Comments on: Oh my god, it's Justin!!!!!

Question: Oh my god, it's Justin!!!!!

aberrant — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 13:44:53 -0800

What gifts appeal to 13-year-old girls? [+]

So, there's a Bat Mitzvah in the family soon, and it's been, erm, a long time since I was 13 years old. In addition, I've never been a girl, as far as I know. I'm looking for a gift for a fairly precocious 13-year-old in the sub-$200 range. I expect she'll be getting the standard array of stuff from others, so suggestions that might not be terribly obvious are greatly appreciated. I'd rather not send cash or cash-equivalent.

By: nj_subgenius

nj_subgenius — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 13:47:55 -0800

Maybe an ipod shuffle or mini?

By: Dallasfilm

Dallasfilm — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 13:50:39 -0800

I guess the 13 year old boys joke is obvious.

What about some sort of gift card which can be cashed in on cell phone ringtones? I see lots of younger girls going nuts with their phones, doing text messaging and stuff.

Might not be enough on it's own, but you can add it on top of something else.

By: aberrant

aberrant — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 13:57:33 -0800

I guess the 13 year old boys joke is obvious.

Too damn expensive. :)

Also, re: gift cards. I'd rather not do anything like that - this includes cash, gift certificates, anything that's like a "coupon" that can be traded for a gift. I'd like to present a real gift (that's returnable in the event she doesn't like/want it).

NJ: Thought about that, but if she doesn't already have one, she's bound to get at least one from someone else. They're too damn popular nowadays. :(

By: oflinkey

oflinkey — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 14:04:48 -0800

Full Disclosure: I work part time for the Bath and Body Works while in school.

Preteen and teen girls love Bath and Body and Body Shop products. Don't wrry too much about the particular scent. The employees will know exactly which ones are most popular, and those scents are 99.95% of the time the scents preteen and teen girls love.

By: mygothlaundry

mygothlaundry — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 14:06:41 -0800

This is kind of strange, but how about a musical instrument? An acoustic guitar or keyboards or a drum machine? You can get an okay for beginners one for $150 or so and 13 is just the age that kids often start to get interested and play. My 13 y.o. son treasures the used red electric bass and amp he got from a family friend - he can't play it barely at all, but MAN does he look cool jumping around with it in his room. And it impresses all his friends.

Failing that, try one of those dance pad video game things. All my sons' female friends cluster around the one at the arcade whenever we're there -

By: scody

scody — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 14:09:06 -0800

Yeah, I thought of an iPod too, but it's probably safe to assume she's either got one or soon will! How about a digital camera? I've actually had my eye on this one.

Other than that, all I can remember really wanting when I was a 13-year-old girl was records. (I used to give my parents huuuuge lists of records that I wanted, and they'd go into Wax Trax in Denver, hand over the list, and tell the clerk, "we'll take the first 10 things you can find.") If she's got a similar thing for music, movies, certain TV shows, etc., maybe you could get some nice box sets of her favorites?

By: ubersturm

ubersturm — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 14:09:33 -0800

...a good first step would be to check with the parents, yeah? Before getting something expensive, like an iPod mini, it'd be best to know that she listens to a lot of music. Before getting her cellphone ringtones, make sure she has a cellphone. When I was a kid, the best presents I got from my extended family were never the expensive/shiny things. Instead, they were from relatives who'd asked my parents what I was interested in and bought me a book or something. The worst were from relatives who made assumptions like "all girls like jewelry and Bath and Bodyworks stuff" and "all boys like sports paraphrenalia." 13-year-olds - girl or boy - are by no means a monolithic cultural block [though it might appear that they are], and by going along with what "13 year old girls are supposed to like", you run a big risk of getting something she'll dislike or find useless.

So ask her parents what kind of books or music or computer/video games she's into, and do a little research to find something she might like but probably doesn't have. Something that shows a little personal interest, something that she can enjoy for a while. It'll be a lot more meaningful.

[Oh, and for what it's worth: gift-cards feel very, very impersonal. They're a bare step above getting handed a stack of cash, and while getting handed a stack of cash is certainly nice, it doesn't carry the emotional import that getting a thoughtful gift does. I'd say avoid them if it's at all possible.]

By: nebulawindphone

nebulawindphone — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 14:13:32 -0800

Actually, when I was 13 (full disclosure: I was a 13-year-old boy) I'd much rather have gotten a stack of cash. A gift card doesn't say "I put some thought into this" when you're that age — it says "I'm restricting where you can spend your money," and what teenager takes restrictions as a compliment?

By: Specklet

Specklet — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 14:14:05 -0800

Is she at all scientific-minded? When I was that age, my grandparents gave me a microscope, and I spent hours looking at all sorts of things.

By: orange swan

orange swan — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 14:26:40 -0800

I'd second asking the parents or someone who knows the girl well. That's quite a bit of money to put into something she might never use.

