Did you cook the books?
November 27, 2010 4:07 PM Subscribe
For those of you in an AWESOME relationship. Was it always that way, or did you have to go through some serious sh&t in order to strengthen the bond you have now?
I'm guilty of reading a lot of relationship questions here on AskMe for perspective on my own things. Which is necessarily not a great thing, but if I do it, I'm sure others do too, so I feel like what I'm asking may be important for others!
Basically I've noticed a lot of posts in which people talk about how great their relationships are, and I then I feel jealous and wonder what I'm doing wrong. But a few posts in this thread allude to the fact that people tend to 'cook the books' and remember things in the best possible light. I mentioned it here when i pointed out that a lot of people who are happy now might have been told to "DTMFA" had they posted on here during a rough patch. Anyway, here's what I'm getting at. For those of you in wonderful, can't-live-without-each-other relationships, I am curious to know what the lowest point was for you, or whether there's some important detail that is relevant to your relationship working. Did you break up eight times before finally getting your shit together in couples counseling? Did you marry other people and have three kids before reconnecting? Was there infidelity? Did you have to move to another country, sacrifice any dreams, cut out any family members in order to make it work? or was it smooth sailing from day one?
I hope that you can answer this question honestly. I realize that I just posted about a breakup recently, so of course you may have opinions as to why I am asking this question. that's valid and you're welcome to memail me regarding that. but I want this thread to be useful to EVERYONE who comes across it, rather than specific to my own life. i was going to make it anonymous, but I thought it would be more useful not to, so that anyone who wants to share their story with me anonymously through memail can do so and i'll post it on your behalf. i just think this is an important thing to address because, even though you may not mean to, those of you who are in great relationships make it sound really easy! and i know that can't be the case.
I'm guilty of reading a lot of relationship questions here on AskMe for perspective on my own things. Which is necessarily not a great thing, but if I do it, I'm sure others do too, so I feel like what I'm asking may be important for others!
Basically I've noticed a lot of posts in which people talk about how great their relationships are, and I then I feel jealous and wonder what I'm doing wrong. But a few posts in this thread allude to the fact that people tend to 'cook the books' and remember things in the best possible light. I mentioned it here when i pointed out that a lot of people who are happy now might have been told to "DTMFA" had they posted on here during a rough patch. Anyway, here's what I'm getting at. For those of you in wonderful, can't-live-without-each-other relationships, I am curious to know what the lowest point was for you, or whether there's some important detail that is relevant to your relationship working. Did you break up eight times before finally getting your shit together in couples counseling? Did you marry other people and have three kids before reconnecting? Was there infidelity? Did you have to move to another country, sacrifice any dreams, cut out any family members in order to make it work? or was it smooth sailing from day one?
I hope that you can answer this question honestly. I realize that I just posted about a breakup recently, so of course you may have opinions as to why I am asking this question. that's valid and you're welcome to memail me regarding that. but I want this thread to be useful to EVERYONE who comes across it, rather than specific to my own life. i was going to make it anonymous, but I thought it would be more useful not to, so that anyone who wants to share their story with me anonymously through memail can do so and i'll post it on your behalf. i just think this is an important thing to address because, even though you may not mean to, those of you who are in great relationships make it sound really easy! and i know that can't be the case.
This post was deleted for the following reason: this seems much more like a chatfilter question - if you can't explain why you are asking the question and it just seems like it's polling the audience, maybe you need to refine it and ask again next week? -- jessamyn
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posted by Joseph Gurl at 4:21 PM on November 27, 2010