized I would have absolutely hated living there.
posted by fenster_blick at 8:10 PM on December 10, 2010 [3 favorites]

I was going to say everything Dee Xtrovert said.

It really all depends on where in India you'll be, and especially whether you'll be in one of the big urban tech hubs (Bangalore, New Delhi and surrounding suburbs, maybe Pune) or not. Also probably what kind of work you do.

When I was in India, it was really useful to remind myself that India, even though it's one nation, is about as ethnically, culturally, and linguistically diverse as all of Europe. It easily could have been divvied up into about ten different countries - in fact a fascinating number of Indian states have made a bid for independence at one point or another.

In general, though (all of this is in my personal experience as an American traveling in India, not working/living long term) - Indians are pretty fascinated by Americans. Literally the first conversation I had in India, in the taxi from the airport into Mumbai proper, was about Hillary Clinton's presidential prospects (this was early spring of '08). Indians have very definite opinions of Western culture, perhaps specifically the US, and they will ask you lots of questions. While some Indians might have preconceived notions of what American culture is like, they won't be about the things you think they'll be about. To say the least.

What should I read / watch / hear / eat?

Everything. Of course. Before going, to give you one jumping-off point in each category: A Suitable Boy, Dil Se, Bhangra, and re "eat" no Indian food sold in the US really compares at all. (Caveat: all of this mainly pertains to the northern part of India.) Though it wouldn't be a bad thing to familiarize yourself with authentic Indian cuisine, especially vegetarian cuisine. Hint: chicken tikka masala is not generally served in Indian restaurants aside from some tourist places.

Some cultural generalizations that will probably help more than they harm: Don't eat or ever touch food with your left hand. India is a fairly socially conservative country in terms of things like alcohol consumption, nudity, and public displays of affection - even in cities, people will be more conservative about that sort of thing than their American counterparts. Indians can often come off as slightly formal, as compared to what is typically the norm in the US. Indian English is not always mutually intelligible with American English. A "geezer" is a hot water heater. "Firing" is yelling at someone, not sacking them. Staring is not taboo, and neither is asking reams of personal questions of a complete stranger. Don't enter into a bargaining session with a local vendor if you don't expect to buy something. Trains are a wonderful way to see the country. It is highly unlikely that you will die in a rickshaw collision.
posted by Sara C. at 8:26 PM on December 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

There's not one thing to understand about India's culture. It's like asking "what's the one thing I would need to understand about Europe?". India is itself composed of different cultures, languages and ethnicities. South India differs greatly from North India.

Yes, this. I'm of Indian heritage and I always make the Europe analogy when people ask me "what's India like/what are the people like/what's the food like" -- What's European food like? It's that diverse.

I think your intentions are good, however. I think not having been out of the country is a perfect reason for wanting to live in India. If you're in a major metropolitan city like Delhi, Bombay, etc -- you'll find plenty interesting things to do and meet people, even if you're white. Personally, even though I'm Indian, the few times I've visited *I've* felt like a complete outsider there and would never want to live there because it feels a million worlds away. I want to be near my family, friends, the Hamptons...

But for people who want adventure, it can be great. It's a beautiful country filled with history, culture, interesting people, nature, etc, etc. It could be amazing.
posted by sweetkid at 8:33 PM on December 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

Dee Xtrovert is correct. A retired writer I met last time I was there described it something like this:

"Don't look at India and wonder why things don't always work properly. Look at India and marvel that anything works at all. Imagine if Europe was not a continent, but a single country. Different languages, different cultures, groups of people who have almost nothing in common. Imagine it crippled by hundreds of years of colonialism. Add democracy and poverty, modernity and inter-religious tension. Every day I'm amazed that that the whole thing hasn't already fallen apart at the seams."

Some things you could read to understand this more fully:

- The current affairs magazines Tehelka and Frontline.

- Tehelka's article "Ten Indians Obama Should Meet".

- Suketu Mehta's Maximum City.

- Kiran Desai's Inheritance of Loss.

If you go, try to leave your expectations at home. The people I know who have been to India and hated it are the ones who were emotionally invested in a particular idea of India - as a spiritual wonderland, a country of quaint villages, a modern economic power. India can be all of those things, but your personal experience may be that it is none of those things. The fewer hard expectations you have, the less likely you are to be miserably disappointed.

