I need help with flirting!
November 30, 2010 7:15 PM Subscribe
I'm a straight 29-year old male, who for various reasons has never dated and now is trying to get started. The problem is that I never learned how to flirt, and I'm totally clueless about how to either generate interest or recognize interest in others. What's worse, the standard "Martian's guides to dating" are almost useless to me because my primary social activities are forms of partner dancing, in which the norms of physical contact are different enough that I can't use the standard signals to judge someone's interest. So, what can I do to attract the ladies or notice when they're attracted to me?
In case it's relevant: my dating history is non-existent because I was a dork in high school, really busy with extracurriculars in college, and then just busy period in grad school. So, while my peers were learning and practicing the norms of flirting and dating, I was…not.
Despite that, I have a great sense of witty, intelligent humor, I'm extremely loyal and caring, and I have an interesting, albeit low-key and introverted, personality. I'm also reasonably attractive, I'm a good dancer, and I'm not socially awkward (with the exception of my cluelessness about dating). My friends agree that I'm eminently date-able, and I've had some of them working to set me up on dates, although those haven't panned out for different reasons unrelated to my dating cluelessness.
In short, I don't think I need to fix or change me. I just need to know what on earth to look for, and how to behave, so that I can improve my odds of getting into a relationship. I'm looking for something more on the serious side than the one-night stand side.
The dance communities I hang around are primarily west coast swing dancers, with occasional forays into the ballroom world.