Also, I vote for not giving her gift certificates or whatever. A co-worker of mine told me her mother told all her grandchildren that they had the choice of getting a gift or the cash equivalent. None of them (there were 6) took her up on it. Kids are all about immediate gratification and being surprised.

Those things said, you might look into jewellery. A nice locket, earrings, a bracelet, or perhaps a watch that she can wear and enjoy for a long time.

By: elisabeth r

elisabeth r — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 14:27:16 -0800

Whatever you do, don't get her jewelry. I got soooo much jewelry for my Bat Mitzvah- most of it was ugly, most of it I never wore.

Think about the kinds of gifts that are more "grown-up" and will stand the test of time- I still use the nice luggage I got for my Bat Mitzvah, and I'm 25 now.

At any rate, Mazel Tov!

By: aberrant

aberrant — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 14:42:00 -0800

OK: for all folks advising me not to get gift certificates, please rest assured that it's not an option I'm considering. (I thought I had made that clear in the "no cash equivalent" statement and the subsequent post, but I guess not, so let me do it here. The gift must be a gift, not something that can be traded for a gift, though something that can be returned and/or exchanged is a plus.)

Thanks for the suggestions (keep them coming, please, though the luggage idea was brilliant! Even though I'm not sure I can find nice cases under $200, I'll definitely be looking) and the wishes!

I am planning on calling her parents but it might very well be the case that they don't know her tastes very well either (there's no way my parents would have been able to pinpoint what I wanted back when I was a kid), in which case I'm on my own.

By: ubersturm

ubersturm — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 14:42:03 -0800

Eh, true, nebulawindphone. I meant something along the lines of "a gift card is a stack of cash rather poorly disguised as an actual gift, and it's not as good as either", but I guess it didn't come out right.

Another thing occurred to me - avoid getting her clothes, or other things to wear. This probably includes jewelry too. Your taste in clothing will almost certainly not agree with hers - most clothing-presents in my family ended up sitting in drawers for a long time before making their way to goodwill, unworn. Your taste in jewelry will probably not agree with hers either- you'll end up getting her something elegant and expensive that she'll never wear or you'll get her cheap stuff from some mall store that is popular now that will be lost and forgotten in half a year. [At least, empirical evidence from people my family suggests that this would be the case.] Control over their appearance is pretty important to a fair number of young teenagers, and I think it'd be a lot harder for you to get her clothes/jewelry she'd find cool or interesting than it would be to get some kind of more hobby-oriented thing.

By: jlkr

jlkr — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 14:53:23 -0800

As a former 13yo girl, I'd say a nice, classic, dress watch. Find out whether she prefers gold or silver (or both), and buy accordingly. Even if she doesn't wear it everyday now, there will be occasions when she will want a nice watch.

Maybe luggage, although it's a little early for that (if it was HS graduation, luggage is a great gift).

I just asked the resident 13yo girl what she would like in this situation, and she really had no good suggestions. Then again, she's a self-professed 'weirdo', and is difficult to buy for, even for me.

By: leapingsheep

leapingsheep — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 15:01:44 -0800

if it's "not terribly obvious" you want, it's "not terribly obvious" you get:

bonsai tree

An introductory aromatherapy kit/guide

a nice journal/photo album, especially if you can include some old pictures of her family (1970's, 1800's, whatever)

And so on.

Oh yes, and godiva.

By: MrZero

MrZero — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 15:09:15 -0800

What about a designer (i.e. Coach) handbag? I was going to get my 16 y.o. sister one, until I realized that I can't afford it. But for $200, you could get a decent one that would make all the other girls jealous (and isn't that the most important part of teenager-dom?).

By: bonheur

bonheur — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 15:11:25 -0800

I know you're down on cash, but in my day the standard Bar or Bat Mitzvah gift was cash, with the kid often putting the lump sum toward something big like a computer or a trip to Israel. Other standard gifts (none of which I remember appreciating particularly much) are religious objects (shabbat candlesticks, menorah, kiddush cup, tallis, havdalah set, etc.), books, a nice pen, etc.

I generally agree that it's much better to put some thought into an awesome gift than to just hand over the money, but when it comes to a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, cash is desirable and appropriate. You can always get her a necklace with her hebrew name on it, and put it in a card with a hundred dollar bill. Sure to please!

By: mai

mai — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 15:48:22 -0800

I get the impression that a lot of Bat Mitzvah gifts are luxury goods like jewelry or handbags - when I was thirteen I was definitely not into that stuff. On the other hand a lot of thirteen-year-old girls with whom I am acquainted love it. But you are encouraging materialistic habits with that stuff.

How well do you know this girl? When I was young nobody ever gave me books (except my religious uncle who worked for a publishing house and gave me weird religious books), possibly because they thought they couldn't possibly know what I would like. But I would have loved a big stack of great books, the kind of books people say everyone should read. I guess I still would. You say she's precocious, so likely books would be good - interesting well-known literature can't fail.

By: jasper411

jasper411 — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 16:53:36 -0800

My daughter just had her Bat Mitzvah, and the presents she liked most were a beautiful necklace with a star of David pendant and a really cool and colorful handbag type thing.