Also, given that you've never been outside the US, consider making a short trip before you commit to moving to India for good. You don't want to be settled with a job and a contract and a lease on an apartment and then suddenly realise you simply can't tolerate squat toilets, or crowded transport, or whatever.
posted by embrangled at 8:33 PM on December 10, 2010 [11 favorites]

uh, also -- I've never heard of any of Sara C.'s generalizations. I'm a lefty and though family made some comments, generally people won't be rude and say anything about which hand you're using to eat. Also being conservative/not conservative varies pretty widely by region -- in Bombay I walked around in a tank top and it wasn't a big deal, elsewhere it would have been unheard of. Maximum City is a pretty incredible book about Bombay ( Mumbai) particularly -- I recommend it even if you don't end up going.
posted by sweetkid at 8:38 PM on December 10, 2010

Vast generalization: India is very conservative and has great extremes. You don't really say enough about yourself for us to guess if you'd sink or swim, but if you have never been outside the US you will definitely find India quite overwhelming at first. I would love to move there, but as other say you really, really need to take a look before making a commitment to stay there.
posted by anadem at 8:50 PM on December 10, 2010

Also being conservative/not conservative varies pretty widely by region -- in Bombay I walked around in a tank top and it wasn't a big deal, elsewhere it would have been unheard of.

This is sort of what I meant when I said that even the major metropolises are conservative as compared to their American counterparts. A tank top is considered church attire in the rural USA, for example.

As compared to other parts of India, though, it's true that the major cities are far less conservative than rural areas.

It's also very important to understand that being a white American in India is a really different thing from being a second-generation Indian-American visiting family in India. Things you'd get away with (because it's family, because you grew up with certain cultural awareness that we don't have, because you're the cherished grandchild from half a world away) can be cultural faux pas for us -- and vice versa.

Is someone going to yell at you for eating with your left hand? Probably not, but it's bad table manners. Are you going to start a riot if you hold your boyfriend's hand in public? No, but I wouldn't do it at the company picnic.

And, yes, people are going to stare at you and ask weird questions that will feel invasive. It happened to me quite literally every. time. I. left. my. room. For two goddamn months straight. In every town. Every day. Without fail. THIS IS TRUE AND YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF IT.
posted by Sara C. at 8:56 PM on December 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

I assume you are white. Socially, it may be hard to find friends there. You will have little in common with the overwhelming majority of the population. The girls will not like you. Most of their relationships are family based and you will not get close to most girls unless you are close to their families.

And, yes, people are going to stare at you and ask weird questions that will feel invasive. It happened to me quite literally every. time. I. left. my. room. For two goddamn months straight. In every town. Every day. Without fail. THIS IS TRUE AND YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF IT.

Um, just coming back in here to say, I'm not sure I fully agree with the above comments. Again, it really depends on where you are, but as somebody who did the Delhi expat thing and also the medium-sized-town-in-Rajasthan expat thing,

1) I did not have trouble making friends with people from the cities in which I lived. Half the people I smiled at in a Barista or Cafe Coffee Day would approach to introduce themselves. People are curious and friendly.

2) In Delhi (although not in Rajasthan), I saw several white guys get into serious relationships with desi gals, one of which has just culminated in marriage. This is not to say the dating scene works the same way there, of course. But there IS a dating scene among affluent upper-middle-class desis in big cities.

3) I definitely got stared at quite a bit in Rajasthan, but not so much in Delhi. There are tons of foreigners in south Delhi and in the Delhi University area in the north of the city. Bangalore and Bombay, same deal: expats aren't such an unusual sight. Second-tier cities like Hyderabad and Lucknow were harder for me, but if you're a guy, you'll have far fewer problems.

Here's some basic reading that I think will give you a good feel for the metropolitan Indian experience:

Delhi Metropolitan, Ranjana Sengupta
Maximum City, Suketu Mehta.
Delhi: Adventures in a Megacity, Sam Miller
White Tiger, Aravind Adiga.

Films (obviously not quite the same in terms of verisimilitude, but here you go...all Delhi- and Mumbai-set movies):
Delhi 6, Rang De Basanti, Life in a Metro, Satya, Parineeta, Rocket Singh

My penultimate suggestion to you is that you learn a bit of the local language wherever you end up. I speak Hindi and I think this has made for a very different experience of north India than I would have had otherwise. You'd be shocked how many expats live in India for years and never learn more than "Where is ___" and "Thanks."

