When the Tough Get Going, but the Going is even more tough, what do the Tough do then?
November 24, 2010 9:56 AM Subscribe
Help me grow my confidence at work (special melting snowflake details inside).
I'm working for a non-profit and leading a big fundraising event. I'm young, am lucky to have decent people skills and do enjoy challenges. The problem is that this event has run into some critical problems (we lost a title sponsor and have not been able to sign on two crucial committee positions - which seriously affects our timeline and fundraising goal).
Now I'm under pressure from my boss, my boss's boss, my boss's boss's boss and her boss, the current committee and myself to wrap this up - fast. I feel so stressed at work about it, I know that I'm putting blinders on and missing some things, letting a few things fall through the cracks and unable to think clearly and critically. Additionally, the Upper Mgmt wants me and my boss to have a conference call with them before every conversation with a potentially good sponsor or lead to 'talk about the approach together', which further lowers my confidence and saps precious work time and focus. I am nearly at wits end.
So, mefites:
1. Have you ever felt like you were messing something up at work? How did you turn that around?
2. How did you maintain / increase your confidence?
3. What do you find helps you to Just Do It....and Do It Well?
Any help very much appreciated.
I'm working for a non-profit and leading a big fundraising event. I'm young, am lucky to have decent people skills and do enjoy challenges. The problem is that this event has run into some critical problems (we lost a title sponsor and have not been able to sign on two crucial committee positions - which seriously affects our timeline and fundraising goal).
Now I'm under pressure from my boss, my boss's boss, my boss's boss's boss and her boss, the current committee and myself to wrap this up - fast. I feel so stressed at work about it, I know that I'm putting blinders on and missing some things, letting a few things fall through the cracks and unable to think clearly and critically. Additionally, the Upper Mgmt wants me and my boss to have a conference call with them before every conversation with a potentially good sponsor or lead to 'talk about the approach together', which further lowers my confidence and saps precious work time and focus. I am nearly at wits end.
So, mefites:
1. Have you ever felt like you were messing something up at work? How did you turn that around?
2. How did you maintain / increase your confidence?
3. What do you find helps you to Just Do It....and Do It Well?
Any help very much appreciated.
Re #2:
In a lot of situations, putting effort into seeming confident mysteriously makes you actually confident. (Not sure why, though it IS a researched phenomenon. One theory I have is that, when others perceive you as confident, they're impressed because they're thinking about how incompetent they are or perceive themselves to be, and you perceive the fact that they're impressed, which makes you actually-confident.)
Re #3:
I imagine Henry Rollins glaring at me. This old blog post is not longer available at its original home, but I found it reproduced elsewhere, and here it is:
GETTING THINGS THE FUCK DONE with Henry Rollins
GTTFD with Henry Rollins is a simple way to get things the fuck done.
Step 1.
Find a picture of Henry Rollins looking angry (this is very easy)
Step 2.
Print and cut out the picture of Henry Rollins looking angry.
Step 3.
Keep the picture of Henry Rollins looking angry with you at all times.
And that’s it.
Henry is a guy who gets things the fuck done. He sings, he writes, he acts, he tours, he hosts TV shows, he goes to war zones, he lifts very heavy things… In fact he NEVER FUCKING STOPS. If there’s ever a Romero style undead uprising then the Rollins zombie will be easy to spot. He’ll be the one making like a Zack Snyder deadite while the rest of us lumber around the wrong way on the escalators.
Every single second of every single day he gets things the fuck done. And he HATES people who don’t.
posted by AugieAugustus at 11:18 AM on November 24, 2010 [12 favorites]
In a lot of situations, putting effort into seeming confident mysteriously makes you actually confident. (Not sure why, though it IS a researched phenomenon. One theory I have is that, when others perceive you as confident, they're impressed because they're thinking about how incompetent they are or perceive themselves to be, and you perceive the fact that they're impressed, which makes you actually-confident.)
Re #3:
I imagine Henry Rollins glaring at me. This old blog post is not longer available at its original home, but I found it reproduced elsewhere, and here it is:
GETTING THINGS THE FUCK DONE with Henry Rollins
GTTFD with Henry Rollins is a simple way to get things the fuck done.
Step 1.
Find a picture of Henry Rollins looking angry (this is very easy)
Step 2.
Print and cut out the picture of Henry Rollins looking angry.
Step 3.
Keep the picture of Henry Rollins looking angry with you at all times.
And that’s it.
Henry is a guy who gets things the fuck done. He sings, he writes, he acts, he tours, he hosts TV shows, he goes to war zones, he lifts very heavy things… In fact he NEVER FUCKING STOPS. If there’s ever a Romero style undead uprising then the Rollins zombie will be easy to spot. He’ll be the one making like a Zack Snyder deadite while the rest of us lumber around the wrong way on the escalators.
Every single second of every single day he gets things the fuck done. And he HATES people who don’t.
posted by AugieAugustus at 11:18 AM on November 24, 2010 [12 favorites]
This completely depends on what your boss(es) are like, but I would go to my boss and say, "I feel so stressed... I know that I'm putting blinders on and missing some things, letting a few things fall through the cracks." I'd bring a list of the things that I know need to happen, and go through it. This exercise can help jog your memory on forgotten details, but it also lets your supervisor see where you are and make sure that's where you're supposed to be.