What she plans to buy with some of her cash is a good digital camera. What she hopes we'll buy with some of her cash is a cool cell phone and/or a laptop.

By: michaelkuznet

michaelkuznet — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 17:13:17 -0800

FYI, if you decide with cash after all- it is customary and appropriate to give cash in amounts that are multiples of the number 18. If multiples are not appropriate/possible, checks and giftcards are often made out to $X.18 where X is whatever works best for you.

By: ubersturm

ubersturm — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 19:52:25 -0800

Would it be too blunt to just talk to her and ask her what kind of hobbies/music genres/books she's interested in? It's not like she doesn't know she'll be getting Bat Mitzvah gifts, so you wouldn't be ruining the surprise. And if you ask her for guidelines only, the actual gift would still be a surprise...

By: kongg

kongg — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 20:07:03 -0800

Whatever the cool older girls in high school have. I think when you're 13 you want to be treated as older than you really are, so avoid anything that a kid might like. (I know this doesn't answer your question, but I think it's a useful rule of thumb.)

By: schroedinger

schroedinger — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 20:13:00 -0800

$150 (or other obscene amount) gift certificate to Barnes & Noble. When I was a 13-year-old girl it would've blown me away (it would still blow me away).

By: dame

dame — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 20:17:19 -0800

I would second the big stack of hardcover books. But I was that kind of girl. Jewelry, bath stuff, & handbags would have just made me hate you for not getting that all girls weren't into that crap. So if her parents tell you she's not that kind of girl, things that are dear to her hobbies.

By: eatcherry

eatcherry — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 21:13:02 -0800

I would *not* get luggage (boring and useful - and proper gifts should never be useful).

Maybe books/music/DVD box set of her favourite show and something a bit more girly, like a nice handbag or lots of bath stuff? I know I loved getting a bunch of little surprise gifts (still do, really) when I was that age (8 years ago), and chances are she already has quite a few shiny gadgets, so might prefer several cool, thoughtful gifts instead. An instrument sounds great, but it's a bit presumptuous, so make sure she's actually into the idea of learning to play something (if she doesn't already) or it may end up in a corner gathering dust.

If she has a favourite band, could you maybe find out if they're touring and get concert tickets? Then you'd get to be Cool Hip Uncle. ;)

By: goofyfoot

goofyfoot — Fri, 01 Apr 2005 02:25:42 -0800

Ask her. When I was thirteen, I wanted books and books and music and music. You said she's precocious. What about beginning a library of sorts for her? Maybe from The Modern Library. Good hardback volumes. http://www.randomhouse.com/modernlibrary/aboutus.html

By: rainbaby

rainbaby — Fri, 01 Apr 2005 03:40:05 -0800

Room decor, especially things that sparkle and light up, s/a Lava lamps, hanging light strings, glow in the dark stars, anything brightly colored and shag, like pillows. This may be a more low-rent idea to table for another occasion, but it'll work, unless she's a jr. goth.

By: fuzz

fuzz — Fri, 01 Apr 2005 07:19:05 -0800

At my Bar Mitzvah, I happily pocketed all the cash, the checks went directly into my college fund, and the presents were all perfectly useless to me. Cash means a lot more to a 13-year old than you think.

By: mdn

mdn — Fri, 01 Apr 2005 10:01:31 -0800

I like the guitar idea, actually... no one ever got me a musical instrument and somehow I didn't push to try it (no one in my family was musical) but if it had "fallen in my lap", so to speak, I think I'd have enjoyed learning to play.

I would have found being given luggage at 13 completely confounding (actually I would still find that pretty useless - I can get here to there just fine with a $30 suitcase from orchard street), and I disliked when people gave me (which they did sometimes) handbags, jewelry, girly bath stuff/make-up and other "13 yr old girls love this stuff" stuff. Part of it was that their taste was never in keeping with mine, part of it was that I wasn't particularly into that stuff, and part of it was that even if I wanted some bath stuff or jewelry, I didn't want people to buy for me based on a stereotype / broad assumptions.

Most gifts I really enjoyed were books or records, but those don't tend to be $200 presents. You could get her a whole stack of personally chosen great/significant books of fiction & non-fiction, though (endorsed by you, not like some "set" of "Great Literature" in cheesy fake leather covers or whatever). That's why a gift like a guitar seems like a cool idea - it might end up just sitting in a corner for a long time, but it also might change her life, or anyway, be remembered for years to come. A microscope is also sorta like that - a gift that allows you try something you might not have thought to explore on your own, but which turns out to be really interesting / enjoyable. That's why gift certificates & money are so much less interesting. If she wants a handbag, she can buy one for herself with some of the money someone else gave her, but a great gift is a gift of an idea, too - introducing someone to something not already in their radar. A telescope would fit that definition, too.

On the other hand, if you'd rather play it safe, I'd say a nice watch is a good idea. It's useful but not boring and it will last a long time.