Finally, while I spend a good deal of time in north India and genuinely love Delhi, I do feel compelled to say that it's one of the hardest places I've ever lived in terms of how I feel when I'm there. I have a cast iron stomach so I haven't ever gotten wretchedly sick there, but I do always, constantly, feel ennervated and "off" for reasons I can't pin down. The pollution, maybe? At any rate, I've traveled to several countries in the developing world and metropolitan India remains the, er, dirtiest place I've ever visited, much less lived. It's also the most rewarding place I've ever been, so... I don't think you'll regret moving there. Just be prepared to make some large adjustments.
posted by artemisia at 9:23 PM on December 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

It happened to me quite literally every. time. I. left. my. room. For two goddamn months straight. In every town. Every day. Without fail. THIS IS TRUE AND YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF IT.

I had the same experience in India over 2.5 months there as well, apart from huge tourist areas where there were tons of tourists. Its really mentally frustrating and even a lot different than the way I was constantly stared at in China. India's really fascinating though and was worth the frustration. Still, at least go visit first. Really.
posted by Bunglegirl at 9:38 PM on December 10, 2010

Artemisia, I get the sense that I wasn't being stared at and approached because the locals had never seen a foreigner before, but because staring and asking personal questions of strangers are not taboo behaviors in India the way they are in the US*.

This is actually pretty important to understand, otherwise you will throw yourself in front of a truck. People who take it personally are the sorts of people who cannot abide living/traveling in India for any length of time.

*There were a lot of times where being approached with a litany of questions was actually a good experience and resulted in some great conversations that changed the way I see the world. But it can definitely be stressful at other times.
posted by Sara C. at 9:51 PM on December 10, 2010

For someone who has never been outside the US, India will be an extreme culture shock. Some areas more than others (generally south India is more westernized, especially Mumbai). I speak as a well traveled Canadian that found 7 months in India simultaneously overwhelming, fascinating, and exhilarating all at once.

That said, you only live once and you'll regret it if you don't even try. If you want to do it, just go for it and try to keep an open mind! Good luck!
posted by exquisite_deluxe at 10:21 PM on December 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

Also, I wanted to add to Sara's comments above. As a solo female traveler, I agree that the constant questioning occurred every flipping time I went out in public, anywhere. However, as a guy you will be considerably less harrassed. You may still get invasive questions but it's mostly harmless curiousity. Indians are absolutely fascinated by foreigners, and you'll even find they'll want to take pictures of you, just like a rock star!
posted by exquisite_deluxe at 10:35 PM on December 10, 2010

If you recognize that "geezer" is actually "geyser," then it's much easier to understand why that's the word for a water heater.

I think you'll find that your experience will vary tremendously depending on how you structure it. Will you be working with a big company that creates a "home away from home" type of community for employees? This will change the extent and quality of your interaction with India and Indians.

Something that may take some adjusting is the difference in how personal space is perceived. On the one hand, casual physical contact with people you don't know well is unusual, as are public displays of affection. On the other hand, people stand much closer to each other in a crowd, on public transport, in markets, etc.

Eating with your left hand is definitely considered impolite, but it's the kind of impolite that foreigners would normally be forgiven. Think of it like someone from India not knowing which fork to use.

I think your reasons for going to live in India are great. I also think that India welcomes foreigners in a way that few countries in the world do. A lot of people WILL be interested in being friends. A lot of people will take pleasure in showing you around. These things are a normal part of the culture, which is very different from a lot of other countries I have visited, and markedly in contrast to what I have heard about East Asian countries (this is just hearsay, I have never visited East Asia).
posted by bardophile at 10:57 PM on December 10, 2010 [2 favorites]

I spent a month in India and both loved and hated it. After a month, I was ready to go home. And I'm very well-traveled. One thing no one ever seems to mention but turned out to be a big deal for me - the cockroaches. I have a phobia of them due to experiences as a child. I saw them everywhere in India of all types and descriptions. Granted, we did the backpacker thing, traveled on the trains and stayed in hostels, so probably there wouldn't be so many in fancy hotels and private cars. Still, it's something I wish I had realized before going.
posted by hazyjane at 1:19 AM on December 11, 2010

Also, given that you've never been outside the US, consider making a short trip before you commit to moving to India for good. You don't want to be settled with a job and a contract and a lease on an apartment and then suddenly realise you simply can't tolerate squat toilets, or crowded transport, or whatever.

