What does it mean when the heartbreaker wants to visit?
November 8, 2010 9:39 AM Subscribe
The man who broke my heart five months ago is coming to visit me in my new town. I'd like to see him, but don't want to be disappointed again. How, if at all, can I make the most of his visit? Details inside.
posted by Ventre Mou to Human Relations (41 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I moved away from NYC five months ago for a year-long job. When I took the position, I planned to move back to the city at the end of the year, to resume my life with my then-boyfriend of three years. Instead, he broke up with me a few weeks before I moved. The break-up was precipitated by an incident where I got upset with him for being insensitive and he basically said it was the final straw, that my cons outweighed my pros.
Since I moved to this new town, he has called every few weeks, though I've asked him not to. He wrote me a very intelligent letter about how he keeps everyone in his life at a distance, including me. I understood the letter to mean that he could see his role in the demise of our relationship, but he was sure that he made the right decision when he ended it. I received the letter in September. He called a few days ago to say he wants to visit me. He bought a ticket. Of course I want to see him, but I'm really confused about what it means, what it could mean, and what power I have to demand that it mean the only thing that will really be acceptable to me -- that he wants to have a relationship with me again.
I asked him to think about what the visit would signify. He said he would, but kind of jokingly, like I was being too serious. As I'm writing this I'm seeing the danger in the situation more clearly. I expect many of you will say that I should not let him come. But those of you who have experienced happy endings, who have molded a troubled relationship into a healthy one, what would you advise? He and I love each other very much. Our connection is strong. The problem is that we both have problems, and we have not figured out a way to deal with our own problems and support each other and keep loving each other. I'm in therapy and have been for a few years. He is not, though I think he'd benefit from it. Thanks in advance for your thoughts.