A man does not need a maid!
October 25, 2010 8:35 AM Subscribe
I can't believe that, in 2010, I have to ask this question: How do I get my SO to share housework duties?
posted by two lights above the sea to home & garden (56 answers total) 38 users marked this as a favorite
First off, I just want to say I love him to death. This is not a deal breaker situation. We've talked about this before. He's always very willing to hear me out, and knows he needs to do more. However, actions speak louder than words! Perhaps you can help us find a solution.
We have a wonderful two bedroom, 1.5 bath house, for which I do all of the cleaning. I cook almost all of the meals (sometimes on the weekends he'll make something), and I'm usually the one to clean up afterward. Usually I need to convince him to help around the house, either with bargaining or agreeing to help him. For example, I hate taking out the trash, so that's been his job, though most of the time I need to either help him gather all of the trash in the house or haul it out to the curb for him.
So, I have a few theories about why we're having issues:
1. He really hates being told what to do. Most of the time, I feel like a nag when I have to ask him over and over again to do something. I wonder if me asking him make him loathe the task even more, so it just never gets done.
2. He's not always 'around' when I'm doing most of my tasks, so I wonder if he doesn't "actively" see how much I'm doing. So, when he comes home from work and I ask him to clean up after the dinner I just made (to be fair?), he feels like he's doing all of the work because I'm sitting around doing nothing in the meantime.
I also know that he was never big into doing the housework before I met him (oh, his bathtub was so disgusting). I'm trying to be realistic about what I should expect from him, but it bothers me (and he knows it) that I somehow should be the one to do most of it.
So, what are your solutions? I'm open to anything, really, except the current situation. We used to have a "chore sheet" when we lived with a third person, but he'd often slack on that, as well. Should we set aside an "allowance" for whoever does the most chores that month?
Please help! Recently, his mother came and spent the weekend at our house, and I was left to do all of the cleaning, cooking, and cleanup from her trip. And, my father has literally rarely ever done chores in his whole marriage to my mother. In fact, they recently moved into a new house with no dishwasher, and after months and months of my mother (who has two jobs) doing everyone's dishes, she finally broke down and sternly ordered everyone to wash their own dishes immediately after eating. My father lasted less than 3 weeks of washing his own dishes before he remodeled their whole kitchen himself in order to get a dishwasher. The present is exhausting, and the future scares me.