Just wanted to emphasise that, I was in Delhi for work for 3 weeks earlier this year and I was very well looked after by my Indian colleagues and I work for a large global company, there are always a number of overseas visitors there and they basically put everybody in the same nice hotel and we had our immediate little expat community. However, I was still totally overwhelmed for a while and was wondering why I'd volunteered to go and I was a lot better travelled than you are. That is not to say that I wasn't very sad to leave in the end; I made made some good friends there and met some of the nicest people I've ever met so it was an overwhelmingly positive experience, once I'd overcome the initial culture shock, and I'd like to go back some time.

But if you seriously are going to do this I would highly recommend you scrape together a bit of money and go to visit the region where you are going to be working because not everyone gets over the culture shock. If that is not an option you have to really do a lot more homework and talk to as many people as possible and then be prepared for nothing to be the way you expect and for nothing to work the way you expect it to work and for all manner of sights and experiences that are completely surprising and alien.

Finally, are you a naturally laid back and patient person? Because if you are the sort or person who needs things to be just so and who likes things to run smoothly in accordance with plan and who really gets irritated and upset if they don't this is not for you. As others have said it tends to work somehow but you'll only be happy if you're happy that the how and when will change constantly and will be determined by many factors completely outside your control.
posted by koahiatamadl at 2:57 AM on December 11, 2010

I'd echo what everyone else said, particularly Dee_Extrovert's comment. I just thought I'd recommend this book: Culture Shock Guide to India. It's by no means going to make you an expert in everything Indian, but it does give you a slightly more nuanced guide to different aspects of society. If it was me, I would definitely try to visit the area I was planning to live in first (I've been for business and I found it fascinating, and everyone in our office there was super-friendly, but I still found it hard to deal with for all the reasons people have already laid out once I was out of the bubble world of the hotel/office).
posted by crocomancer at 3:31 AM on December 11, 2010

Learn everything about cricket.
posted by MighstAllCruckingFighty at 5:07 AM on December 11, 2010

Learn everything about cricket.

This is good advice, but I would also warn you that you should be prepared to be completely confused by the game until you have watched it being played with a helpful knowledgeable guide at your side. :)
posted by bardophile at 6:54 AM on December 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

Living in India is like having an intense but insane affair, writes expat Catherine Taylor.
posted by dhruva at 8:12 AM on December 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

I took a year-long job in India (Bangalore, specifically) having never visited the country before, with minimal experience travelling outside the US--very similar to your situation I think. I didn't know if I was going to have the chance to live in another country ever again, so I decided to just go for it.

If you want to do it, do it! I don't regret it. But it was definitely a difficult, challenging year. The company I worked for took care of my housing and transportation to work, but I was responsible for figuring everything else out and that was overwhelming. Some days just going to get groceries was exhausting.

The advice to keep an open mind about what India is like is excellent. Much of the advice I was given and books I read about Indian culture weren't really applicable to South India anyway. Just staying flexible and friendly and asking (respectful) questions when I was feeling lost got me a long way.

I had trouble making expat friends in Bangalore because I am a nerdy introvert and found it difficult to navigate the bar-centric expat scene, but many of my Indian coworkers were very friendly and happy to invite me along on various trips, out on the weekend, etc. I had a lot of great experiences that way.

Netflix has a bunch of Bollywood movies available on streaming if you want to check those out. I had only seen Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge prior to moving to Bangalore (and had no idea who Shahrukh Khan was then, hah), and more recent movies can be very different (say, Dostana, or Rang De Basanti, which was a favorite movie of a bunch of the Indian guys I knew). In no way are you going to get an accurate idea of being in India from these movies, but they're still interesting and fun.
posted by firefleet at 9:24 AM on December 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

My previous recommendations for India travel books. Not sure where I read this, but someone said "traveling in India's a lot like camping." Do you ever go camping, jander03? Did you like it? Or perhaps you're a finicky American when it comes to matters of hygiene and diet? My own reaction to your question, having spent three very long weeks there in 2008, is no way would I commit to a year on the subcontinent, but I've softened a bit from the I'll Never Do It Again attitude I had immediately after my departure -- yeah, I'd go back. But not for a year, even a month would be too long. And if you've never been out of your own country, the homesickness (after the novelty wears off) could be crippling.
posted by Rash at 11:59 AM on December 11, 2010

Thank you all very much for your responses! I've spent a lot of time looking into the resources you've shared with me and considering the points you've made!
posted by jander03 at 5:58 PM on March 24, 2011