I think that knowing your limits is a valuable job skill, and asking for help at critical moments can make or break a project. I assume some supervisors/industries will see that as more of a weakness and will tell you that it's your problem to figure things out on your own. I don't know where your workplace falls on that spectrum.
posted by juliplease at 11:24 AM on November 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
I think that knowing your limits is a valuable job skill, and asking for help at critical moments can make or break a project. I assume some supervisors/industries will see that as more of a weakness and will tell you that it's your problem to figure things out on your own. I don't know where your workplace falls on that spectrum.
posted by juliplease at 11:24 AM on November 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
I have found in an understaffed and overworked position, that it was useful for me to make a list of everything I needed to get done, and the order I valued the importance of each item. I then gave this list to my boss, and said "I need you to tell me if there is something you think is in the wrong order or missing from my list". Also, I think it's valuable to be honest about what you CAN do in the time allotted, and not let yourself fall into the trap of saying you can take care of something that you can't. The fallout of admitting that you have limits earlier than later has been far less in my experience.
I regularly spend half my day feeling incompetent at work. The other half of the time, I remember how good I am at what I do. I try to take the time to remind myself that not being perfect isn't the same as not doing a good job.
posted by Zophi at 11:42 AM on November 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
I regularly spend half my day feeling incompetent at work. The other half of the time, I remember how good I am at what I do. I try to take the time to remind myself that not being perfect isn't the same as not doing a good job.
posted by Zophi at 11:42 AM on November 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
Remember that feeling of pressure is you feeling like you want to do a good job. It's because you care. That's a good thing. Just don't categorize it as fear or weakness. It will power you to get things done if you let it.
Your boss, and boss's boss, are on your team. They are higher up the food chain but they have the same goals as you. They do not want to waste time worrying about whether to fire or discipline you, or whether you are up to the job, or whatever it is you are worried about. They want to get a new lead sponsor. That's what you want, too. Don't think of them as a threat, but as an aide, until proven otherwise. (my apologies if they are clearly trying to undermine you, and i missed that).
Once the pressure is over, and the event goes off well, you can have a debrief with your boss about any ideas you may have about how to approach the next event differently. This will demonstrate that (if any thing was your fault) you know what you did wrong, and more importantly, you are going to fix or improve whatever it is possible to fix / improve, whether your fault or not.
posted by girlpublisher at 11:48 AM on November 24, 2010
Your boss, and boss's boss, are on your team. They are higher up the food chain but they have the same goals as you. They do not want to waste time worrying about whether to fire or discipline you, or whether you are up to the job, or whatever it is you are worried about. They want to get a new lead sponsor. That's what you want, too. Don't think of them as a threat, but as an aide, until proven otherwise. (my apologies if they are clearly trying to undermine you, and i missed that).
Once the pressure is over, and the event goes off well, you can have a debrief with your boss about any ideas you may have about how to approach the next event differently. This will demonstrate that (if any thing was your fault) you know what you did wrong, and more importantly, you are going to fix or improve whatever it is possible to fix / improve, whether your fault or not.
posted by girlpublisher at 11:48 AM on November 24, 2010
and asking for help at critical moments can make or break a project.
This. Your job is to make sure the project gets done, not to do it all yourself. It's part of your job to ask for resources, including advice, if you need them, even when it means inconveniencing your bosses.
posted by small_ruminant at 12:05 PM on November 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
This. Your job is to make sure the project gets done, not to do it all yourself. It's part of your job to ask for resources, including advice, if you need them, even when it means inconveniencing your bosses.
posted by small_ruminant at 12:05 PM on November 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
Your boss needs to do their job and protect you from all of those people. Their contributions to this situation obviously aren't helping.
posted by rhizome at 12:06 PM on November 24, 2010
posted by rhizome at 12:06 PM on November 24, 2010
I think that knowing your limits is a valuable job skill, and asking for help at critical moments can make or break a project.
I think everyone's first impulse in your situation is to single-handedly pull off the event of the season - but it's just not possible. They then become overwhelmed and feel like a failure. The big mistake in this thinking is that this is about your performance when really, it's about getting the task done. Take any help you can get. Really listen at those meetings before you talk to the potential donors (these meetings have been a common practice at every non-profit I've worked at and not an indication that they don't trust you). Realize that there are circumstances beyond your control and do the best you can with what you have. Pull in board members for free work! Have them refer any potential donors. Good Luck!
posted by The Light Fantastic at 8:42 AM on November 25, 2010
I think everyone's first impulse in your situation is to single-handedly pull off the event of the season - but it's just not possible. They then become overwhelmed and feel like a failure. The big mistake in this thinking is that this is about your performance when really, it's about getting the task done. Take any help you can get. Really listen at those meetings before you talk to the potential donors (these meetings have been a common practice at every non-profit I've worked at and not an indication that they don't trust you). Realize that there are circumstances beyond your control and do the best you can with what you have. Pull in board members for free work! Have them refer any potential donors. Good Luck!
posted by The Light Fantastic at 8:42 AM on November 25, 2010
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posted by bonobothegreat at 10:43 AM on November 24, 2010 [2 favorites]