Caught in same love trap again
November 29, 2010 1:43 PM Subscribe
What do I do about bipolar boyfriend?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (16 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I was going through a very traumatic illness. He was bipolar. He more or less swept me off my feet, showed me a great time and also took care of me.
I let him know I wasn't in love. He became obsessively jealous and very smothering.
The eventual breakup was difficult. I was semi-living with him. He would take me back to my parents' house, and then he would persuade me to come back. I think this happened twice. This was *after* we got engaged and un-engaged twice. (I know, this makes me sound as crazy as him. Could be, I dunno.)
Unfortunately, those who can't sufficiently remember history are apparently doomed to repeat it. Five years later, it's here we go again, with the same guy. (I am still at my parents' house, and have not been staying with him at all this time around). What happened was, we became friends again for whatever reason, and now we've been great friends for a year, but now his switch has flipped and he's in love, and, again, I am not. Sure, I love him, and sometimes we have so great a time, and I feel like I care for him so much, that it's almost like being IN love. But my memories of the last time are too bad to want to go back with him. Even if he's changed a lot, which he says he has and I have some reason to believe may be true, he still wears me out with his overactive/hyperactive behavior and mood swings.
I suppose the smart thing for me to do would be to DTMFA, but this is difficult. I'm a naturally clingy person. I'm almost 50, fear loneliness, and seriously wonder if I can do any better. I know when this relationship ends, Mr. Bipolar will crash terribly, like he did the last time, and like he's done other times he's been in love. I sure don't want to do that to him. It doesn't help that he's extremely persuasive (should have been a salesman).
Do I need assertiveness therapy? Loneliness therapy? What? (I occasionally suffer from depression and anxiety, which I self-treat. Not into the meds, but I might be open to therapy.) Do I really have to squash this guy? He'll become an obsessive recluse, and then move on to "the next one" and the same thing will happen again. Is he hopeless that way? Does he just need someone to really commit to him? Do I care too much about him, to my detriment?