Owie.
November 20, 2010 6:36 AM   Subscribe

Is it still supposed to hurt? I'm 8 months post-partum and sex still hurts. Obviously, NSFW.

I had a second degree tear which healed fine (I'm told). But, intercourse still hurts. I asked my doc at my regular exam a few months ago about it and she said that it wasn't normal, but it also isn't getting better. Any suggestions, tips or just similar stories?
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (14 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

 
Are you (still) breastfeeding? It took about 3-4 months after I stopped for sex really to be comfortable. Something about the hormone levels made things really, um, dry and uncomfortable. Replens or other lubricant helped but it really just took time.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 6:46 AM on November 20, 2010 [2 favorites]


I had the same problem after one of my kids. Are you breast-feeding and have you menstruated yet? In my case, nursing and the fact that I was skinny meant that I didn't have a period until the baby was over a year old. The discomfort was due to hormone-related insufficient natural lubrication, something I didn't figure out until much later. So, if you haven't done so already, get some nice lube and have some fun.
posted by mareli at 6:48 AM on November 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


I had random awful stabbing vaginal pain that did not dwindle and die off until a full year post-partum. Unspeakable until around 6mo pp, too. I can't say if sex was painful then; I would not have entertained the idea of having sex.

Doctors, it seems, like to cluck about "normal" being pretty...quick and hassle-free, but what studies I looked at made it clear that the reality is usually a little more grim. Postpartum sexual difficulties are the norm, not a pathology.

I thought Kate Figes' Life After Birth was a fairly good read. There are physiotherapists out there who specialise in vaginal pain issues; I don't think I would rush to that at 8mo, though -- time is your friend. I did not get a lot of useful advice beyond pushing outwards (so to speak) rather than tensing up when you are experiencing pain.

[Things are fine now; have not stopped nursing]
posted by kmennie at 6:49 AM on November 20, 2010


Well, if it's not normal, you have an awful lot of company. :/ for clueless doctors. Trying to remember when sex stopped being painful post-partum. It is all a blur. But it took a good long while, probably more like the year that kmennie estimates.
posted by bardophile at 6:57 AM on November 20, 2010


Warning: Possibly TMI

I had exactly this combo (perineal tear, painful intercourse for a long time). If the pain is location-specific, it's could be some nerve weirdness around the tear. The solution for me was to (gently) stimulate the region of the tear on a regular basis to retrain the nerves. In my case, the way the stitches were done exposed some nerve endings that were intended to stay on the inside... if I ever find that resident, we'll have words... so any contact was waaay too much sensation that felt like I was re-tearing every time. If it's a generalized "my parts feel like they're made of tissue paper" sandpaper-y discomfort that makes you really not want to have sex at all ever again, it could be hormonal. A short course of Estrogen suppositories helped me a lot. Mostly weaning (at 22 months) helped more.
posted by lizifer at 6:58 AM on November 20, 2010


No tips or tricks, but sympathy. I'd say it took about a year for things to get even remotely close to normal for me. I googled around and thought I might have had nerve damage or something...but it did eventually go away (without stopping nursing).
posted by devotion+doubt at 7:42 AM on November 20, 2010


I delivered via C-section -- no vaginal involvement -- and it took me 3 months or so after I finished breastfeeding (12 months) to feel back to normal, so 15 months after birth.

"After 6 weeks it's safe" is not the same thing as "after 6 weeks you'll feel like it." At six MONTHS I still didn't feel like it, and definitely found it uncomfortable due to hormone non-cooperation.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:55 AM on November 20, 2010


Agree with everyone else. I also give every one of my post partum friends a bottle of "liquid silk" which helped us immensely when used generously.
posted by dpx.mfx at 8:02 AM on November 20, 2010


Breastfeeding reduces estrogen, and low estrogen causes dryness. Lizifer's suggestion makes sense, and wouldn't hurt. Ask your doctor to refer you to a doula or midwife, who may have a more successful approach.
posted by theora55 at 8:47 AM on November 20, 2010


It could also be myofascial pain of the pelvic floor. Try doing a "reverse kegel," which is called lengthening. Instead of tightening and then releasing your vaginal and other pelvic muscles, you want to stretch them. It sorta feels like you're pushing your muscles down --- what your muscles do when you start peeing? Do that for five seconds, then release. If you find it you can't do it, see your OB or midwife for a referral to a pelvic floor physical therapist.

If you have to "push" in order to start peeing, this is likely the problem and is incredibly common after pregnancy and childbirth --- regardless of method of delivery.

It took me about three months of physical therapy to begin feeling "normal" again.
posted by zizzle at 8:52 AM on November 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


What kind of pain? Your vagina is different now, inside and out. I had two second degree tears (thanks kiddo! Getting stuck at your shoulders was AWESOME) but the main problem has been lube and getting used to having a different vagina. Thanks to the relaxin etc. the vagina changes and vaginal birth changes it more. So the scar may be healed but the way you do sex might need to change a little.
posted by geek anachronism at 2:20 PM on November 20, 2010


may be vaginismus
posted by leibniz at 2:26 PM on November 20, 2010


it would be really helpful to know what 'kind' of pain you're feeling. electric-shock type pain? muscle pain (kind of duller and deeper), etc. WHEN do you feel this pain? at the beginning of intercourse, when he's all the way in, after a long time, etc. i know it seems like a lot of information, but it's these little details that can help diagnose the problem.

it's true that lots of women have problems having intercourse after birth, but it doesn't mean that it's fun to suffer through it. have you considered seeing an osteopath? if you're in canada, you can message me and i can give you a list of good osteopaths in your area. In the states, it's a bit different, but i would be glad to do some research. osteopaths will figure out if your body (bones, muscles, ligaments, uterus, etc) is in tension in some way that could be causing you pain, and then they'll just put those structures back in place, and on you go on your merry way, pain free.

it's hard enough and stressful enough to try to find the time to have sex, without throwing in the whole pain barrier on top of it. i hope you find a solution!
posted by andreapandrea at 2:50 PM on November 20, 2010


A friend of mine had a similar issue and found that physiotherapy from a sexual health specialist at a maternity hospital was very helpful. I'm not sure it's the kind of thing a GP would be able to advise on.

There's a difference between normal discomfort and pain caused by slight damage from the birth. A physiotherapist can help you figure out which issue you've got. If it's normal discomfort, they can give you some advice and send you on your way; if it's not, there's no point suffering through it when you could get it fixed. Persistent attempts to have sex when it's painful for you can lead to secondary vaginismus, which then needs it's own treatment. It's better to sort the issue out before it gets worse.
posted by harriet vane at 3:36 AM on November 22, 2010


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